好汉两个半（2003）

Two and a Half Men S02E23

Part 1 Nov. 17, 2020, 12:10 p.m.

Hey, Jake, why don't you tell Grandma about your spring break.
杰克干嘛不告诉你奶奶春假干了些什么
Bad idea. What?
坏主意怎么了?
Nothing. I just saw that they're moving the L.A. Gardening Exposition...
我只是刚看到他们把洛杉矶园艺展
...to the Convention Center, which I think is a very bad idea.
从神圣大礼堂移到会议中心这我觉得是个"相当坏的主意"
Thanks for the update. Go ahead, Jake, tell Grandma.
谢谢你的新闻杰克告诉奶奶
It was really cool, l... Hang on a second, Jake.
真是相当酷来着... 慢着杰克
I'm not sure you understand how serious this gardening thing is.
我觉得你还没有意识到我说的那园艺展的事有多严重
It's a really bad idea.
真的是个"非常坏的主意"
I get it. Bad idea.
我听到了坏主意
Go ahead, Jake.
说吧杰克
I went camping with Grandma and Grandpa.
我跟外公外婆去野营了
We slept in a tent, we cooked on an open fire.
住帐篷生篝火还远足
And we went hiking and saw a bear.
还看见了熊
You let him spend an entire vacation with his other grandparents...
你让他在外公外婆家过了整个春假
...and I haven't had him for a night?
我却连一个晚上都没跟他过过?
Oh, bad idea.
哦坏主意
This is unfair and unacceptable.
既不公平而且也无法接受
From the moment that boy was born...
那孩子刚出生的时候
...Judith's parents squeezed me out. And you let them.
茱迪丝的父母把我挤出全家福照片你也放任不管
Interesting point.
说得不错
Excuse me, Mom, but when Jake was born...
不好意思妈可杰克出生时
...Judith's mother stayed with us, cooking and cleaning...
茱迪丝的父母放下了一切跟我们呆了个把月
...and taking care of him. - Valid counterpoint.
帮忙照料吃喝拉撒 -艾伦也得一分
Exactly. She's a pushy, pushy woman.
说得没错她是个灰常灰常热心的女人
Personal opinion.
个人观点
No, no. You went on a cruise.
不你当时坐观光车去旅游了
But Judith was two days late.
要不是茱迪丝晚产两天
And I had nonrefundable reservations.
我当时定的票也不能退
Like it would have killed her to get a C-section.
好像剖腹产会要了她的命一样
Self-obsessed psychotic rant.
自大狂的激♥情♥演说
Mom, are you listening to yourself? Stupid question.
妈你听见自己在说什么了吗蠢问题
Awkward silence.
尴尬的沉默
You wanna spend more time with your grandson, he's right here.
你想多陪陪孙子就陪好了他就在这儿
No. He goes to visit his other grandparents.
不他去他外公外婆家玩了
He should come to visit me.
他也该来我家玩一个礼拜?
So you wanna spend a week with him? A week?
那我让他去你那里住一礼拜? 一个礼拜?
Alan, I do have a life.
艾伦我也有自己的生活
I'm confused. What exactly do you want?
我都搞糊涂了那你到底想干嘛
The same quality time Jake spends with his other grandparents.
跟杰克的外公外婆的同等待遇
But, you know, less.
不过你也明白时间上少些
I'll tell you what. Bring him to my place around 6-ish tonight.
我跟你讲下午6点左右把他带到我家来
I'll make him dinner, we'll have a fun sleepover.
让我给他做一顿晚饭然后快乐的在我家过一夜
Gee, Mom, I don't know. Well, why not?
妈我不知道为什么不?
Are you afraid one night with me will irreparably damage him?
难道你觉得让他跟我过一夜会给他幼小心灵造成什么创伤?
Yeah. A little.
是啊有点
Excuse me. I didn't hear any complaints when I was raising you two.
不好意思我把你们俩拉扯大的时候可没听见有什么抱怨
The teenage drinking and constant running away wasn't a slight tip-off?
真的吗青少年酗酒还有逃家难道不是一点小提示吗?
Oh, you were just a little drama queen, Charlie.
拜托你只不过是有点小题大做
And let's not forget, you always came back.
再说你每次到最后总还是会回来的
Kind of hard to find steady work when you're 9.
那时我才9岁半工半读的工作还蛮难找的
Whatever. My place, 6-ish.
随你们怎么说 6点左右来我家
Judith! I can't just leave him with you without discussing it with his mother.
茱迪丝我不可能不跟她通报就把孩子交给你
Are you telling me you need to get your ex-wife's approval...
你在跟我讲你要得到你前妻的许可
...to let your own son spend time with your own mother?
才能让你的亲生儿子和你的亲生母亲相处?
He had a really bad lawyer.
他的律师可不是一般的差劲
You know what your problem is, Alan. You let women walk all over you.
你知道你有啥问题吗艾伦你总是让女人骑在你头上
You get that from your father.
这一点上随你♥爸♥
Well, nevertheless, I still have to clear it with Judith.
随你怎么说我还是要跟茱迪丝说清楚
Well, fine, call her. Right now?
行啊打吧要我现在打?
