好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S02E18
Part 2
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:09 p.m.
Okay, fine. I met you in Thailand and bought you from a guy.
好吧 我们在泰国相遇 你是被我从一个男的手上赎出来的
I'm serious. If we're gonna pull this off, we need to be convincing.
我是认真的 如果要成功演下去 故事必须令人可信
A favorite song? Cute names for each other?
我们有没有什么最喜欢的歌♥?称呼对方的爱称?
I mean, I don't even know if we're dog people or cat people.
我甚至都不知道 我们是爱猫人士还是爱狗人士
Charlie. I'm so glad you could make it. Oh, please. How could I not?
查理 真高兴你能来 -见外了 我怎么可能不来呢
And you must be Alan. Welcome.
你肯定是艾伦了 欢迎你
I'm the husband.
我是丈夫
No, he's not. Stop saying that.
不他不是 别再这样说了
Listen to you two ladies. Come on. I'll get you a drink.
看你们这俩娘们 来吧 我给你们倒点喝的
Appletinis.
苹果马提尼酒
So how did you lovebirds meet?
你们这对恋人怎么认识的?
Funny you should ask. We were at the Coffee Bean...
说起来可有意思了
...you know, the one in Larchmont Village,
我们在一家咖啡店邂逅
where the pastries are to die for.
你知道的拉奇蒙村那家,那的糕点真让人垂涎不止
Anyway, we both ordered a soy latte...
凑巧的是 我们都点了豆奶拿铁
...when the first one came up,
当第一杯端上来的时候
we both reached for it, and our hands touched.
我们都抢先伸手去拿,接着我们的手就碰触了...
Oh, that is so romantic.
天啊好浪漫耶
Yeah, it was one of those moments that seems to go on forever.
那刹那仿佛时间都停止了
Like this one.
就像现在
Are you starting? No.
你又开始了吗 - 不
Because I swear to God, I will walk out that door and get in a cab.
我对天发誓我会转身搭计程车回去
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, what?
对不起 对不起什么?
I'm sorry...
对不起 底迪 (弟弟:同性恋术语)
...pookie.
底迪 (弟弟:同性恋术语)
Finish your story, Alan.
让我们把故事讲完 艾伦
Well, okay. So... So there we are...
那好吧 我们俩站在那儿
...our hands are touching, and we look into each other's eyes...
十指紧扣 四目交接
...this one panics, spills coffee over one of his hideous bowling shirts.
这家伙就六神无主了 咖啡全洒到他那保龄球T恤上
The only gay man in America who dresses like Ralph Kramden.
他是全美国唯一一个学 拉尔夫·卡拉门登打扮的人
To the moon, Alan.
直飞月球 艾伦
Anyhoo, so I took him back to my condo to "hand wash his shirt"...
于是我把他带回我的公♥寓♥ 为他手洗T恤
...and, abracadabra, hocus-pocus, here we are.
接着我们就象被施了奇妙大魔咒 就发展到这样了
That's a delicious story. Yeah, isn't it yummy?
这故事真是太美妙了 - 很美妙不是吗
Yeah, it kills me every time.
是啊 每次他说的时候...我都回味无穷
There's someone you just have to meet. Don't go away.
有个人你们得见见 别跑哦
Okey-dokey, artichokey.
好啦没问题的啦
You've gotta pull back a little. You're gonna set off the smoke alarm.
你得收敛点了 要不火警都要被你拉响了
What do you mean? I mean, if you flame any more...
什么意思?- 我意思是如果你继续喷火调情
...you'll light the drapes on fire.
你会把窗帘烧着的
What about you? "Okey-dokey, artichokey"?
那你呢 "好啦没问题的啦"
What are you, the Jolly Gay Giant?
你以为你真是个快活的基佬吗
I want you both to meet someone very special to me. Charlie, Alan...
我向你们介绍一位非常特殊的嘉宾,查理 艾伦
...this is my very patient and very forgiving ex-wife, Pamela.
这是我非常耐心且宽宏大量的前妻 帕梅拉
Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.
很高兴见到你 - 也很高兴见到你
Hi. Wow, you were married?
没想到哦 你结过婚?
It was before I'd gotten a grip on my sexuality.
在我确定自己性向之前是的
But not before you got a grip on my cousin Walt.
但不是在你和我 表弟沃尔特搞上之前
Well, I can see why you gave marriage a shot.
我明白你为什么敢于尝试婚姻了
Pamela, you are a breathtakingly beautiful woman.
帕梅拉 你真是个美若天仙的女子
Why, thank you, Charlie.
谢谢你 查理
Why do all the cute ones have to be married or gay?
为什么所有的"可爱"男人 不是已婚就是"同志"呢
Back off, sister. I caught this fish.
省着点 姐们 这可是我吊的马子
Gonna tell me what's bothering you?
你能告诉我你在烦什么吗
- lf you don't know, no point discussing.
如果你还不知道 那就没有讨论的必要了
Fine.
好吧
You ignored me the whole night.
你一整晚都没有理我
A party where I don't know anyone, and you abandoned me.
我参加了一个都是陌生人的派对 而你却把我扔掉不管了
Alan, listen closely.
艾伦 好好听着
It wasn't a real date.
我们不是真正在约会
Not the point. I was stuck playing truth or dare...
我不是在说这个 .我在和
...with your friend Eric and nine producers from Will & Grace...
我在和你朋友 埃里克还有"威尔与格蕾丝"的制片人呆在一起
...while you had a wonderful time talking to his hot ex-wife.
