糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S05E07

Part 5 Jan. 2, 2021, 3:17 p.m.

我需要河马脂肪有了
So, I need the fat of a hippo. Check.
真实的古希腊秃头疗法
雄猫脂肪有了
The fat of a Tom cat. Check.
还有...
And the fat...
糟糕好像缺一种原料
Oh, dear, I seem to be missing some ingredients.
-怎么了 -得用蛇的脂肪
- What's up? - I need the fat of a snake.
我的粮仓里有一条
I've got one living in my grain store.
要我去看看它还在不在吗
Shall I go and see if it's there?
好的去吧多谢了
Yeah, great, OK, thank you.
-马上回来 -好
- See you in a sec. - Yeah.
找到了
I found him.
谢谢
Thank you.
好的现在只缺努比亚山羊的脂肪了
Right, all I need now is the fat of a Nubian ibex.
你说的是在我们不共戴天的仇敌
As in an ibex that lives on the lands
努比亚人领地里生活的山羊吗
of our mortal enemies, the Nubians?
没错就是那个
Yes, indeed.
好极了那我就去...
Great, well, I'll just go and...
-反正是你的头朋友 -再见
- It's your head, mate. - Cheers.
小心点差点儿打翻我的蛇脂肪
Oh, careful, you almost spilt my snake fat.
那你还得再去弄点儿
You'd have had to go and get some more.
现在只需一些鳄鱼脂肪了
All I need now is some crocodile fat.
你能不能不要每次只说一个
Do you think we could not do this one at a time,
现在就把全部配方告诉我
just give me the whole list now.
就这样了加上鳄鱼脂肪就齐了
That's it, all we need is crocodile fat and we're done.
-确定吗 -必须的
- Sure? - Absolutely.
鳄鱼齐了吧
Crocodile. All done.
是的这下都... 不好
Yep. We've er... Oh, no,
我忘了看单子的另一面
I forgot to read the other side of the list.
我们还需要狮子脂肪
We need lion fat.
你卖♥♥假发吗
Do you sell wigs?
某些医学史籍记载古埃及人
In some medical scrolls, ancient Egyptians
用19种不同的什么配制药方
describe how to make medicine using 19 different types of what?
A 尿
A: Pee
B 屎
B: Poo
C 李子
Or C: Plums
正确答案是 B
The answer is, B.
古埃及用各种屎制药
Medicines were made from all sorts of poo in ancient Egypt,
包括苍蝇屎和鸵鸟粪
from fly droppings to ostrich poo.
屎也被用来做美容护理
And number two's were used in beauty treatments, as well.
这一季为自己购买♥♥
This season treat yourself
多合一古埃及美容套餐
to the all-in-one ancient Egyptian beauty set,
眼线化妆品与保湿霜简易套装
eyeliner, face make-up and moisturiser in one easy-to-use pack.
男士专用
It's got to be Only For Men.
男士专用
啥男士
What? Men?
没错这里有
That's right, it's got
使埃及男士如此帅气所需的一切
everything an Egyptian man needs to look his best.
顶级黑色含铅眼线
Stunning black lead eyeliner.
黑色含铅眼线
性感的脸颊与双唇粘土妆容不止这些
Luscious clay make-up for cheeks and lips, and there's more.
粘土妆容
今天购买♥♥男士专用美容套装
Buy the Only For Men beauty kit today
即可免费获得男士专用腿部脱毛膏
and get this Only For Men leg hair removal cream absolutely free.
腿部脱毛膏
男士专用
男士专用
Only For Men.
我们最新研制的配方含有油脂鸟骨
Yes, with our new improved formula of oil, bird bones,
黄瓜和树胶现在还加入了苍蝇屎
cucumber and gum, now with added fly dung.
配方新加苍蝇屎
从此告别恼人腿毛
You can make embarrassing leg hair a thing of the past.
只需加热乳液涂抹在所需区域
Simply heat the cream, apply to the affected area
待其晾干后
and wait for it to set.
迅速撕下带走全部腿毛
Then pull it off bringing all the unwanted hair with it.
看看效果吧
Just look at the difference.
使用前使用后
用前无痛苦
Before, no pain.
用后痛苦至极
After, lots of pain.
男士专用
Only For Men.
