好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S02E18
Part 1
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:09 p.m.
Some side effects include headaches, blurred vision, and high blood pressure.
副作用包括头痛视力模糊及高血压
Ask your doctor if it's right for you.
请向您的私人医生咨♥询♥ 是否适合服用
Dad? Yeah?
爸 嗯?
Do you suffer from erectile dysfunction?
你有勃起功能障碍吗
Well, Alan? Do you?
艾伦 有吗
Jake, wh... What do you know about erectile dysfunction?
杰克,你关于勃起功能障碍知道多少?
It's something to do with your penis, right?
不太多 是和小鸡鸡有关吧?
Right.
是的.
And they say one out of three guys...
据说"三人行必有痿哥" 我的没问题 肯定是你们俩其中一个
...gets it, and mine's fine, so it's gotta be one of you.
我的没问题 肯定是你们俩其中一个
I'm fine. Not me, l...
不是我 我的没问题
So, what are the pills for?
那些药丸是干吗用的
Well, what they do, Jake, is that they... They dilate the blood vessels...
杰克 它的作用是...扩张血管
...which allows more blood to easily flow to certain...
使更多的血液更容易流到特定的..
They're boner pills, Jake.
那是"劲"药 杰克
To get them, or to make them go away?
是让血流进来还是流出去
To get them. Go get ready for bed.
是让血流进来 去睡你的觉吧
You ever try any of those drugs?
你试过那些药吗
Once or twice. Out of curiosity, not necessity.
一两次 出于好奇而不是真正需要
What did you think? Not my thing.
觉得怎么样? 怎么样?
It's like corking the bat. You?
我不喜欢 好像那鸡♥巴♥不是长在我身上一样,你呢?
Yeah, that's what my ex-wife wanted. More sex with me that lasted longer.
这就是我前妻要的 "干一次 顶一年"
Hello. Oh, hey, Eric. Hiya. What's happening, boyfriend?
嘿埃里克 最近好吗 我的小男友(同性恋术语)?
Oh, you're terrible. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
你好坏 你拿那张嘴亲你妈咪?
So, what's up? Saturday? Let me check my book.
什么计划? 星期六吗 等下 我先看看日程安排哦
Saturday is marvelous.
星期六刚刚好
How dressy? Eveningwear, or California casual?
我要怎么穿才好呢,晚装还是加州式休闲装?
Oh, goody. An excuse to shop. Like I need one.
是个去购物的好借口哦 正如我所需要的
Okey-dokey, artichokey. Ciao for now.
好啦没有问题的啦 那先挂咯
What? Something you wanna tell me?
干吗?你不打算和我说说
That? Oh, that's Eric. He's the head of a big ad agency.
他吗 他是埃里克.广♥告♥公♥司♥的老板
Throws a lot of jingle work my way. He wouldn't be gay, would he?
经常找我做广♥告♥曲- 他不会碰巧是个基吧?
What difference does it make? A person's sexuality...
有什么关系呢 艾伦? 个人性向是很私密的事情
...is a personal thing. It has no relevance in the business world.
是很私密的事情.和生意一点关系都没有
But he is gay. Oh, yeah.
但他是个基? 是的
You know, it's okay to call them queer again.
你知道吗 可以叫他们"同志"
Good to know. Good to know.
很好 知道了
Would it fair to assume that you've led him to believe that...
是不是可以说 你在刻意让他误以为你...
...you are of a similar persuasion?
也是个同类?
Not deliberately. I kind of sort of backed into it.
我不是有意的 我更像是无心插柳...
Excuse me? Okay. Poor choice of words.
算了 我用词不当
When we first met, I found myself falling into his... What do you call it?
我们初次见面的时候 我拜倒在他的...叫什么来着?
Futon?
石榴裤?
No, no, his manner of expressing himself.
不 是他的言谈举止
Tone, gestures. Like talking to a Southerner...
说话的语调 举手投足... 就好比你和南方人说话时
...you start saying "y'all" and "grits" and "tobaccy."
你就不自觉地跟着说 "哇塞 擂走先 洒洒水"
Oh, Charlie. It's harmless.
查理啊 - 这无关痛痒
He throws me work. I want him to feel comfortable with me.
他给了我很多工作做 我希望我能让他感觉很舒服
And how far do you go to make him feel comfortable?
那你打算让他舒服到什么程度?
Don't worry. I just sparkle a little bit. I don't burst into flames.
别担心 我只是擦点火花 不会引起大火
I don't know how you live with yourself. Actually, I don't live with myself.
我都不知道你自己一个人怎么装实际上 我不是一个人
I have a significant other.
我还有个重要的伙伴你
What? We're both invited...
你说什么?- 我们都
...to a cocktail party Saturday night.
收到周六鸡尾酒会的邀请了
What?
什么?!
No. Absolutely not. Oh, come on.
不行 绝对不行
You always complain we don't hang out.
去嘛 你不是老抱怨 我们在一起的时间不够多吗
I didn't mean I wanted to date you.
我可没想过要和你约会
You don't think I'm gonna go to a gay cocktail party stag, do you?
你不会让我独自一人去参加 同性恋的鸡尾酒会吧?
The way I sparkle?
我的火花擦的已经很大了
I'm not going to be your gay lover so you can make a few bucks.
我不会因为你想要赚点小钱 就做你的同志男友
Okay, first of all, it's considerably more than a few bucks.
好吧 首先 那不止是一点小钱
This man was responsible for almost half my income last year.
我去年的一半收入都来自他
And that's the half I didn't gamble away.
