亿万

Billions S01E11

Part 7 May 14, 2020, 2:43 p.m.

Oh, so that's why you missed on the trade.
你爱他
You loved him,
所以潜意识里你在惩罚自己
so subconsciously, you're punishing yourself.
我偷了他的东西
I stole from him.
他的时间
His time,
在他不知道的情况下
without his permission.
医生跟我说能够帮唐尼
Doctor presented me with a chance to get Donnie
尝试一些试验阶段的疗法不能治愈
some experimental treatment, not a cure.
但也许能够让他多活几个月
But it could've extended his life a...few months...
也许能让他活到圣诞节
and maybe long enough for him to have seen Christmas.
但也许还能让他活到出庭指证我
But also maybe long enough for him to testify against me.
然而...
And...
我没让他接受这些疗法
I stopped that from happening
因为那和我的目的不符
because it didn't suit my purposes.
而我在惩罚自己
And I'm punishing myself
因为我无法相信我能够对我在意的人
because I cannot believe I have the capacity
做出那样的事情
to do that to someone I care about.
你是在害怕这个吗
That's your fear?
害怕即便你在意某个人
That even when you care about someone,
你还是能利用他们满足一己私利
you can use them for your own ends.
如果是这样的话我不喜欢这样的自己
If that is true, I don't like what it says about me.
这也许是真的
It may be true,
那情况并不是这样的
but that's not what this is.
你惩罚自己的原因是你开始了解到
You're punishing yourself because you're understanding
你并不在意唐尼
that you didn't care about Donnie.
不真正在意
Not really.
你被这个念头吓到了
That's what scares you.
是的
Yes.
我听到唐尼去世的时候我...
When I heard about Donnie's death, I...
我如释重负
I felt relief.
而其他的情感悲伤心痛
And all the rest -- the sorrow, the sadness --
都远远不及解脱的感觉
it was... it was buried way down.
好像根本就不伤心一样
Like it didn't exist at all.
没错
That's right.
所以那个你一直不敢大声问出来的问题
So the question you've been afraid to ask out loud,
但一直在隐隐问自己的问题
but have been whispering to yourself ever since,
你现在想问出来吗
do you wanna ask it?
-一定要吗 -我想是的
- Do I have to? - I think you do.
我不能帮你说
I can't say it for you.
那些什么感受都没有的人
Well, people who have the capacity to feel nothing...
被称为反♥社♥会♥人格
...they call them sociopaths.
我是那样的人吗
Is that what I am?
你怎么想
What do you think?
我不知道
I don't know.
这其实是你开始内疚了
This is how you manifest guilt.
如果你不内疚的话
If you didn't have it,
你就不会赔掉那些钱
you wouldn't have lost the money,
你就不会惩罚自己
you wouldn't be punishing yourself.
但这是个严峻的时刻
But it is a...crucial time.
你的开关面板拆掉了电线都露了出来
Your switch plate is removed, your wiring is exposed.
现在能肯定的是你的蓝线和红线都接错了
Your blue ones go where your red ones should, that's for sure.
一个正常人肯定不会这么做
A normal person wouldn't engage in the behavior.
一个反♥社♥会♥人格根本不会在乎
A sociopath wouldn't give a shit.
你在这两者中间
You're somewhere in between.
你有意地封闭自己的情感
You are practiced at turning off your feelings.
做得多了就习惯了
Do it enough, it's a pattern.
再做下去就没有情感了
Keep going, they die.
所以你要么想法补救
So it's either fix it...
要么你继续封闭情感看看结果怎样
...or close yourself back up and see what happens.
谢谢你阿尼尔
Thank you, Anil.
真的谢谢你我知道这很奇怪
Really, thank you. I know this is weird.
随时欢迎
Anytime.
等我们结束了再关上吧
Just keep it open till we're done.
-好的 -天哪萝拉
- Okay. - Holy shit, Lar!
没错天哪
Yeah, holy shit.
-好亮 -真酷
- Bright. - So cool.
-最精彩的时候居然违法了吗 -不是吧
- Key part breaking the law? - What?
不管了快走
Never mind. Come on.
我们今晚的谈话相当沉重
What we did tonight was pretty heavy.
可能事后还会有影响
There might be aftershocks.
我知道
Yeah, I know.
你向我对公♥司♥一样对我
You did to me what I do to companies.
把我拆开再组装起来
Took me apart, put me together again.
你看上去很疲倦
You seem tired.
还是因为你厌烦了听到的这些事情
Or are you just disgusted at what you heard?
你记住这句话
Take this away with you.
你是能改写一切的人
You are a difference maker,
但你不是上帝
but you're not a god.
患胰腺癌的人总归要走
Pancreatic takes everyone.
就像市场一样它随心所欲
It's like the market. It does what it wants.
异想天开永远不能改变这点
And no magical thinking was ever gonna change that.
所以我也没有厌烦你
So no, I'm not disgusted with you.
不知道什么原因只要事情跟你有关
For whatever reason, when it comes to you, that's...
就另当别论
that's just not on the table.
知道吗你也有些线
You know, some of your wires
搭错了
aren't where they should be, either.
我竟无法反驳
I can't argue.
这就是你在找下家的原因吗
Is that why you've been looking at other shops?
你一整晚想打探的就是这个
That's what you've been drilling for all night.
你考虑去哪儿
Where were you thinking about?
因赛特零点一四
Was it Insight? Point One Four?
不是泽诺比亚
No, Zenobia.
对是泽诺比亚
Yeah, Zenobia.
你觉得去了那里就会不一样
You think you'll be different there?
被治愈
Fixed?
在一个更简单更安全的环境里工作
Working in a simpler, safer way
能让你离悬崖峭壁远一点
will allow you to step back from the edge?
那是下次谈话的内容了
That's for a different session.
等等在这停车
Wait. Pull over here.
把灯关上
Kill the lights.
送我回城
Take me back to the city.
请进
Enter.
马丁内斯先生
Mr. Martinez.
好久不见
It's been a long time.
确实
Yes, it has.
我只能当你
I can only assume
是一个无足轻重的
you've been a wretched...
可怜虫
...speck of shit.
红色
Red.
红色
Red!
抱歉
I'm sorry.
是我没注意到你的肢体语言吗
Did I not pick up the body language?
-有一会儿了 -不是我靠
- It's been a while. - No. Fuck!
不
No.
是我的原因我做不到
It's me. I can't.
我
I, uh...
我没有得到许可
I didn't get permission.
你没有得到马丁内斯太太的许可
You didn't get permission from Mrs. Martinez?
天呐那你来这干什么
Oh, my God. What are you doing here?
-我不知道 -得到许可再来
- I don't know. - Go get permission.
是没那么简单
Yeah, it's not so simple.
温蒂不再搞角色扮演了吗
Does Wendy not role-play anymore?
之前的研习班搞得有声有色
The workshop went so well.
她简直就是全明星
She was a fucking all-star.
她好像
It's like she's...
她很难相处
She's intractable.
而且她
And she's so...
很冷漠
so distant.
查克
Chuck...
你们应该去看看心理咨♥询♥师
You guys should go see someone.
如果你们愿意的话可以都来