好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S02E09
Part 2
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:08 p.m.
Don't be such a baby.
别这么孩子气!
Hey, tell her.
对她说!
I'll change her diaper while your car airs out. Then you can take us home.
我帮她换尿布 等你车的臭气散了 你就可以带我们回家
But what if it happens again?
万一又出事了怎么办?
Don't worry. I'll hold her out the window till we arrive.
别担心 在我们到达前 我会一直把她举在窗外
Thank you. Can I make you a nightcap?
谢谢 需要我去拿个奶罐子吗?
Charlie, I'm breastfeeding, remember?
查理 我是母乳喂养的 还记得吗?
Oh, right, right.
是的 是的
And may I say, on behalf of myself, the mare d'...
我代表我自己 和那些找借口路过我们桌子的
...and the entire kitchen staff that found a reason to walk past our table:
服务生 部门主管 还有整个厨房♥的员工对你说
You're doing a hell of a job.
你做的真棒啊!
Look at what a good poopie you made.
看看你拉了多棒的一坨便便啊!
Mommy's gonna get you all cleaned up.
妈妈会把你弄得干干净净的
Would you throw this away? Sure.
你帮我把这个扔了吧 当然可以
You didn't throw that on the beach, did you?
你不会是把那个扔到海滩上去了吧
No, no. I threw it on my neighbor's deck.
才不是呢 我扔到邻居家甲板上去了
Long story. He started it.
说来话长 他先开始的
So how we doing? All done.
弄得怎么样了? 都弄好了
Oh, good.
那太好了
Boy, you hear all these horror stories about screaming babies...
我听过不少关于 哭泣宝宝的恐怖故事
...but she's not half bad.
不过她也不差呢
She's my little angel.
她是我的小天使
Kind of weird, huh? You and me and a baby.
有点怪怪的 你 我 还有孩子
Yeah.
是有点
Not that the baby's weird. It's just the whole, you know, gestalt.
不是孩子奇怪 是这整个...你知道的 哭泣声
You are so sweet.
你的嘴真甜
I know.
我知道
Wanna go upstairs?
想上楼去吗?
No, I have to go home. Why?
不 我得回家了 为什么
What do you mean, why? I have a baby.
什么为什么 我有个孩子啊!
Okay, she can stay too.
好吧 她也能留下来
I can't spend the night. I didn't bring enough diapers...
我不能在这过夜 我没带够尿布
...the bassinet. I don't have a breast pump.
...没带够运动衫 还没带吸奶器
So? We'll do it the old-fashioned way.
那又怎样 我们可以用古时候的方式嘛
What are you gonna do, Charlie? Milk me?
那你要怎么做啊 查理? 挤我的奶吗?
What kind of thing is that to say?
这事说出来有点怪啊
What makes you think I'm ready to jump back into bed with you?
为什么你会认为 我会就这么跟你跳上♥床♥?
I don't know. Because I'm sweet?
不知道 因为我嘴甜?
You weren't ready when I was single.
查理 我单身的时候你都没准备好
How are you gonna handle me and a baby?
你说你能处理好我和孩子是多么不切实际啊!
Easy. I love babies, babies love me.
简单 我喜欢孩子 孩子也喜欢我
Look how good I get along with Jake.
看我和杰克就能相处得多好
Jake's 11.
杰克已经11岁了
So? He was 10 when I met him.
那又怎样 我遇到他的时候他才10岁呢
Gosh, they grow so quickly, don't they?
唉 他长得可真快啊!
Okay, look. If you're serious... I am.
好吧 听着 如果你是认真的 我是的
come over tomorrow night to our place.
明天晚上过来我这里
I'll make dinner, we'll see what happens.
我来做饭 看看会发生什么
Or we go to your place now...
或者 我们现在就去你那里
...having already eaten, and see what happens.
吃也吃过了 看看会发生什么
Still incapable of delaying gratification, aren't you?
你还是江山易改本性难移 对吧
No, no, no, I've grown.
才不是呢 我已经成熟许多了
I learned to put the needs of others before me.
我已经懂得先人后己的道理了
Really? Oh, yeah. Absolutely.
真的吗? 当然是
The old thoughtless, selfish Charlie is gone...
以前那个不经思考的 自私的查理已经不在了
...and I say good riddance to him.
现在是个成熟理智的家伙了
Now, come on. I'll take you home.
来吧 我送你回家
Charlie? Yeah?
查理 在
The baby.
孩子
This makes no sense.
这没什么道理啊!
It's math. It makes perfect sense.
这是数学 有道理极了
Well, then I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree.
看来我只能表示 我是赞同你还是不赞同
No, you just have to do the work.
不是 你只能做你的作业
Well, maybe I have a learning disability, or a syndrome of some sort.
可能我是有点学习障碍 或者智商上的缺陷
You don't have a learning disability. You're just lazy.
你没有学习障碍 你只是懒
Maybe that's the syndrome.
