摩登家庭
Modern Family S04E13
Part 4
Nov. 30, 2019, 10:55 p.m.
You are the one who can't let a single situation pass
就不罢休的人
without making a comment.
也许我可以从今开始改变
Oh, well, maybe I'll just start today.
我想那样会让你开心些的
I think it'll make you feel better.
我已经感到开心了
I think I already do.
她当着我的面就说 "我不喜欢你"
Right to my face, "I don't like you."
没有人不喜欢我
Nobody doesn't like me.
我是杰 人见人爱的杰
I'm Jay. I'm-- I'm salt of the earth.
你为什么拼命闻我的孩子
Why are you inhaling my baby?
他们只会好闻一段时间
Oh, they only smell perfect like this for a little while.
就是这味
Yeah. That's the stuff.
从第一天开始 我就把她当女王来对待
From day one, I've treated this woman like a queen.
我处处围着她转
I've flown her back and forth,
我还尝了她的土特产
I've... I've tasted her native food.
你知道下巴是什么味吗
You know what chin tastes like?
我可知道
Mm. 'cause I do.
现在我发现
And now to find out...
怎么了 我听着呢
What? I'm listening.
你在用婴儿蹭自己
You're rubbing yourself with the baby.
我还看过你和你的狗湿吻呢
I have seen you french kiss your dog.
她在我嘴里找食物
She was taking a treat out of my mouth.
那是个训狗技巧
That's a trick.
我敢肯定你知道
I am sure you know
我觉得这件事有趣在哪
what I find funny about this situation.
在哪
What?
你有一个无论你多么努力
You have an in-law who, no matter what you do,
也没法讨好的丈母娘
No matter how hard you try, you can't win over.
那怎么了
What about it?
等等 听着不耳熟吗
Wait. That doesn't sound familiar?
你不是说
You're not saying...
我是的
Yeah, I am.
擦 我成菲尔了
Son of a bitch, I'm Phil.
皮娜 天太冷了
Hey, Pilar, it's awfully cold.
你穿我的外套吧
Here. Why don't you take my jacket?
真行 让我显得没礼貌是吧
Sure, yeah. Make me the rude one.
很抱歉我指出了
Look, I'm sorry that I pointed out
我们两个都应该受责备 好吗
that we're both to blame here, all right?
但是我们不要把这么美好的事
But let's not turn this lovely event
变成竞争好吗 穿我的 亲爱的
into a competition. Here you go, sweetie.
你说得对 我不应该挑你毛病
Oh, you know what? You're right. I shouldn't be picking at you.
但是别忘了去点燃你的蜡烛
But don't forget to light your candle.
我看所有直系亲属都点了
I think everyone in the immediate family's doing it.
好的 好主意
Oh, yeah? Okay. Good--good idea.
那是什么玩意
What the hell is that?
同性恋抗♥议♥什么的吗
Some kind of gay protest thing?
是蜡烛 爸 你说什么呢
It's a candle, dad. What are you talking about?
你的紫色裤衩尾巴
You' purple panty tail.
不是吧
Oh, no. Oh, come on.
我们是在教堂里 不是在夜店
We're in church, Mitchell, not some disco.
你故意的
You did that on purpose!
教堂的彩色玻璃真美
Oh, this stained glass is beautiful.
在为孩子洗礼之前
Now listen, before we dunk the kid,
我能简单说两句吗
You mind if I make a few casual remarks?
我以为你已经说了呢
I think you already did.
克莱尔问了我一个很好的问题
Claire asked me a good question--
菲尔是怎么讨得我欢心的
How did Phil win me over?
好吧 他还没有
Well, he hasn't yet.
但是 当他不再刻意讨好的时候
But when he stops trying so hard,
像个正常人一样 就离目标近一些了
and he acts like a real person, he comes close.
我就应该这么对皮娜
That's what I needed to do with Pilar.
我想告诉你们
I'd like to tell you the story
我是怎么遇见我可爱的妻子的
of how I came to meet my incredible wife,
因为 除了这个孩子的降临
Because up until the birth of this child,
那是我一生中最美的事
It's the best thing that ever happened to me.
这话听起来真"舒服"
Mm, that feels good huh?
