好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S05E14
Part 3
Nov. 17, 2020, 2:09 p.m.
Jake, you need to focus here.
杰克 你得专心点
It would behoove me to focus.
专心点对我很适宜
Sorry. What are the other two rules?
抱歉 其他两条规则是什么?
Number two: Eat with your mouth closed.
第二 闭着嘴吃
Number three: Pray she has low self-esteem.
第三 祈祷她不那么自大
Number three isn't a rule.
第三条不是规则
For you it is.
对你是的
Fine.
好吧
Now let's go over my three rules.
现在 来说说我的三条规则
you've got rules?
你有规则?
Number one: I'd like you not to call me mr. Potato head or spongebob smearpants.
第一 我希望你不要叫我土豆头先生 或是脏裤海绵鲍伯
How about sir farts alot?
那放屁先生可以吗?
No.
不要
Number two: I'd think it'd be better if I call you charlie rather than uncle charlie;
第二 我认为我叫你查理 比叫你查理伯伯更好
so that way,e'd be more like equals.
这样更平等
So if we're equals, does that mean you're going to split the check with me?
既然我们平等的话 是不是意味着你会和我平分饭钱
I knew you'd say that, charlie.
我就知道你会这么说 查理
And number three?
第三呢?
Oh, there was only two; I miscounted.
哦 只有两条 我数错了
* You don't have to put on the red light *
* 你不必点着红灯 * (旧时妓院以红灯为标志)
** those days are over you don't have to sell your body to the night *
* 那些日子过去了 你不必把自己卖♥♥给黑夜
Oh, wait, you do.
哦 等下 你还是要的
here we go.
要开始了
Make me proud.
好好干
Hey, alan.
嘿 艾伦
Rose... oh, for god's sake.
罗丝 上帝啊
Did charlie put you up to this?
是查理让你这么做的吗?
What are you talking about?
你们在说什么?
Charlie didn't put me up to anything.
查理没让我做任何事
Right.So, it's just a coincidence that
好 那么这是一个巧合
I'm sitting here waiting for a prostitute and all of a sudden you show up at the front door?
我坐着等妓♥女♥来 突然间你就出现在前门了
You're waiting for a prostitute?
你在等妓♥女♥?
No.
不是
Oh, alan, that's not like you.
哦 艾伦 这可不像你
Yeah, well, when you've had your heart broken enough times
是的 当你无数次心碎后
and you can't even bear the thought of having an emotional connection with another human being,
你甚至都无法忍♥受和人类交往的想法时
what else is there to do?
你还能做什么?
A lot of people masturbate I hear.
我听说很多人手♥淫♥
Really, I've heard them.
真的 我听说过
Nevertheless, sometimes a man needs to feel something other than his own touch.
不管怎样 有时男人需要感受别的 而不是自己的抚摸
Have you tried switching hands?
你试过换手吗?
It's like being with a clumsy stranger.
就像是一个笨拙的陌生人
You must be alan's prostitute.
你一定是艾伦叫的妓♥女♥
I'm rose.
我是罗丝
Hi, rose.
嗨 罗丝
Will you be joining us tonight?
今晚要和我们一起吗?
No.
不
You'll just be doing alan this evening.
今晚你只要和艾伦做就可以了
Good night, rose. Good night.
晚安 罗丝 晚安
So, uh, come on in.
呃 进来吧
Sorry I'm a little late.
抱歉 我迟了一会
Oh, that's okay.
哦 没事
As long as it doesn't come out of my, you know... winky-dink time.
只要不要过了我要看的"Winky-Dink"节目
charlie, you haven't changed a bit in all these years.
查理 这么多年你一点没变
It has been years, hasn't it?
好多年了 不是吗?
How many years do you think it's been?
你觉得有多少年了?
I don't know, probably 12.
我不知道 大概12年
And how old are you, honey?
你几岁了 亲爱的?
Fourteen.
十四
Thank heaven.
谢天谢地
"For leetle girls."
有女儿真好
So, milly, do you play dodgeball?
米莉 你玩躲避球吗?
No.
不
I enjoy it quite a bit because it's just man against man, but with big red balls.
我非常喜欢玩 因为那是男人间的对抗 用巨大的红球
Ixnay on the allsbay. What?
