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Modern Family S04E09

Part 3 Nov. 30, 2019, 10:55 p.m.

好别动
Okay, hold still...
等一下
And wait for it...
来瞧瞧你发胖加秃顶以后的样子
This is what you'd look like fat and bald.
我手♥机♥上也有这款应用就叫"照相机"
On my phone, that app's called a camera.
比尔别这么妄自菲薄
Bill, don't do that to yourself.
告诉你吧艾琳是个幸运的女人
Let me tell you something. Ellen is one lucky woman.
这有什么好笑的
Why is that funny?
因为她老公是杰瑞而不是比尔
Because she's married to Jerry.
杰你手♥机♥里有什么好玩的应用
Jay, you got any good apps?
不知道我有呼叫等待功能那算吗
I don't know. I got call waiting. Is that an app?
你们很爱笑是吧
You guys laugh a lot, huh?
杰对电子产品不太在行
Jay's a little technologically challenged.
你个不会开手动挡车的人还敢说我
From a guy who can't drive a stick.
-什么 -你真不会吗
- What? - You can't?
有一次他打电♥话♥叫我去营救他
Well... he called me to rescue him one time.
他停在一个坡上不敢松离合器
He got stuck on a hill. He was afraid to let go of the clutch.
我赶到的时候
By the time I got there,
他后面排了半英里长的车队
traffic's backed up half a mile,
所有人都在冲他嚷嚷他急得直哭
everybody's yelling at him. He's in tears.
我没哭是出的汗
Not tears. Maybe sweat.
是他眼睛出了汗
Yeah, sweatin' out your eyes.
我拍到了差不多10张海莉的糗照
I had about ten pretty bad pictures of Haley.
我本可以就此收手
I could have quit right there,
但我是个完美主义者
but I'm a perfectionist.
我琢磨着
I thought,
"我能做得更好我会拍到更难看的"
"I could do better. She could look worse."
天呐
Oh, my god.
行了哥们
All right, pal.
从树上下来吧
Come down from the tree.
抱歉我做不到
Sorry, can't do that.
再不下来我们就把你拽下来
Come down before we pull you down.
淡定别动粗
W--hey. Ease up.
有什么问题
What's the problem?
听着我也不想呆在树上
Look, I don't want to be up here.
懂吗但这是我女儿最心爱的一棵树
You know? But this is my daughter's favorite tree.
我家男人他也竭力反对
And my partner-- he's all up in arms
他们把树砍掉所以...
about them cutting it down, so...
你男人既然那么热衷他为什么没来
Well, if your partner's so worked up, why isn't he here?
那问题问得真好
Oh, well, that's a very good question.
那是因为他习惯了做事有始无终
It's because he starts things, and he doesn't finish them,
所以我就要替他收场
so then I have to.
跟我老婆一模一样
Just like my wife.
我的心理医生会说我们这样是在纵容他们
You know, my therapist would say we're "enabling" them.
又是你的心理医生
You and your therapist.
要不是你枪击了那家伙我也不用去看心理医生啊
I wouldn't have to see him if you hadn't shot that guy.
不是吧又来
Aw, that again?
我们用消防水管把他喷下来得了
Look, let's just spray him with the fire hose.
你只会越帮越忙泰瑞
You're not helping, Terry.
那不是你的"战斗"
It's not your fight.
所以你何不给我们个面子
So why don't you do us a favor,
从树上下来吧
and come on down?
因为他是对的懂吗
Because he's right, all right?
那是最让我无奈的
That's the frustrating part.
我在这上面坐了几个小时了
I-I've been sitting up here these past few hours,
而且这棵树很漂亮好吗
and... this tree is beautiful, okay?
我能听到小松鼠们在树枝间穿梭的声音
And I-I can hear the squirrels dancing through the branches,
他们追逐嬉戏
you know, chasing each other,
全然不知这乐园要被摧毁了
no idea what's about to happen.
你知道吗这不只是一棵树
You know, this isn't just a tree.
而是一个家园
This is a home.
没错一大家子老鼠的家园
Yeah, to, like, a hundred rats.
树上到处都是老鼠
They're all over this thing.
你说什么都没有用
Well, that changes nothing.
要是有必要我会在这跟你们耗一晚上
I will wait you guys out all night if I have to.
小卡给你20分钟
Cam, you got 20 minutes,
再不回来我就下去了
and I'm out of this tree.
