好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S05E01
Part 2
Nov. 17, 2020, 2:05 p.m.
You won't be.Just wear the ugly shoes and don't sit at the wrong lunch table.
你不会的 只要你穿着这对丑鞋 还有吃饭时别坐错桌子就对了
Wrong table?
坐错桌子?
How will I know if it's the wrong table?
我怎么知道有没坐错?
You'll be tied to a flagpole, right, alan?
看来你要被绑在旗杆上了 对吗 艾伦?
That also only happened once.
只是一次而已
Let's just check the fit.
看看合不合适
Ooh, good. Plenty of room for lunch money.
很好 足够用来藏午饭钱
how come all my school clothes have to beige?
为什么校服一定要米黄色?
Because beige is not the color of any known gang.
因为现在已知的黑帮 没有一个是穿米黄色的
Right, so instead of being mistaken for a crip or a blood,
没错 你不会被错当作是瘸子或血块
you'll be mistaken for a very large band-aid.
但会被误认为一块巨型邦迪
Hey, band-aids are ouchless.
至少贴邦迪不会痛 (被打会痛)
Oh, oh, excuse me,excuse me. There's a line.
对不起 不好意思 请排队
Yeah, I just got a couple things.
我知道 我只是买♥♥了两件东西
Well, I can see that, but it's not really based on quantity of items.
我看得见 但这似乎不是数量问题
It's more of a we-were-here-before-you kind of deal.
而是"我们先来"的问题
you gonna make a thing out of this?
你准备采取什么行动吗?
There's no thing.
也没有什么行动
I'm just, uh, just playing by the rules and wouldn't it be nice if everybody did the same?
我只是遵守秩序 要是每个人都能这样不是很好吗?
Hang onto this, slick.
拿着 小滑头
Now, you want to explain those rules again, jughead?
你能再给我说说那些秩序吗 SB?
You know what?If you're in such a big hurry, why don't you just go ahead?
要是你真的那么急 我就让你好了
Thank you.
谢谢
What the hell are you doing?
搞什么鬼?
Nothing.Here.
没什么 给
no, no, not chicken, just good common sense.Fighting accomplishes nothing.
我不是胆小 这是起码社会公德 暴♥力♥解决不了问题
Oh, I didn't know you were so french.
我真不知道你原来那么绅士
Hey. Oh, hey, julie.
嘿 嘿 Julie
how do you know my wife?
你怎会认识我老婆?
What?Oh, no, no, no.I-I-I don't know her.
什么? 不 不 不 我...我不认识她
You said, "hey, julie.
你说 "嘿 Julie"
" N-no, no.I-I-I sneezed.Ay...chooie!
不...不 我...我打喷嚏而已
Gesundheit. Thank you.
为你的健康干杯! (德语祝酒辞 对打喷嚏的人祝愿) 谢谢
Oh, look, another cashier opened up.Let's go, let's go, let's go.
看 这边也可以结♥帐♥ 走吧 走吧 走吧
but mom said I could wait for the bus by myself.
但妈妈说我可以自己等公车
I know.
我知道
I would really rather wait for the bus by myself.
我真的一个人就好了
I just want to make sure you get off okay.
我只是想确保你平安出发
Yeah, but being walked to the bus stop by my dad and my uncle?
但是由爸爸叔叔送去坐公车?
I'm gonna look so lame.
我会显得很逊
Jake, buddy, that ship has sailed.
杰克 伙计 覆水难收了
please don't leave me.
拜托别走
You're okay.
没事的
Just don't make eye contact.
避免眼神接触
Okay, when the bus comes, don't take a window seat.
车来时 不要靠窗坐
You don't want to be trapped by one of these mouth-breathers and get pummeled.
不然就要被某个二流子 逼在角落里猛揍
Pummeled? And be polite to the bus driver.
猛揍? 还有对司机要礼貌
They tend to be damaged people with short fuses.
他们一点火就会受刺♥激♥变脸成恶人
Fuses?
点火?
Don't distract him.
别瞎指点他
There's no seatbelts on these old buses.
这些旧公车上没安全带
One sharp turn, and all you kids will be flying around like lotto balls.
一个急转 里面的小孩会像 摇奖机里的球一样飞起来
Balls?
球?
oh, uh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
对了 等等...
Smile. About what?
笑一个 为什么而笑?
I need a current picture in case you go missing.
你要是弄丢了 我需要一张近照
Alan, you're being ridiculous.
艾伦 你太夸张了
They never find those kids.
丢了的孩子从来没被找回过
Give me a profile.
侧面来张
Okay, now go and make it a great day.
好了 开开心心上学去吧
Have fun.
玩开心点
I just hope everything turns out all right.
我只是希望一切按部就班
Well, we've done all we could.
我们已经尽力了
Now it's up to him.
现在看他了
okay, okay, tell the doctor that if I was a tree,
好的 好的 你告诉医生假设我是一棵树
the rash is predominantly around the mossy trunk area.
