好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S02E16
Part 2
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:09 p.m.
That's what I thought.
正如我想的
Now, if you ladies will excuse me...
女士们 允许我失陪了...
...I have three buses to catch.
...我还要赶3班车
I bet she catches them by hand.
我打赌她肯定用手直接拦车
Yeah, well, I have my own problems.
没错 我自己也有烦心事呢
I was late for work, my receptionist went home early...
我今天上班迟到了 我的前台提前下班走了...
...because, apparently, she has the reproductive cycle of a jackrabbit...
...因为很显然 她生理期跟长耳野兔的一样...
...and then I had a large, drunk Samoan man walk in...
...然后一个大块头的 萨摩亚醉汉闯了进来...
...who thought that chiropractor means "massage with happy ending."
...他以为脊椎指压师是可以提供特殊按♥摩♥服务
I kept trying to crack his back and he kept rolling over and winking at me.
我努力试图压爆他的背 他就不停地转身对我抛媚眼
Wow, that's creepy. Tell me about it.
真恶心啊 怎么说
So you're gonna see him again?
那你还会和他碰面吗?
Or should I say, are you gonna see him Samoa?
或许更准确的说 你还要见那个萨摩亚人吗?
Oh, come on. That was funny.
别这样 很好玩啊
Oh, yeah. It's hilarious.
对啊 好好笑啊
You know what your problem is?
你知道你的问题是什么?
You don't drink enough. You're probably right.
你酒喝的不够多 或许吧
This is the first time today I've had a chance to just sit down and decompress.
这是我今天第一次有机会坐下来舒缓下压力
Cheers? Oh, cheers.
干杯? 干杯
Oh, that's good.
好爽
I keep having this nagging feeling that I forgot something.
我止不住有种不安感 我好像忘了什么
lf you forgot it, it wasn't important. Yeah, I guess.
如果你都忘了 估计也不是什么大不了的事 大概吧
I can't believe you forgot me.
真不敢相信你竟然把我忘了
I said I'm sorry.
我说了对不起了
You forgot me.
你忘了来接我
I know. I feel terrible.
我知道 我很内疚
How many kids you got?
你到底有几个小孩啊?
There's a towel on the floor, buddy. I'm okay.
地板上有块毛巾 小子 我没事啦
I want you to sit on it so you don't leave a wet ass-print on my leather seats.
很好 但我想让你把它垫在湿屁屁下 省的弄脏我的皮椅子
You forgot me too.
你也忘了来接我
Yeah, but I'm just your uncle.
话是没错 不过我只是你的大伯
He's your father.
他可是你老爸
Yeah, my own father.
是啊 我亲生父亲
Thanks, Charlie.
多谢你了 查理
Is there any way I can make it up to you?
我怎样才能弥补过错呢?
You wanna go out for a special dinner? No.
想出去吃顿好的吗? 不要
How about a movie? Why?
看电影呢? 干什么?
You're gonna leave me there too?
你想把我再丢一次?
For the last time, I am sorry.
我再说最后一次 对不起
Won't be the last time.
肯定不会是最后一次
I just wanna go home. I'm cold and I'm wet.
我又冷又湿只想回家
If you kick the back of my seat again, you're gonna be colder and wetter.
如果你再用脏钉子鞋踢我后座的话 会更冷更湿
Ease up on him. He's had a rough day.
别这样 他今天很不开心
Yeah, my dad left me out in the rain.
没错 我爸把我丢在雨里
I'm sorry.
对不起啦
What did I tell you?
我说什么来着?
What's all this stuff on the floor?
车地板上有什么东西?
I don't know. Junk mail. Parking tickets.
不知道 垃圾邮件 停车罚单
What's this? Satin blindfold.
这是什么? 眼罩啊
For what? What do you mean, "For what"?
干嘛用的? 什么叫干嘛用的?
In case I run into...
以防我碰到...
...a pi馻ta.
...大肥婆
You're unbelievable. Don't judge.
真不敢相信 别乱评断人
You felt up a Samoan dude.
你还被萨摩亚人侵犯了呢
Hey, this is for me. From the IRS.
这是给我的 国税局寄来的
It was mailed a month ago.
1个月前就寄来了
Damn post office.
该死的邮局
Oh, perfect.
完美
Just freaking perfect. Good news?
太他♥娘♥的♥完美了 好消息?
I'm being audited.
他们要来找我核帐
They wanna see me tomorrow.
明天就想见我
Oh, well, look at the upside.
往好的一面看嘛
What upside?
哪有什么好的一面?
Yeah, okay, you got me.
好吧 算我输了
How could you forget to give this to me?
