好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S02E11
Part 2
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:08 p.m.
Listen to this:
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"Has anybody had sex with Charlie where he actually took his socks off?"
和查理做♥爱♥过的人 有没有办法让他把袜子脱了?
That's just mean. I have bad circulation in my feet.
真过分 我的脚部血液循环不畅
They get cold.
他们觉得冷
Check this out. Some girl posted audio off her answering machine.
看这个 有个女的把我自动留话机的录音 传了上来
Hey, it's me. I just wanted to tell you I had a great time last night.
嘿 是我 我只是想告诉你我昨晚过得很愉快
And I'm looking forward... Hello, Charlie?
很希望... 哈罗 查理
Yeah, hi.
是我 嗨
We weren 't together last night.
昨晚我们没在一起呢
Allison?
爱莉森?
No, Beth.
不是 贝丝
Thursday.
是星期四啊
I had a great time with you Thursday, and I thought that may...
我星期四和你过得很愉快 我希望...
Oh, Alan, what am I gonna do?
艾伦 我该怎么办?
Every woman in the city can see this stuff.
这城里的每个女人都可以看到这个
Every woman in the world.
是这世界上的每个女人
Oh, God.
天哪
Well, you know what they say.
知道他们怎么的说吗
Any publicity is...
塞翁失马...
Good publicity.
焉知非福
No, no, no. What I do requires secrecy.
不不 我需要的是隐秘
I need shadows and darkness. I'm like a magician.
我需要阴影和黑暗 就好比我是个魔术师
If everybody knows how I do it, it ceases to be entertaining.
要是别人都知道我耍什么花样 那还有什么好玩的
"Frequently Asked Questions."
常见问题
Don't read that. Yeah, right.
你别读那些 才怪
Okay. Question:
提问:
"How long can you expect to date Charlie after you have sex with him?"
你认为和查理做♥爱♥以后 多久可以再和他约会?
Answer: " It depends how late you sleep the next morning."
回答: 那取决于你第二天睡到什么时候
Oh, come on. This is funny. You're just too close to it.
来嘛 这很有意思 只是你都已经太熟悉了
This could be interesting. Question:
这条会比较有意思 提问:
"How does Charlie manage to fake my orgasm?"
查理是怎么让我假装高♥潮♥的
All right, stop it. Move over.
够了 停下来
What are you doing? I've gotta fight back.
你要干吗? 我得还击
Anybody can post on the message board. Why not me?
随便谁都可以在留言板上发贴 我♥干♥吗不?
You're gonna post as yourself? Don't be ridiculous.
你要用自己的名字发言? 别发傻了
Everybody uses a screen name.
大家都用网名
"CharlieFreak219."
查理是个变♥态♥-219
Too many?
太多了?
Okay.
好吧
CharlieFreak180.
查理是个变♥态♥-180
"In my experience...
根据我的经历...
...Charlie has always been...
查理一直是个...
...a generous lover...
慷慨大方的情人...
...compassionate, fun-Ioving and sensitive."
具有同情心和情趣又很体贴的爱人
There. That ought to bring a little balance to the conversation.
好了 现在这个对话平衡了
You really don't get the Internet, do you?
你没真正理解网络是怎么回事吧
Oh, look. I've got a response already.
看 马上有人回应了
"Dear Freak: Are you just stupid...
亲爱的变♥态♥ 你真是个白♥痴♥还是
...or did your skull bounce off his headboard too many times?"
你脑袋被他的床头板顶晕了?
Okay, I've had enough of this.
好了 我受够了
How do I delete this whole thing? You can't delete a website.
我怎么才能把这些都删掉? 你当然不能把它删了
Only the person who created it can.
只有制♥作♥它的人才有这个权力
Well, how do I find out who created it? Now, let's see. Come on.
那我怎么才能找到网站的制♥作♥者? 我们看看
Okay.
好的
Okay, the domain is the property of a company in the Cayman Islands called:
好了 域名应该属于一个来自岛国的叫...
"Charlie Harper Sucks Limited."
查理·哈勃大烂人有限公♥司♥
Well, that's no help.
那根本没有帮助
Hey, you can buy T-shirts and coffee mugs.
你还可以买♥♥T恤衫和咖啡杯
"Add to cart."
添加到我的购物车
No, Mom, it is not that simple.
不 妈妈 没那么简单
I am a single mother now. Dating is very complicated.
我现在是个单身母亲了 约会是很复杂的
I understand.
我明白
No, I can 't go back to Alan.
不 我不能回到艾伦身边
Of course I still love him.
我当然还爱着他
Hey, Alan?
艾伦
How long you think this Internet fad is gonna last?
你觉得这个网络事件会持续多久? 嘘
Okay. What?
干吗?
Jake must've turned on his webcam before he went to school.
杰克大概上学前忘记关摄像头了
I can see and hear Judith talking to her mother on the phone.
我可以看到并且听到 朱蒂丝在和她妈妈打电♥话♥
Why can't she hear us? Our side's turned off.
