好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S02E04
Part 1
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:07 p.m.
Hey, Alan?
艾伦？
You had the "just say no" talk with Jake, right?
你刚才说不跟杰克说话 对吧?
Of course. Why? What talk did you have with him?
当然了 怎么这么问? 你和他有什么话题可聊吗?
No talk, it's just that he's...
没有 只是他...
It'll be more fun if you see it.
算了 你亲自来看会比较好玩
I'm guessing you don't mean fun for me.
我猜不是对我而言好玩
Tell the truth. How proud do you feel at this moment?
告诉他 你此时此刻多么自豪
What the hell is he doing?
他到底在干嘛?
I don't know.
我不知道
Ten bucks says he hits the ceiling if we turn on the garbage disposal.
赌10块钱要是我把水槽搅拌机打开 他头会飞上天花板
Jake, what are you doing? Breathing.
杰克 你在干什么 练习呼吸
Breathing. Any particular reason you're doing that in the sink?
练习呼吸? 干吗非得在水槽里练?
I have to practice.
因为 必须
Man, the girls are gonna love him when he grows up.
伙计 这小伙长大后肯定很多姑娘爱
Jake? Yes?
杰克? 什么?
I'll bring him up. Yeah.
我来拉他起来
Hey, that's not funny. I could have drowned.
嘿 这不是开玩笑的 我可能会被淹死的
And then we'd have found your body days later, washed up on the dish rack.
是啊 过几天他们就会发现 你的尸体已经飘到了杜什雷尔
Where did you get all this snorkel stuff? Greg bought it for me.
你哪儿得到的这些潜水用的东西的? 葛雷给我的
Greg? Yeah, you know, Dr. Melnick...
葛雷? 梅尔尼克医生
...Mom's boyfriend. He's a real cool guy.
妈妈的男友 他真的很酷
He's gonna teach me how to scuba-dive after I learn to snorkel.
我学会后他就会带我潜水了
We're gonna need a bigger sink.
我们得买♥♥个大点的水槽了
He's got a gigantic boat with bedrooms on it, and scuba tanks and wet suits.
他有一个带卧室的游艇 里面还有大型水箱和潜水衣
We're gonna go diving off Catalina. Wait till you see the flippers he bought me.
我们将去卡塔尼亚潜水 等着 我去拿潜水脚蹼给你们看
Well, Judith's boyfriend sounds like quite a guy.
朱蒂丝的男友听起来像成功人士
Yeah. You okay with that?
是啊 你还好吧?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.
当然 我还好
This can be a sensitive area for divorced guys.
这可是离婚男人的伤心处
I know. Exwife sleeping with another man.
我知道 前妻跟了别人睡
Son starting to bond with him. Yeah. Yeah.
儿子跟着别人混 是啊
Big boat. Charlie, what's your freaking point here?
豪华游艇... 查理 你到底想说什么
No point. Just drilling for the nerve.
没什么 就想挑战下你的神经
So, what do you think? You wanna go bowling today? Maybe catch a movie?
所以你怎么想的？ 我们去玩保龄球怎么样或去看场电影?
No, I'm gonna take another bath.
不 我再去洗个澡
He does know there's an ocean out there, right?
他知道外面就是海 对吧?
Well, Greg doesn't want him in the ocean.
葛雷不想去海里
He wants him to spend time training in a pool.
他想先在游泳池里教他
In fact, my son's a little unhappy about being here...
实际上 我儿子对于 这周要呆在这感到不爽
...because he wanted to go snorkeling in Greg's pool.
因为他想去 葛雷的游泳池里练潜水
He's got a boat and a pool?
他有游艇还有游戏池?
I guess you can afford cool stuff...
老天 我估计你想要买♥♥那些玩意
...when you don't have to sell your blood and sperm to make alimony payments.
除了卖♥♥血捐精还得做♥鸭♥
Hey, hey, my relationship with my son is not based on having cool stuff.
我和我儿子的关系 可不是在建立在物质基础上的
And lucky for you.
你真走运
Come on, look at the bright side. What bright side, Charlie?
好了 你应该多看看好的一面 好的一面? 查理
Delineate the bright side.
说说看哪有好的一面
Maybe one weekend Greg will let us take a couple of chicks out on the boat.
也许葛雷哪天能同意 让我们带几个妞上船
Why on earth would he lend us his boat?
他为什么会让我们上船?
He's tight with Jake, we're tight with Jake. We've got an in.
他和杰克关系好 我们也和杰克关系好 所以我们和他关系好
Are you not hearing my pain?
你倒底有没有感受到我的痛苦
My son likes Judith's boyfriend better than me.
我儿子更喜欢朱蒂丝的男友而不是我
Hey, I don't even know him and I like him better than you.
你可能还不知道我也更喜欢他
You'd think I'd learn.
真给我上了一课
Alan. Alan, your son loves you. You're a big influence on him.
艾伦 艾伦 你儿子很爱你 你对他的影响很大
You are the most important role model. Oh, I guess.
你是他有生以来最好的榜样 我想是吧
I mean, so what if you can't teach him to scuba-dive.
你不能教他潜水又怎样
For that matter, you can't teach him to ski...
这并不意味着你就不能教他
...or hit a curve ball or anything cool, really.
滑雪曲棍球之类的很酷的运动 对吧
But you bring plenty of other things to the table.
但是你功课辅♥导♥得不错
Thank you, God.
感谢上帝
Hello, Charlie. Always a price, isn't there?
好啊 查理 他总是给我惊喜啊
Hello, Alan. Jake's taking a bath.