男士专用
男士专用古埃及美容套装
Look like a man with the
尽显男儿本色
Only For Men ancient Egyptian beauty set,
男士专用
Only For Men.
男士专用
Only For Men.
充满男子气概
Now that's what I call macho.
围这个我屁♥股♥显大吗
Does my bottom look big in this?
男士专用
Only For Men.
男士专用
卑微的中世纪
巨恶设计
我现在身处中世纪英格兰将要会见
I'm here in Middle Ages England on my way to meet a man
一个打算大肆扩展版图的男人
who's planning to build a massive extension.
这一切都发生在他任职英格兰国王期间
And all this while he's working full time as King of England.
他就是爱德华一世
His name is Edward I.
大家好
Hello.
你的扩张范围将有多大呢
Just how big is this extension of yours going to be?
大约八千平方英里
Around 8,000 square miles, give or take.
[约合20720平方公里]
确实是一大♥片♥土地
It really is massive,
那你打算怎么称呼这块地方呢
and what would you call that,
温室还是花房♥
a conservatory, a garden room?
我叫它威尔士
Well, I call it Wales.
爱德华打算将他现在的英格兰领土
Edward's plan is to extend his current home of England
向西扩张
out to the west,
以吞并邻国威尔士的所有土地
to incorporate all of the neighbouring country of Wales,
威尔士人就居住在那里
where the Welsh live.
他打算通过一个雄伟的建筑工程
He plans to underpin this new extension
来巩固这次的新扩张
with an ambitious building programme
该工程包括了几座有史以来最大的城♥堡♥
that includes several of the largest castles ever built,
包括博马利斯城♥堡♥ 哈里克城♥堡♥
including Beaumaris, Harlech,
卡拉封城♥堡♥ 康维城♥堡♥
Caernarvon and Conway.
那你的邻居们对这个工程有什么感想
And how is the project going down with the neighbours?
很好我想挺好的
Good, I think, yeah. Good.
不好意思无意打扰
Excuse me, I don't mean to be any bother,
但你好像要在我的后花♥园♥
but you seem to be building a giant castle
建一座巨大的城♥堡♥
in the back of my garden,
所以我在想
and I was just wondering...
受死吧你这个威尔士渣渣
Take that, you Welsh scum.
你没有察觉任何紧张局面存在吗
You wouldn't say there were any tensions?
你是说预算吗
Oh, you're talking about the budget.
尽管这可能是史上最大的城♥堡♥工程之一
Because I'm proud to say that despite this being
但我可以很自豪地说
one of the most extensive castle building projects in history,
我们一点也不会超出预算
we're well within budget.
主要是因为我们根本没有预算
Mainly because there isn't one.
我直接告诉建筑师詹姆·圣乔治
I'm so rich I've told my architect, Master James of St George,
我很有钱根本不在乎花多少
that I don't care what it costs.
当然我们只偷当地
And, of course, we're stealing only the best
最好的原料来做石墙
locally sourced materials for the stonework.
我注意到你和当地人的关系
I can't help noticing your relationship
还有缓解的余地
with the locals could be better?
真的吗如何缓解
Oh, really, how?
你可以从停止杀戮开始
You could stop killing them for a start.
那就是城♥堡♥的作用了
Well, that's what all the castles are for, you see.
只要城♥堡♥建好了
Once they've been built,
我们就不会再有这些不愉快了
we won't have any of this unpleasantness.
会有军队来让他们保持安静
There'll be an army there to keep them quiet.
对我来说持久性才是最重要的
For me, it's all about sustainability.
城♥堡♥可以让英格兰军队驻守在威尔士
The castles can sustain an English army in Wales.
看他们已经开始害怕了我喜欢他
You see, they're getting it already. I like him.
爱德华你认为这个工程能及时完工吗
Do you think you can to bring this project in on time, Edward?
是的我希望在两年之内完工
Yes, I hope to be finished within two years.
然后就打算休息享受扩张后的版图吗
And then you can put your feet up and enjoy your new extension?
当然不我会继续向后方扩张
No, then I start extending out the back.
向后扩张
Out the back?
向后往这儿
Out the back, here.
你不会是说苏格兰吧
You don't mean Scotland?
你说马铃薯我说土豆
You say, "Potay-to", I say, "Potah-to".
你称这个为苏格兰我称这个为