那么皮疹已经攻占了 布满毛苔的树干部分
But I'm starting to see some redness on the adjacent boulders.
而且附近的鹅卵石 貌似也开始发红
Oh, come on.E?"Tre two boulders"?
不会吧从"树"到"鹅卵石"
What part don't you understand?
你哪不明白?
Hey. Hey.
你好 你好
Okay, just have him call me.
好吧 让他给我打电♥话♥
Heard from jake? Nope.
杰克来电♥话♥了吗? 没有
I'll call him at his mom'S.See how school went.
那我打去他妈家吧 问问他今天在学校怎样
Alan, does this look infected to you?
艾伦 你看这像感染了吗?
What?Oh!
什么? 啊!
Get that away from me!
滚一边去!
I'm not asking you to tickle it, just take a look.
又不是让你用手抓 帮我看看嘛
No, thank you.
不 多谢你了
But you're a doctor.
你是医生啊
I'm a chiropractor.
我是指压按♥摩♥师
I work with vertebrae.
我只管治椎骨的毛病
And contrary to popular belief, there's not a single bone in the penis.
而跟流行的说法♥正♥相反 阴♥茎♥里面是没有骨头的!
Oh, hi, judith.
你好 朱迪丝.
Uh, n-nothing.I was just talking to charlie.
没什么 我刚刚在跟查理说话
Hey, hey, is jake home from school yet?
杰克放学回家了吗?
No?Oh, okay.Well, I was just wondering how his first day went.
还没有? 好吧 我就想问 他第一天上学情况如何
Have him call me, okay?
让他给我回电 好吗?
Thanks.Bye-bye.
谢谢 再见
I hope he didn't wander under the bleachers during lunch hour.
希望他午饭时间没 躲到体育场看台下面
Nah, he's smarter than that.
不会啦 他没那么蠢吧
Smart?
没那么蠢?
Charlie, he only got out of sixth grade because he couldn't fit in the desks anymore.
查理 他能小学毕业 只是因为个子大了坐不进课桌
Well, if you're that concerned, just call him on his cell.
你那么担心 就打他手♥机♥好了
Good idea.
好主意
uh, jake?
杰克?
Jake, where are you?
杰克 你在哪?
Oh, you're still on the bus.
噢 你还在校车上?
Funny.I don't hear the other kids.
有趣 我听不到其他孩子的声音呢
Oh, yeah, it was a tough day.Everybody's tired.
是啊 今天很辛苦 大家都累了嘛
No kidding.
真的啊
Dad, this phone is for emergencies only.
爸爸 这手♥机♥只能用于紧急情况
Why aren't you at your mother's?
你为什么没在妈妈家?
I got off the bus at school, got on another bus and came here.
我坐车到了学校 上了另一辆巴士 坐回来了
So you've never been to school today?
你今天就没去上学?
Of course not!
当然没去!
I don't want to be stuffed in a locker, tied to a flagpole or dunked in a toilet!
我不想被关在储物柜里 被绑在旗杆上或被塞进马桶里!
Not dunked.Dipped.
不是塞进 "浸湿"而已
And where are your new sneakers?
你的新鞋呢?
I sold them to the bus driver.
卖♥♥给校车司机了
Charlie, can I talk to you for a minute?
查理 我能跟你谈谈吗?
Are those my comics?
那是我的漫画吗?
Charlie!
查理!
They're near mint, and he wipes his boogers all over them.
那都是9.9成新的! 被他弄了堆鼻屎上去!
He was here all day, and you didn't know?
他一整天都在家 你都不知道?
Hey, I've got a rash.
我起疹子了
I can't believe he cut school on his first day.
我不敢相信 他第一天上学就翘课了
Well, when you think about it, it's pretty smart.
仔细想想 这么做挺聪明
As far as the school is concerned, he might just be a typo.
学校可能会认为 是学生名单打错了
Charlie, the question is, why did he cut school?
查理 问题是他为什么要逃学?
Oh, that's easy.
很简单
He cut 'cause you scared the crap out of him and dressed him like an ace bandage.
因为你把他吓坏了 还让他穿的像裹在绷带里一样
I was just trying to prepare him.
我只是想帮他作好准备
For what?A life of running and hiding?
为什么做准备?一辈子东躲西♥藏♥?
No, no.A life of blending in, and only if they see you, running and hiding.
不 让他学会融入人群 如果被发现了 再东躲西♥藏♥
Face it, alan, when the good lord was handing out courage,
艾伦 上帝在分配勇气给众人时
you were crouched in a locker peeing on your gym socks.
你缩在储物柜里 尿湿了自己的袜子!
Okay, first of all, I had had three mr.Pibbs at lunch.
首先 那天午餐我喝了三罐碳酸饮料
And secondly, i am not a coward.
其次 我不是个懦夫!
Come on, I've seen steelier nerves from a cat on the freeway.
的了吧 公路上的猫都比你神经坚韧
That's ridiculous.
荒谬
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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