神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S06E03

Part 4 April 4, 2020, 8:17 p.m.

还有人想要收♥购♥一家我临时虚构出来的公♥司♥
Someone wants to buy a company I made up on the spot.
我的简单演讲竟让他垂涎三尺
The elevator pitch had him drooling.
作为一个母亲我总是苦恼于如何寻找优质玩伴
As a mother, I'm always struggling to find quality playdates.
大多数2岁小孩都很无趣都是无聊鬼
Most two-year-olds are boring, lame duds.
我女儿的朋友们都逊爆了
All of my daughter's friends suck.
现在有了Todddddler的专利算法
Well, with Todddddler's proprietary algorithm,
你就能匹配到顶级小孩
you will be matched with top tots,
而那些无聊小鬼
and those boring duds...
他们就待在属于他们的地方
they'll stay where they belong:
远离你和你的家庭
the hell away from you and your family.
我不是很清楚怎么才能给这件事收尾
I'm not really sure how to close this.
或许你们可以假扮成罐头大企业的继承人
Maybe you guys could pretend to be heirs to a canned-goods fortune
并且想收♥购♥我的公♥司♥
who want to buy my company!
Gina 我们现在没有时间帮你的忙
Gina, we don't have time for your thing right now.
噢聪明比他更入流
Oh, smart. Big-time him.
真是个好主意
That's the perfect idea.
苟富贵勿相忘
I won't forget you when I'm rich.
谢谢你们 Jake和Jake的妻子
Thanks so much, Jake and Jake's wife.
她明明知道你的名字噢看
She knows your name. Oh, look!
是Danny Matthews
It's Danny Matthews!
可他绝对不会在这么多人面前讲真话的
But he'll never talk with all these people around.
没问题十分钟后去科学实验室
Not a problem. Just be in the science lab in ten minutes.
我把他单独弄出来
I'll get him alone.
你要怎么做
What are you gonna do?
只能跟你说我不会使出美人计就是了
Let's just say I'm not above using my feminine wiles.
Danny Matthews 我是学校的人
Danny Matthews, I'm with the school.
你需要马上跟我来一下
You need to follow me right now.
- 一切都还 - 我说马上先生
- Is everything... - I said now, mister.
我们前面还有一个来电者
I'm one caller away.
我不敢相信我们竟然猜出来了
I can't believe we figured it out.
我不敢相信你这么久才猜出来
And I can't believe it took you this long.
酸奶可以说是你唯一的本领了
Yogurt is literally your one thing.
- 好吧好吧 - 我是说
- Okay, okay. - Well, I'm just saying.
如果声音是吃湿米饭
If the sound were eating damp rice,
我马上就能猜出来
I would've gotten it immediately.
伙计们他们要开始猜另一个了
Guys, they're taking another guess.
好的来自扬克斯的Brenda
All right, Brenda from Yonkers.
来说出这个声音是什么吧
It's time for you to name that sound.
大家好我想先打声招呼
Hi. Quick shout-out
问候一下美国儿科的护士们
to the nurses at United Pediatric.
我会用这笔钱帮助那些孩子们的
This money'll do those kids a lot of good.
省省吧扬克斯的Brenda女士
Cry me a river. Brenda from Yonkers.
我们都削减过预算直接猜好不好
We've all had budget cuts. Just take your guess.
是塑料泡沫吗
Is it Styrofoam?
错了
Wrong!
不敢相信她居然猜是塑料泡沫
Oh, I can't believe she guessed Styrofoam.
这护士也太蠢了
What a dumb nurse.
下一位你正在跟色狗连线
Next caller, you're on with the Horndog.
到我了
It's me!
这个声音是一罐酸奶
The sound is a yogurt
被打开的声音
being opened.
你的答案是
That is...
错的
Wrong!
什么不
What? No!
你猜的大大大大错特错
You b-b-b-blew it!
去你♥妈♥的♥吧色狗
Damn you, Horndog.
我把你的回答做成了表格
Okay, I have tabulated your responses,
结果显而易见
and the results are definitive.
- 太厉害了 - 完全的平局
- Amazing. - It's a dead tie.
实在太蠢了我♥干♥脆跟两个人同时分手算了
This is dumb. I'm just gonna end it with both of them.
慢着 Rosa
Rosa, stop.
还有一个办法
There is one more method.
远古的Boyle家族相信
Ancient Boyles believed
通过把自己倒吊起来
that suspending yourself by your feet
血液可以从你的双脚回流到大脑的决策中心
forces your blood to the decision center of your brain.