而且那一半我没有拿去赌博
And second of all, you're not just my lover...
其次 你不仅是我的爱人
...you're my life partner. That makes you special.
你是我的生活伴侣 这才是你特殊的地方
Forget it. It's immoral and deceitful, and I don't want any part of it.
别想了 这样既不道德又不诚实 我是坚决不会参加的
What's the big deal? Gay people pretend to be straight.
有什么大不了的 同性恋也老是假装自己是异性恋
They don't wanna be discriminated.
那是因为他们怕受歧视
And neither do I. The minute this guy finds out I'm a breeder, I'm history.
我也不想 一旦他发现 我是个异性恋 我就完蛋了
I don't care. If you wanna engage in a fraudulent escapade...
不关我的事 你若想让人帮你虚构风流韵事
...have one of your oafish poker buddies be your partner.
为什么不找个你畸形痴呆的牌友 做你的生活伴侣?
You see? You see? Right there. Escapade. Oafish.
听到没有 听 太贴切了
What poker buddy of mine talks like that?
"风流韵事 畸形痴呆的" 我的哪个牌友会这么说话
But you, a couple of squirts of Paco Rabanne, you're good to go.
只有你 几杯利乔酒下肚 你就可以应付一切了
Having a reasonable command of English...
对不起 可以优美的遣词造句 并不代表我就可以进入基佬圈子
...isn't the exclusive domain of the gay community.
并不代表我就可以进入基佬圈子
Listen to you. You're just making my point.
听听你都说了什么 你又一次证明了我的观点
Forget it. You're asking too much.
别想了 你的要求太过分了
Oh, really?
是吗
Was it too much when you showed up on my doorstep, looking for a place?
这样的要求不过分吗
Charlie. Too much when I took in...
查理- 我周末
...your son on weekends and holidays?
节假日都帮你照料小孩
This isn't fair.
这样的要求不过分吗 这样说不公平
Too much when I set up a college fund for Jake?
我为杰克设立大学基金 这样的要求不过分吗
You set up a college fund for Jake? You bet I will.
你要资助杰克上大学? 不信你等着看
Unless, of course, my income were to suddenly decline.
除非我的收入因某种原因突然减少
I can't believe you would sink so low.
真不敢相信你居然这么下♥贱♥
To actually use emotional and financial blackmail...
在感情和经济上威逼我
You're both in my will. Really?
你俩都是我遗嘱的继承人 真的?
First thing Monday.
星期一早上就写
All right. But I want it on the record...
好吧。但我得声明
...I'm doing this under protest. - Noted.
我不是心甘情愿这样做的. - 收到
If we're gonna be a couple, I'm the husband.
而且如果我们真是一对的话 我要做丈夫
Well, who's gonna believe you're the husband?
谁会相信你是丈夫?
Of the two of us, I'm the only one who's been a husband.
我们俩当中 我是唯一一个做过丈夫的
You really thought you were the husband in your marriage?
你真以为在那场婚姻中你是丈夫吗
Nevertheless, I'm going to be the husband in this one.
不管怎样，我要在这场婚姻中做个丈夫
Well, la-di-da.
死充吧
Thanks for babysitting, Rose. My pleasure.
谢谢你照顾小孩 罗斯- 那是我的荣幸
Where are you guys going?
你们俩要去哪
To a little party.
一个小派对
And you're taking Alan instead of a date?
你不带姑娘去而是带艾伦去吗
Yeah, well, funny story about that.
是的 说起来搞笑着呢
You're wearing that?
你就穿这个?
What's wrong with it? You liked it in the store.
有什么不好吗 在商店买♥♥的时候你很喜欢的
It looked different in the store.
在店里看起来比较不一样
Well, it was on sale. I can't return it.
这个是打过折的 不能退货了
Dad, can we order pizza for dinner? No. Eat something healthy.
爸 晚餐我可以叫个匹萨吗- 不行 吃点健康的
You want me to change, just tell me.
如果你想让我换身衣服就直说
Don't change. You don't like it.
我不想让你换 - 但你也不喜欢这身
I didn't say that.
我可没这么说
I think you look very nice, Alan.
我觉得很好看 艾伦
Thank you. See? That's all I needed to hear.
谢谢 看见没 我就是想听别人这么说
Well, you heard it. Now, come on. You know, I'm only doing this for you.
那你已经听到了 走吧- 知道吗 我是为你才这样做的
I know. Could you show a little appreciation?
我知道 你就不能表示点感谢吗
How about I show you a little smack on the head?
我要是 在你脑门上弹一下来表示呢
That's your answer for everything, isn't it?
你就总这么敷衍了事 对吧?
What is that about?
他们在搞什么?
I don't know, but one of them suffers from erectile dysfunction.
不知道 不过其中有个人勃起功能障碍
Dad said we could order a pizza.
订匹萨吧
Would you please not walk so far in front of me? I'm not your concubine.
请你不要和我保持这么远的距离 我不是你的情妇
I'm sorry.
抱歉
What, are you ashamed of me?
怎么? 我给你丢人了吗
A little bit.
有一点
Oh, boy. Charlie, we need to talk.
我的天 查理 我们得谈谈
For the last time, you look stunning.
最后说一次 你光彩夺目
No, we... We need to get our stories straight.
我们得先把故事的台词对好
What stories? We're a couple.
什么故事? - 我们可是一对儿啊
How long have we been together? How did we meet?
我们可是一对儿啊 我们在一起多久了 我们怎么相识的
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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