工作狂（2011）
Workaholics S04E05
Part 2
June 29, 2021, 8:46 a.m.
可以是关于男人们爱吃的健康食品
Okay? And it can be about health foods that dudes like to eat,
比如热狗
such as hot dogs.
我们可以叫它"狗录片"
We could call it a "Dog-umentary."
没错
Exactly.
热狗里有很多
They have all the carrots inside of them
牛爱吃的胡萝卜
that the cows ate,
这让它们营养很丰富 对吧
making them super, ultra nutritious, right?
热狗肠是用牛屁♥股♥做的
They're made from cow buttholes.
我负责在一周内吃掉1000个热狗
I will eat 1,000 hot dogs in one week,
然后解答那个终极疑问
finally answering the question,
"热狗这种食物 究竟是像大家说的那么健康
"Are hot dogs as healthy as they say,
还是也就一般般而已"
or are they just okay for you?"
不要 - 不 听起来蠢毙了
Nope. - No. Sounds stupid.
弱爆了 拍一小时那玩意儿
Dumb. An hour of that?
噢Blake 这听起来很蠢吗
Oh, Blake. That sounds stupid?
那我们拍一部关于你那小不点儿鸡鸡的纪录片怎么样
How about we do a documentary about your tiny-ass dick?
噢 - 嘿 伙计 拜托了 兄弟
Oh! - Hey, man. Come on, dude.
我 可没有人身攻击
I... don't take it personal.
不过你那个确实蛮小的 - 闭嘴 伙计
It is wildly small, though. - Stop, man.
这点子不赖 他鸡鸡小得非同寻常
That's not a bad idea. No, it's crazy small.
怎么用那么小的鸡鸡过完一生
How have you gone your entire life with such a small penis?
会是个好故事 - 没错 这是个好问题
That's a story. - Yeah. That's a good question.
就像 你是个幸存者 - 根本不是这样
Like, you're a survivor. - No, no, no, okay? No.
尺寸决定一切 - 尺寸决定一切
Boom! Size does matter. - Size does matter.
Karl想要阉了自己
Karl wants to cut his dick off.
啥 - 对
What? - Yep.
上周我们喝醉时他告诉我的
We got really drunk last week, and he told me that.
对不起 Karl
I'm sorry, Karl.
Karl 你小伙伴说你要阉了自己
Uh, Karl. Your boy's saying that you want to cut off your penis.
25年来我一直是我老二的奴隶
I mean, for 25 years, I've been a slave to my peen.
它控制了我的大脑 让我做了一堆蠢事
It rules over my brain and makes me do dumb stuff.
我每天想的都是下次高♥潮♥在什么时候
All I can think about every day is what time's my next cum,
告诉你们 我受够了
and to tell you the truth, I'm sick of it.
我受够了每天活在高♥潮♥里
I'm sick of living cum to cum, so, yeah, guys.
是 我是想阉了我自己
I mean, I want it gone!
我再也不想要我的老二了
I want my fucking dick gone!
你才25 - 你看着像45
You're 25? - You look 45.
你看起来真是糟透了
Yeah. You look horrible.
真的吗
Really?
Karl 如果你真的想做手术
So if you really wanna go through with this surgery, Karl,
这绝对会是精彩的纪录片
this could be an amazing documentary,
有什么需要我帮的 只要我能做到 尽管说
and if I can, I would love to help in any way.
真的吗 - 我觉得我们应该
Really? - I feel we should really go
坚持1000个热狗的计划
for the 1,000 hot dog idea that I have,
新颖 真实 又富有教育意义
cause it's smart, uh, it's real, it's educational.
如果我的老二能帮你 我会做手术
I mean, if it'll help you that much, I'll do it.
这就是我的动力
This is exactly the spark I needed.
我要把老二切下来
I'm gonna cut my dick off.
不 你不能简单的把它切下来
No. You can't just cut your dick off.
又不是一个 肉瘤
It's not just a... A wart.
有何不可 那是Karl的老二
Why not, man? I mean, it's Karl's dick.
你又不能代替Karl处置它
You don't get to choose what he does with it.
多谢 Blake - 没错
Thank you, Blake. - It's his dick.
当你身为男人
Okay. When you're born a bro,
你就要立场坚定
you're a bro for life.
坚定派的我讨厌你们这些割鸡派
I'm bro-life, and I'm sick of you bro-choice guys.
快闭嘴 我们两个纪录片都拍
Okay, just sh... We'll make both movies, okay?
怎么样 - 这样看来
How about that? - Well, in that case,
棒极了 - 很好
yeah, boy! - Yeah.
