工作狂（2011）
Workaholics S04E03
Part 3
June 29, 2021, 8:46 a.m.
不想 - 买♥♥买♥♥买♥♥
No. - I will shop for you.
垃圾食品之所以被称作垃圾食品是有原因的
You know? I mean, it's called "Junk food" For a reason.
所以她整天对我河东狮吼 动手动脚的
You know, that's why she get all loud and physical.
买♥♥买♥♥买♥♥ - 我爱Colleen
I'll shop for you. - I love Colleen...
但我不能再这样下去了
But I can't... I can't do this no more.
我不想再这样饮食了
I don't want to eat like this!
你完全不用啊 买♥♥买♥♥买♥♥
You don't have to. I'll shop for you.
老子再也不吃甘蓝菜了 - 买♥♥买♥♥买♥♥
No more kale. - I will shop for you.
我再也受不了灌木了 我又不是兔子 Jillian
I'm tired of this shrubbery. I'm not a rabbit, Jillian!
买♥♥买♥♥买♥♥ - 老子再也不吃藜麦了
I will shop for you! - No more quinoa.
去他妈的藜麦
quinoa, Jillian!
妙脆角和烤玉米粒才是我的真爱
I want some Bugles! I want some corn nuts!
老子就是要烤玉米粒 Jillian
I need some corn nuts, Jillian.
我给你买♥♥妙脆角
I will get you Bugles,
我也会给你买♥♥烤玉米粒
And I will get you corn nuts...
买♥♥买♥♥买♥♥
Because I will shop for you.
买♥♥买♥♥买♥♥买♥♥买♥♥
I will shop for all of you!
好棒 - 买♥♥买♥♥买♥♥
Yeah. - I will shop for you.
太棒了 - 买♥♥买♥♥买♥♥买♥♥买♥♥
Yeah. - I will shop for all of you.
买♥♥买♥♥买♥♥买♥♥买♥♥
She will shop for you!
我们要选Jillian - 太棒了 我赢了
We're voting for Jillian. - Yes! I won.
我们跟Jillian说了
We told Jillian to get that giant popcorn tin
要她去好市多买♥♥爆米花罐头的对吧
From Costco, right?
因为Karl说他想周六吃
Karl said he wanted it for Saturday.
是告诉了 但是现在我在想
We did, but now that I'm thinking about it,
我好像忘了告诉她要买♥♥柯克兰牛仔裤了
I think I forgot to tell her to get Kirkland jeans.
我告诉她了 - 棒极了
I told her. - Nice.
我叫她记得买♥♥柯克兰的polo衫和真皮凉鞋
I told her to get Kirkland polos and leather sandals.
想象一下三个穿柯克兰的大男人
Dude, three dudes in matching Kirkland 'fits?
简直就是"电臀男" - 没错
More like "Twerkland," Right? - Yeah.
女的都会拜倒在我们的牛仔裤下
Girls are gonna be slobbin'
像啃玉米棒子一样啃我们的"棒子"
on our knobs like corn on our penises!
妈的怎么回事
What the hell?
这是怎么了
What?
怎么了小崽子 零食被猫崽子抢走了吗
What's the matter, boys? Pussies got your snacks?
什么抢走 - 你说什么
Snatch? What? - What?
作为休息室经理
As break-room manager,
我已经把所有的零食都锁得好好的了
I put all snacks under strict lock and key.
你们想要来一罐汽水吗
You want a can of soda pop?
那就先过老娘这关
You got to go through me.
你们想要擦屁屁的厕纸吗
You want T.P. To wipe your little butt-butts?
那咱们就谈谈 来谈啊 Blake
Let's chat. Seriously, let's chat, Blake.
你♥他♥妈♥这是在说冷笑话吗
Hey, what is this... some kind of sick joke?
我了个去 这是柯克兰牛仔裤吗
Oh, my Gosh, are those Kirkland jeans?
这些吗 是啊
Oh, these? Yeah, they are Kirkland.
我现在看起来是个老板娘 全身上下穿的都是好市多
And I'm looking like a boss, though, in head-to-toe Costco.
你穿着很好看
They look good.
知道吗 当我在进行办公室倾听之旅的时候
You know, boys, when I went on my listening tour,
大家抱怨最多的就是有人在偷储备食品
the number-one complaint was that people were stealing supplies.
所以我安装了这个高科技安全系统
So I installed this high-tech security system.
看见了吗
You see that?
气死老子了
I'm pissed now!
你赶紧把锁在这破玩意里的零食
You t-take the snacks out of this contraption
给老子拿出来
that you've locked 'em up in immediately!
这是命令 立马执行
And that is an order, starting now. Go!
老娘不是给你们买♥♥买♥♥买♥♥的
I don't just shop for you, all right?
我是给大家买♥♥的 - 牛仔裤给我
I shop for everyone! - Give me those jeans!
滚开 - 抢过来
No. Get off. - Get the jeans.
把牛仔裤抢过来 - Blake 你住手
Take her jeans. - Blake, stop it!
给我住手 - 你钥匙划到我了
Stop! - Ow, your keys hit me.
你们给老娘走着瞧
The jig is up!
