神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S06E17

Part 1 April 4, 2020, 8:20 p.m.

伙计们我想到了一个绝妙的恶作剧
Guys! I have a great idea for a prank.
在Holt进来之前
Before Holt comes in
我要在他手放讲台上的地方抹墨水
I'm gonna put ink on the podium where he puts his hands.
我觉得他不会中计
I don't think he'll fall for that.
- 我中计了 - 怎么会
- I did! - How?
我都还没打开这个诶
I haven't even opened this yet.
那我猜跟这个无关吧
I guess it's unrelated.
Holt警监最讨厌恶作剧你肯定会引火上身
Captain Holt hates pranks. This is gonna backfire, man.
呃行吧那就别那么过激
Ugh, fine, I'll tone it down. I'll...
我把讲台往左移一英尺
move his podium a foot to the left.
什么他肯定会发火
What? He'll be so angry.
- 行那五英寸 - 五英寸
- Okay, five inches. - Five?
- 三英寸 - 三英寸
- Three? - Three?
- 一英寸 - 一英寸
- One? - One?
行吧我就挪半英寸
All right. I'll move it a half inch.
随便反正是你的葬礼
Fine. It's your funeral.
哦我的天
Oh my god.
史上最烂的恶作剧蠢透了
Worst prank ever. So stupid.
Holt根本就不会发现
Holt's not even going to notice.
早上好
Good morning.
伙计们
You guys...
讲台它
The podium, it's...
你们疯了
You're crazy!
怎么做到的
How did you pull this off?
神烦警探
第六季第十七集
是的Kevin 他们把它挪了整整半英寸
Yes, Kevin, they moved it a full half inch.
我今晚再跟你细说
I'll tell you the entire story tonight.
我也爱你再见
I love you as well. Goodbye.
哦刚刚真的太有趣了
Oh, that was a fun several moments.
最近发生了一系列谋杀案
So, there's been a series of homicides.
三个受害者全是年轻男性
Three victims, all young men,
每个人死法不同
each murdered in their own fashion.
连环杀手怎么杀的
A serial killer? How'd they do it?
勒死捅死绞死或者说吊死
Strangled? Mangled? Hung, i.e. Dangled?
他们的尸体面目全非
Their bodies were disfigured.
也就是捅死继续
i.e. "Mangled." Continue.
凶手把受害者剖开
Our killer cut the victims open
扯出了他们的心脏
and ripped out their hearts.
现在在我分配案件之前
Now, before I assign this case...
- 5美刀 - 什么
- 5 dollars! - What?
我在竞拍我太想接这个案子了
I'm bidding for it. I want this so badly.
- 我们不是这样 - 20美刀
- That's not how we... - 20 dollars.
这样更有趣一点
Just to make this interesting.
100美刀把案子给Jake
$100 for Jake to have it!
我本打算把案子分配给你和Peralta
I was going to assign the case to you and Peralta
但或许我应该分给Diaz
but perhaps I should give it to Diaz instead.
- 200美刀 - 这跟钱无关 Boyle
- $200! - It's not about the money, Boyle!
Kelly局长在我背后盯着
Commissioner Kelly is breathing down my neck.
我需要一专业成熟的人处理这件案子
I need this case handled professionally and maturely.
你说说我什么时候不专业了
Name one time I haven't acted professionally.
你现在拿着一盒果汁
You're holding a juice box.
这样果汁才不会洒出来嘛
It stops me from spilling my juice!
我们能处理好的警监
Look, we can handle this, sir.
没错我们偶尔会乱开玩笑
Do we joke around sometimes? Yes,
但是认真干活的时候我们可是老手
but when it's time to buckle down, we're seasoned professionals.
所以大家才叫我们"辣兄弟"
That's why they call us the Spice Boys.
没人这么叫我们
They don't and they won't.
警监我发誓给我们一次机会吧
Sir, I swear, give us a chance.
我们一定能逮住这家伙
We can get this guy.
行案子交给"辣兄弟"
Fine. Case goes to the Spice Boys.
- 别那么称呼我们 - 太晚了
- Please don't call us that. - Too late.
"辣兄弟"号♥火车出发咯
Spice Boy train has left the station.
嘟嘟
Toot toot!
嘿嘿快看
Hey, hey, check it out.
是我的警督上任文件
It's my lieutenant start paperwork!
以后不能叫你警长真的太奇怪了
It's gonna be so weird not calling you Sarge anymore.
要不我改名Loot(赃物) "早啊Loot"
Maybe I'll go by Loot. "Morning, Loot!"
