好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S02E11
Part 1
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:08 p.m.
Two white wines and a Jack and ginger.
两杯白葡萄酒 一杯姜汁酒
Please tell me the Jack and ginger isn't for you.
不好意思 姜汁酒不是你要的吧
No, it's for my girlfriend. Why?
不 是我女友要的 怎么啦
You look like a woman of discriminating taste...
你看起来像一个很有品味的女士
...and mixing a quality bourbon with ginger ale...
而加了姜的波本酒的格调
...is like putting Cheez Whiz on lobster Newburgh.
就像加了奶酪的龙虾汉堡
Well, what if I said the Jack and ginger was for me?
那要是我说 姜汁酒是我要的怎么办?
Well, then, I'd learn to live with it.
好吧 那样我就只能学着接受了
Charlie. Gail.
查理 艾尔
Sorry I'm late.
对不起 我迟到了
I stopped off at Radio Barn, and wait till you see what I got.
我到无线电店去了 看看我买♥♥到了什么?
Alan, I'm kind of in the middle of...
艾伦 我正在...
Damn you to hell.
你可以去死了
What? What did I do? Forget it.
什么? 我做什么啦?
It's who you are, you can't help yourself.
没事 你就是这样的 你自己也无能为力
Okay. Anyway, check this out. Know what that is?
好 算了 看看这个 知道这是什么吗?
A two megapixel, fullcolor webcam. Right.
2百万像素全色摄像头? 答对
How do I do it?
我真是天才!
I got one for me and for Jake. We can hook them to our computers...
瞧 一个给我 一个给杰克 我们把它们接到电脑上
...so when he's at his mother's, we can have video chats.
所以当他在他妈妈那儿的时候 我们随时都可以视频聊天了
That's cool. Isn't it?
这简直棒极了 不是吗
Yeah, with a couple of these, phone sex becomes less phone and more sex.
是啊 有了这个 "电♥话♥性♥爱♥"就可以多做♥爱♥少打电♥话♥了
These are to maintain my relationship with Jake.
查理 我用这个是为了维系 我和儿子之间的关系
It's the worst part of the divorce:
这是离婚所造成的最糟糕的问题
Only seeing him on weekends. I get that. I sympathize.
我只能在周末和他见面 对啊 我知道 也很同情
But you can see the validity of my vision too, right?
但你也了解我的用法吧
Oh, look. Built-in microphone. Totally hands-free. Perfect.
哦 看那 内置麦克风 无需用手操作 太完美了
Excuse me. Oh, hey, Gail. Good to see you again.
不好意思 嗨 艾尔 很高兴再次见到你
Don't move, don't talk.
别动 别说话
Are you Charlie Harper? Yeah. Why?
你是查理·哈勃吗? 是啊 怎么啦?
You were right. It's him.
你们是对的 是他
What...? What...? What's funny?
有什么好笑的?
Nothing.
没什么
So listen, can I buy you a drink?
好 那我可以给你买♥♥杯喝的吗?
He wants to buy me a drink.
他想给我买♥♥杯喝的
Then what? We go back to your beach house...
接下来又是什么? 我们回到你海边的大房♥子
...sit on the deck, look at the stars, talk about how you love being an uncle...
坐在阳台上看星星 谈谈你是多么喜欢做一个叔叔
...and how you'd like kids of your own...
也许有一天你会有自己的孩子
...and by the way, I have the most beautiful eyes in the world.
再顺便说一句 我有世界上最漂亮的眼睛
I'm sorry. Have we met before?
对不起 我们以前见过面吗?
No. And we're not gonna meet now.
没有 而且我们现在也不用见面了
Okay. I have a bad feeling.
好吧 我有一种很不详的预感
Is the camera on?
摄像头开了吗?
Good. Now, hit "connect."
好的 现在点击连接
I can see you. Can you see me?
我能看到你了 你能看见我吗?
Yeah, yeah. I can hear you too. You can hang up the phone.
能啊 能 我还能听见你说话 你可以挂电♥话♥了
This is awesome.
这太棒了
Yeah, we can see each other every day. Cool.
是啊 现在我们可以每天都看到对方了 帅呆了
So...
那...
What's new?
有什么新鲜事吗?
Nothing.
- 没有
What's new with you?
你有什么新鲜事吗?
Not much.
不太多 呃...
Hey, Charlie. Rose, stop.
嘿 查理 罗斯 停下
What? We're friends now, right?
什么? 我们现在是朋友 对吧?
Right.
嗯
Our one-night stand is ancient history. You're not stalking me anymore, right?
我们的一♥夜♥情♥早已历史了 你也不会再跟踪我了 对吧?
Right. Then use the damn stairs.
对 那就走那该死的楼梯啊!
Really? Yes.
真的? 对啊
Okay.
好吧
I'm opening up the gate. I'm proud of you.
我在敲门啦 真为你自豪
I'm starting up the stairs. You can do it.