还有 你们要是饿了
And if you guys get hungry,
可以吃这个
You can snack on these.
呃 - 祝你们有个好胃口
Oh... - Satisfy your appetite.
这是她的胸吗
Are those your titties?
她是把她的胸拿出来了吗
Did she just pull her titties out?
没有零食 没派对 没有小淫♥娃♥
No snacks, no party, no star-fuggers.
意味着无处安放我们的大屌♥
That means no place to put our boners,
只能继续靠我们的双手了
Except in our hands. Again.
不好玩 我健身都把手弄出老茧了
It's not as fun. I've got callouses from working out.
我觉得我们还是去便利超♥市♥买♥♥零食吧
I don't know. Maybe we should just get our snacks at 7-eleven.
我们不是一直都是吗 - 你说什么
That's what we always do. - What?
可是便利超♥市♥没有爆米花罐头好吗
7-eleven doesn't have party tins full of popcorn, okay?
Karl要吃啊
That's what Karl asked for.
我的意思是我们难道不是应该过着
All I'm saying is we are supposed to be living
好市多的生活的吗 - 我知道
that crazy Costco life. - I know.
其实我不知道我有没有跟你们说过
I don't know if I've ever told you guys this story,
我小时候偷偷摸摸进去好市多
But I snuck into a Costco when I was a kid.
你说过了 - 是的
Yeah, we've heard that story. - Yeah.
这是我人生中最有意义的一次经历
It was the most magnificent experience of my life.
天花板下挂着超大的蹦蹦床
There was giant trampolines hanging from the ceiling.
还有巨型的洗发水瓶
Like, shampoo bottles that are, like...
跟我大腿那么粗
The size of my massive thighs.
我才进去了四五米
I only got, like, 15 feet in,
然后就被保安给按倒了
then I was tackled by security.
但是 那是
But it was...
讲真 那是我人生中最美好的40秒
It was, honestly, the best 40 seconds of my life.
真的 - 我们都听过这故事了
Yeah. - We've heard this story.
那么你们为什么不阻止我
Well, then why didn't you stop me?
我不阻止你是因为我喜欢这故事
I didn't stop you because I like the story,
再者 又能听到我梦寐以求的柯克兰牛仔裤
and it got me jacked up about some Kirkland jeans
兴趣立马就来了 兄弟
that I want, man.
那是故事的一部分
That's part of the story!
宽宽的裤腿 厚厚的牛仔布
The wide legs, the thick denim.
还有松紧塑腰带 - 恩
The elastic waistbands. - Mm-hmm.
因为穿上它你就会想
'cause you're gonna want to have a few snacks
吃点小零食
while you're there.
但是如果你买♥♥是屁♥股♥后面没口袋的 就没零食吃了
And if you get 'em without the pockets on the back, no snaggin'.
那是 那是女式牛仔裤
That's... Those are women's jeans. Yeah.
不过它们更称我的屁♥股♥
Well, they just sit better on my hips.
你身材确实挺像女人
You do have a very womanly figure.
我一直就这样 - 你还有女人样的乳♥头♥
I have what I have. - You also have tits.
皮肤也很光滑 - 你知道吗 坦白说
Nice skin. - You know, quite frankly...
我愿意立马行进到Alice的办公室
I'm willing to march into Alice's office right now,
告诉她
and say...
"我不干了" 对吧
"I quit." Right?
"我要去好市多当保安"
"I'm gonna go be a Costco security guard."
但是 我也许只用平常的声调说
I might just use my regular voice, though.
我不知道 - 或者
So I don't know. - Or...
我们可以从休息室偷点零食
We steal the snacks from the break room.
像<十一罗汉><十三罗汉>里那样完爆这个小婊砸
Ocean's Eleven and Thirteen this bitch.
<十二罗汉>简直就弱爆了
Fuck Ocean's Twelve!
对 - 完全是大烂片
Yeah. - Total misfire.
好了 最后一个 Waymond 把手伸出来
All right, last one, Waymond. Put your hand out.
没人喜欢橡皮糖婊♥子♥ 快滚出去
No one likes a gummi slut. Get out of here.
嘿 Jillian
Hey, Jillian.
我能要四条低钠奶酪吗
Could I please get four low-sodium string cheeses?
你今天的小吃供应已经超标了
Well, you've already hit your snack limit for the day.
现在快滚吧
Now hit the road.
JillIan 你可能不明白
Jillian, I don't think you understand.
我 大概是 办公室里体型最庞大的人了
I'm, like, the biggest dude in this office.
好吧 我顶多能给你7粒葡萄
Okay, well, my best offer is seven grapes.
嘿 Jillian - 恩
Hey, Jillian. - Hmm?
去你♥妈♥的♥葡萄
yo' grapes!
我只是尽量确保
I'm just trying to make
这里井然有序
sure we've got all our ducks in a row here,
恩 你懂的 基本上 从我的角度来讲
uh, you know, because basically, the way I'm looking at it...
是的 我懂
Yeah. No, I know.
但是 相信我 离约定的不远了
But trust me, the deal is almost done.
嘿 Jillian 你有储藏室的钥匙吗
Hey, Jillian, um, do you have the keys to the storage closet?
工作狂（2011）
Workaholics
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