Well, why not? Unless you'd rather I make the call.
干嘛不? 或者你想让我打?
Probably not home. I'll just... I'll leave a message.
很可能不在家要不我就... 留个口信
Yeah. Hi, Judith.
通了嗨茱迪丝
Listen, it's Alan. Call me back when you get a chance.
听着我是艾伦有时间就给我回个电
Hello? Oh, hi, Judith, you old call-screener, you.
喂? 嗨茱迪丝你电♥话♥屏蔽功能呢
Listen, I just wanted to run something past you.
听着我就是想跟你商量个事
Jake was telling my mom about the fun time he had with your parents...
杰克告诉我妈跟你♥爸♥妈度假的事
...and she thought that...
她觉得...
What do you mean, "no"? I haven't even asked yet.
你说"不"是什么意思我都还没问呢
Oh, really? Well, I've got news for you, lady.
果真? 听着女士
You can't say no, she's his grandmother.
你不能说不她是杰克的奶奶
Well, she may be that too...
那个...她可能是那样子的
...but she's still his grandmother and this is my weekend with him.
可她还是他奶奶这个周末监护权是我的
Charlie and I turned out fine.
她把我和查理养得很好
We did too.
我们也是
Look, he's going, and that's that.
他会去的就这么定了
All right then, goodbye.
行了再见
It's settled. He'll be there at 6. Thank you.
定了他六点过去谢谢
Of course, it is rather short notice.
不过时间是有点紧啊
Mom! Okay. Fine.
妈! 好吧行啊
But don't get used to this.
可别觉得是理所当然
I'm not your full-time babysitter.
我可不是你的全职保姆
I played that wrong, didn't I?
这步棋走错了是吧?
No, no. You called mom's bluff and you stood up to your ex-wife.
不不你将了老妈一军还勇于反抗前妻
You maintained your self-respect, I'm proud of you.
给自己保留了自尊我以你为傲
Yeah, but what about Jake? Oh, Jake.
是吗那杰克呢? 喔杰克
Jake's screwed.
杰克完蛋了
This has been the greatest day of my life.
今天简直是我这辈子最棒的一天
Movies, laser tag, video arcade.
看电影激光枪大战去游戏房♥!
Well, that's good. I wanted today to be special.
我希望今天对你来说很特别
How come? Just because I love you.
怎么讲? 就因为我很爱你
I love you too, Dad.
我也爱你老爸
You know how people say you can't buy love?
要知道别人说过金钱买♥♥不来爱
I think they're wrong.
我觉得他们说错了
You hold on to that sentiment.
这话你还是等会再说
What's the plan for tonight? Is it gonna be special too?
那今晚还有啥安排? 也会很特别吗
Oh, God, I can't watch this.
老天爷简直看不下去了
What? Nothing.
咋了? 没啥
Oh, hey, here's $20.
嘿再给你二十块钱
Wow, thanks.
哇谢谢
You're spending tonight at Grandma's. Great. Wait, what?
今晚你得去奶奶家过夜行啊慢着啥?
You're gonna have lots of fun.
会很好玩的
Right, Charlie? This is the first I'm hearing of it.
对吧查理还是第一次听说
I don't want to go to Grandma's. Here, take your money.
我不去奶奶家拿着你的臭钱
Come on, buddy. She loves you very much.
拜托老兄她很爱你的
And it's just for one night.
再说了就一晚上
But we were having so much fun.
可我们刚才多开心啊
Think it through, Jake. Why were you having so much fun?
再想想杰克你为什么会玩得这么开心
You tricked me. Attaboy.
你骗了我真聪明
What did I ever do to you?
我到底怎么你了?
It's not a punishment.
这不是什么惩罚
It's not a prize.
这绝对不是什么奖励
I'm calling Mom. No. No, no calling Mom.
我要给妈妈打电♥话♥ 别别别给妈妈打电♥话♥
I know my rights. I get one phone call.
我知道我的权利我有权打一个电♥话♥
I've already told your mother. She agreed?
我跟她说过了她同意了?
She knows about it.
她知道这事
Uncle Charlie, can you get me out of this?
查理叔叔能帮我脱身吗
It depends. Are you willing to live in Mexico for a few years?
得看情况了你肯去墨西哥避几年风头吗
Jake, please. Do it as a favor to your grandmother, who loves you.
杰克求你了就当是帮你奶奶个忙她真的很爱你的
For me. For Uncle Charlie.
为了我为了查理叔叔
But most of all, for me.
可主要是为了我
What do I get?
我有啥好处?
What do you mean? I spent a fortune on you today.
什么叫"你有啥好处"? 我今天都花了大笔银子在你身上了
That was because you love me. Now you need me.
那是因为你"爱"我而现在是你"需要"我
Oh, God, this is a great kid.
老天爷这孩子太牛了
Okay. What do you want?
好吧你想要什么?
A motorized Razor scooter, the new Dragon Ball Z game...
一辆摩托滑车新出的"七龙珠"游戏
...an iPod mini and not to go to Grandma's.
ipod随身听还有不去奶奶家
I'll give you three out of four. Okay.
四个里面选三个行啊
Forget the iPod.
那我不要ipod
This is the worst day of my life. Come on.
简直是我这辈子最衰的一天拜托