也许这就是缺陷
See you later. And by "later," I'm hoping tomorrow.
待会见 我的"待会"希望是明天
Is there anything in your shower I need to know about?
你的浴室里还有什么我该注意的吗?
Oh, come on. That's the most action you've had in months.
别这样 那可是你这个月最刺♥激♥的事啊
I have a loose tooth.
我的牙松了
Can't you just be happy for me? The woman I love is back in my life.
你就不能为我高兴吗 我爱的女人回到我身边了
That's great. I'm thrilled. I can't eat apples.
那很好啊 我真是太激动了 我不能吃苹果了
I'll bring you back some applesauce from Lisa's.
我会从丽莎那带点苹果酱回来的
Her kid needs to lay off the fiber anyway.
反正她宝宝也搞不定粗纤维
Oh, yeah. How's that working out?
是的 你们处的怎样?
With the kid? She's great. I love kids.
和孩子? 她很棒 我喜欢孩子
Really? Tell me. How many diapers have you changed so far?
真的吗? 告诉我 你到现在为止换了多少次尿布?
Well, none, actually. But I am credited with an assist.
实际上还没有 但是我很会评估(她是否需要换)
Have you fed the baby? No.
你哄过那个孩子睡觉吗? 没有
Dressed the baby? Bathed the baby?
给孩子穿过衣服吗? 给孩子洗过澡?
-No. What's your point, Alan?
没有 你到底要说什么啊?
Nothing. Have fun. Thanks.
没什么 玩的开心 谢谢
I intend to.
我正有此意
Don't think I don't know what you're doing.
别以为我不知道你在干吗!
What was that? Coyotes, Charlie.
那是什么? 镇静点 查理
Probably dropped her pacifier. I'll be right back.
她可能把奶嘴弄掉了 我去去就来
No, no, no. You stay. I'll take care of it. Really?
不 你呆着 我来搞定 真的吗?
Oh, yeah. No problem. I'm great with babies.
是的 没问题 我对小宝贝很在行
Pacifier is the little nipple thing, right?
奶嘴是奶头那样的东西 对吧?
Be right back.
我去去就来
Hey, little baby, you decent?
小宝贝 你还好吧
Okay, here's your pacifier, sweetie.
好了 这是你的奶嘴 宝贝
Not as good as the real thing, am I right?
这没有真的爽 对吧
Smells like one of us just crapped our pants.
好像你的小屁♥股♥上有大便
I sure hope it's you.
肯定是你拉的
Let's take a look.
让我看一看 呃!
Charlie? You okay?
查理 你可以吗?
What? Is everything okay?
什么? 那边还好吧?
Oh, yeah. Just a little diaper issue. I can take care of it.
是的 只是点尿片问题 我能搞定
And then I'll be back to take care of you.
然后我再回来搞定你
Okay. Let's just take this thing off.
好吧 我来把这东西拿掉
Oh, sweet Lord.
宝贝 额滴神呀
Did you have Thai food for dinner, or what?
你晚饭吃了泰国菜还是怎么
Man, Babe Ruth took smaller dumps.
天哪 随便哪人都比你拉的少啊!
Do you need any help?
需要帮忙吗?
What?
什么?
Do you need any help?
需要帮忙吗?
No, we're good.
不 不用 我能弄好
Okay. Now we wipe the tushy.
好了 我来擦下你的小屁屁
Sorry. It's not you. It's me.
不好意思 不是因为你 是我
Wipe it again. Third time's the charm.
再擦一下 好事不过三
Little powder. Oh, that smells nice.
再来点爽身粉 还挺好闻的
Maybe a little powder for my tushy. Don 't tell your mommy.
也该给我的屁屁来点爽身粉 别告诉你妈咪
Charlie, I can hear you on the monitor.
查理 我能通过监听器听到你
Oh, right.
对哦
People of Earth...
你说"你"是指"我们" (you可代表 你 和 你们)
... we mean you no harm.
我们是说"你能听到我们"
See? This one is wrong, this is wrong.
看看 这个错了 这个也错了
Jake, you have to check your work.
杰克 你得检查一下你的作业
These are careless mistakes.
都是些粗心的错误
Maybe I'm not careless. Maybe I ate lead paint as a child.
可能我不是粗心 我是儿童智障
Here. Do it again. Fine.
给你 再做一遍 好吧
Dad, are you and Mom related?
爸爸 你和妈妈是亲戚吗?
I'm sorry. What?
不好意思 你说什么?
Well, if you marry your cousin, your kids will be stupid, right?
如果你和你表妹结婚了 你的小孩就会很笨对吧?
Jake, you're not stupid, your mother's not my cousin...
杰克 你不是笨 你妈妈也不是我表妹
...and you're not going anywhere until you do your homework.
而且除非你做完作业 否则你哪也去不了
Like I have somewhere to go.
我还有地方可去吗
There we go. You were a hungry little girl.
现在好了 你真是个饿坏了的小女孩
Of course she was hungry.
她当然饿啦!
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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