好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S02E02
Part 2
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:05 p.m.
Where's my grandson? He's at a sleepover.
我孙子呢 他借宿在别人家了
He'll be here later. And no one calls me?
他过一会就回来 竟然没人通知我?
I wouldn't come over if I'd been told he wasn't here.
我要是知道他不在这就不会来了
Good to know.
好消息
Where's your brother? His car's not in the driveway.
那你弟弟呢 他的车不在车道上
Hey, Mom, I'm not even sure where my pants are.
妈 我都不知道我的短裤在哪
All right. Well, looks like you and I get to spend a little quality time together.
好吧 看起来咱俩可以好好聊聊了
Gee, I'd love to, but I got my regular Sunday morning softball game.
我很想 但我要看周日早晨的垒球比赛
Charlie. Yeah.
查理
It's Saturday.
今天是周六
Damn.
妈的
Oh, you're still here. Yeah.
你还在这 是的
Listen, Alan, I'm really sorry about...
艾伦听我说 我真的很对不起
No, no, no. I should apologize to you.
不 我应该向你道歉
Showing up last night unannounced. That's completely inappropriate.
昨晚突然打扰你们 这实在太没礼貌了
And I came by to tell you it won't happen again.
我保证再也不会发生了
So you came over unannounced
所以你现在突然出现
to apologize for coming over unannounced?
是为昨晚的突然出现而道歉?
I was afraid you'd pick up on that.
不好意思 你说对了
Is Judith up yet?
朱蒂丝起床了吗
Actually, she's not here.
事实上 她不在家
She ran to the market.
她去买♥♥东西了
Up and out this early on a Saturday? Good for her.
周六这么早就出去了吗 这样对她好
She used to sleep a lot when we were together.
她以往很喜欢睡懒觉
It was probably just the depression and the meds.
可能是抑郁和吃药导致的
Meds? Oh, no, it was nothing serious.
药? 没什么大事
Just your everyday little pink pill to turn that frown upside down.
只是每天服用的粉色药片 消除苦闷
Alan, I gotta tell you, this is a little awkward...
艾伦我必须告诉你 我有点尴尬
No, please, don't feel awkward.
请千万不要觉得尴尬
Look, we're obviously going to be seeing each other a lot.
我们显然今后要经常见面了
There's no reason for anybody to feel uncomfortable.
双方都要感到自如才好
That's a very mature attitude. Thank you.
这样的看法很成熟 谢谢你
Well, you're welcome.
不用谢
So let me make you some coffee.
那么让我给你冲杯咖啡吧
Are we supposed to believe...
我们应该相信住在山洞的女人
...that cavewomen waxed their legs and wore fur bikinis?
会剃腿毛 穿皮制比基尼吗
It's not a documentary, Mom.
这不是纪录片 妈
You know, I'm not gonna be around forever...
我不会永远都在你身旁
...and the time will come when you'll regret ignoring me.
总有一天你会为忽视我而后悔的
Charlie, why do you hate me? What?
查理 为什么你那么恨我 什么
Whenever I come,
不管我什么时候来
you do everything you can to avoid spending time with me.
你都想尽所有办法来躲避我
Obviously not everything.
显然没有用尽所有的办法
We're spending time together right now.
我现在就在陪你啊
You're just staring at the television, and it's not even on anymore.
你只是在瞪一个已经关上了的电视
I can still see you.
我还能看见你呢
Charlie, look at me.
查理 看着我
How long you wanna do this for? I want you to talk to me.
你想让我看你多久 我想和你说话
Okay, I'm out of here.
好了 我要走了
No, no, wait, Berta.
不 等等 波塔
Come, sit, talk.
来 坐下说话
Mommy-and-me time over already?
妈妈和你的亲密时间已经结束了?
He hates me. No, I don't.
他恨我 我没有
Please, Berta, I need you.
波塔 求你了 我需要你
I'm done. I wanna go home.
我♥干♥完了 我要回家
Berta, I'm begging you. Oh, all right.
波塔 求求你了 好吧
So why do you hate your mother?
你为什么恨你妈
Here we go.
来啦
Coffee, juice, and my secret stash of Mint Milanos...
咖啡 橙汁还有我冰箱冷冻室背面
...from the back of the freezer.
私藏的米兰薄荷饼
Just a tip
私人建议
If you want quality cookies around here, you gotta hide them.
如果你想吃美味的饼干 你得把它们藏起来
Judith eats Pepperidge Farm like she's going to the chair.
朱蒂丝爱死了吃培珀莉手工饼干
So tell me a little bit about yourself. Ever been married?
让我们来谈谈你吧 结过婚吗
My wife passed away. Oh, I'm so sorry.
我妻子去世了 太遗憾了
No alimony, though. Gotta love that.
不过不用付赡养费 真幸福
Hey, hey, here's a funny thing.
