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Modern Family S04E02

Part 1 Nov. 30, 2019, 10:54 p.m.

各位安静一下听我简单说几句
Can I get everybody's attension. Real quick.
在这个美好的日子里
Um, on this wonderful occasion--
我们的女儿明日即将离家步入大学
Our daughter leaving tomorrow for college...
请各位一起举杯
If I could get everyone to raise their glass.
容我引用我国一位伟大的父亲
As I quote from one of our nation's great fathers--
[国父/前总统托马斯·杰斐逊]
杰斐逊
Jefferson.
[美剧《杰弗逊一家》中的黑人父亲]
乔治·杰斐逊
George Jefferson.
我没想到我的孩子
"I never dreamed that one of my own
有朝一日会进入大学
"would be going off to a university,
但今天我作为一个自豪的黑人
"but here I stand, a proud black man,
明白我耗费在干洗机上的日日夜夜
knowing that all those hours I put in at the dry cleaner--"
[维兹是剧中乔治的太太]
-菲尔 -别打岔维兹
- Phil. - Not now, Weezie.
我说到哪儿了
Where was I?
你在引用杰弗逊"总统"的话
Quoting that president.
如果她也算是美国的未来
Okay, if she's the future of America,
我们还是赶紧用人♥民♥币吧
we should start using Chinese money now.
我们早就在花中国人的钱了
We already are.
我手都举酸了祝贺海莉
My arm is tired. To Haley.
祝贺海莉
To Haley!
在各位放下杯子以前
And before everyone puts their glasses down,
我们也有莉莉的喜事宣布
uh, uh, we're also very proud of Lily.
明天是她第一次上幼儿园的日子
Tomorrow is her first day of kindergarten.
-祝贺莉莉 -莉莉
- To Lily. - Oh, Lily.
祝贺莉莉你们要知道
To Lily. And you'll be impressed to know
她会是全班最聪明的小姑娘
that she's gonna be one of the smartest girls there.
莉莉宝贝 6♥4♥的平方根是几
Lily, sweetie, what's the square root of 6♥4♥?
8.
好厉害啊
Wow. Hey!
真狡猾
Nice trick.
莉莉土豆的平方根是几
Hey, Lily, what's the square root of this potato?
8.
恭喜你们养出只大鹦鹉来
Congratulations. You have a parrot.
海莉的祝酒词还没结束
We couldn't even get through the toast to Haley
你就让莉莉来抢风头了
before you pulled focus to Lily.
拜托今天是她们俩的大日子好吗
Oh, come on. It's--it's a big day for both of them. Huh?
海莉能进大学是奇迹
Haley going to college is a miracle.
莉莉进幼儿园却是法律强制规定
Lily going to kindergarten is the law.
海莉和莉莉不是唯一开始上学的人
Well, Haley and Lily aren't the only ones starting school.
我妈和杰要去上育儿班了
My mom and jay are going to parenting class.
我们是为了宝宝才去的
We're doing it for the baby.
不是她肚子里这个是那个活"宝"
Not this baby. That baby.
曼尼不相信我们能尽好父母之职
Manny doesn't believe that we know what we're doing.
腋窝的毛刚长出几根
A couple of new hairs under his arm,
他就觉得自己比他妈懂得多了
and now he thinks he knows more than his own mother.
我至少懂得不去
I know not to embarrass my son
羞辱儿子青春期的正常发育现象
as he stands on the threshold of manhood.
我♥干♥嘛非要去上那个课
I don't know why I have to go to this thing.
你们应该记得我带大了两个孩子
In case you've forgotten, I raised two kids.
别扯我的头发
Stop pulling my hair.
-别拧我的奶头 -闭嘴闭嘴
- Stop twisting my nipple. Ow! - Shut up. Shut up.
干嘛看我都是他们老妈的错
Why look at me? It was their mother's fault.
我基本就不在家
I was barely around.
好疼
No! Ow, ow!
海莉你这些化妆用品
Haley, this is, like, the third bag
和护发器材都装满第三箱了
of makeup and hair care products.
爸要想得高分就得靠脸蛋
Dad, if you want me to get good grades, I have to look cute.
别吐我的槽
Don't say a word.
不我同意你那句话的假设前提
No. No. I agree with that premise.
谢谢啊等一下
Thank you. Wait.
好吧谢谢你
Yeah, thank you.
克莱尔
Claire.
海莉的行李里有一盒保险套
In Haley's stuff, a box of condoms.
是的是我买♥♥给她的
Yeah. Um, I-I bought those for her.