"Loot在这儿我们邀请Loot吧"
"Loot over here." "Let's invite Loot!"
你们觉得如何
What do you think?
我猜你很兴奋
I bet you're excited about
升职之后可以涨工资了
the raise that comes with your promotion.
其实 Terry不喜欢谈钱的问题但是
Well, Terry doesn't like to talk about money, but, uh...
叮叮
Cha-ching!
我现在终于有钱订阅Showtime了
Now I can pay for Showtime.
搞清楚SMILF到底是什么
Find out who or what "SMILF" Is!
SMILF 即Single Mother I'd Like To Fuck (我想操的单身母亲)
有些人说 "没钱就没麻烦"
You know, some people say, "Mo money, mo problems,"
但那些人是傻♥逼♥ 钱最棒了
but those people are idiots. Money's amazing.
等等什么
Wait, what?
这上面说99分局预算不足没法给我加薪
This says there's not enough money in the Nine-Nine's budget for my raise!
那怎么办
What does that mean?
他们要把我调走
They're going to transfer me!
布鲁克林验尸官办公室
我知道你们在想什么
Now, I know what you're thinking.
肠子都去哪儿啦
Where'd dem guts go?
呃没错
Uh, yeah.
这家伙需要一名牙医
This guy needs a dentist,
因为他有个大窟窿(龋洞)
because he's got a big ol' cavity.
爱死了这笑话我偷走了
I love that. I'm stealing it.
你没法偷走别人送给你的东西
You cannot steal what is a gift.
谢谢好的那么这个不知名的凶手
Thank you. Okay, so whoever did this,
对其他器官不怎么上心
they weren't careful with the organs.
随便抓一把就扯掉了
They just sorta grabbed whatever and yanked.
你的性♥爱♥录像带的标题
Title of your sex tape.
哦这只是我们99分局内部的一个梗
Oh, that's just something we say back at the Nine-Nine.
有趣在我们这儿性♥爱♥录像带(性♥爱♥胶带)
Interesting, 'cause around here sex tape is what
是用来称呼把砍掉的鸡鸡接回去的粘合剂
we call the adhesive you use to reattach a severed penis.
哦那得给我来一些
Oh, I'll have to pick some of that up.
- 为什么 - 不过
- Why? - Anyway...
凶手大部分的切口都很马虎
most of the killer's incisions are very sloppy
但一旦到了心脏他就变得非常小心
but then once he gets to the heart they become very careful.
我是说看看这个腔静脉切得多完美
I mean, look at the vena cava. That's a clean cut.
大♥师♥识大♥师♥
Game recognize game.
我喜欢你的做事风格 Cox医生
Hmm. I like your style, Doctor Cox.
先生们局长想知道
Gentlemen! The Commissioner would like
案子的最新进展
a status update on the case.
哦别这样 Ray
Oh, come on Ray.
说的好像我在刁难你似的
You make it sound like I'm puttin' the screws to ya.
不我只是顺路来跟你们说一声
No, I just popped in to say
要是不马上查明这些谋杀案
if you don't solve these murders immediately
会有非常严重的后果
there's gonna be some serious consequences.
我就唬一唬你们
I'm just messin' with ya!
听着你们想知道怎么尽快抓到凶手吗
Listen, you know what would help you catch this guy?
我刚刚发布了一款新的APP "热门线索"
I just launched a new app, HotClues.
你们听说过吗
Are you familiar with it?
就是那个让广大民众
The one that allows civilians
直接向纽约警♥察♥局提供匿名线索的APP
to submit anonymous tips directly to the NYPD?
是的我听说过 "热门线索"
Yes, I'm familiar with...HotClues.
棒呆了你知道吗它帮我们破了17件案子
Great! You know, it's actually helped us solve 17 cases,
我觉得这回也该向公众求助
so I think we should ask for the public's help with this one.
不许多研究表明
No, study after study has shown that
征求匿名线索往往会把调查引进死胡同
soliciting anonymous tips results in false leads
或者导致错误定罪
and wrongful convictions.
哼告诉我你真正的想法
Hmm. Tell me how you really feel.
- 我刚说了 - 爱死了多么满怀激♥情♥
- I did. - And I loved it! Such passion!
但我觉得"热门线索"能帮到我们
But I think HotClues could help us here.
不我们要按正统的方式破案
No, we will solve this case the proper way
通过货真价实的警方调查
with actual police work
由纽约警♥察♥局最优秀的两名警♥察♥进行
conducted by the two best detectives in the NYPD.
警监哦
Captain!
那我祝你们的方法早日成功
Well, I certainly hope your methods work.