好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S02E21
Part 1
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:09 p.m.
Jake, use your spoon.
杰克 用你的勺子
Can't. I'll die.
不 我会挂的
If you don't turn off that music, you'll die anyway.
你要是还开着音乐也会挂的 (被查理打死)
Fine.
好吧
That's better.
好点了
He's still gonna be living here when he's, like, 30.
你知道他30岁的时候还会住这吧?
My big fear is he'll still be in fifth grade.
我最担心的是他那时仍然读五年级
Hello, anybody home? Grandmommy's here.
哈喽 有人在家吗? 妈咪来了
There's my grandson.
看啊 我的乖孙子
So, Mom, to what do we owe this unexpected...
老妈 我们怎么有幸享受这不期而遇的...
Pleasure? No, that's not it.
欢乐? 不 不是这词
I was showing a house, and I thought I'd visit the people I love.
我在附近带顾客看♥房♥♥子 然后我就想来看看我爱的人
And they weren't home?
结果他们不在家?
Goody. There's a Tudor on Stone Canyon that's going on the market soon.
好也 石头谷马上就会有 4室的都铎式公♥寓♥出♥售♥了
How do you know? Owner dropped dead of a heart attack.
你怎么知道? 房♥主心脏病突发去世了
You know what they say, darling.
你知道他们怎么说的
Today's obituary is tomorrow's exclusive listing.
"今天发讣告 明天发独家代理权"
Father of five in Westwood. I'm on fire.
威斯伍德街一套五住房♥ 我真是激动万分
You will be soon.
不会太久的 (指火葬)
Mom, you're not setting a very good example here.
妈 你这是在做不良示范
Why?
怎么会?
Jake, honey, your grandmommy performs a very important public service.
杰克 亲爱的 你奶奶的工作 是一项非常重要的公众服务
When people die, their families are very, very sad...
有人去世 他的家人就会非常悲伤
...and they have no idea what their homes are worth.
他们完全不知道死者房♥产的价值
And you tell them?
那你去告诉他们?
Oh, you are so cute.
你真是太可爱了
And Grandmommy doesn't just prey on the dead, Jake.
而且奶奶不止占死人的便宜
She also profits from the pain of divorce and the humiliation of bankruptcy.
她也从离婚者和银行破产中获利
Not to mention she's working on an alternative fuel made from puppies.
更别提她正准备把小狗便便废物利用
Oh, my God. Harry Gorsky died.
我的天 哈利·古斯基 死了
Oh, no. Are you sure it's him?
不会吧 你确定是他吗?
How many Harry Luther Gorskys are there in Los Angeles?
你觉得洛杉矶还有几个哈利·路德·古斯基
Well, there's one less now. Who are you talking about?
至少现在少了一个 你们在说什么?
He was Uncle Charlie's and my stepdad.
他是你♥爸♥我和查理叔叔的继父
The first of three, and not my favorite.
3个继父中的第一个 而且是我不喜欢的那个
I liked him.
我喜欢他
Oh, please. You were 6. You still liked Mom.
得了吧 那时你才6岁 你那时还喜欢妈呢
Mom, are you okay? No, I'm not okay.
妈你还好吗? 不 我怎么能好
He was a good man...
他是个好人
...and part of my life, and now he's gone.
曾经是我生命的一部分 而现在他却撒手人寰了
I just pray he died peacefully...
我只能祈祷他走的安详
...and held on to that stately six-bedroom, four-bath Colonial...
然后寄希望于汉库克公园的那套 雄伟的6房♥4卫
...in Hancock Park...
殖民地时期建筑
...with the bonus office/guest room over the garage.
还有车♥库♥旁那间可做办公室的客房♥
Let me get this straight.
好吧 我搞清楚下
First there was your dad, then this guy Harry who died...
先是你们的父亲 然后是刚挂掉的哈利
...then the fat guy with the carpet business.
然后是那个卖♥♥地毯的胖子
No, no, no. The fat guy came after the twitchy gay guy from Texas...
不不不 胖子是在紧张兮兮的 德克萨斯基佬之后来的
...who gave us crew cuts and called us buckaroos.
那人让我们理平头还叫我们"牛仔"
So out of the three...
不管怎样 这三个中...
...Harry was the best. -I liked the fat guy, remember?
哈利是最好的 我喜欢那个胖子 记得吗?
With the chubby daughter who was so grateful?
那个丰满的女儿是多么美好啊
All you had to do was knock on her door with some Turkish Taffy.
拿着土耳其太妃糖敲门就能搞定
Be that as it may, he was still a very good father to us.
尽管这样 他作为父亲对我们还是很不错的
Oh, please. He was a little tyrant.
得了吧 他简直是个暴君
"Sit up straight." "Do your homework."
坐直了 做作业
"Quit forging my signature on hotel bills."
谁让你偷偷模仿我旅馆账单签名的
Okay, then. The funeral is tomorrow.
好了 葬礼安排在明天
I think it would be appropriate for us all to go and pay our respects.
我想古斯基会希望我们都去
I don't know. Tomorrow's not good for me.
凭吊他 不 那不适合我
Oh, Charlie. The man was your father.
查理 他可是你父亲
No, he was not.
不 他不是
Why do you care so much? You divorced him.
