消消气（2000）
Curb Your Enthusiasm S04E03
Part 2
Oct. 4, 2020, 11:10 a.m.
Well, you're not really a magician. Oh, yeah, I am.
你又不是个真的魔术师 不 我就是
One trick makes you a magician? Did I trick you?
变一个魔术你就是魔术师了？ 那我骗到你了吗？
Were you a magician before you knew how to do that trick?
你在学会这个魔术之前是魔术师吗
Mmm, not really.
嗯 不算是吧
Well, who taught you how to do the trick?
那是谁教你变这个魔术的呢
A magician.
一个魔术师
Okay, so you weren't a magician.
好 那么你就不是魔术师了
A magician taught you how to do the trick, right?
是魔术师教你怎么变这个魔术的对吧
Mmmhmm, yeah. Okay, so I'm not a magician.
嗯 是的 好吧 那我不是魔术师
Now you're a magician, so you teach me how to do it.
现在你是个魔术师了 教我怎么变这个吧
I can't, just 'cause you said I am a magician,
不行 你刚刚说我是魔术师
I can't teach you.
我不能教你
You didn't know that trick before the magician
在这个魔术师教你之前
taught it to you, right? Yeah.
你不会变魔术的对吧 是的
So why did the magician tell you?
所以为什么那个魔术师教你了呢
He can tell that I'm a magician.
他能感觉出来我是一个魔术师
Well, you can tell that I'm a magician.
好吧 那你也能看出我是个魔术师
But I'm a magician, just naturally a magician.
但是我就是个魔术师 天生就是
That's what you're saying. I'm saying I'm naturally a magician.
这是你自己说的 那我说我是个天生的魔术师
But you don't know any tricks. And you're just not.
但是你又不会变魔术 你不是魔术师
I mean, see, because I'm a magician,
我的意思是 因为我是个魔术师
if you were naturally a magician,
如果你天生就是魔术师
I'd feel that you were naturally a magician.
我能感觉到你天生就是魔术师
- Are you gonna tell me this trick? - No.
那你会教我怎么变这个魔术吗 不
Magicians don't reveal their secrets. Fine, I gotta go.
魔术师是不能泄密的 好吧 我要走了
You guys are a lot alike.
你俩还挺像的
Yeah, except he's not a magician.
是的 除了他并不是个魔术师
Hey, let me ask you something.
嘿 问你件事情
You going to that Halloween party? Of course.
你要去那个万圣节派对吗 当然
You are? Yeah, we're taking you.
你真的要去？ 是的 你也一起来啊
You gonna wear a costume? Of course I'm wearing a costume,
那你会变装吗 我当然会
it's a Halloween party. I'm not gonna wear a costume!
这个可是万圣节派对 我才不要变装
Oh, I almost didn't tell you.
噢 我差点忘了告诉你
So, last night at about 11:30,
昨晚大概十一点半左右
I go to the bathroom to, uh, you know.
我去了浴室 去 你懂的
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
噢 真的吗 是的
You got the energy for that at 11:30 at night?
你半夜11:30还有这兴致
I always have the energy, yeah.
我一直都有兴致
Kinehora. Kinehora.
老天保佑 老天保佑
So I'm thinking about Jenna Jameson, you know?
你知道吗 我在想詹娜杰姆逊
Who's she? A porn star, way hot.
那是谁？ 一个色情片演员，特别性感
And, um, all of a sudden, she pops out.
呃 突然间我就想到她了
You know who pops in? You're not gonna believe this.
你知道我还突然想到谁了吗 你都不会相信的
Cheryl. Can you believe that?
谢丽儿 你敢信吗
My wife? Cheryl, yeah.
我老婆？ 是 就是谢丽儿
What do you mean? You used...
你什么意思 你是幻想我老婆...
Yeah, she was there. I couldn't believe it.
是的 就是她 我都不敢相信
Boom, she was there.
砰的一下 她就出现了
You can't control who pops in. She pops in.
这是没法控制的 她就是突然冒出来了
She pops in? Why didn't you pop her out?
她冒出来了？那你为什么不把她塞回去
I tried popping her out. She wouldn't pop out.
我试过了 可她就是消失不了
What, she insisted on staying? Not exactly.
啥 她自己坚持不走的吗 也不是
"I want to be here with you, Jeff"?
"我想跟你呆在一起 杰夫"？
I couldn't pop her out, I'm not in control of it.
我没法儿让她从我脑子里消失 我控制不了了
Besides, my bench is thin. I don't have a lot going on there.
再说了 我的凳子也很窄 我也没太多可以做的
Your bench is thin? What, is she on your team now?
你的凳子窄？你的意思是她现在跟你一队的了
No, she's not on my team. She popped in.
不 不是 她不是和我一队 她就是突然出现的
What are you using my wife for? I thought you'd be flattered.
你想用我老婆干什么 我还以为你会很荣幸呢
Flattered? I'm fucking nauseous. Why are you nauseous?
荣幸？我他妈快恶心死了 你为什么要恶心？
It's... ugh!
就是...呕！
You, my wife... I just don't like the whole idea.
你 我老婆...我实在是接受不了
It didn't really happen. I know, but it feels... in your mind.
又不是真的发生了 我知道 但是你在幻想里能感觉到...
Okay. All right.
好吧 好吧
Do me a favor, okay? What?
帮我一个忙好吗 什么？
I don't want you using my wife anymore for that, okay?