一天早上 我的汽车送去打蜡了
So it's morning. My car's getting waxed.
我吃了个午饭
I hop in the diner.
我听见了一个可爱的口音
I hear this adorable accent.
我转过身 看见一个美女正和她朋友说话
I turn. I see this pretty girl talking to her friend.
我送过去一个派
I send over a piece of pie.
真经典
All class.
几分钟过后
Couple of minutes later,
歌♥洛莉亚过来谢谢我
who comes over to thank me but Gloria,
她是我见过的最美丽的女人
the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.
阿门
Amen.
她坐下 我们开始聊天
She sits down, we start talking,
从此我们就再也没停过
And we haven't stopped talking since.
但是疯狂的是
But here's the crazy part--
我不是给歌♥洛莉亚送的派
I didn't send the pie to Gloria.
她背对着我
Her back was to me.
我是送给她朋友的
I sent it to her friend,
但是她去厕所了就错过了
who went to the bathroom and missed it.
那个人今天也在场
And that person is here today--
她就是歌♥洛莉亚的妹妹桑娅
Gloria's sister Sonia.
真有趣 生命中一个小小的改变
Isn't it funny how a simple twist of fate
就可以改变一个人的命运
can change the whole--
你偷了我的生活
You stole my life!
等等 等等
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on.
我抓住桑娅了
I got Sonia!
别说了 我要我的生活 我的床
No more. I want my own life, my own bed,
还有我的电子邮箱
my own e-mail account!
是啊 抛弃你的亲娘吧
Yeah, leave your poor old mother alone.
别担心 妈妈 你可以跟我们一起住
Don't worry, mama. You can come and live with us.
等等 想清楚再说
Whoa. Pump the brakes here.
怎么了 你对我妈有意见吗
What? Do you have a problem with my mother?
不是 是你妈对我有意见
No. Your mother has a problem with me.
你认为她很无助 你问问她盒子里的是什么
You think she's helpless. Ask her what's in that box.
不是我们家祖传的枪吗
It's not the family gun?
杰 如果歌♥洛莉亚有什么不测
Jay, if anything should happen to Gloria,
我随时补上
I am there for you.
什么 桑娅 我会有什么不测
What, Sonia? What's going to happen to me?
你可能有一天走进你的衣帽间
You might go for a walk in your closet one day
然后一去不复返
And never come back!
知道自己错过什么了吧
See what you're missing? Huh?
卢克在哪里
Where is Luke?
站在马修旁的就是他啊
I think he's the one standing next to Matthew.
菲尔
Phil.
他心情不太好
He was feeling a little under the weather.
我让他待在家里了
I let him stay home.
也许他是觉得太丢人 不好意思出门
Or is he just too embarrassed to leave the house?
他为什么会觉得丢人
Why would he be embarrassed?
因为老爸想帮忙解决我们的问题
Because dad tried to fix all our problems,
却帮了倒忙 毁了我们的人生
and instead, ruined all our lives.
恶梦一场
Nightmare.
你们这些小姑娘太夸张了
You girls are so dramatic.
需要我给你们叫辆"救父车"吗
Do I need to call you a wah-mbulance?
-你听到了吗 -当然
- Did you hear that? - Yes!
这周都是克莱尔送莉莉去上舞蹈课
Claire's been driving Lily to dance class all week.
莉莉全是跟她学的
That's where she gets it from!
我们为人父母不算失败 失败的是克莱尔
We're not bad parents. Claire is.
我说过我不会哭的
I said I wasn't gonna cry,
但是 老天爷 眼泪止不住哗哗的
but, oh, boy, here it comes.
不 小卡 别用这个
No, no, Cam. Not with those.
好啦 别吵了
Okay! That's it!
我们现在是在神的教堂 他妈的
We're in a house of god, damn it.
行啊 所有人都弃我而去吧
Fine. Everyone just abandon me.
皮娜 无意冒犯
Pilar, all due respect,
你装可怜这套没人会信的
no one's buying the martyr act.
连这家伙都不会信
Not even this guy.
你一直将桑娅留在自己身边
You ask me, you've been keeping this one under your thumb
是因为你害怕继续你的人生
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