泰瑞去把消防水管准备好吧
Terry, you wanna get ready with that hose?
有一天艾丽克斯放学回来
So Alex comes home from school the other day,
跟我说她老师听不懂她说的话
and she said the teacher didn't know what she was talking about,
但实际上我不觉得...
when in reality, I don't think that--
你差点把我的头砍下来
You almost just cut my head off.
你得注意点
You gotta focus.
对不起到头来我还是忘了买♥♥鸡蛋
I am sorry. After all that, I forgot the eggs!
-打扰一下 -你等会儿
- Excuse me. - Yeah, hang on one second.
听我说你犯傻不只是因为怀孕
Listen, this is not just your pregnancy.
你这是故意让你的大脑停工
You are purposely turning your brain off.
你至少得有意识地稍微注意一点
You have to at least try to pay attention.
-女士 -怎么
- Ma'am? - Yeah.
你有这件运动衫的收据吗
Do you have a receipt for that sweatshirt?
糟糕
Oh, shoot.
你得跟我回商场一趟
I'm gonna need you to come back into the store.
不不我只是忘了我还穿着它了
Oh, no. No, it's--I forgot I was wearing it.
没什么要紧的给你
It's no big deal. Here.
女士跟我回商场
Ma'am. The store.
别开玩笑了
Are you kidding me?
我真没想偷这运动衫
I didn't try to steal a sweatshirt!
先生我可是位母亲
Sir, I'm a mom.
歌♥洛莉亚帮帮我
Gloria, help me out.
听好了警♥察♥先生
Listen, Mr. Policeman,
我们真要偷
If we wanted to steal it,
你压根不可能发觉它不见了
You wouldn't even know that it was gone!
行了你这是帮倒忙
Yeah, okay. That's not helping.
天呐一只金手镯
Oh, my god! A gold bracelet!
捡到的东西能归我们吗
Hey, can we keep what we find?
无语了
Unbelievable.
不是吧
Really?
先生们你们想知道
Gentlemen, you wanna know about
什么是真正的飞盘比赛吗
the real ultimate frisbee?
头顶着飞盘走50米不让它掉下来
Walk with one balanced on your head for 50 meters.
它需要你的姿势平衡和体态
It is a measure of poise, balance, and posture.
我们就尽可能用力地相互扔飞盘吧
Let's just whip the frisbees at each other as hard as we can
看谁第一个退出
and see who quits first.
飞盘大战
Frisbee smash.
酷毙了开始吧
Awesome! Let's go!
天呐我苦命得和西西弗似的
Oh, my god, I'm Sisyphus.
[西西弗科林斯国的暴君
死后入地狱被罚做永无休止的推巨石苦工]
大苦逼
A big one!
他当时在我家院子提了个录放机
So he's out in our yard and he's got a boombox...
那个有提录放机情节的电影叫什么来着
What's the name of that movie with the boombox?
-《情到深处》 -约翰·马奥尼演的
- Oh, "Say anything." - With John Mahoney.
总之他就站在那儿
So anyway, he's out there,
恳请克莱尔原谅他
And he's begging Claire for forgiveness.
但她还在气头上完全听不进去
She's still mad at him. She won't have any of it.
然后他把音量开到最大
So he turns it up full-blast,
放的竟然是奥莉维亚·纽顿-约翰的歌♥
And it's Olivia Newton-John.
原歌♥名叫《Let's Get Physical》
他就开始唱《让我们一起"菲动"》
And he starts singing, "Let's get Phil-sical"!
那是个小范围的内部笑话
It was an inside joke.
不再是喽
Well, not anymore!
行啦开心果菲尔的故事就到此为止吧
Okay, enough with the funny Phil stories.
别啊我还没说到最精彩的地方呢
No, but I haven't even gotten to the best part yet.
他还载歌♥载舞我当时真心看不下去了
So he's doing his little dance, and I can't take it anymore,
就对准他开了洒水器
So I nail him with the sprinklers!
是啊你还把我的录放机搞短路了
Yep, and you also shorted out my boombox,
你当时说会赔我一个到现在也没影
which you said you'd replace and you never did.
我肯定没那样说过
I never said that!
你真说过你现在还欠我个录放机
Yes, you did. You still owe me one boombox,
12节D型电池
12 "D" batteries,
和一盒奥莉维亚·纽顿-约翰磁带
and an Olivia Newton-John cassingle.
好吧那...
Okay, uh...
我们在拳击场里解决这事吧