好汉两个半（2003）

Two and a Half Men S05E13

Part 3 Nov. 17, 2020, 2:09 p.m.

In what universe is herb melnick a better lover than me?
哈珀梅尔尼克怎么可能比我强?
Herb melnick?
哈珀梅尔尼克?
I thought you had sex with cynthia last night.
我以为你昨天晚上跟辛西亚嘿♥咻♥呢
I did. But you know what she told me?
没错啊. 但你知道她跟我说什么了吗?
That judith told her that herb was the best lover she's ever had.
朱迪丝告诉她哈珀是她经历的最好的情人
How does that come up while you're boffing cynthia?
你跟辛西亚嗨咻的时候怎么会提到这个?
What difference does it make?
这有什么区别啊?
I'm just trying to picture the context.
我只是在试着想象一下那个情景
"Oh,cynthia,I am so turned on right now!
"哦辛西亚你太惹火了!
I wonder how herb does it to judith."
我想知道哈珀是怎么对朱迪丝的"
No,it wasn't like that.
不不是那样的
Okay,was it,like,"golly,you have firm buttocks.
好吧像这样 "天呐你的屁♥股♥真结实
You know who else has a nice ass? Herb melnick."
你知道谁还有这样的屁♥股♥吗? 哈珀梅尔尼克"
I didn't bring up the subject of herb's sexual prowess.
不是我说起哈珀超凡的上♥床♥功夫的
Cynthia did.
是辛西亚
Oh,that's never a good sign.
哦那可不是一个好兆头
15 years judith and I were together--12 years of marriage--
我跟朱迪丝一起15年了--12年的婚姻生活--
and the best sex we ever had w mediocre.
我们最好的性♥爱♥也是平庸的
If you were having bad sex,why did you marry her?
如果你对这个不满意你为什么还要娶她?
What kind of stupid question is that?
你这是什么愚蠢问题啊?
I told you,we were having sex.
我告诉你我们有性♥爱♥
But she never enjoyed it.
但是她从未喜欢过那个
Certainly never sought it out.
肯定是没找到她要的
Then herb melnick comes along
直到哈珀梅尔尼克就带着
with his tousled hair and goofy charm
他那头蓬乱的头发和傻笑出现了
and lights her up like an all-night liquor store.
照亮了她的生活就像通宵营业的酒吧
So you're saying...
所以你的意思是...
farmer herb is tilling soil you couldn't even get your hoe into.
农民哈珀已经在种地了而你甚至连锄头都没动呢
M-my hoe?
我-我的锄头?
Yeah,you know,with an "e"? Hoe.
没错有一个 "e"? 锄
Fine. Yes.
好的. 明白了
And it's bothering you to know that night after night he's planting a tree in israel.
让你心烦的是你知道了他夜以继日地在以色列种树
And by israel,I mean judith.
我用以色列指代朱迪丝
Yes.
明白
And,by tree,I mean...
还有我用树指的是...
I know what you mean. Okay?I get it.
我明白你的意思了好吧? 我明白了
God! Why do you do this to me?
上帝! 你为什么要这样对我?
Haven't I made that clear?
我说得不明白吗?
It amuses me.
我觉得有意思啊
Well,it's driving me nuts.
这是要把我逼疯了
I mean,what's his secret? How does he do it?
我的意思是他的秘诀是什么? 他怎么做到的?
Maybe he's got a big trouser monkey.
也许因为他是个大家伙
Have you been listening this whole time?
你一直在这儿听着吗?
Wouldn't you?
换成你不听吗?
You think she's right?
你觉得她说得对吗?
You think he's just well-endowed?
他只是家伙大?
He could be.
也许是
He's what,six four?
他多高 6'4?
Got big hands.
一双大手
If everything else is proportional,
如果一切都成比例的话
I'm guessing he could ring doorbells with that thing.
我想他可以用自己那个家伙按门铃了
You're not helping.
你根本不是在帮忙
I rarely do.
我确实很少这么做
Oh,come on,alan,you're looking at this the wrong way.
哦拜托艾伦你想问题的角度不对
What do you mean?
你的意思是?
Well... you're seeing your ex-wife as half empty.
呃... 你看你的前妻觉得她是半空的 (指悲观主义者看半瓶水是半空的)
But with herb in the picture... shut up.
