好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S05E02
Part 2
Nov. 17, 2020, 2:06 p.m.
"I can kill a writer.
"我可以杀死一个编剧"
And the silverhaired man he's talking to? Yeah?
还有正在跟他说话的那个银发男人 怎么了?
That is the king of vaginal rejuvenation surgery,
他是阴♥道♥修复手术之王
but interestingly,he's never used one himself, rejuvenated or otherwise.
但有意思的是 他从来不玩那里 不管是否修复过
Wouldn't that make him the queen of vaginal surgery?
那岂不是叫阴♥道♥手术皇后
Good for you,Charlie.
真有你的 查理
I wish I'd thought of that, and from now on I did.
我怎么没想到呢 不过 从现在开始我也这么觉得
It's yours.So,what other dirt you got?
随你用 你还知道什么脏人?
Oh,darling,you know I don't like to speak ill of anyone.
噢 亲爱的 你知道 我不喜欢说别人坏话
All right.
好吧
Bankrupt,embezzler, tushie tuck, bigamist,pill freak
破产者 盗用公♥款♥者 屁♥股♥整过 重婚者 嗑药的
and that one over there
还有那边那人
underwent surgery to have a cell phone removed from his lower intestine.
动了个手术 从他小肠取手♥机♥
Ouch.How in the world did it get there?
哎哟 怎么进去的呀?
One can speculate,but I have it on good authority that it was set to vibrate.
有各种猜测 不过据权威消息 那手♥机♥调成震动了
How do you know all these things?
你怎么知道这些事儿的?
Oh,Charlie, it's my business to know these things.
噢 查理 我的工作就是了解这些事情
High end real estate is all about gathering information and forging relationships.
高端房♥地♥产♥就是收集信息 收集人脉
Hello,Beatrice darling.Lovely to see you.
你好 Beatrice亲爱的 很高兴见到你
You two-dollar whore.
你个两元妓
You know,Mom,it's great to watch you doing autopsies when I'm not the cadaver.
你知道么 妈妈 看你做尸检真有意思 只要对象不是我
Half the fun is sharing with someone you love.
一半的快乐来自与你爱的人分享的快乐
Oh,you see the statuesque woman over there the one with the knockoff Prada handbag?
看见那边雕像似的女人了么? 拿着减价Prada手包的那个
Don't tell me--she's not a woman.
别告诉我... 她不是女人
Oh,she's a woman.She's an amazing woman.
她是女人 她是个神奇的女人
She built a children's hospital in Guatemala.
她在危地马拉建了一所儿童医院
Yeah,and...?
然后呢...?
Once they're healthy enough to walk,
一旦他们康复 能走路了
she flies them to Los Angeles and leases them out to celebrities as household slaves.
她就把他们带到洛杉矶 把他们租给名人当家佣
Hello,dear.
你好 亲爱的
I'm trying to sell her home.
我正在卖♥♥她的房♥子
It's hard to put a good spin on "media room slash dungeon.
她的多媒体室兼地牢 很难找卖♥♥点
" I'm sorry,Alan, I can't do this.
对不起 艾伦 我做不了
Sure you can.
你当然可以
I mean,you are, and if you'll allow me to say so, you're pretty good at it.
我是说 你正在做 如果你允许我这样说 你很擅长嘛
It's not you,it's me.
不是你的问题 是我
Yeah,right.
是啊 没错
What is that supposed to mean?
你这是什么意思?
Sharon,I have been rejected by...
Sharon 我这辈子已经被...
32 different women in my life.
32个不同的女人拒绝过了
And you know what, it's never been me.
而且 你知道么 从来都不是我的问题
Okay,it's you.Feel better?
好吧 是你 感觉好些吗?
Actually no.
不好
You're a very nice guy.
你是个很不错的人
No,that's even worse.
不 这样更难受了
You know what they say about nice guys.
你知道他们怎么说好人
Yes,they finish last.
是的 他们坚持到最后
No,the finish in the shower.
不 他们坚持到淋浴的时候
What do you want me to say?
你想让我说什么?
I can't help it if I'm not sexually attracted to you.
你对我没性吸引力 我也没办法呀
Yes,you can.
不 你可以
You just have to make an effort.
你只要做点努力
You know those jokes you don't get right away?
那些你不能马上明白的笑话
And then in a day or two you find yourself laughing and laughing?
一两天后 发现自己笑个不停
That's me.
我就这样
I'm one of those jokes.
我就是那种笑话
You'll sleep with me now, and you'll be attracted to me later.
你现在和我睡觉 然后 你会发现我有吸引力
Please,Sharon,just, just give me a chance.
求你 Sharon 就 就给我个机会吧
Aw,what the hell.
管它呢
Good to see you,dear.
见到你真好 亲爱的
You look marvelous.
你看起来棒极了
For a heroin addict.
按瘾君子来说
Let me ask you something.
