好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S02E06
Part 1
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:07 p.m.
So, dear... What?
那么 亲爱的? 怎么?
Do you see anything you like?
有什么喜欢吃的吗?
I don't know. What's venison?
不知道 鹿肉是什么?
Deer. What?
鹿(deer和dear亲爱的同音) 怎么?
Deer. What?
鹿 怎么?
Deer. D-E-E-R.
"鹿" D-E-E-R
What? W-H-A-T.
"怎么" W-H-A-T
What's wrong with him?
他什么毛病?
Jake, it's... It's the deer in the forest, like... Like Bambi.
杰克 是树林里的那个鹿 像斑比那种
Oh, cool, let's eat Bambi.
太棒了 让我们吃斑比吧!
Coming soon to pay-per-view.
接下来请收看付费频道 (暴♥力♥血腥)
Mom, wha...? What are you doing?
妈 你在干什么?
Nothing.
没干嘛
Oh, that's stealing.
那是偷窃
Hardly.
不算吧
I'm paying $ 12 for a martini. They're lucky I don't take a chair.
我喝的是12美元一杯的马丁尼 我没拿走张椅子就不错了
You're paying? Figure of speech, Charles.
"你"付账? 注意口气 查尔斯
Can I take this? - No.
我能要这个吗? 不行
Oh, come on. My precious.
拜托! "我的宝贝!" (魔戒经典台词)
Put it down. We do not take things that don't belong to us.
把那放下 不能拿不属于我们的东西
Listen who's taking the moral high ground, Mr. Five-Finger Discount.
听听看 谁在高高在上的装模作样啊 三只手先生
What does that mean?
那话什么意思?
It doesn't mean anything. How do you want your venison?
那...那话什么意思也没有 要不你就点刚才说的野味吧
- Does it come with antlers?
他们连鹿角一起上吗
Alan,
艾伦
there's no reason your son can't learn from your mistakes.
让你的儿子从你过去的错误中 学到点东西没什么错
I didn't make a mistake, Mom.
妈 我没犯什么错误
Unbelievable. Twenty-five years later...and he still denies shoplifting.
简直不敢相信 25年后你居然 还否认你曾在商店里行窃
Oh, I get it. Five-finger discount. Cool.
我知道啥是"三只手"了 酷啊
I did not shoplift, Jake. It was a misunderstanding. Alan, please.
我没偷东西 那是个误会 艾伦 拜托
Walking around a toy store with your brother...
你跟你哥在那家玩具店里选购
and the Silly Putty just jumped in your pocket? Yes.
而那个橡皮泥就跳进了你的口袋? 没错
Not much of a lie, Dad.
这谎撒得不咋的 老爸
Okay, everybody ready to order?
有谁打算点单了吗?
Is that why you won't let me have Silly Putty?
这就是你不肯帮我买♥♥橡皮泥的原因?
It's a stupid, pointless toy -But why'd you steal it?
那是个愚蠢又无趣的玩具 那你干吗还要偷?
I didn't. The security guard must have planted it on me to make a bust.
我没有 肯定是那个保安栽赃陷害
Oh, Alan.
拜托 艾伦
Who in their right mind would plant Silly Putty on a 9-year-old boy?
谁会把橡皮泥栽赃给一个九岁的孩子?
Who, indeed?
就是 到底是谁呢
Hey, Jake, you ever eaten snails? Yeah, sure.
杰克 吃过蜗牛吗 当然
I mean, in a restaurant.
我是说在餐馆里
Oh, no.
那就没有
You okay? No.
还好吗 不
That deer didn't have antlers when I ate it, but it's sure coming out that way.
我吃的时候那鹿没角 可我肯定拉出来的时候有
Well, you'll feel better tomorrow.
明天你会觉得好些的
We should sue that restaurant.
你该告那个餐馆
Well, I'll get right on it. Come on.
对啊 我会去的 快睡吧
Dad? Yeah.
老爸 怎么
Did you ever steal a car?
你偷过汽车吗
I never stole anything.
我从来没偷过任何东西
It's okay. You could tell me. I already know you got a rap sheet.
没事的 你告诉我好了 我已经知道你有案史了
For the last time, I did not take that Silly Putty.
最后再说一次 我没偷那个橡皮泥
But the experience did teach me a very important lesson.
不过要知道整个经历 教了我重要的一课
And you know what that was?
你知道我学到了什么吗
If you get caught, stick to your story, no matter how lame it is?
一旦被抓 无论你的谎话多蹩脚也要死撑下去?
No, the lesson was... Hang on, Dad.
不 学到的是... 慢着 老爸
Okay, go ahead.
好了 继续
The lesson was...
学到的是...
Oh, God, Jake.
老天爷 杰克
That's... That's awful.