Ixnay on the allsbay 什么?
Just don't say balls.
不要提球字
So...
那么
are you... living in the same place?
你还住在老地方?
Yeah, still in my condo.
是的 还住在我的公♥寓♥里
Right, the condo.
是的 公♥寓♥
Boy, that takes me back.
哦 那让我回忆起过去
I don't think you were ever there.
你没去过那里
That's what I meant.
我就是这个意思
It takes me back to not being there.
让我回忆起我没去过那
The thing about dodge...
说到躲避...
round things, is the thrill of competition and the deep satisfaction you get
圆东西 你会体会竞争带来的兴奋感
when you see a kid's retainer fly out of his mouth
以及看到一个孩子被球打中脸
when he takes one to the face.
牙套从他嘴巴里飞出的满足感
I hate dodgeball.
我讨厌躲避球
It's too violent.
太暴♥力♥了
You're right, it sucks.
没错 糟糕透了
Milly enjoys painting and writing poetry.
米莉喜欢画画 写诗
You know, like me.
你知道 像我一样
Of course I know.
当然 我知道
How could I not know?
我怎么会不知道
So, are you still doing the whole art thing?
你还在做艺术方面的事?
What do you mean?
什么意思?
I mean the thing you used to do with the art...
我的意思是那些你以前做的和艺术
and the poetry.
和诗有关的事
Milly, did jake tell you he's in a band?
米莉 杰克和你说过他加入了一个乐队吗
Yeah, I'm in a band.
是的 我在一个乐队里
I don't think she has low self-esteem.
我觉得她有点自负
shall we take care of business before we get started?
开始前 我们是不是该把钱给了
Oh, oh, absolutely. No... no money, no honey.
哦哦 当然 没钱就没温存
No... no lootie, no bootie.
没战利品就没有性感皮靴
No cash advance, I'm not in your pants.
没现金 我就不会在你裤子里
That was $400, right? Five.
400块 对吗? 500
Oh, of course. Why did I think it was four?
哦 当然 我怎么会觉得是400呢?
Thanks. So, alan...
谢谢 那么 艾伦
what do you like?
你喜欢怎样的?
Oh, just about anything. I'm not finicky.
哦 怎样都行 我不挑食
Ooh, no limits, huh?
哦 没有限制啊?
Well, you know, I'm not into animals or...
嗯 我不喜欢和动物 或是
anything near my keister.
任何靠近我屁♥股♥的东西
Okay, come here.
好 过来
Let's get comfy.
让我们舒服点
Oh, all righty.
哦 好的
oh, baby, you really turn me on.
哦 亲爱的 你真让我兴奋
Uh, uh, hang on a sec. What?
嗯嗯 等下 怎么了?
I'm a little bumped by that "turn me on" part.
我有点不喜欢"让我兴奋"这一句
I mean, I want believe you,
我是说 我想相信你
but I've been with enough women to know that it doesn't happen that fast.
但是和女人的经验告诉我不会那么快
Sometimes it doesn't happen at all.
有时甚至根本不会发生
Honey, I would not lie to you.
亲爱的 我不会骗你的
No, no, of course not. Why would you lie to me? But...
是是 当然不会 你为什么要骗我呢 但是
I'm just saying, it-it would help if you could tone down the narration to a more believable level.
我只是说如果你能把表述 降到一个可信的水平会更好
All right.
好的
Mm, you are the best kisser.
嗯 你真是接吻高手
Okay, again...
好吧 再说一次
I happen to know for a fact that I'm not the best kisser.
我知道我不是个接吻高手
Okay, I'm a little confused here.
好吧 我有点糊涂了
I'm just not buying it.
我就是不相信
And since I am buying it, I should be able to buy it.
既然我花钱了 应该让我相信才是
All you have to do is tell the truth.
你要做的就是实话实说
There's no need for hyperbole. All right.
没必要夸张 好的
Okay. Okay.
行 行
oh, alan, your lips are so...
哦 艾伦 你的嘴唇真是
thin and dry.
又薄又干
Okay, now we're cookin'.
好 这就对了
I think competitive eating really changed when that japanese guy started wetting the hot dog buns.
我觉得当日本人开始把热狗弄湿 狂吃比赛就变味了
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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