好啊 艾伦 如果你想见杰克 可能还得等会 他在洗澡
As much as I'd love to spend time with my grandson, I'm in a hurry.
虽然很想见见我的乖孙 但我现在有点急
Need to borrow your Mercedes.
查理 我得借用下你的奔驰
Well, since you're in a hurry, I'll give you a quick answer. No.
既然你很急 我可以马上告诉你 没门
Charlie, please. I'm showing a house in half an hour.
查理 别这样 半小时后我要带人去看♥房♥♥子
What's wrong with that little electric car you bought?
你的那个电力车有问题?
Nothing, it's fine. It's what anybody who cares about this planet is driving.
没啥 非常时髦 关心地球的人都开这车
If you're trying to sell real estate to a Saudi oil prince...
但是如果你要卖♥♥♥房♥♥子 给沙特石油王子
...you can't be driving up in some little toy car with a plug in the bumper.
怎么能开个不耗油的电力车
You could use my car, Mom.
你可以用我的车 妈
You see? Now, that is how a loving son treats his mother.
你瞧 这才是孝顺儿子该做的
Thank you, sweetheart, but I need to look successful.
谢谢你 心肝 但是我希望看上去像成功人士
Charlie, your Mercedes. No, forget it.
查理 你的奔驰 不 你别想了
Charlie, I am not leaving until you give... Happy motoring.
查理 我会一直呆在这直到... 一路顺风
Thank you.
谢谢
My car is in your driveway.
我的车停在你的车道上
And if you lose power, there's a kite and a key in the trunk.
另外 如果没电了 后车箱里有风筝和钥匙
For the record, there are other ways of measuring success besides cars.
其实除了车以外 还有其他衡量成功的东西
You're right. There's boats and pools.
说得对 还有游艇和游泳池
You know what? I hope Mom puts a dent in your big, shiny, new Mercedes.
你知道吗? 我希望老妈给你 亮晶晶的奔驰上撞个坑
Hey, don't say that.
别这样说
If you're gonna hope for something, hope she drives it off a cliff.
如果你非要盼点啥 就该希望她飞车坠崖
So this is pretty cool, huh, Jake? An electric car.
很酷吧 杰克 电力车
I guess. What happens when the batteries run out?
我想是吧 但是电池没电了怎么办
You plug it in and recharge it.
你插入电源就可以给它充电了
But what if there's a blackout?
要是停电了怎么办?
You sit in the back seat with a pistol...
那你就坐在黑暗中 装好子弹
...and wait for the looters, just like any other car.
跟其他司机一样等着被抢吧
Charlie. It's a cool car, Jake.
查理 这是部好车 杰克
Greg has a really cool car. He has a Hummer.
葛雷的车才是好车 他有部悍马
You know, your Uncle Charlie's no stranger to Hummers.
你要知道 你查理叔叔对"悍马"也不陌生
Charlie.
查理
That's a cool car too, Jake.
那可真是匹"好马" 杰克
So, Jake, this is pretty cool, huh?
杰克 很酷吧?
Driving in a futuristic car, going to see a movie.
开着电力车 去看场电影
Hey, maybe afterwards we can go get some pizza.
也许我们看完后 还可以去吃点比萨
Sure.
也行
And then, who knows, maybe... Maybe your old dad will buy you...
接下来的事谁知道呢 说不定你老爸我会给你买♥♥一个
...an excessively violent and bloody video game. How's that sound?
超酷暴♥力♥游戏怎么样 儿子?
Okay.
那好吧
You know, when we go scuba diving...
要知道我们去潜水的时侯
...Greg's gonna teach me how to steer his boat.
葛雷要教我开船
Well, I am sorry, Jake, but, you know, I don't have a boat.
我很抱歉 杰克 我没有游艇
I don't have a Hummer, and I don't know how to scuba-dive.
也没有悍马 我也不会那什么潜水
It's okay, Dad. Greg does.
没什么 爸爸 葛雷会就行了
Hey, Jake, how'd you like your dad to teach you how to drive a car?
杰克 让你♥爸♥教你开车怎么样
What? Really?
什么? 真的吗?
Charlie, he's 11.
查理 他才11岁
So? We'll find an empty parking lot.
那我们找个空旷的 停车场什么的不就行了吗
What if he hits something? Alan, it's Mom's car.
要是撞到什么东西怎么办? 艾伦 这是老妈的车
Guess what? Daddy's gonna teach you how to drive.
没错 儿子 呆会老爸教你怎么开
Cool.
酷
Can you reach the pedals?
够得到下面的踏板吗?
Yeah. Can we turn on the radio? Forget the radio.
可以 我可以试试这音响吗 别管这音响
Which one's the window squirter?
窗摇把在哪儿?
Okay, forget the squirter. Now, come on, focus.
别管什么窗摇把了 集中注意力
This is your rear-view mirror. It's very important to check it before you back up
这是后视镜 在你倒车时很重要
Okay. Now... Well, what do you see?
好的 看到些什么
The top of Uncle Charlie's head.
查理叔叔的头顶
A shopping cart, a tree, soda can.
购物车 树 苏打罐头
Looks like Mountain Dew. Okay.
不知道什么牌子的 好了
Forget the rear-view mirror. We're just... We're just gonna go forward.
先别管后视镜了 我们先朝前开
Now, you know, this is the brake and this is the gas.
这个是刹车 这个是油门
Thought it was electric.
这不是电力车吗?
He's got you there, Alan.
被问倒了?
Okay, this is the brake and this is the electric.
好吧 这是刹车 这是...电门
They're very, very sensitive. You don't have to press hard.
这些很灵 别使劲踩
Okay.
好的
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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