那她怎么听不到我们讲话? 我们这边关了
Are you kidding? Alan would never take me back. How do I know?
你开玩笑吗? 艾伦不会想要回我的 我怎么知道?
I just know.
我就是知道
Okay, fine. I'll ask him.
好了 好吧 多谢关心
She wants me back. Yes, I will ask him.
她想要我回去
That's nice. It's all about you.
太好了 一切都是你的事
Okay.
好的
Listen, Mom, I gotta get in the shower.
妈妈 我要去洗澡了
I got it. Yes.
我明白了 好的
All right. I'll call you later.
好的 我会等的
Oh, man.
干吗
Charlie, I need to talk about this. Me too.
查理 我需要意见 我也是
If I don't do something about that website...
难道就因为那个网页
...I'm gonna have to chase Amish broads.
我要去宾夕法尼亚 泡安曼教的小妞儿?
Judith wants to reconcile. I've dreamed about this...
朱蒂丝想和好 我一直梦想着这样
...but now that it's here, I wonder if it's what I want.
现在真的发生了 我在想这到底是不是我想要的结果
Whoever put up that site has to be somebody I went out with at least once.
我在想建立那网站的人 一定是和我不止约会一次的
It would be great for Jake to have both parents in one house.
对杰克来说 父母在一起当然好
And without alimony, I could stop getting my hair cut at the barber college.
更不用说无需付赡养费的话 我可以不用继续在理发学院剪头了
I can eliminate married chicks, ones that don't speak English...
我在想我可以缩小搜索范围 去掉那些不会说英语的
...and those to whom I was never properly introduced.
和从未正式自我介绍汉福德主妇们
I'll make a list of the pros and cons of going back to her.
我应该列一张表 对这事权衡利弊一下
You know what? I'm gonna need to make a list.
我想到了 我得列张表
I'm glad we talked. I'm always here for you.
很高兴我们得出结果了 - 随时恭候 兄弟
Me too.
我也是
Hi, Tina. Long time, huh?
嗨 蒂娜 好久不见了
Charlie Harper. What do you want?
查理·哈勃 你要做什么
I know things didn't end well between us, and...
我知道我们之间的结局不是很好
Really? I thought they ended perfectly.
是吗? 我觉得结局很完美
We spent a week in Canc.., having great sex every day.
我们在外呆了两周 一天到晚如胶似漆
Flew back to L.A. You told me you'd call me tomorrow, and it's been...
回到洛杉矶后 你说明天会打电♥话♥给我 现在是...
What do you know? A year and a half.
怎么会?! 一年半了
That long? Oh, yeah.
那么长吗? 是的
I guess time flies when you're the scum of the earth.
我猜在你探索地球到处风流的时候 时光已经飞逝了
Okay, I had that coming.
好的 我预料到你会这么说
I was thoughtless and insensitive, and I know I can never really make up for it...
我做事欠考虑又不够敏锐 我知道无法真正补偿你
...but I want you to know that I was wrong, and I'm really, truly sorry.
但...我只是想让你知道 我错了 我真的非常非常抱歉
And...? No "and."
然后呢? 没有然后
I just wanted to apologize for being a jerk. I wanna make amends.
我只是为自己的混帐行为道歉 我想象个男人
You really mean that, don't you? I do. Absolutely.
你不是说真的吧? 是真的 绝对是真的
You wanna come in for a cup of coffee? Sure, I guess.
要进来喝杯咖啡吗? 当然 好的
So, seeing anybody?
那...最近有和谁拍拖吗?
"Pro: No alimony. Con: No sex."
好处: 没有赡养费 坏处: 没有性
"Pro: See Jake all the time. Con: See Judith all the time."
好处: 可以一直看见杰克 坏处: 得一直看见朱蒂丝
What are you doing? Give me that.
你干吗这是 给我
I'm sorry. It was just laying there. That's private.
对不起 你自己放在那的 这是隐私
Okay.
好吧
I got another "pro" for you.
我给你想了一个利
Yeah? What's that? lf you hook back up with Olive Oyl...
是吗? 什么? 你要是和她和好
...I won't have to scrub your toilet anymore.
我就不用天天给你洗厕所了
Pro: No more Berta.
好处: 波塔消失
You're not really thinking about going back, are you?
你不会真的想和好吧?
I don't know. She wants to, but I'm torn.
不知道 她这样想的 但我犹豫不决
You're not torn. You're gutless.
你不是犹豫不决 你只是没种
Do you still love her? Of course I do.
你还爱她吗? 当然了
I mean, you know, we've been though a lot of things together.
我意思我们一起经历了风风雨雨
She's the mother of my son. Okay, listen to me, Zippy.
她可是我儿子的妈 好了 听我说 小子
If that's all it took to make a marriage...
如果大家都因为那个结婚的话
...I'd have a husband for each of my tattoos.
那我每道纹身都有个丈夫了
You have tattoos? Yeah. You wanna see them?
你有纹身? 是啊 想看吗?
No.
不用了
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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