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Modern Family S04E02

Part 3 Nov. 30, 2019, 10:54 p.m.

- What? Why? - It's cute!
一点都没有爱你没看见现在的状况吗
It's not cute! Do you see what's happening out there?
大家都转来转去互相吐槽鄙视
People are walking around and judging each other.
不才没有呢
No, they're not.
是吗
Oh, really?
你们没看见
You didn't see the way
大厅对面向我投来的各种淫邪眼光吗
muffin top across the hall was looking at me?
大学生的嘴是很恶毒的赶紧脱下来
People can be cruel. So take it off.
好吧
Fine.
天啊快把衣服穿上
Oh, my god! Put on a shirt!
我不知道你到底想让我搞哪样
I don't know what you want from me!
第一印象一旦定下就无法更改
"You only get one chance at a first impression.
我建议模仿厨神茱莉亚因为那很简单
I suggest Julia Child, because it's easy to do."
"留着内脏别扔"
"Save the giblets."
该去沙滩了
Time to go to the beach!
你想带着狗去沙滩吗
You're gonna go to the beach with a dog?
我真不知道我♥干♥了什么好事
I don't know what I did
-得到这样一个好孩子 -是啊
- to deserve this. - Yeah.
我想带康纳去看我的玩具
I want to show Connor my toys.
好啊去吧宝贝
Oh, okay. You do that, sweetie.
嘿康纳别再扯人家头发了
Hey, Connor, uh, no hair pulling.
谢谢你
Thank you for that.
好了我做了各种春卷
Okay, we have an assortment of spring rolls here.
都是素馅的当然了
All vegetarian, of course.
因为我是拉拉我就肯定是个素食主义者吗
Oh, 'cause I'm a lesbian, I'm automatically a vegetarian?
我在《拉字至上》那部剧中看到的
Well, I saw it on "The L word."
人家编剧也不是乱编的吧
I assume they have consultants.
我想说那是世人对拉拉冒犯性的刻板印象
I'm just saying it's an offensive stereotype.
够了帕姆你确实是素食主义者啊
Okay, Pam, you are a vegetarian.
别装了吧
Knock it off.
碰对了
Worked out.
是啊真高兴我们可以这样和睦地相处
Yeah. So glad that we are doing this.
-是啊我也是 -是啊
- Yeah. Yeah, me, too. - Yeah.
我们是班里唯一的同性恋家长
I mean, we're the only gay parents in the class.
是啊我们该互相支持才对
Yeah, we should be supporting one another.
我是说我们有那么多共同点
I mean, we have so much in common.
就是啊
Exactly.
所以
So...
介绍一下你们自己吧
Tell us about yourselves.
我是个环保法律师
I'm an environmental lawyer.
我是个家庭主夫
Uh, and I'm a homemaker.
你你们是干什么的
And--and, uh, and what do you do?
我是个理财顾问
I'm a financial consultant.
我是个承包商
I'm a contractor.
你以为我是个体育老师吗
You thought I was a P.E. teacher?
猜的
Well, figured.
我有个小问题要问
Hey, I have a question real quick.
你们是怎么把儿童座椅绑上摩托车的
How do you guys get the car seat on the motorcycle?
话说康纳的生日会就在下周
Uh, you know, Connor is having a birthday next week.
不知道莉莉愿不愿意去
Maybe Lily would like to come.
她一定非常乐意
Oh, she would love that.
真好你们要请小丑吗
Oh, great. Are you guys having a clown?
天啊当然不要
Oh, god, no.
我最讨厌小丑了慎得慌
I hate clowns they're so creepy.
你不喜欢或许是因为他们会化妆吧
Maybe you just don't like them because they wear makeup.
算了我走了
You know what? I'm out.
-好吧 -帕姆
- Okay. - Pam.
康纳我们要走了
Connor, we're leaving!
-你误会了 -帕姆帕姆
- You--you don't understand. - Pam! Pam!
小卡曾经是个小丑
Cam used to be a clown.
曾经吗一日为小丑终身为小丑
"Used to be"? Once a clown, always a clown.
天啊别现在发作别挑现在
God! Not now! Not now!
康纳我们走了
Connor, let's go.
