好汉两个半（2003）

Two and a Half Men S05E16

Part 2 Nov. 17, 2020, 2:10 p.m.

I do all right.
还行吧
When you marry my grandma, what does that make you to me?
你娶了我奶奶的话我能得到什么?
Nothing.
什么都得不到
Sorry, dear.
抱歉亲爱的
Oh, that's all right.
哦没事
I was talking to the kid.
我和这孩子在聊天
Isn't that nice.
真好
You know, even if we're not related,
知道吗即使我们不是亲戚
you can still buy me birthday and christmas presents.
你还是能给我买♥♥生日及圣诞节礼物的
Thanks for the tip.
谢谢提醒
Alan: I don't believe it.
我不相信
If mom's got so much money,
如果妈妈真那么有钱的话
how come we still get books for christmas?
为什么我们圣诞节还是只能收到书呢?
Let it go, alan.
别想了艾伦
Whatever money she has, most likely has got an ancient curse attached to it.
不管她有多少钱那钱多半被诅咒过
What are you doing?
你在干嘛?
I'm here. I figure, what the hell?
我在解决问题有问题吗?
Just remember to put the seat back down.
记得把座垫放下来
It's a ladies' room. Why do they even go up?
这是女厕为什么它们要掀起来?
I don't know. It's a bigger target for broads who want to puke their dinner.
我不知道女人们要是呕吐的话更容易找得准吧
Makes sense. All right.
有点意思好吧
Let's talk about courtney.
我们来谈谈考特尼
What do you want me to tell you, alan?
你想要我说什么艾伦?
I want you to tell me why you're so obsessed with her.
我想让你告诉我为什么你对她如此着迷
Isn't it obvious?
还不明显吗?
She drinks, she smokes, she gambles.
她喝酒抽烟赌博
She's me with indoor plumbing.
她就是生殖器长在体内的我
What are you doing in the ladies' room?
你在女厕做什么?
Uh, the men's room was occupied.
嗯男厕人满了
Do you have to pee sitting down?
要坐着尿尿吗?
No, the seats go up. Cool.
不用座垫掀起来了酷
Hey, it smells nice in here.
嘿这儿闻起来真不错
Hey, courtney, it's charlie. Your brother.
嘿考特尼我是查理你哥哥
Anyway, I just wanted to apologize for making a scene there in the restaurant.
不管怎样我想为餐厅发生的事道歉
Would still love to get together, so give me a call.
我仍想重新在一起所以给我打电♥话♥
I'm just sitting at home reading a book.
我在家看书呢
And watching tv.
还在看电视
Disney channel. 101 dalmatians.
迪斯尼频道 101斑点狗
What a great film, huh?
好电影是吧?
Oop, sat on the remote.
哦坐在遥控器上了
Hey, apocalypse now.
嘿现在是现代启示录了
Another great movie, huh?
又一部不错的电影哈?
Anyway, call me.
不管怎样打给我
hi, chlie. Rose?
嗨查理罗丝?
What the hell are you doing here?
你在这干嘛呢?
I could ask you that question.
这个问题我可以问你
And the answer would be the same: Stalking.
我们的答案是相同的跟踪
No, no, I'm not, uh...
不不我没有...
Good at it?
擅长于此?
What do you want?
你想干嘛?
Right now, or longterm? Rose!
指现在还是长♥期♥? 罗丝!
I've just been watching you for an hour and...
我观察你一个小时又...
38 minutes, and I felt bad for you.
38分钟我为你感到难过
I thought maybe you could use some help.
我想或许我可以给你点帮助
Thanks, but I'm fine.
谢谢我很好
Rely? Did you bring water?
是吗? 你带水了吗?
No.
没有
Trail mix? No.
什锦杂果? 没有
Pee jar?
尿瓶?
Oh, that would have been a great idea.
哦真是个好主意
Here you go.
给你
Thank you.
谢谢
Let's see, what else?
让我们看看还有什么?
Ooh, night vision goggles?
哦夜视镜
I don't think so.
我不要这个
You say that now, but if you hide in her trunk,
你现在这么说但是当你躲在她车的后备箱里
and want to do a little light reading, you're gonna be sorry.
想读点闲书的时候你就会后悔了
I'm fine. Okay.
