好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S05E14
Part 1
Nov. 17, 2020, 2:09 p.m.
taste this.
尝一下这个
I don't need to taste it. It's a chocolate laxative.
我不需要尝 这就是巧克力口味的泻药
I think it needs more caramel.
我想再来点焦糖
I'm telling you, alan, one of these days that kid's gonna fart
告诉你 艾伦 那孩子总有一天放的臭屁
and birds are gonna fall out of the sky.
连鸟都要被熏得从天上掉下来
Funny. Uh, listen.
有意思 呃 听我说
How much is a hooker? What?
找个小姐要多少钱? 什么?
Alan, what are you gonna do with a hooker?
艾伦 你要跟小姐做什么啊?
Well, I'd like to pay her to have sex with me.
噢 我想付钱让她跟我上♥床♥
Yeah. But... why?
没错 可是 为什么啊?
Well, I've been thinking...
呃 我一直在想
I don't have have a great track record with relationships,
虽然我过去的感情经历都很失败
but I still have desires, so I figure--
但我仍然有正常的欲望 所以我想
why not simplify, get back to basics.
为什么不简单一些 回归基本的生理需要
No relationship, no disappointment, just sex.
没有感情 没有失望 只要性
Well, sex with you, there's bound to be some disappointment.
呃 跟你上♥床♥ 结果必然有些失望
I mean, even with a hooker, money only buys you so much goodwill.
我的意思是 即便是妓♥女♥ 付钱只能让你没那么讨厌
But I don't have to care.
但是我不需要在乎啊
Because it's a straight business transaction, the only needs that are important are mine.
因为这仅仅是个交易 重点是满足我的需要
Hey, you don't have to sell me on it.
嘿 你不必说服我啊
I just never pictured you doing anything this.
我只是从未想到你要做这种事
Me neither.
我也没想到
But you know what's interesting?
但你知道搞笑的是什么吗?
Once I decided to give up trying to live a moral life, I felt somehow free.
当我决定放弃尝试过正常的生活时 我倒觉得轻松了
Again, you don't have to sell me on it.
再说一遍 你不必说服我
How ch you looking to spend?
你打算花多少钱?
Uh, well, as you know, I am a bit of a bargain hunter.
呃 你也知道 我专买♥♥便宜货
Yeah, but, unfortunately, they don't stock hookers at the 99-cent store.
我知道 但不幸的是 99美分商店里没有小姐卖♥♥
Give me a number.
给我个数吧
Okay, well, um...
好吧 呃
what could I get in the $200 range?
200块我能找到什么货色?
Crabs.
阴虱
And get carjacked.
和劫车的
All right, then... why don't you give me a number.
好吧 那你给我个数字吧 1500块
For one night?
一晚上?
For one hour.
一小时
One hour?
一小时?
I want sex, not surround sound.
我要性 不是环绕立体声
Trust me, it's worth it.
相信我 绝对物有所值
For that kind of money, you get the girlfriend experience.
付出这笔钱之后 你就知道怎么对付女人了
Haven't you been listening?
你没听见吗?
I don't want the girlfriend experience.
我不想要对付女人的经验
I want sex--guiltless, emotionless, selfish sex.
我只要性 --没有负担 不动感情 毫无顾忌的性
I understand.
我明白了
At a reasonable price.
以一个合理的价格
Got it. I'm make a few calls, see what I can do.
明白了 我打几个电♥话♥ 看看能不能帮上忙
That'd be good.
太好了
And try to get a nonsmoker. Sure.
试着找一个不抽烟的 当然
Who wants a girl who would put one of those nasty things in her mouth?
谁想要连那么恶心的东西 都往嘴里放的女人啊?
Charlie? Charlie harper?
查理? 查理 哈珀?
how are you?
你好吗?
Wow, how long has it been?
喔 我们多久没见了?
Too long.
太久了
This is my brother alan.
这是我弟弟艾伦
This is my daughter milly.
这是我女儿米莉
Hi, milly. Hello, milly.
嗨 米莉 你好 米莉
Boy, this is some killer crumb cake. Hello.
天 这蛋糕真好吃 你好
Milly, this is my son jake; jake, this is milly.
米莉 这是我儿子杰克 杰克 这是米莉
Want some cake?
想来点蛋糕吗?
I dot n'eat sugar.
我不吃糖的
Oh, yeah, me neither, unless it's in like pies and cookies and stuff.
是啊 我也是 除非夹在派和饼干什么里
Whatever. Yeah, whatever.
管它呢 嗯 管它呢
I play guitar; I'm in a band.