这样做很不好
Yeah, I wish I could have saved that one for school
我也想留着到学校再放
You too? Yeah.
你也是? 是啊
Apparently Mom wasn't the only parasite at dinner tonight.
很显然老妈不是今晚 唯一蹭饭的寄生虫
Hey how much do you remember about the whole Silly Putty incident?
整个橡皮泥事件你还记得多少?
Oh, gee, not too much.
没记得多少了
I recall you crying when they dragged you into the store manager's office.
我就记得你被拖进经理办公室时
you crying...
哇哇大哭
Then I went and got a corn dog and an Orange Julius.
而我进去却得了玉米热狗和橘子汁
Boy, those were good.
老天 那些味道还不错
Remember those?
还记得吗
No, I mean...did you see me take the Silly Putty?
我是说 你看见我拿橡皮泥了吗
Oh, no, no, I was nowhere near the Silly Putty.
没没没 我离橡皮泥远着呢
I think I was in the doll section, taking a peek under Barbie's dress.
我想我当时在娃娃区 在瞄芭比娃娃的裙底风光
What a gyp that was.
那生产商是大骗子 (没啥看头)
If Jake had been caught shoplifting and told me the story I told...
要知道 如果杰克顺手牵羊被逮 然后跟我讲我的这个故事
there's no way I'd believe him.
我也不会信
Well, let's just hope he doesn't get caught.
那就让我们祈祷他别被逮住
Can I tell you a little secret?
我能告诉你个秘密吗
Okay.
行啊
I always knew it wasn't the security guard.
我一直都知道 不是那个保安栽赃
Really?
当真?
There's only one rational explanation for how the Silly Putty got in my pants.
橡皮泥怎么进我的裤子的 只有一个合理解释
And what would that be?
这理由将会是?
That I actually stole it,
其实是我偷的
but my mind couldn't deal with it.
可我脑子接受不了
So somehow, I blocked it out.
所以有可能 我选择失忆了
The human brain, huh? You gotta love it.
人脑构造 永远解释不清啊
That happens, right?
我是说有时的确会那样 对吧?
You do something horrible and wake up with no recollection?
当你做了什么不好的事 第二天醒来却毫无印象
Oh, yeah. And yet there she is, lying right next to you.
对啊 "她就在那 睡我旁边" (我却毫无印象)
You know, that day changed my life.
要知道 那天改变了我的人生
I mean, ever since, I've had to be on guard against Bad Alan.
从那时起我就开始对抗"坏艾伦"
I'm sorry, "Bad Alan"?
什么? "坏艾伦"
Yeah, it's... It's what I call my potential for evildoing.
是啊 我管我的邪恶潜意识就叫这个
Oh, God.
老天爷
- It's why I've always worked so hard...
所以我才如此努力去做个
to be a good son, a good student, a good person.
好儿子 好学生 好人
And you've succeeded. You are good, good, good.
而你的确成功了 你是好! 好! 好!
Well, sure, I turned out great,
那倒没错 我的确变得很老实
but at what cost? I mean,
可 花了多大的代价啊 我是说
do you have any clue how tightly wrapped
你知道我有多费劲
I've had to be to keep Bad Alan in check?.
才不让"坏艾伦"跳出来吗
I get glimpses.
稍微有点数
Well, I suppose I should count my blessings...
我觉得我还是比较幸运的
that I was stopped.
被及时的逮住了
Who knows what kind of monster I would've become
天知道如果我没因为橡皮泥被抓
if I hadn't been caught with the putty....
我会变成一个什么样的坏蛋啊
But
但是
what if the security guard did plant it on you?
如果的确是那个保安栽赃陷害
That would mean there's no Bad Alan.
那就意味着 根本就没什么"坏艾伦"
That's true.
这倒是的
But I can't afford to take that chance.
可我不敢冒这风险
None of us can.
我们谁都不能
He's fine.
他没事的
Hey, Charlie.
查理
Hey, Rose.
罗丝
Looks like somebody needs a shoulder to cry on.
看来某人需要个肩膀靠一下了
No, thank you.
不用了 谢谢
Wanna just make out then?
那我们直接亲热?
Rose...
罗斯
You're right. That was out of line.
你是对的 有点越界了
I deserve a spanking.
我该被打屁屁
Okay, what's up?
好啦 到底怎么了
Can I trust you with something?
我能信任你吗
You trust me with your bank account number.
你可以连银行帐号♥都给我
I never gave you my bank account number.
我可不是要给你我的银行帐号♥
Right, right. Go on.
行行 继续
Have you ever done anything so wrong, so horrible...? Oh, yeah.
你有没有做过一些错得离谱的... 当然
Let me finish. I'm sorry.
让我讲完 抱歉
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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