好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S02E19
Part 3
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:09 p.m.
She said I'm adorable.
她说我很可爱
She thinks I'm nurturing, caring and sensitive.
她说我会经营感情又体贴
I'm exactly what she's looking for.
我就是她要找的那一型
- She's looking for a half-blind sheepdog?
她要找的是只瞎了眼的牧羊犬?
She invited me to her house for dinner tonight.
她邀请我今晚去她家吃晚饭
I think she wants to have sex.
我觉得她要上♥床♥
With who?
和谁?
With me.
和我
With you.
和你?
Hang on a second.
等会啊
Nope. No snowballs reported in hell.
没有 地狱没有报道在下雪
No sightings of flying pigs.
天上也没有会飞的猪
What am I gonna do? You don't know?
我要怎么办?
Come on, Alan, you were married for 12 years.
拜托 艾伦 你都结婚12年了
What does marriage have to do with sex?
结婚和做♥爱♥有关系吗?
Point taken. Okay, you want some tips?
有道理 要给你些小贴士吗
No, no, nothing like that.
不 不 不要那些
I need step-by-step instructions.
我要一步一步的详细说明
All right. Since this is your first bout in this weight class...
好好 既然这是此重量级别的第一回合
...I'd say stick with the basics.
我建议你坚持做基本动作
Better to do the simple stuff well than the fancy stuff badly.
做好简单动作总比 做烂高难度的要强
Got it. And the simple stuff would be...
明白了 那简单的东西是?
Well, you know how women like you to go slow?
你知道女人喜欢你慢慢来
Really? My ex-wife put a premium on brevity.
真的吗? 我前妻更欣赏速战速决
Her motto was, " Less is more, and none is perfect."
她的座右铭是 "越少越好 没有最好"
Well, Sherri's not like that. You're gonna wanna take your time.
但是雪莉不是那种人 你最好慢慢来
I can do that.
我明白
But don't loiter either.
但是也不要慢过头了
You don't want her to get bored and play solitaire on your head.
你不想让她无聊透顶 在你头上打起扑克
No loitering. Got it.
不要消磨时间 记下了
Something else? Okay.
还需要什么吗
When you're with a woman like Sherri, who's so gosh-darn beautiful...
像雪莉那样光彩照人的女孩
that you get excited just thinking about her...
你单单想到她就会兴奋得不行
how do you keep the sprinklers from going off while you're still mowing?
你怎么能让洒水装置 在割草的时候不喷水?
Let me make sure I understand.
我先确认一下我是否明白了
You wanna keep your toothpaste in the tube until you're done brushing.
你是想在你刷完牙之前 都保证牙膏留在牙膏皮里?
What are you talking about?
你在说什么?
What are you talking about?
你又在说什么?
Okay, okay. Let me try again.
好吧 我重新说
I don't wanna frost the cake while I'm still mixing the batter.
我不想在打蛋时就冻上了蛋糕
I don't get it. She must have lost a bet.
我不知道 她可能丢了个球棒之类的
Excuse me? Nothing.
什么? 没什么
All right. Here's what you do.
好了 你就这样做吧
When you feel like the train is leaving the station...
当你感觉火车就要离站的时候
You mean, going in the tunnel?
你是说要进隧♥道♥了?
No, no, I mean leaving the station.
不不 我是说离开车站的时候
But you have to leave the station to get to the tunnel.
但是你离开车站肯定要进隧♥道♥的
Okay, okay.
好吧
Let's start from the top.
我们从头开始
And work our way down, right?
然后慢慢朝下抚摸对吗
You know what? Just shut up and listen.
你给我闭嘴好好听
When you're making love, the way to slow yourself down is...
当你做♥爱♥时 唯一可以让你放慢动作的方法
...to think of something completely non-sexual.
就是想一件不能激起性♥欲♥的事
Well, what do you think of? You.
你都想什么? 你
That was a really great dinner.
晚餐真是太棒了
I'm glad you enjoyed it. You ready for dessert?
很高兴你喜欢 准备好吃饭后甜点了吗
I've been ready since I was 14.
我从14岁的起就准备好了
I'll be back. Why don't you put some music on.
我去去就来 你放点音乐好吗
Okay.
好的
Hey, how about Diana Krall?
戴安娜·克瑞儿的怎么样?
Oh, actually, that's your brother's CD. Do you mind bringing it back to him?
实际上那是你哥哥的CD 你可以给他拿回去吗
Not at all.
没问题
I think I have one of his T-shirts. You might as well take that too.
我好像还有件他的T恤 待会一起带回去好吗
No problem.
没问题
Hey, this is a cool, little CD player.
真是台不错的CD机
Oh, thanks. It was a gift from your
谢谢 那是份来自你...
It was a gift. Perfect.
是别人送的
Is there anything else Charlie left behind?
还有什么查理留下的吗
Just me.
只有我了
My brother's a fool.
我哥哥是个傻瓜
No argument here.
不反对
这件睡衣好迷人 谢谢
That is a very effective neglig閑. Thank you.
Was it a gift? No.
也是别人送的吗 不是
As a matter of fact, I bought it myself. Oh, good.
事实上 是我自己买♥♥的
How long ago? What?
多久前买♥♥的?
Well, I was just wondering if Charlie saw it.
我只是在想是否查理看过
Alan, don't go there.
艾伦 别说下去了
Oh, I wasn't going anywhere. It's just that...
我没想提那个 我只是...
Nothing. More kissing.
没什么 继续接吻吧
- Okay, okay.
好了
What exactly is bothering you?
你到底在为什么烦恼
Well, it's kind of hard to explain.
这不太好说清楚
For example, once, when Charlie and I were at camp...
比如说 有一次我和查理露营
...I lost my swim trunks, and I had to wear an old pair of Charlie's, and...
我丢了游泳裤衩 只好穿查理的一条旧的
...I just couldn't enjoy the pool at all.
我在游泳池里一点也不开心
So, what are you saying? I'm a pair of used swim trunks?
那...你是说 我是用过的一条游泳裤衩
No, no. In this case, I think you would be the pool.
不 事实上 我觉得你是那游泳池
Maybe this was a bad idea.
好吧 没准这是个坏主意
No, no, it's a great idea. It's right up there...
不 这是个很棒的主意
...with the wheel, fire and refrigerators
我在那里车轮滚滚 烈焰腾空
that give ice through the door.
而你怎么却像门上凝结着冰块的冰箱
Sorry. I don't wanna do this anymore. What? Why?
抱歉 我不想做了 为什么?
You can't be with me without it being some competition with your brother.
很明显 和我做任何一件事 你都在和你哥哥比赛
It's not a competition.
我不是在和他比
And even it was, shouldn't we do it first before you decide who wins?
就算是 我们是不是也该先办完事 再决定谁赢谁输?
You are unbelievable.
你真是不可理喻
That could be taken a couple of ways.
好 这句话有很多种理解
- Get out.
出去
Well, no ambiguity there.
这倒没有歧义
Don't forget your brother's CD.
别忘了你哥哥的CD
My eye!
我的眼睛
Man, I love sunsets.
我真喜欢看日落
The way the sky is streaked with color.
天空布满不同的色彩
It's amazing.
真是太美了
It's the pollution that makes those pretty colors, you know.
是污染才让天空多彩 知道吗
What you're enjoying is the effect of light passing through airborne poison.
你真正享受到的是光线通过 空中毒素的棱镜折射效果
No, that's not what I'm really enjoying.
不 我真正享受的不是那个
Boy, I hope that's guacamole.
天 我希望这是鳄梨沙拉酱
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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