但是哈珀就觉得... 闭嘴
Oh,get a room.
哦去开个房♥吧
oh,alan!
哦艾伦!
Oh,cynthia!
哦辛西亚!
Judith: Oh,herb!
哦哈珀!
Hey,buddy.
嘿兄弟
Okay,I can't do this.
我不能这么做
Well,wh-what's the matter?
喔怎么了?
I got to know--what makes herb the best judith's ever had?
我要搞清楚--为什么哈珀是朱迪丝最好的情人?
I thought we settled this.
我想我们已经讨论过这个问题了
Yeah,but it's driving me crazy.
没错但这快把我逼疯了
I mean,is it just physical endowment?
我的意思是就是因为那个的大小吗?
What?
什么?
You know,can he put a hat on it
他是不是可以在老二上带个帽子
and drive in the carpool lane?
就用那里把车停进车位了?
I am not gonna repeat what a friend said to me in confidence.
我不想重复一个朋友对我私底下说的话
Don't give me that you're a woman.
别装了你是个女人
That's all you guys do--blah,blah,blah.
你们女人都是一样的--哇啦哇啦哇啦
you know what I think?
你知道我怎么想吗?
I think that you're still not over judith.
我觉得你还没忘记朱迪丝
Oh,please,I don't care about judith. I just...
哦拜托我根本不在乎朱迪丝我只是...
I can't wrap my head around herb's penis.
我脑子里总想着哈珀的老二的事儿
Okay,I just realized why your marriage ended.
哦我开始明白为什么你的婚姻走到头了
Why?
为什么?
Because something is very wrong with you.
因为你脑子有问题
oh,that.
哦那个啊
I think you should go home.
我想你应该回家了
But-but you said I was remarkable.
但是-但是你说过我床上功夫很棒
Get out!
滚出去!
Fine.
好的
Okay,I'll see you guys at home.
咱们家里见
** Oh,I come from alabama with a banjo on my knee *
* 哦我来自阿♥拉♥巴马带着一把班卓琴
** gonna grow toma,toes and I've got some baby peas *
* 要栽种一些番茄我还有一些嫩豌豆
Hey,fellas.
嘿兄弟们
Here to pick up jake? Yeah.
来接杰克? 是啊.
Another weekend with the boy.
又要跟小家伙一起过周末了
Gonna take him to the movies. Okay.
还要带他去看电影是啊
Well,he's waiting for you.
呃他在等你们呢
Oh,great. Great.
哦对了没错
Yeah. Come on,alan.
走吧艾伦
I didn't see anything,did you?
我什么也没看见你呢?
Nothing jumped out at me.
那玩意又不会对我起反应
I just don't get it--what is his secret?
我真不明白了--他有什么绝活?
Maybe he doesn't have a secret.
也行他根本就没有什么绝活
What do you mean?
你的意思是?
I mean,you didn't set the bar too high to begin with.
我的意思是起点本来就不高
It's like judith spent 15 years living on peanut butter and jelly.
就像朱迪丝跟花生酱和果冻一起15年
So if someone comes along and offers her baloney,
如果有个人来给了她一根大香肠
she's goanthink it's a steak sandwich.
她就会认为那是个牛排三明治了
Jake,your father's here!
杰克你老爸来了!
So,I'm sorry to hear about you and cynthia.
对了对你和辛西亚的事我很抱歉
She told you.
她告诉你了
Of course she told me--we're friends.
她当然会告诉我--我们是朋友
Did she happen to mention the word... "remarkable"?
她有没有提这个词... "不寻常的"?
No,but she did say she didn't think you were over me.
没有不过她说你对我余情未了
Oh,he's over you.
哦他已经把你忘干净了
Right,alan? Right.
对吗艾伦? 没错
But what's the deal with herb's junk?
但你跟哈珀的那玩意是怎么回事?
What? Nothing.Nothing.
什么? 没什么没什么
Hey,dad. Hey,buddy,let's go.Bye,judith.
嘿老爸. 嘿老兄走吧再见朱迪丝
Real subtle.
真狡猾.
Sometimes you just gotta ask.
有时候你就得问.
See you on sunday,herb.
周日见哈珀.
Okay. Have a good weekend.
好的周末愉快
Look at him go.
看看他是怎么做的啊
Okay,mystery solved.
好了一切都解决了.
Good for you--never too late to learn.
干得好--活到老学到老