帕姆
Pam.
为什么门是锁着的
Why is this door locked?
过来让我来
Here. Let me, please.
莉莉立刻把门打开
Lily, open this door right now.
好吧里面一点声音都没有
Okay. I'm not hearing anything.
我确定他们平安无事的
I'm sure they're fine.
你怎么确定的
Oh, how are you sure?
康纳
Connor!
-莉莉 -康纳
- Lily! - Connor!
莉莉
Lily!
将水温调到舒适的温度
Make the water comfortably warm
最多90-100华氏度
90 to 100 degrees max.
千万别将宝宝一个人放在澡盆里
And never leave the tub unsupervised.
你们有什么好笑的事要跟全班人分享一下吗
Is there something you two want to share with the class?
没有是下流的笑话
No. It's dirty.
不好意思你们不学我们还想学呢
Excuse me. We're trying to learn here.
别太担心宝宝们是很强悍的
Don't worry so much. Babies are tougher than you think.
我5岁的时候我的保姆是只山羊
When I was 5 years old, my babysitter was a goat.
什么
What?
别惊讶我跟你说过洛佩的啊
Ay, please. You know about Lupe.
你从来没说她是只山羊
You never said she was a goat.
其实班里能有一对
You know, it's great that we have
有经验的父母是件好事
a couple of experienced parents in the class.
或许你们可以和大家分享一下你们的育儿经
Perhaps you can share some of your wisdom with the rest of us.
必须的又不是造火箭那种高科技
Absolutely. It's not rocket science.
不就是宝宝嘛饿了你就喂
It's babies. They're hungry, you feed 'em.
他们出牙的时候就喂他们喝苏格兰酒
They're teething, you give 'em some scotch.
苏格兰酒
Scotch?
真的吗当真吗
Really? Are you serious?
怎么了
What?
然后我们就离开了
So we left.
我可不需要那个人来教导我
I didn't need a lecture from Mary Poppins.
而我突然想去吃玉米煎饼了
And I was suddenly in a mood for a burrito.
请允许我"进入"你学生般的娇嫩身体
I'd like admission to your student body.
噢老天啊
Oh, my goodness!
我很抱歉我以为你是我妻子
I am so sorry. I thought you were my wife.
发生什么事了
What's going on?
他抓了我而且说
He grabbed me and said--
我以为你是我老婆我老婆经常健身的
I thought she was my wife. My wife works out a lot.
老爸
Dad?
他怎么抓你的
How'd he grab you?
他捏了我的屁♥股♥
He squeezed my butt.
他什么
He what?
-菲尔 -我以为那是你
- Phil! - I thought it was you!
相信我先生我是个受人尊敬的房♥产中介
Believe me, sir. I'm a respected realtor.
我绝对是无心之过
This is an innocent mistake.
亲爱的转过去让他看看你的屁♥股♥
Honey, turn around and show him your--your butt.
-简直让人不可思议 -爸
- It--it's uncanny. - Dad.
我很正常的千万别认为上梁不正下梁歪
I am very normal. Please do not judge me based on them.
那是你的小马床单吗
Are those your my little pony sheets?
什么不
What? No!
我在网上淘的
I ordered them online.
肯定是发错了图案非常抱歉
They must've sent the wrong ones. I'm very sorry.
直接从箱子里拿出来的
That's what was in the box.
好吧
Okay.
我澄清下我是个受人尊敬的房♥产中介
Uh, for the record, I am a respected realtor.
那些不是我的安全套
Those are not my condoms.
她买♥♥的
She bought 'em.
我的天
Oh, my god.
很显然如今的家长就会这么做
Apparently, that's what people do these days--
给自己的孩子买♥♥安全套
Buy condoms for their kids.
我上大学的时候
When I went to college,
我爸妈给我买♥♥的是单车安全头盔
my parents bought me a bicycle helmet.
那是他们对安全的概念
That was their idea of safety.
显然不需要安全套
Certainly didn't need condoms.
你戴着单车安全头盔
Mm, not if you were wearing
在校园里溜达当然用不上安全套了对吗
a bike helmet around campus, you didn't. Am I right?
你们先收拾好吧