我正踩着楼梯呢 你可以做到的!
I don't know about this.
真不知道该怎么说
You'll get used to it. Yeah, we'll see.
你会习惯的 等着瞧吧
I'm surprised to see you home.
看到你在家真是惊奇
It's ladies' night at Pavlov's. I know.
午夜场该迟到了 我知道
Well, isn't that kind of like rabbit season for Elmer Fudd?
这不该是色情狂的猎艳时期吗
Used to be.
以前倒是
Let me ask you question.
我问你个问题好吗?
How much do chicks talk about men they've been with?
你们女生常常讨论 和自己约会过的男人吗?
Not as much as you'd think.
没你想的那么多
Really? Way more.
真的? 才怪
Why? Well, I ran into some women last night.
怎么了? 我昨晚碰到个女的
Never met them before.
从没见过
But they seem to have already formed a poor opinion of me.
但似乎她们已经对我有成见了
So you think somebody's out there spreading nasty rumors?
所以你想有人在外面说你坏话?
Worse. I think somebody's out there spreading the truth.
比那更糟 有人在散布事实
Well, you have burned a few bridges in this town.
看来你惹怒了不少城里的关系网啊
Hey, I don't burn bridges.
我才没有惹怒关系网
I have casual sex with relative strangers.
我有只是不经意的跟 某些是好友的陌生女人们上♥床♥
There's a difference.
那是有区别的
And I'm always honest.
而且我是很诚实的
I never lead a woman on. Unless I'm, you know, totally bombed.
我从来不诱骗女人 除非 你知道的...欲♥火♥焚身
Last night was probably the result of one woman with an ax to grind.
昨晚... 也许是因为一个女人和她的嫉妒心
Probably.
也许吧
Yeah, that's it.
就是这样啦
I'm making myself crazy over nothing. Oh, I do that all the time.
把我都搞傻了 我也老这样
It's a great way to fill up a slow weekend.
想填满那漫长的周末真是奢望
Rose, that night we spent together...
罗斯 我们在一起的那个晚上
...did I tell you you had beautiful eyes?
我有没告诉你 你有双漂亮的眼睛?
Well, let's see. We had a couple of drinks, you invited me back here.
我看看 我们喝了点酒 你邀请我到这里来
We were sitting out on the deck, looking at the stars.
我们就坐在这个阳台上看星星
And, yeah, you said:
然后... 对啊
"By the way, you have the most beautiful eyes in the world."
你说 "顺便说一下 你有世界上最漂亮的眼睛"
I guess I do use that a lot.
看来我的确经常用这招
But, damn it, it's good.
但该死的 这招真厉害
Are you sure it's not red? Look again.
你确定没事吗? 再看看
It looks fine. You have to go to school tomorrow.
看起来很正常 你明天得去上学
Good night, Rose. Night, Charlie.
晚安 罗斯 晚安 查理
And don't forget to use the...
别忘了用...
Never mind.
算了
Oh, Charlie, Charlie. Come here.
查理过来
Say hello to your Uncle Charlie. Hey, Uncle Charlie.
和查理叔叔问好 嗨 查理叔叔
Hi, Jake. I can see you.
嗨 杰克 我可以看到你
I can see you too.
我也可以看到你
So...
那...
What's new?
有什么新鲜事吗?
Not much. What's new with you?
没什么 你呢?
Nothing. Oh, wait. I Googled you...
也没什么 对了 我搜索了你的名字
... and you'll never guess what I found.
你绝对想不到我发现了什么
Jake, are you in the bathtub?
杰克 你在浴缸里了吗?
Yeah. Gotta go.
是的 得闪了
No, no, no. Wait, Jake, what are you talking about?
等等 杰克 你在说什么?
What's he talking about? I don't know.
他说什么? 不知道
But if you Google me, you'll find pages that mention...
但如果你搜索我的名字 你会找到两页关于
...my San Fernando Valley Chiropractor of the Year award.
我在 萨克拉门托市 (加州首府)圣诞颂歌♥比赛获奖的信息
That's nice. Get out of the way.
很有趣 闪开
Oh, careful. There's another Alan J. Harper.
注意 还有另外一个艾伦·J·哈勃
He's a school bus driver, and he also makes these decorative pigs...
他是个校车司机 他还用
...out of bleach bottles and pipe cleaners.
漂白剂瓶 和烟斗管做了只工艺猪
I'm not Googling you. I'm Googling me.
我不是在搜你 我在搜我自己
"CharlieHarperSucks. com."
查理·哈勃大烂人网
That's gotta be a different Charlie Harper.
肯定是同名同姓的查理·哈勃
Okay.
好了
I have a bad feeling.
我有种不详的预感
Oh, boy.
我的天
Oh, man.
我的上帝
Oh, crap.
太郁闷了
Are you still reading that thing? How can I not?
你还在看这些东西吗? 我怎么能不看?
It's an entire website devoted to trashing me.
这整个网页都是来诋毁我的
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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