好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S02E15
Part 1
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:09 p.m.
Well, this is gonna be a sucky weekend.
这个周末会很遭罪的
Try spending it with an 11 -year-old who does nothing but complain.
尤其还碰上个只会抱怨的11岁小子
You mean me?
你是说我吗?
Boy, no wonder they got to write your name in your underwear.
天 怪不得要把你名字写在内♥裤♥上呢
What am I supposed to do?
我能干什么呢?
Watch TV. There's nothing on.
看电视 没什么可看的
Play a video game. I've played them all.
打电玩 都玩遍了
Read a book. Yeah, right.
读书 是啊
Who's the moron now?
这回就看出谁是呆瓜了
Okay. Here's a rainy day activity.
好吧 这有个适合雨天的活动
There are 12 college basketball games on this weekend.
这个周末有12场大学篮球队的比赛
Dial this number, and ask for Coop.
拨这个号♥码 找酷哥
Tell him you're calling for Mr.
就说这是柏·井葛先生打来的
Bojingles and write down everything he tells you.
然后记下他告诉你的一切
Do I get to make some picks this time?
我可以从中选一些下注吗?
You got money? lf you pay me what you owe me.
你有钱吗 只要你把你欠的还我
Well, you're getting an education here. That's priceless.
你会从中受到教育 那可是无价之宝
What's going on? Just talking about picking colleges.
在做什么呢? 正在谈论选择哪个大学
I like Duke. Over Wake Forest?
我喜欢杜克队 那么维克森林呢?
Got a hunch.
我有预感
You've got him thinking about college?
你已经让他开始考虑上大学了？
You're welcome. So how'd it go at the doctor?
不用谢 医生看的怎么样?
Sit down, I have to tell you something.
你先坐下 我得跟你说点事
What?
怎么了?
The doctor wants me to have a procedure.
大夫要我做个医疗检查
What kind of procedure? He says I'm fine...
什么样的医疗检查? 大夫说只是例行检查
...and it's routine, but I'm really freaked out about it.
...我也很健康 但我却越发担心
What procedure?
什么样的医疗检查?
A colonoscopy.
结肠镜检查
Oh, jeez, Alan, that's no big deal.
艾伦 这有什么大不了的
They're just gonna shove a camera up your ass.
只不过把透镜从屁♥眼♥"捅"进去而已
Okay, in all future references to this procedure...
好吧 今后一旦再谈论这个医疗检查 我们是否...
...can we please use the word "glide" or "slide"...
...可以用像是“平移” 或是“滑入”这样的词...
...as opposed to "shove."
...而不是“捅”
Don't sweat it. Every guy eventually has to get one of those.
别小题大做了 每个人都会经历一次的
It's strictly a factfinding mission. You've had one?
只不过是仔细检查一下 你做过吗?
No, you crazy?
没有 你疯了吗?
But I hear there's nothing to worry about. It's a tiny little camera.
不过我听说没什么可担心的 就是个小小的窥镜
In the old days, they'd send a sketch artist up there.
知足吧 从前他们都要派个写生画家去的
Besides, you're unconscious.
另外你从始至终都会处于昏迷状态
That's what I'm worried about. I'll be in a very vulnerable position.
这正是我所担心的 我会处于一个任人摆布的状态
They could do anything. Alan, it's not a pirate ship.
他们可以为所欲为 艾伦 你又没在海盗船上
Just relax. It'll be over before you know it.
放松些吧 在你恢复意识前就结束了
Yeah. I'll bet that's what they say on pirate ships.
是啊 我打赌在海盗船上他们也这么说
Damn it. What?
噢 见鬼 怎么了?
The sink's stopped up again.
水槽又堵了
That kid doesn't know the difference between the garbage and the drain.
这孩子总是分不清楚 垃圾通道和下水道的区别
What do you want? He's 11. That's no excuse.
你还指望什么?他只有11岁 那可不是个借口
If he can't tell which hole
如果他到这年龄
is which at his age, he's headed for trouble.
还区分不出不同的“洞” 那他的问题就大了
How about that?
这又怎么样呢?
Oh, God, I had the worst nightmares.
老天 我做了个可怕的噩梦
Pirate ships?
海盗船的?
Full-service gas stations.
全套服务的加油站
I fail to see the connection.
我看不出有什么关联
Cold steel nozzles going into openings.
冰冷的金属油嘴插♥进♥汽车油箱
Dipsticks being pulled out.
量油计被拔♥出♥来♥
Do I have to draw you a picture?
还需要我给你画个画看吗?
You know what?
你知道吗?
You need to get your mind off this colonoscopy.
你不应该再去想结肠镜检查那事了
Come on! Get in there, you sucker!
来吧 给我捅进去啊 你这混账
Easy for you to say.
你说起来倒容易啊
How about this?
这么办吧
How about we hop in the car and go to Vegas for a couple of days?
你我开车 去拉斯维加斯玩几天怎么样?
Just like that? What about Jake?
那样行吗?杰克怎么办?(赌场禁止未成年人)
Oh, yeah, Jake.
噢对 还有杰克
Okay, how about this, we get him a fake mustache and a hat...
好吧 这么办吧 给他挂上八字胡戴个帽子...