跟你说个笑话
My name's Al and...
我是艾 (Al)
And I give Judith money.
我给朱蒂丝钱 (money)
So it's... So it's alimony.
所以是赡养费 (Al-i-mony)
Wouldn't it be "Al-i-money"?
不是Al-i-money吗
I was afraid you'd pick up on that.
被你识破了
You got kids? No.
你有孩子吗 没有
Well, that's a blessing. What with the dead wife and all.
谢天谢地 再加上个死了的老婆怎么办啊
Mint Milanos? No, thank you.
来点米兰薄荷饼吗 不了 谢谢
So anyway, kids. Hey, you know, it's not too late for you.
说起孩子 你现在要也不晚啊
Judith is a wonderful mother.
朱蒂丝是个出色的母亲
We're not at that stage in our relationship.
但我们的关系还没有到那一步
Oh, of course not.
是的 肯定
On the other hand, you don't wanna wait too long.
话说回来 你也要抓紧时间
She's no spring chicken.
她也不年轻了
You know, eggwise.
你知道的 卵子不多了
So I'm having this nice Mother's Day dinner with my slutty daughter...
我在和我的懒女儿 她的白♥痴♥男朋友
...and her idiot boyfriend.
一起享用母亲节的晚餐
Suddenly, the front door comes down and the room fills with tear gas.
突然间前门被踢开 房♥间里充满了催泪瓦斯
Next thing I know, I'm belly-up on the floor,
醒来后 我发现自己四脚朝天
hacking out a lung...
躺在地板上猛烈咳嗽
...while the cops are dragging out Bonnie and Claude in handcuffs.
邦妮和克劳德被铐着压了出去
Come to find out that the money that I loaned them to open a tanning salon...
原来我借给他们开沙龙的钱
...was used to turn my tool shed into a hydroponic pot farm.
用来种植大♥麻♥了
Unbelievable. Yeah.
简直不可置信! 是啊
Your daughter came to visit on Mother's Day.
你女儿在母亲节的时候来看你?
Sure, what ungrateful mutt
当然了 有哪个忘恩负义的杂种
doesn't visit their mother on Mother's Day?
会不在母亲节看望自己的妈妈呢
One year I forgot. Let it go.
有一年我忘了 好了吧
When's my birthday?
我的生日是几号♥
Excuse me? You heard me.
你说什么 你听见了
What's that got to do with anything?
这和什么有关系
You don't know your mother's birthday?
你不记得你妈妈的生日?
Well, not by heart. Charlie.
没有熟记在心 查理
What? She changes it all the time.
怎么了 她的生日变来变去
Just the year, not the day.
又没改日子 只是年份
Hey, I just realized something. I can leave.
我才发现 我怎么还坐在这
Fine. But before you go, just tell me one thing.
好吧 但在你走之前 告诉我一件事
What? Why do you hate me?
什么啊 你为什么恨我
Oh, Mom, for God's sakes, l... Rose!
我的妈呀 上帝 我... 罗斯!
No, no, no. Rose, wait. Rose, come on in.
不不 罗斯 等一下 进来
Look, my mom's here. You like my mom.
我妈妈在这呢 你喜欢我妈的
Oh, sure. Hi, Evelyn. Hello, dear.
您好 伊夫林 你好 亲爱的
Are those my pants? Oh, no.
这是我的裤子吗 当然不是了
I bought these.
是我买♥♥的
But I think this might be your wallet and keys.
但这个钱包和钥匙可能是你的
Evelyn, you get younger every time I see you.
伊夫林 您真是越来越年轻了
Oh, aren't you a dear. And thank you for the birthday card.
你可真会说话 谢谢你给我的生日卡
Oh, did you get it on time? Yes, I did, and it was lovely.
您及时收到了吗 是的 我很喜欢
So sweet of you to remember me.
你能记着我的生日 真是太让我感动了
How could anybody forget your birthday?
有谁会不记得您的生日呢
Well, yeah. You know, she does become a little emotional at times, huh?
是啊 她确实有时候很情绪化
I thought she was getting over your divorce.
我以为她是受离婚的影响
No, no. She was over the divorce
不 当我还在收拾东西的时候
while I was still packing.
她就已经恢复过来了
No, what you're seeing is low blood sugar.
你所看到的是低血糖的表现
The trick to that is
对付它的窍门是
to always have some Fun Size Snickers in your pocket.
随身携带几条士力架夹心巧克力
It'll perk her right up. Really?
会让她立刻振作起来 真的吗
Oh, yeah. Oh, and here's another tip.
绝对 再告诉你一个秘密
When she starts crying for no reason, and she will...
当她无缘无故的开始哭时
...never say, "Don't cry." And try not to touch her.
千万别说"别哭了" 而且别去碰她
Okay. Or whistle.
好的 或者吹口哨
Never, ever whistle.
永远不要吹口哨
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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