我们管这个古法命名曰 "怂逼倒挂"
We call this method the "Upside-Down Coward."
你想让我学蝙蝠倒挂起来吗
You want me to hang from the ceiling like a bat?
蝙蝠可是最果决的动物
The bat is nature's most decisive animal.
你说那些拍着翅膀到处乱撞的小畜生吗
The creature that flails around frantically?
那些都是无数小决定啊
Those are all micro-decisions.
来咱们先去把你捆好了
Now, let's get you strapped up.
你感觉怎么样
How do you feel?
想吐
Nauseous.
很好说明这法子管用了
Good. It's working.
- Q - 怎么了
- Q? - Yeah.
把电♥话♥挂掉
Get off the phone.
我不是很确定你到底有多想投资
Now, I'm not sure how serious you were about funding,
但我得跟你说除了你以外还有其他103位竞拍者
but I should tell you there's 103 other bidders.
我可不想跟别人一块身陷竞拍大战
Oof, I am not a fan of getting into bidding wars.
那就不要投标因为我想要宝宝们来用我的应用程序
Then don't make an offer, 'cause I want babies on my app,
但不要搅和我的会议室
but not in my boardroom.
屌♥哦 Gina
Oh, damn, Gina.
你刚刚是夸你自己"屌♥"了吗
Did you just "Oh, damn" Yourself?
总得有人说才行
Someone had to.
好吧
Okay.
来开个价吧
Let's talk numbers.
Peralta先生你肯定认识Dannny Matthews
Mr. Peralta, I believe you know Danny Matthews.
Jake 最近怎么样兄弟
Jake.Hey, what's going on, man?
这个问题的答案
The answer to that question
就藏在1997年一个明媚的日子里
goes back to a brisk day in 1997,
那天你撒了个谎
a day you told a lie.
但谎言要到此为止了
But the lying stops right now!
哦不
Oh, no!
你弄坏了这个小可怜学生的作品
You broke some poor kid's science project!
咱们得把它弄好
We have to fix it.
我现在有点忙
Kind of in the middle of something.
等下是三羧酸循环交给我来搞定
Oh, you know what? Krebs cycle. I got this.
好极了 Danny 听好了
Great. So, Danny,
我说的是真是假
true or false?
你曾经在橄榄球队里待过
You were on the football team.
- 是真的咩 - 接下来是真是假
- True? - And true or false:
你的第三节课是和Brandon Bliss一起上的
you had third period with Brandon Bliss.
我实在是记不清了
Mm, I honestly don't remember...
是真的我们特地核对了花名册
It was true! We checked the records,
我还有最后一个问题
and I have one more question.
打扰一下 Jake 你能把地上的氧气递给我一下吗
Ooh, Jake, can you get me that oxygen on the floor?
- 就红色那个 - 什么
- Little red guy. - What?
不好意思不该打岔的我自己来吧
Sorry. You know what? Yeah, I'll get it.
你为什么要告诉Brandon Bliss
Why did you tell Brandon Bliss
我是"大嘴巴"
that I was the Tattler?
因为就是你啊我看到你跟校长说话了
Because you were. I saw you talking to principal.
我记得清清楚楚分毫不差
I remember it, clear as day.
你看到的不可能是我
Look, you couldn't have seen me,
因为我根本不在那我没有告密
because I wasn't there. I didn't tattle.
明明就是你好吗
Man, it was you, okay?
你那时候一脑袋长毛还戴着个小耳环
You had your long hair and your little earring,
还有你的牛仔布衬衫跟这件几乎一模一样
and the denim jacket you are literally wearing right now.
不好了
Oh, no.
那个人确实不是我
It wasn't me,
但却是酷炫牛仔布组合的成员
but it was the DDC.
Gina
Gina.
Jake 猜猜看谁刚刚卖♥♥出了她绝妙的手♥机♥程序创意
Jake, guess who just sold her app idea.
不要相信她
Don't trust her.
她跟你说的所有东西都是谎话
Everything she's told you is a lie.
公♥司♥还有其他一切都是她编出来的
She made up the company and everything else.
她是个骗子
She's a liar.
Jake 虽然我不知道你这是什么战术
Jake, whatever strategy this is
但都不需要了我已经成功搞定交易了
is not necessary. I already closed the deal.
我知道你才是那个"大嘴巴"
I know you were the Tattler.
Amy 我准备好走了
Amy, I'm ready to go.