你干吗还这么在乎他 你们都离婚了
Just because you divorce doesn't mean you no longer have feelings.
就算离婚了也不意味着没有感觉
That's true. Judith still has feelings for me.
真的 朱蒂丝对我还有感觉
Pity is not really a feeling, Alan.
同情和对你有感觉是两码事 艾伦
Regardless of our feelings, we'll still go and say our final goodbyes to Harry.
先撇开我们的感情不说 我们还是得去和哈利做最后道别
I'm not going. Me neither.
我不去 我也不去
Fine, you stay here with Uncle Charlie. Cool.
好吧 你可以和查理叔叔留下 好吧
Yeah, cool. Why do you wanna go?
好吧 你为什么要去?
I think it's the right thing to do, and I liked Harry.
我觉得我应该这么做 我喜欢哈利
And he liked you. I know.
而且他也喜欢你 我知道
We've stayed in touch over the years.
我们保持联♥系♥了好几年
What?
什么?
You betrayed me by communicating with that son of a bitch after I divorced him?
我和那个杂种离婚后 你还和他保持联♥系♥?
Well, wait a minute. You said that...
等会儿 你刚说了...
I know what I said.
我知道我说过什么
I was just being polite because the guy's worm chow.
我只是出于礼貌 因为那家伙就要喂虫子了
All I did was send him Christmas cards and a picture of Jake.
我只是寄圣诞贺卡 和时不时杰克的照片给他看
You never send me a picture of Jake. He's right here.
你从来没有寄杰克的照片给我 他不就在这吗
When was the last time I got a Christmas card?
而且上次我收到圣诞贺卡是什么时候?
Wait, I'm on your side. Charlie's the one who doesn't wanna go.
等会儿 我是站在你这边的 查理才是我们中不想出席葬礼的
I don't even know if I want you to come now. You've ruined it.
我现在怀疑还要不要让你去了 你把它搞砸了
How can you ruin a funeral? I don't wanna talk about it anymore.
我怎么就把一个葬礼搞砸了? 我不想再聊这个了
Where are you going? I need something black.
你去哪? 我需要去买♥♥些黑色的东西
Doesn't your soul qualify?
你的灵魂难道不够黑吗?
Laugh now, but when I die, I will be coming back to haunt you.
现在就笑吧 等我死了 我会变成鬼回来找你的
How will that be any different than this?
那跟现在也没啥区别啊
Okay, Jake. I'm going to pick up your grandmother.
好了 杰克 我要去接你奶奶了
Okay.
好的
You think maybe you've played that enough?
你玩了一个周末还没够吗?
Okay.
好的
I might as well just buy him a crack pipe.
我还不如就给他买♥♥点药来磕呢
Let's get this over with. You're coming to the funeral?
好吧 速战速决 你要去葬礼吗?
I thought about it and realized, even if I didn't like the guy...
我想了一下然后意识到，即便我不喜欢他...
...that shouldn't stop me from going to his funeral...
也不该不参加葬礼
...and, you know, taking a victory lap.
看看是谁笑到了最后
Charlie, you're not gonna wanna hear this...
查理 这可能不太好听
...but you sound a lot like Mom.
但你声音听起来像极了老妈
Tread lightly.
你给我小心点
Jake, you're coming with us. I don't wanna.
杰克 你得一起去 我不想去
You get to see a real dead guy.
真的吗? 你可以看到真正的死人
There's gonna be a dead guy? Where?
会有死人吗? 在哪?
At the funeral. Oh, cool. Can I come?
葬礼上 酷啊 我可以去吗?
Did I say he was gonna live here until 30?
我之前说他会在这住到30岁吗?
I meant forever.
我改成一辈子
What are you talking about?
你们说啥子?
Go put on your nice clothes. Okay.
去穿好正装 好
He doesn't know what nice clothes are.
他压根都不知道什么是正装
Jake? Oh, right.
杰克 对了
Isn't it a little early to start drinking?
现在喝酒不会太早吗?
Would you like a snort? That's what I meant.
你想来一口吗? 我就是这意思
Thanks.
谢谢
You okay, Mom?
你还好吗 妈妈?
I just can't believe he's gone.
我只是无法接受他真的走了
Isn't that why we're going to the funeral? To make sure?
这是我们参加葬礼的真正原因吗? 去确认一下?
I'm confused. If you cared for Harry so much, how come you left him?
我糊涂了 如果你如此在乎他 你当初为什么甩了他?
Yes, well, about that.
关于这个...
I may have glossed over the details with you boys just a skosh.
我可能对你们夸大其辞了一点点
I didn't actually leave Harry so much as he left me.
其实算不上是我甩了哈利 是他甩了我
You're kidding. He met a younger woman...
你开玩笑吧 他遇到了个一个更年轻的女人
...and just traded me in.
然后就把我甩了
You still loved him, didn't you?
你还爱着他对吧?
I loved him very much.
是啊 我非常爱他
Oh, Harry. My sweet, dear Harry.
哈利 我亲爱的 哈利
All right. Level eight.
太好了 第8关
So where's the dead guy?
死人在哪?
Jake, show a little respect.
杰克 放规矩点
Where's the dead guy, sir?
先生 死人在哪?
In the chapel. Now keep it down.
在殡仪室里 小点声
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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