什么你怎么不直接给她买♥♥双渔网袜
What? Why don't you just buy her some fishnet stockings
再加套护士制♥服♥装呢
and a nurse's outfit?
我不是制♥服♥控只是脑海突然冒出了这画面
Not that that's my thing. That just popped into my head.
亲爱的她已成年了又将去上大学
Honey, she's an adult, and she's going to college.
我必须现实一些
I want to be realistic.
我不希望她"套到用时方恨少"
I don't want her to get caught unprepared.
24个套套你这是准备了4年份吗
24 times? What, are you buying her a 4-year supply?
拜托菲尔那才够我
Please. Phil, that would've lasted me
和大学男友来一次长时间的
and my college boyfriend, like, a long--
不听不听不听
La, la, la, la, la, la, la!
好我们该走了
Okay, we gotta hit the road.
你们姐妹俩拥抱再见吧
Give your sister a hug good-bye.
别把房♥间弄得太书呆气了
Don't dork up our room.
别在大学里和同学睡成一片
Don't slut up your college.
说真的别太努力学习了
Seriously, though, don't study too hard, okay?
我会玩得很开心的
I'm totally going to have fun.
我在模拟联♥合♥国♥中代表冰岛呢
I'm Iceland in the mock U.N.
妈我们要失去她了
Mom, we're gonna lose her.
我会尽力阻止的
I am doing my best.
卢克过来和姐姐说再见
Luke, come say good-bye to your sister.
我来了
I'm right here.
再见海莉玩得开心点
Bye, Haley. Have fun.
别喝太多啤酒和龙舌兰
Don't drink too much beer and shots of tequila.
你带着面具干什么
Why are you wearing that mask?
我喜欢
Uh, I like it.
他是不想让你看到他流泪
He doesn't want you to see him cry.
他用面具罩住了自己的情绪
He's literally masking his emotions.
不是的
No!
-真感人 -过来
- That's so sweet. - Come here.
没什么感人的我是邪恶电子人
It's not sweet. I'm an evil cyborg.
半边脸都在工业事故中烧毁了
Half my face was burned off in an industrial accident,
面具是用来掩饰让我的发声设备的
and the mask is hiding the servos that control my mouth.
是的海莉离家我很难过
Yes, I am sad Haley is leaving,
但我很放心因为我已经尽了一切努力
but I'm gonna be okay knowing I've done everything I can
让她万事俱备即将迈出自立的第一步
to get her set up and prepared and off on the right foot.
我没有我们在宿舍向她道别的一刻
Not me. When we're standing in her dorm room saying good-bye,
将是我人生中最激动的时刻之一
it's gonna be one of the most emotional moments of my life.
我会比第一次看《神犬巴迪》哭得还厉害
I'm gonna cry harder than the first time I saw "Air bud"...
尤其是在我交给她这个时
Especially when I give her this.
《菲尔之道》
"Phil's-osophy."
我总结出的人生道理精♥装♥版
A hardbound collection of all the life lessons I've learned,
比如
such as...
"永远直视对方的双眼
"Always look people in the eye,
哪怕对方是盲人"
"even if they're blind.
告诉他们我正看着你的双眼
Just say, 'I'm looking you in the eye.'"
或者
Or...
"如果你因超速被拦住
"If you get pulled over for speeding,
告诉警♥察♥你同伴有拉肚之急"
tell the policeman your spouse has diarrhea."
《菲尔之道》
Phil's-osophy.
看看这里多好玩啊莉莉
Look how much fun you're gonna have here, Lily.
这么多好玩的玩具
So many great toys to play with,
你会交到好多朋友的
and you're gonna make so many new friends.
真希望我再读一次幼儿园
Oh, I wish I was in kindergarten again.
我可不要我说过大卫·安东尼的事没
Oh, not me. Did I ever tell you about David Anthony?
他以前叫我"肉卡"
He used to call me "Cam the ham."
-今天的主角是莉莉 -你说得对
- Okay, Lily's day. - Yeah, you're right.
知道吗你今天一定会很开心
You know what? It's gonna be a great day.
不过名字和"火腿肉"押韵
I'm just saying, it's difficult to grow up
成长过程就比较艰辛
with a name that rhymes with "ham."
是吗米奇巫气抽泣
Hello? Mitch? Witch. Twitch.
贱器
Bitch.
伊莱恩·斯特里奇
Elaine Stritch.
什么
What?
不是只有直男才欺负人
Not all bullies are straight.
好了各位家长
Okay, parents...
12点再来接孩子吧
Oh! We'll see you at 12:00.
稳住