神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S06E08

Part 1 April 4, 2020, 8:18 p.m.

接下来是新的事情
And now on to new business.
Peralta 我有个案件想交给你去办
Peralta. There's a case I'd like you to handle.
教会医院今天早上打来电♥话♥
Methodist Hospital called this morning.
显然一个38岁的投资银行家
Apparently, a 38-year-old investment banker
昨晚被确诊为阴♥茎♥折损
was admitted last night with a broken penis.
- 这似乎 - 等等等等
- It looks like... - Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
有一个经济人的丁丁受损了
There's a finance guy with a broken dong?
呃我想着<华尔街之狼>式的
Uh, me thinks some "Wolf of Wall Street" Style
荒诞情节已经横空出世了
shenana-googles have taken place this day.
有人想来赌一把这次的事发原因吗
Anyone care to wager a guess as to how this happened?
我来我猜他是把丁丁怼进一堆可♥卡♥因♥里
Yeah, I bet he dipped it in a pile of cocaine,
嗨到失去知觉然后用它来打槌球了
got it real numb, and then hit a croquet ball with it.
很有可能
Totally possible.
他可能坐到了那上面去
He probably sat on it.
所以它被压在屁♥股♥底下
So it got under his butt.
- 这事经常发生 - 当然
- Happens all the time. - Sure do.
呃你们真是太可怕了
Ugh, you guys are horrible.
你们都错了
And you're wrong
因为他显然是在裸体开宾利
because he was clearly driving his Bentley naked,
试图向窗外尿尿
tried to pee out the window,
然后被一只鹅当场截获
and was then struck by a goose on the wang.
事情经过是这样的吗长官他是不是被一只鹅打了
Is that what happened, sir? Was he struck by a goose?
实际上他是被一个女同事打了
He was actually struck by a female coworker
她声称他试图对她进行性骚扰
who claims he attempted to sexually assault her.
我真希望您在我们开猜之前就制止住我们
I really wish you had stopped us before we start guessing.
我不负责那个
I'm not responsible for that.
由于这是个敏感的案件
Now due to the sensitive subject matter,
我认为比较合理的组队是由Peralta和
I think it makes sense to partner Peralta with...
我吗因为我的性能力最强
Me? Because I'm the best at sex?
不 Hitchcock 事实上你猜怎么着
No, Hitchcock. In fact, you know what?
这周不用你值班不如你回家放几天假
This isn't your week. Why don't you take a few days off?
美滋滋
Sweet!
- 工作愉快弱鸡们 - 什么鬼
- Have fun working, cucks! - What?
警监我愿意和Jake一起办这个案子
Captain, I'd like to work the case with Jake.
我有时间
I have the time.
我的文书工作进度比计划超前了三周
I'm three weeks ahead on my paperwork.
行 Santiago和Peralta 和双方交涉一下
Fine. Santiago and Peralta, talk to both parties.
摸清这个破屌♥的底细
Get to the bottom of this broken penis.
等等我只想说
Wait. I just want to say
这是一件悲伤的事
I think it's sad that
因为在当下我们再也无法因"破屌♥"这个词而发笑
we as a society can no longer laugh at the phrase "Broken penis,"
我的梦想就是终有一天我们将再次为它发笑
And it is my dream that we one day shall again.
"破屌♥"小队我数三下
Team Broken Penis on three.
- 一二三 - 破屌♥
- One, two, three... - Broken penis!
啊我早该想到会这样的
Yeah, probably should've seen that coming.
神烦警探
第六季第八集
Haggerty先生请坐
Mr. Haggerty, please have a seat.
噢你可以站着如果那样舒服一点的话
Oh, you can stand if that's more comfortable.
不没关系
No, it's cool.
医生说我应该多点变换一下姿势
The doctor said I need to change positions
避免阴♥茎♥结块
frequently so I don't form a penile clot.
噢我可以忍♥住不吐槽那么关于这一点
Oh, I'm not gonna barf, so on that note,
请解释一下导致你用上尿布的案件经过
please explain the events that led to your diaper.
昨晚我在给我的同事
So last night I was giving my coworker,
Keri 一些行情方面的指标
Keri, some pointers on her trades.
我跟她说 "加大对以特币的控制
Told her "Lever up on VTC.
成交量这么低根本不能出现肥尾效应"
There's no fat tail on the vol's wicked low."
肥尾效应指极端行情发生的机率增加可能因为发生一些不寻常的事件造成市场上大震荡
我只是不想她搞砸这事
I just didn't want her to chump it.
对你那么说是因为你在滑雪吗
Right, and you spoke that way because you were... snowboarding?
- 不我们在我的办公室里 - 当然
- No, we were in my office. - Yeah.
总之她突然暴走
Anyway, she just flipped out
然后用我最喜欢的那支高尔夫球杆打我
and hit me with my favorite golf club.
Brennan女士声称她攻击你只是
Ms. Brennan is claiming she attacked you
因为你性侵犯她所以才选择自卫的
in self-defense after you sexually assaulted her.
是啊因为她疯了
Yeah, because she's crazy.
我知道我们不应该这样谈论女性
I know we're not supposed to say that about women.