还有"威尔与格蕾丝"的制片人呆在一起
I was just being polite. Oh, please.
而你却在一边 和他的热辣前妻调情-我只是出于礼貌
I saw the way you were looking at her. What, I can't look?
得了吧 我看到你看她的眼神了怎么了? - 我看看都不行吗
Not when you're supposed to be with me.
你晚上喝了多少苹果马提尼酒?
How many appletinis did you drink tonight?
别管这个了
Never you mind about that. So... So, what are you gonna do?
那你想怎么办? 宣布你是个直人(异性恋）
Out yourself as a straight man so you can sleep with your little Pamela?
这样你就能和小帕梅拉上♥床♥了?
No, no. That would mess everything up with Eric.
不 那样就没法和埃里克交待了
Unless I convince him...
除非
...that she temporarily flipped me back to the home team.
他能相信 她让我暂时回到异性恋的队伍
Oh, if you're gonna go, just go.
如果你想走的话 就走好了
Alan, eat something. Toast, a waffle. Anything absorbent.
艾伦 吃点东西 吐司 华夫饼干.任何能吸收的东西
Don't blame this on the liquor.
别把这个怪到酒头上
Okay, here's what I can do.
好吧 我知道怎么做了
She and I are going shopping tomorrow.
她明天要跟我去逛街
I'll tell her I'm bisexual, and then make my move.
我告诉她我是双性恋 然后展开攻势
So you're gonna cheat on me?
那么说 你要红杏出墙啦?
No, that's not cheating.
不 那不叫红杏出墙
How do you figure? Because we're not really gay.
你怎么知道? 因为我们不是真的同性恋
Then how can you be bi?
那你又怎么可能是双性恋呢
Shut up.
闭嘴
Okay, well, good night.
好啦 那么 晚安
Aren't you gonna ask? No. Jake told me.
难道你不想问问吗? - 不 杰克已经告诉我了
Oh, this is a cute top.
好可爱的上衣
I'm more a bottom man myself.
我更对短裤感兴趣 (双译:我更喜欢下♥体♥♥位♥)
I'll bet you are.
你当然是了
Too slutty? Haven't you heard?
会不会太风♥骚♥?
Slutty is the new black.
没听说吗 风♥骚♥是新潮流
Oh, you.
你真是的
Is there some special, young vagina enthusiast you'll be taking that off for?
你是为哪个特别的年轻凯子 挑选的上衣吗
I wish. Can you keep a little secret?
我真希望能有.你能保守一个小秘密吗
I'm keeping a big one right now.
我现在正保守着一个大的呢
I haven't been with a man in almost a year.
我几乎一年没和男人在一起了
Oh, no. Color me sympathetic.
天哪 佳人久旷惹人怜
I don't miss dating.
我并不想念约会
That's lies and pretense. I do miss the sex.
那些全是虚伪的谎言.但我实在是想念性生活
Really? Well, what, specifically, do you miss? And tell me slowly.
真的吗 那你尤其想念什么 ,慢慢地跟我说
The feel of a man's hot breath on the back of my neck.
男人炙热的在我颈后呼吸的感觉
His rough hands pulling me to him and just taking me.
粗糙的大手把我拉进怀里 然后占有我
Of course, I don't need to tell you.
当然 我没必要告诉你
No, but I'm so glad you did.
没必要 但很高兴你跟我说了
Isn't it funny that I can only be this honest with a gay man?
是不是很奇怪 我好像只能向 同性恋男人倾诉
Yeah, it's a riot.
是啊
Straight men only want one thing,
我想可能"直男"只想要一件事
and they'll tell any number of lies to get it.
他们会满口雌黄的 想尽办法去得到它
The dogs. Straight women are so competitive...
发♥情♥的狗 而"直女"又互不相让
...they'll use anything you say against you.
不管你说什么她们都能反咬一口
The bitches.
那些婊♥子♥
Gay women only want one thing, and they'll lie worse than straight men.
而女同志又只想要一件事 她们会比"直男"还会撒谎
Strange, because they've already got it.
并且奇怪的是 她们其实已经拥有了
Oh, you, come here.
过来抱抱
Oh, that's the other thing about gay men. You're so hilarious.
关于同性恋男人还有一点 他们好讨人欢心
Yeah, we're like clowns who smell nice.
对 我们是散发芳香的可爱小丑
You know, these are pretty.
这个好漂亮啊
It's pretty sheer. Eric hated it when he could see my nipples.
不过有点透啊 埃里克原来一直很讨厌看到我的乳♥头♥
That a gay thing?
这是同性恋的问题吗?
Well, I can't speak for the community, but I myself am nutty for nipples.
我不能代表全体同志 但 就说我 我对乳♥头♥情有独钟
Let's try it on.
我们试试吧
Okey-dokey, artichokey.
好啦没问题的啦
All right. Hold this.
好的 拿着这个
Okay.
好的
What do you think? With or without the bra?
你觉得戴胸罩好还是不戴
I don't know. You're the one with nipple issues.
我不知道 你才是有乳♥头♥问题的女人
All right, then. Without.
好吧 那么不戴呢
Yes. Definitely without.
对 绝对不要
Am I starting to sag?
我的乳♥房♥♥开始下陷了吗
What... I'm sorry, were you talking to me?
对不起 你跟我说什么?
Am I hanging a bit low?
我的乳♥房♥♥有点下垂吗
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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