你怎么可以忘记把这个给我?
I don't know. How could you forget your only son in the rain?
我哪知道 你又怎么能把你独子忘在雨里?
Yeah. Yeah. Watch the cleats.
对啊 对啊 小心钉子鞋
Let's go, sleepyhead. Rise and shine, up and at 'em.
快起来 大懒虫 太阳晒屁♥股♥啦
Get out of my room or I'll kill you with my bare hands.
离开我房♥间 要不我就徒手宰了你
I'm being audited today. You have to take Jake to school.
别这样 今天有人来查我帐 你得送杰克去学校
Put him in a cab.
帮他叫辆出租吧
Oh, please. I am counting on you.
拜托 我全指望你了
Then you're headed for disappointment.
那你可得失望了
You need to get Jake dressed, make him his lunch...
你得给杰克穿衣服 给他做好午饭...
...and get him to school by 8, okay? -Okay.
...保证他8点能到学校好吗? -好吧
You're not moving. Yes, I am.
你根本没动 没有 我在动了
I'm flipping you off under the covers.
我正在床单下幻想把你踢倒呢
Get up!
起来!
All right, I'm up.
好啦 我起来就是了
So you know what to do with Jake?
你知道要为杰克做些什么了吧?
You have to be responsible. You have to be me today.
你必须担起责任来 今天你得扮演我的角色
Think you can handle that? You left him out in the rain yesterday.
没问题吧? 你昨天把他忘在雨里
It's not like you set the bar real high.
这榜样也不怎么地啊
Charlie. Relax.
查理 放心啦
I think I'm capable of getting your kid to school.
送你儿子去学校的能力我还是有的
Good, because I really need your help.
很好 因为我真的很需要你的帮助
So... So I'm gonna leave now.
那么 我现在走了
You're all set, right?
你没问题的 对吧?
Charlie?
查理?
Get up!
起来!
Get dressed. I'm taking you to school.
快换衣服 我要送你去学校
I can't. I'm sick.
我去不了了 我病了
Yeah, well, bite me.
是啊 是啊 别废话了
Hey. Don't... Don't screw with me, shorty.
Hey. 别和我耍花样
I only got, like, nine hours of sleep last night.
我昨晚只睡了9小时
Now get dressed. I'm supposed to take a shower first.
先换衣服 我一般先洗澡的
Sit near a window.
靠窗坐吧
Here, put these on. I wore these yesterday.
换上它们 我昨天就穿的这些
They're still extremely stylish. Put them on.
但它们还是很时髦 穿上吧
Can I have some privacy, please? For what? You're 11.
你能尊重我的隐私回避一下吗? 为什么? 你才11岁而已
That's close to puberty.
离青春期不远了
Okay, okay.
好吧 好吧
I'm leaving.
我这就走
What am I, nuts?
我脑壳坏了?
Get up!
起来!
I could have dressed myself, you know.
你要知道我可以自己穿衣服的
You had your chance.
给过你机会了
I look stupid.
我看上去好蠢啊
Yeah, well, you're close to puberty.
对啊 你离青春期不远了
Oh, I forgot to comb my hair.
我忘记梳头了
No, no, no. I'll do it.
不 不 不 我帮你
That's spit.
那是口水哎
Hey, one man's saliva is another man's mousse. Now shut up.
己之唾液彼之摩丝 闭嘴吧你
There, you're beautiful. Let's go.
你好靓仔 我们走吧
What about lunch? Sorry, I have plans.
午饭呢? 对不起我另有计划了
No, you're supposed to make me lunch.
不是 你应该给我做午饭
Oh, all right, come on.
哦 对了 来吧
You're not really a morning person, are you?
你不喜欢早起 对吧?
You're just saying that because I spit on your head.
你这么说是因为我把口水抹你脑袋上了
You like cold pizza, right? Sure.
你喜欢冷匹萨对吧? 必须地
This is frozen. Yeah. If you sit on it...
这是冻披萨 是啊 如果你坐在上面...
...it'll thaw by lunch.
...等到午饭时就该融化的差不多了
My butt is freezing.
我屁♥股♥要冻僵了
You wanted pizza.
你说想吃披萨的
All right, I'll put the seat warmer on.
好吧 我把座椅取暖打开
Cook it from both sides.
两面一起加热
I like it better when my dad takes me. Oh, gee, you're not having fun?
我更想让我爸送我上学 你觉得不够好玩吗?
Because I'm farting rainbows over here.
我可爽弊了
First, he forgets me. Now he leaves me with you.
他先把我给忘了 现在又把我丢给你
Hey, you know what?
你知道吗?
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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