嘿 Karl 喂喂喂 等等
Hey, Karl. Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
嘿 哥们
Hey, man.
我很抱歉 之前
I am so sorry about, you know,
告诉他们你想切掉你的老二
telling those guys that you wanted to chop off your hog.
拿你当替罪羊扯开话题
Kind of threw you under the bus there.
拿你老二当替罪羊 - 哥们 没事
Threw your dick under the bus. - Dude, it's all good.
我们现在要拍电影啦 - 你要拿你老二怎么办
We're gonna make a movie. - What are you gonna do with it
等你把它切下来之后
after you, you know, slice it off?
不知道诶 哥们
I don't know, man.
实在不行就烤了它
I mean, I guess I'll just barbeque it up
拿来喂狗
and feed it to my dogs.
好吧 没问题
Okay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
但是 如果
Yeah, but, uh, what if, um...
我这个想法可能有些诡异
You know, let me know if this is too weird.
"嘿 Blake 带着你这个想法
You know, "Hey, Blake, go back to daydream world
做你的白日梦去吧" 呃
with that idea," Uh...
Blake
Blake...
我的老二归你了
You can have my dick.
没开玩笑
You're serious?
绝对没有
I'm so serious.
我要有一个新老二了 - 对
I'm gonna get a new dick! - Yeah.
你要有个新老二了 - 我要它
Gonna get a new dick. - I want that one!
我要它 - 是你的了
I want it! - It's yours.
我现在就想要
I want it now! I wish I could have it now...
不 别看我 你们继续
Oh, no, no, no. Keep going.
呃 - 告诉你们
Uh... - I'm telling you.
朋友间交换鸡鸡是这个纪录片的新主题
A dick swap between friends is the new subject
我们要拿MTV大奖了
of this documentary, and we're gonna win a moonman.
你在录吗 - 当然
Are you recording? - Oh, yeah.
让我来理清一下思路
so let me just get this straight, though.
我们把Karl的"把儿"摘掉
We're gonna chop off Karl's knob,
然后安到Blake身上
and we're gonna attach it to Blake's mound.
对 - 年度最佳伙伴
Yup. - Friend of the year over here.
听起来很变♥态♥吧
Seems insane, right?
我加入 感觉很有趣
I'm in. It sounds fun.
嘿 医生 不如你来
Hey, doc. Why don't we, um,
简短地介绍一下自己
just get a little background on who you are?
就对着我的脸说 - 好的
And just talk to my face. - Okay.
我呢 被我自己公认为是
I'm widely considered by me
整个库卡蒙加牧场市
to be the only sex-change expert
唯一的一个变性专家 - 很好
in all of Rancho Cucamonga. - Yup.
我的客户中很多都具有相当的知名度
I've got some pretty high-profile clientele,
包括 但不限于
including, but not limited to,
<妙女神探>里那个替身演员
the stunt women from Rizzoli & Isles.
噢 - 哇
Oh! - Wow.
让我看看我的日程安排
Let me check my schedule here.
好吧 告诉你们 你们运气很好
Okay. You know what? You guys lucked out.
我下周五有空
Looks like I got a... An opening next Friday.
周五下班之后的时间 我没问题
Well, Friday after work... That works for me.
周五 也太他妈快了 - 行了 医生
Friday? That's hecka soon. - Okay, doc.
我马上会因为狂吃一千个热狗
I'm about to be wildly famous
而在下一周名声大震
for eating 1,000 hot dogs in one week.
那听起来很危险 - 很危险
That sounds highly dangerous. - Highly dangerous.
所有人都不停地说那有多危险
Everybody keeps talking about how highly dangerous it is!
哇哇哇 - Adam
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! - Adam!
我要出去了 各位
I'm out of here, man.
我出去了 瞧好嘞
I'm out of here, man!
我很抱歉
I'm sorry about...
嘿各位 刚是开玩笑呢 这只是番茄酱
Hey, guys, just kidding. It's ketchup.
我往里面放的是番茄酱
I put ketchup in here.
噢 吼吼吼 酷
Oh-ho-ho-ho! Yeah.
这种刺♥激♥的体验是买♥♥不来的
Wow. You can't buy that kind of adrenaline.
那家伙真的送了我一份大礼
That guy really gave me a gift right there.
噢 - 噢 要死了
Oh! - Oh, dang it.
对不起
I'm so sorry.
嗨
Hey.
嗨
Hey.
呃 你掉了这个
Um, you dropped this.
你要不要
Did you...
噢 好厉害
Oh! Wow.
你喉咙的战斗力很强嘛
You've really got something there.
工作狂（2011）
Workaholics
剧集 | 工作狂（2011） | 导航列表