我很好好
I'll just keep you company.
我就在这陪着你
Give me one of these if you need to use the pee jar.
给我这个动作如果你需要用尿瓶的话
Charlie, what the hell are you doing?
查理你在这干嘛?
Teddy, how are you?
泰迪你好
Since when do you drive a volvo?
你什么时候开起沃尔沃了
Uh, it's my brother's car.
嗯那是我弟弟的车
Very smart. She would have spotted your car.
真聪明她一定会注意到你自己的车
I didn't give you points for that.
我没为此给你加分
I thought you and I had an understanding that you and my daughter weren't gonna see each other anymore.
我以为我们已达成共识你和我的女儿不再约会
Well, in my defense, sir, we're not really seeing each other.
嗯要我说先生我们并没有约会
This is more of a, um...
这更像是嗯...
Reconnaissance mission.
侦察任务
Who is this?
这位是?
Oh, uh, this is rose.
哦嗯这位是罗丝
She's kind of my, um... sidekick.
她是我的嗯... 同伙
I don't wanna beat this to death, but if your mother finds out
我不想扼杀你们但是如果你妈妈发现
that you and courtney are seeing each other and thinks I kept it from her,
你和考特尼在约会并认为我向她隐瞒
I don't know what she'd do, probably call off the wedding.
我不知道她会做什么可能会取消婚礼
I'M... I'M... I'm sorry, teddy.
我我我很抱歉泰迪
I don't want to screw things up.
我不想把事情搞咂
Well, then go home. Right.
那很好快回家好吧
Nice to meet you, rose.
很高兴见到你罗丝
Enchant?
你真迷人
Boy, if he was 30 years younger, I'd be following him.
哦如果他年轻30岁我会跟踪他
Oh, what the hell?
哦管他呢
You were with her, weren't you?
你和她在一起是吗?
What are you, my wife?
你是谁我妻子?
No, I'm the wedding planner.
不我是婚礼策划人
I'm the one who's dealing with caterers and florists
我负责宴会安排花卉定制
and musicians and parking valets
婚礼音乐泊车安排
and a thousand frozen butterflies.
冷冻蝴蝶 (其实应该是冷冻蝴蝶虾)
Frozen butterflies?
冷冻蝴蝶?
Mom wanted butterflies.
妈妈想要蝴蝶
What is she gonna do, eat them?
她要来干嘛? 吃?
No, you... You thaw them out during the ceremony,
不在庆典进行的时候让它们融化
and when the bride and groom kiss, they fly away.
当新郎新娘接吻时它们就飞起来
Is there still gonna be shrimp?
还会有虾吗?
Yes, there's gonna be shrimp!
是会有虾!
Good. I like shrimp.
很好我喜欢虾
Charlie, I will not have you ruin this wedding.
查理我不会让你毁掉这场婚礼的
Well, you can relax.
好放轻松
I wasn wititcourtney.
我没和考特尼在一起
Thank god for that.
谢天谢地
So where were you?
那你去哪了?
Parked outside her apartment.
在她公♥寓♥外
You were stalking her?
你跟踪她?
Oh, man, why does everybody use that word?
哦天为什么每个人都用这个词?
It has such a bad connotation.
它那么贬义
Charlie, what is wrong with you?
查理你怎么了?
I've never seen you like this before.
我从没见过你这样
I know, I know.
我知道我知道
I can't get her out of my mind.
我无法不想她
I go to sleep thinking about her. I wake up thinking about her.
我睡觉时想着她醒来时想着她
The other day, I stumble into a three-way and...
那天我无意中玩把3P
Wait, wait... hey, whoa, whoa...
等一下等一下嘿哇哇
How do you stumble into a three-way?
你咋无意中玩把3P的?
It's usually a roommate thing.
通常她们是室友
You read about sisters, but that almost never happens.
你读到过姐妹行的但是那几乎从未发生过
Anyway, in order to get through it,
不管怎样为了完事儿
I had to fantasize that both of them were courtney.
我不得不她们两个都幻想成考特尼
How sad is that?
多悲惨啊!
I'm brokenhearted for you.
我真为你心碎