我想问你
If you don't like any of these people, why do you come to these things?
既然 这里的人你都不喜欢 那 你来这儿干吗
Charlie,do you read the paper?
查理 你看报纸么?
Do you have any idea what the Los Angeles real estate market is like now?
你了解洛杉矶房♥地♥产♥的现状么?
Can't say I do.Hey,how are those feet feeling?
不算了解 嘿 你脚不难受啊?
You want to put your shoes back on?
你想穿上鞋么?
No one is selling unless they have to.
逼不得已 谁都不想去卖♥♥
Which means I have to be out working these rooms every night
也就是说 我必须每晚 到这些地方找活
to learn who's getting divorced,who's dying,
看看谁要离婚了 谁要死了
who can't make bail, who's crappy sitcom got cancelled.
谁不能保释了 谁的无聊连续剧被砍了
Let's face it,I'm not a young woman anymore.
我得面对现实 我已经不是个年轻的女人了
I mean,in the old days I could find out all that stuff at home on my back.
我是说 过去在家 我转过身就能找到要的东西
Evelyn. Margaret.
伊夫琳 Margaret
Good to see you.How's married life?
见到你真好 婚后生活如何呀?
Oh,just one long honeymoon.
噢 只过了个漫长的蜜月期
That's because she bangs a different groom every night.
那是因为她每晚都泡不同的男人
Hi,Charlie Harper.
你好 我是查理 哈珀
Oh,my God!
噢 我的天哪
That was amazing.
太棒了
Wasn't that amazing?
不是么?
I hate myself.
我恨自己
What?No,no,you were great.
什么? 不 不 你很棒
You did a crackerjack job.
你这方面挺强的
Why do I do this?
我为什么要这么做?
Why do I have this constant need to degrade myself?
我为什么总是有这种自我作践的需求?
Would it help to cuddle?
抱一下会好点么?
Don't touch me.
别碰我
Okay,no touching.
好 不碰
The image of you lying on top of me will haunt me forever.
你趴在我上面的样子 永远是我的阴影
Did you want to be on top?
你想在上面?
'Cause if you give me a half an hour and a glass of juice, we could try that.
你要是能给我半小时 喝杯橙汁 我们就可以试试那样
Hey,hey,Dr.Phillips, it's me,Sharon.
嘿 嘿 Phillips医生 是我 Sharon
I did it again!
我又做了!
I don't know why!
我也不知道为什么!
I felt sorry for him.
我觉得对不起他
Hey,hey,why don't I whip us up some French toast?
嘿 嘿 我马上给你烤点 法国土司怎么样?
Shut...up.
闭... 嘴
Okay,I'm just gonna get a nice glass of cran-apple just in case.
好吧 那我就拿一杯酸果汁以防万一
How bad was it?How bad was it?I'm in a fold-out bed!
有多糟糕? 有多糟糕? 我躺在一张折叠床上!
'Morning. 'Morning.
早上好 早上好
Hey,Berta,you're a woman.
嘿 贝塔 你是女人
Where we going with this,zippy?
你想说什么? 色鬼
I was just wondering,
我只是在想
what does it mean when someone starts crying uncontrollably after sex?
一个人做完爱后 开始无法控制地大哭 是什么意思?
Well,in my experience, it usually means the conjugal visit's over.
据我的经验 通常在监狱配偶探访结束时
Right,thanks.
没错 谢谢
What happened,did you get yourself a weeper?
怎么了 你招回家一个爱哭鬼?
Yeah.Yeah,last night.
对 昨晚
I've never seen anything like it before.
我以前从未遇到过这种事
That's hard to believe.
我才不信
I got it
我接了
Hello.
喂?
Oh,hey,Mom,how are you?
噢 嘿 妈妈 你好么?
Yeah,thatwasfun last night.
是啊 昨晚棒极了
No,I'm not doing anything.Why?
我现在没事儿 怎么了?
Sure,I'd love to go shopping with you.
当然 我很愿意和你去逛街
Great.I'll see you,then.
好 一会见
What?
怎么了?
Nothing. Nothing.
没事儿 没事儿
Hey,hey,Mom's not that bad.
嘿 嘿 妈妈没那么糟糕
In fact,she's kind of fun to hang out with.
实际上 和她出去还挺有意思的
That has to be the creepiest thing I've ever heard.
这是我听到过的最恐怖的事情
You know,I said the same thing to myself just a couple minutes ago.
我几分钟前和自己说了同样的话
Are you sure you can't stay for dinner?
你真的不能留下吃晚饭了?
Oh,I'd love to,sweetie, but Teddy's back in town,
噢 我很想 甜心 可是泰迪回来了
and Mommy plans to get laid tonight.
妈咪今晚要出去作乐
Good for you.Please,give him my best.
那不错 务必替我向他问好
Only after I give himmybest.
我向他"问完好"就说
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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