我一般都不会那么做因为我是一个坚定的女性拥护者
I usually wouldn't go there because I'm a huge advocate.
我是说我是那种认为Kathryn Bigelow
I mean, I'm the kind of guy who thinks Kathryn Bigelow
Kathryn Bigelow 美国导演编剧制♥作♥人卡梅隆前妻代表作<刺杀本拉♥登♥>
应该执导下一部<星球大战>的男人
should direct the next "Star Wars."
我对着其他男人♥大♥声地那么说了
I've said that out loud to other men.
谢谢你 Haggerty先生我们还会再联♥系♥你的
Thank you, Mr. Haggerty. We'll be in touch.
好的谢谢我现在要站起来了
Great, thanks. I'm gonna stand up now.
警监很抱歉打扰你
Captain, sorry to interrupt.
我刚刚接到惩教署的电♥话♥
I just got off the phone with the Department of Corrections.
他们想让我告知你Ernest Zumowski死了
They wanted me to let you know that Ernest Zumowski died.
我的天
My goodness.
我好久没有听到过那个名字了
It's been a while since I've heard that name.
我追捕他许多年
I hunted him for years
终于抓住他并且结束了他的嗜血生涯
and finally caught him and put an end to his bloodlust.
病态地说正是因为Ernest Zumowski才有了今天的我
In some sick way, I am who I am because of Ernest Zumowski
- 又称为 - 迪斯科扼杀者
- AKA... - The Disco Strangler.
噢所以你们知道我在说谁
Oh, so you knew who I was talking about?
是的长官你经常提到他
Yeah, sir, you talk about him a lot.
- 你知道悠悠球是他的 - 招牌
- You know, the yo-yo was his... - Calling card.
噢我还提到那个了所以他是怎么死的
Oh, I mentioned that too? So how'd he die?
他在一辆监狱运输车里
He was in a prison transport van,
然后遇到了可怕的意外
and he got in a terrible accident.
燃起了熊熊大火而他被困在了里面
It burst into flames, and he was trapped inside.
看看他终于做到了
Well, well, well, he finally did it.
- 惨死吗 - 逃跑
- Died horribly? - Escaped.
就像他当年说他会做到的一样
Just like he said he would all those years ago.
我会回来的
I'll be coming back for you.
我就像迪斯科小宝贝我永不灭亡
I'm just like disco, baby. I will never die.
的确迪斯科永不灭亡但你会灭亡
True, disco will never die, but you will...
在你的监狱里臭流氓
In your cell, punk.
噢我还讲了这一段故事吗
Oh, so I've told that part of the story as well?
是的在每个圣诞派对上
Yes, at every Christmas party.
长官我是第一个吹捧老人能力的人
Sir, I am the first to tout the capabilities of senior citizens.
我和他们中很多人做过爱
I have made love to many,
但迪斯科扼杀者已经八十多岁了
but the Disco Strangler is over 80.
我怀疑他根本不能完成这样的越狱
I doubt that he could pull off an escape like this.
噢那正是他想让你们以为的
Oh, that's what he wants you to think.
你们都小瞧他了
You're both underestimating him.
我知道另外有28个人也小瞧了他
I know 28 other people who did that,
他们最后的下场都是被悠悠球
and they all ended up with yo-yos
- 绕在他们喉咙上 - 脖子上
- around their throats. - Necks.
不我说的是"喉咙" 不是脖子
Nope, I said "Throats," Not necks,
这意味着我说那个故事的次数也没那么多嘛
which means I haven't told that story too many times.
好了系好你们舞鞋的鞋带
All right, lace up your dancing shoes
是时候去抓获这个迪斯科混球了
because it's time to catch this disco bastard.
谢谢你的到来 Brennan女士
Thank you for coming in, Ms. Brennan.
你能否描述一下你和Haggerty先生的工作关系呢
Can you describe your working relationship with Mr. Haggerty?
当然 Seth三年前雇佣我
Absolutely. Seth hired me three years ago
协助他处理大规模的统计套利
to help with large-scale statistical arbitrage
从那以后我们一直稳定在18%的收益率
and ever since we've been at a steady 18% yield.
虽然我不太懂那些术语
I didn't know most of those words,
但我猜你的业务能力很出色
but I'm assuming it means you're good at business.
我是很出色我上一季度为公♥司♥
I am good. I brought in $168 million
带来了一亿六千八百万利润
to the firm last quarter.
哇那是个大数目啊
Wow, that's a lot of money.
你在哪里存放这些钱都在电脑里
Where do you keep it all? It's in a computer.
我看<唐老鸭俱乐部>看多了
I've watched too much "DuckTales."
不你怎么看<唐老鸭俱乐部>都不会嫌多
No, you can never watch too much "DuckTales."
我的梦想就是拥有一个金币池
It's my dream to have a gold coin pool.
就像史高治·麦克老鸭继续说
Like Scrooge McD. Continue.
你看我爱我的工作我也很擅长这件事
Look. I love my job, and I'm really good at it.
我永远不可能做任何事来破坏我所拥有的一切
I would never do anything to jeopardize what I have,
我也不是暴♥力♥的人
and I'm not a violent person,
但昨晚Seth做过界了
but last night Seth crossed a line.