我弹吉他 在一个乐队
They'rcalled the dudes of rockage--heavy metal, classic rock kind of stuff.
摇滚小子乐队--重金属等经典的东东
I'm into gwen stefani.
我喜欢Gwen Stefani (No Doubt乐队主唱)
Oh, yeah, they're great.
哦 是的 他们很棒
You sure you don't want some cake?
你真不来点蛋糕了?
No, thanks.
不了 谢谢
Oh, gee, we have to get going.
哦 天哪 我们得走了
Call me sometime, charlie,
有时间给我打电♥话♥ 查理
maybe we can get together, have dinner and catch up.
也许我们可以一起吃个饭 叙叙旧
That would be great.
那太好了
Do you still have my number?
你还有我的电♥话♥号♥码吗?
I'm-I'm sure I do, but... you know, just in case.
我 我当然有 但是 还是以防万一
Woman: Here you go.
给你
Pleasure to meet you, alan. Same here.
见到你很高兴 艾伦 我也是
Shs emems ce. Who is she?
她看起来不错啊 她是谁啊?
I have no frickin' idea.
我他妈的哪知道
I'll tell you who she is...
我告诉你她是谁吧
the grandmother of my children.
我孩子的外婆
Two And A Half Men Season05 Episode14
好汉两个半:第五季第14集
Uncle Charlie.
查理伯伯
what?
怎么了?
Could you do me a favor and call milly's mom
你能帮我个忙 给米莉妈妈打个电♥话♥
and find out if milly likes me?
打听下米莉喜不喜欢我吗?
But don't tell her I asked, 'cause I don't want to appear needy.
但别告诉她是我问的 我不想显得很猴急
I'm on it.
没问题
You're not gonna do it, are you?
你不会帮我的 是吧?
What was your first clue?
你直觉呢?
Come on. Why not?
拜托 为什么?
Jake, buddy...
杰克 哥们儿
I don't even remember who milly's mom is.
我甚至不记得米莉妈妈是谁了
Calling her will put me in a very awkward position.
给她打电♥话♥会让我很尴尬
More awkward than the time I had to pretend to be lost at the mall
尴尬过那次我假装在商场里迷路
so you could meet the cute security guard?
你好跟那个可爱的女保安搭讪?
Hey, we both benefited from that.
嘿 那次我们都得到好处了
How do you figure?
怎么说?
I got a hot date and you got a hot pretzel.
我得到个不错的约会 你得到个椒盐脆饼
It was an excellent pretzel.
那个椒盐脆饼太棒了
Did you make the call?
你打电♥话♥了吗?
Geez!
老天!
Everybody wants me to pimp for them.
每个人都想让我帮忙拉皮条
I might as well get myself an orange hat, platform shoes and a full-length fur coat.
我也许该带个橘色的帽子 穿双厚底鞋 再穿件皮大衣
Hey, if anybody could pull it off, it'd be you.
嘿 如果说有人能搞定这种事的话 肯定是你啦
did you make the call?
你打电♥话♥了吗?
Here. Her name's alexis.
这儿呢 她叫亚历克西斯
She's expecting to hear from you.
她等你给她打电♥话♥呢
Alexis--that-that's a pretty name.
亚历克西斯 这 这名字不错
They all have pretty names, alan.
她们的名字都好听 艾伦
You'll meet a hooker named maude.
你还会遇见妓♥女♥叫莫德的
Right, right. So, uh...
是啊 没错 那么 呃
so exactly how much are we talking about?
那么到底说定多少钱了?
She's willing to throw you one for 500.
她乐意500块一次
Uh, okay.
呃 好的
can I put it on a credit card?
我能用信♥用♥卡♥吗?
A credit card?
信♥用♥卡♥?
Where are you planning to swipe it, alan?
你打算在哪儿刷♥卡♥啊 艾伦?
All right, all right. I was just... hoping to get the miles.
好的 好的 我只是想刷♥卡♥赚里程
Forget the miles.
别想里程了
And remember, that 500 does not include the tip.
记住 那500块不包括小费
I have to tip her?
我还得给她小费?
You know, in case there's something you want that might be considered...
就是 万一你想要的一些服务也许是
unusual.
特别的
Oh, yeah. I'm gonna have to tip her.
哦 没错 我会给她小费的
hey, berta. Hey, berta.
你好 贝塔 你好 贝塔
So what you're saying is that, uh, this is A...
那么就是说
a la carte kind of deal, like a, like a steakhouse?
这是种套餐 就像 像去餐厅吃牛排?
What?
什么?
As opposed to a, uh... set menu or buffet style.
不是点菜或自助那种
Sure, whatev.
当然 差不多
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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