...and tell everybody his mother was a heavy smoker.
...跟别人解释说他妈妈是个烟鬼
I don't think so. We can still bring him...
我看不行 我们还是可以带着他...
...come on, it's the perfect solution. The kid's bored...
...拜托 这可是个完美的点子 这孩子也不用再嫌无聊
...and you're all puckered up over this colonoscopy thing.
...你也可以把结肠镜检查那事给忘了
It just won't go in.
它就是捅不进去啊
Well, it is a threeday weekend. Exactly.
是啊 反正是3天的大周末 就是
And I got 2 grand in my pocket
我口袋里的两千块跃跃欲试
that's itching to turn into $ 12 and a hangover.
想变为一万二 再来场宿醉
Come on, we can be there in like four hours.
走吧 四个小时后就到了
Unless you drive, in which case I'm not going.
除非是你开车 但如果你真要开 我可就不去了
Perfect, now I can't get it out.
太好了 这下子搞不出来了
You know what? Why not? One way or another...
为什么不呢? 无论如何...
I'm gonna get reamed. I might as well enjoy a free buffet.
反正我也会被钻孔了 何不顺便享受下那里的海鲜自助大餐
Great. Go grab a toothbrush and we'll hit the road.
好极了 去给你和孩子拿两支牙刷 我们就出发上路
Pinky? Berta.
萍姬? 我是波塔
Order a keg and call the gang, I got the house until Tuesday.
买♥♥一小桶然后召集小伙子们 到下周二房♥子都是我的了
Okay, we're gonna need two rooms.
我需要两个房♥间
One for Alan Harper and son...
一个给艾伦·哈勃和他的儿子...
...and one for Charlie Harper and a cocktail waitress to be named later.
...一个给查理·哈勃和他的调酒女郎 名字回头再说
No, I don't want connecting rooms.
不 我不要相邻的两个房♥间
Weren't you listening?
你没好好听吗?
In fact, put mine on a different floor.
最好把我安排在另一层楼上
Come on, let's go.
快啊 该出发了
Now, what's playing in your showroom?
你们目前的表演场有什么节目?
Nude Legends on Ice. Sweet.
"冰上裸女" 太棒了
Okay, this may sound like a dumb question...
还有个问题可能听起来挺蠢...
...but is it a family show?
...这秀老少皆宜吗?
Well, what if the kid had a mustache?
那么如果那孩子有胡子了呢?
All right. He'll just have to stay in the room and watch scrambled porn.
那也行 可以让他呆在房♥间里看些A片
You could help me, you know.
你可以帮我一把的 你知道吗
No, you're doing okay.
不用了 我看你弄得很好
Where's your clean underwear? I'm wearing it.
你干净的内♥裤♥在哪里? 穿在身上了
That's all you brought for the weekend? It's only three days.
整个周末就带了一条吗? 不就只有三天嘛
All right, we'll pick some up there.
算了 去了再买♥♥吧
They'd last five days if I turn them inside out.
如果我翻个面 能穿5天呢
What's going on? Aren't you ready?
出什么事了? 还没弄好?
I'm packing Jake. For what, college?
我在给杰克打包呢 去哪里? 上大学?
What the hell's this? So he can go swimming.
带这鬼东西干吗? 这样他可以去游泳啊
Where? They have pools in Vegas, Charlie.
去哪游? 在维加斯也有游泳池啊 查理
Why don't you bring a frying pan, they got kitchens too.
他们还有厨房♥呢 你不再带口锅去?
Let's see. Sport jacket. He doesn't need a sport jacket.
我再想想 对了西便服 干吗带着西便服?
What if we take him someplace nice?
也许有个吃晚餐的正规场合呢
Take him someplace nice?
带他去正规场合?
Alan, if I wanna throw away money, I'll play keno.
艾伦 我的钱只想花到基诺上 (keno: 一种赌博)
Can I gamble in Vegas? No.
我可以在维加斯赌吗? 不行
Why am I going? Because all the kennels are full.
那我去干什么? 因为所有的狗场都满了
Now, come on. Let's go.
快点走吧
Charlie, I haven't packed myself yet.
查理 我的包还没打呢
What've you been doing?
开玩笑 你一直在干什么呢?
I changed the phone message...
我把电♥话♥留言改了...
...to tell people we'd be out of town, I put together a first aid kit...
...交代我们出城了 我准备了一个急救包...
...I turned the fridge thermostat down,
...我把冰箱温度也调了
because it doesn't have to be cold...
我们不用的话 就没有必要调那么低的温度...
...I called the paper and stopped delivery...
...我打电♥话♥通知暂停送报纸...
...and I erased an old Mad Libs book...
...我还把填词游戏的答案全擦了...
...so we'd have something to entertain us in the car.
...以用来在路上娱乐
Mad Libs, huh? Yeah.
填词游戏? 对
Let me see that.
让我看看
Go get packed!
快 打 包
Wait until you see Vegas, Jake.
等你到了维加斯 杰克
There's action everywhere you look, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
不管看哪里每天24小时 每周七天都永远热火朝天
How does that help me?
那关我什么事?
I can't gamble, and I have to be in bed at 9:30.
我又不能赌 还必须9点半上♥床♥睡觉
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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