你不要再这么意淫我老婆了行吗
I'll never intentionally use your wife for that.
我从来没有故意去意淫过你老婆
What do you mean? You can't control who pops in.
什么叫故意？ 你又没办法控制会突然想到谁
Yeah? Okay, next time she pops in,
好 那下次她再突然出现
pick your pants up and get out of the room.
穿上你的裤子滚出去
Hello.
你好
How you doing? Very well, thank you.
你好吗 很好 谢谢
Good. How's the adoption coming? Good?
那就好 领养的事情怎么样 还顺利吗？
Yes, it's going very well. Thank you. Great great great.
是的 很顺利 谢谢 那就好那就好
Wait till you get the kid. It'll change your life.
等到你搞了孩子 你的人生都会改变的
"Get the kid"?
"搞到孩子？"
Mel will be with you in just a second.
梅尔就到了 稍等片刻
You can go on back. Okay.
你可以回来再继续 好的
How are you doing?
你还好吗
- You're carrying on like a funeral. - That's what it is to me.
你怎么跟要去葬礼似的 对我来说就是
It's a decision!
我已经决定了
Hey. Larry, Jeff, come in. Close the door.
嘿 拉里 杰夫 进来把门关上
Do you have any complaints? I mean, how's it going for you?
有什么要抱怨的吗 我的意思是 你觉得怎么样？
I've got one tiny thing, just one small issue.
就只有一件很小很小的事情
I'm not happy with the toilet paper in the rehearsal hall.
我对排练厅的厕纸不是很满意
You're gonna get the softest, most beautiful toilet paper.
要在厕所里放上最柔软 最洁白美丽的厕纸才可以
You'll be so happy, you'll be hanging around the toilet every day.
那你就会很开心 天天在厕所旁边转了
You'll get me the softer rolls? You got it!
那你能给我稍微柔软一点的卷纸吗 给你了！
All right! Mel, can we get
太好了 梅尔
to why you asked Larry to come here?
可以问一下你为什么要让拉里过来吗
Oh, yeah, we have a little problem. Yeah, right.
噢 是的 我们有个小问题 是的
Ben Stiller is gone.
本斯蒂勒离开了
He is history. He has left us.
他已经是过去时了 他离开了我们
He came to me and said, "It's either me
他找到我跟我说"要么我走
"or Larry David. Make up your mind."
要么拉里大卫走 你看着办吧"
You know, I went right...
你知道的 我就直接...
Larry David, Stiller out.
拉里大卫留下 斯蒂勒走
He complained about some things. I don't know, minor stuff.
他抱怨了一些事情 我不知道 就是很小的事情
- You're kidding? - No, we're not. Ben Stiller quit.
你开玩笑的吧 不 不是 本斯蒂勒辞职了
You wouldn't sit in the front of a car?
你还是不想做汽车副驾驶是吗
You couldn't move into the front of the car?
你就不能挪到副驾驶吗
I have to move up to... we were two minutes away from where we were going.
我一定要挪到... 我们开车两分钟就到地方了
They were two minutes away from where they were going!
就两分钟的路程
At Ben Stiller's birthday party, you didn't bring a present.
在本斯蒂勒的生日派对上你没有带礼物
He said no gifts. They always say no gift,
他说了不要礼物 他们总是会说不要礼物
but everybody brings a gift.
但是每个人都会带礼物的
So, you're at the show, you won't shake his hand.
所以 你也在当场 都不会跟他握手你
I happen to have a small phobia
我有点点恐惧症
about shaking people's hands who have snot on it.
我不敢握一手鼻涕的手
It's a small thing. Can you blame him?
这就是件小事 你能怪他吗？
At the party, everybody sang "Happy Birthday" but you.
在派对上所有人都唱生日快乐歌♥ 就你没唱
I don't like the "Happy Birthday" song.
我不喜欢唱生日快乐
He never sings the "Happy Birthday" song.
他从来不唱生日快乐歌♥的
I don't like it either. I hate the song!
我也不喜欢 我讨厌这首歌♥
It's a trite, cliché song. I hate it.
这个歌♥就是陈腔滥调 我讨厌这首歌♥
Did you hear this thing with the shish kabob?
你是吃烤肉串的时候听的吗
You know about that? That's painful.
这你都知道？ 很痛苦的
He's showing a stroke... It was an accident!
他当时拿着个签子戳来戳去 那是个意外！
- Right into the kid's eye! - Can I say something?
直接插到了那家伙的眼睛里 我能说句话吗
Please. Mel?
请说 梅尔？
Blessing in disguise.
塞翁失马焉知非福
He's a wonderful actor. He's a fantastic actor.
他是个很棒的演员 很出色的演员
I don't think he belongs in musical comedy, frankly.
坦白讲我不认为 他应该在音乐喜剧方面发展
It's gonna work out, it's gonna be fine.
可以的 一切都会没问题的
- Everything will work out. - All right.
顺其自然 都会好的 好吧
So, uh, so you'll work on the toilet paper thing?
噢 所以你会解决那个厕纸的事情吗
Done, done.
当然 当然
Pink, blue, soft... anything you want.
粉色的 蓝色的 柔软的... 你想要哪种都可以
You got it. I love you. I don't know about blue.
你真好 我爱你 我都不知道还有蓝色的
Listen, you know, don't worry about Ben Stiller.
听我说 不用担心本斯蒂勒
In my mind, I've got a couple of wonderful people.
在我看来 我已经想到好几个很好的演员了
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