好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S02E13
Part 2
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:08 p.m.
Alcohol.
灌黄汤去
While you're up, you wanna make popcorn?
反正你也站起来了 干脆再做点爆米花吧
Sure. No butter for me.
行啊 我的不要放黄油
Got it.
收到
Hey, Charlie. Hey, Rose.
好 查理 好 罗斯
Anybody here?
这儿有人吗?
Good.
老天爷
Jeez.
老天爷
I'm sorry. I thought you were asleep. That's all right. Relax.
抱歉 还以为你在睡觉呢 行了 没关系 放轻松
You sure? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fine.
你确定? 是啊 没事
Where's Alan? He took Jake to school...
艾伦呢? 送艾伦去学校
then went to meet with the plumber. - Right, right. Okay, I'll leave you to it
然后去见水管工 对啊 对啊 行啊 你继续
Charlie, wait.
查理 等等
This is your home. Sit down. Drink your coffee.
这里是你家 坐下 喝你的咖啡好了
Okay.
也成
Oh, and I'm white trash.
这个白种人的败类
What are you, a farm animal?
你是什么低等动物吗?
What? That's your brother's exwife out there.
什么? 那可是你弟弟的前妻啊
I know who she is.
我知道她是啊
Oh, no, no. She's just staying here because of the earthquake.
不不 她在这儿是因为那场地震
I'm not. I would never. I couldn't.
我永远也不会 也不可能...
Okay, I could. But I'm not.
好吧 也许是可能 可我不会
Yeah. That's what I used to stay about my stepbrother, Cousin Dewey.
我以前也这么说我的继表弟杜伊的
How's it going? Used to having your mom here?
过的怎样 你妈在这有什么好事吗?
Nope. You?
没 你呢
I'm still thinking Mexico.
我还在考虑墨西哥
I liked it better when they weren't talking.
我倒宁愿他们不跟对方说话呢
Can't get away with much when they compare notes.
他们互通消息的日子不好过吧?
It's hell.
人间地狱
Jake, your mom wants to say goodbye.
杰克 来跟你妈说声再见
She's leaving? Just for a little while.
她要走了? 不过是出去一会儿
Where's she going? Just out to dinner.
她要去哪儿? 也就是出去吃饭
You know, with a friend. I guess it's a date of some sort.
和她的朋友 类似于约会之类的
She's going on a date?
她要去约会?
Of some sort.
差不多吧
And you're okay with this? Oh, yeah.
而你觉得无所谓? 是啊是啊
We talked about it. I think it's a sign of maturity that our relationship...
我们谈过了 我们都觉得各自过自己的感情生活
...has evolved enough that we can be honest that we see other people.
显得更加成熟些 所以我们俩尽管跟别人约会好了
Yeah, except the people you're seeing are in magazines and videos.
是啊 只不过跟你约会的 是些咸湿杂♥志♥和成人录像
Hey, I told you to stay out of my room.
嘿 我警告过你离我房♥间远点
And that's not the point. If I were dating...
那不是重点 如果我跟别人交往
...she'd be just as supportive of me as I am of her.
她也会像我一样全力支持的
We're no longer ex-husband and ex-wife.
我们再也不是前夫和前妻了
We are friends getting on with our lives.
我们现在只是两个各自过活的密友
She's happy and I'm happy.
她开心我也开心
Okay. I'm leaving. Oh, have fun.
好啦我要走了 玩得开心
Wow, I'm impressed.
哇 我对你印象彻底改变
What happened to my jealous, tightly-wrapped, neurotic brother?
我那个嫉妒成性 小气巴拉的弟弟哪儿去了
Oh, there he is.
原来还在这儿呢
Well, well, well.
好 很好 非常好
Alan? Oh, you remember me?
艾伦 喔 你还记得我?
What are you doing up so late?
你这么晚在干嘛啊?
That's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing.
这很好笑 我正要问你同样的问题
Don't tell me you were waiting up for me?
别告诉我你在给我等门
This isn't about what I was doing, Judith.
这不是关于我在干什么 朱蒂斯
No, no.
不 不
This is about what you were doing until...
这是关于你一直在干什么 直到...
...now.
...现在
I told you I had a date. You said you were fine with it.
我说过我佳人有约 你说你不介意
In theory, I was. In practice, I think we can both see I'm not.
理论上来说我不介意 但是我们两个 都可以看得出我很介意
What did you want me to do, sit here and do nothing?
那你想要我怎么样 在这里干坐一晚上啥都不干?
Why not? It was good enough for me.
为什么不? 我觉得那样挺好
You know what, you haven't changed at all.
你知道吗 你一点也没有改变
You're still the same neurotic, overbearing, control freak I threw out.
你还是一年以前的 那个神经质的控制狂
Neurotic? Maybe. Overbearing? Perhaps. But you know what?
神经质? 可能 太关心? 也许 可你猜怎么
You're not gonna throw me out, because I have changed.
可你别想再把我赶出去 因为我已经改变了
Tonight, I'm leaving you.
今天晚上我自己离开你
As it turns out, a distinction without a difference.
现在看起来 跟当初也没啥区别
Fine, Alan. Suit yourself.
好吧 艾伦 随你的便吧
Where's Dad?
爸爸呢?
He's at our house. How come?
嗯 他在我们家里 怎么会?
Well, we decided we needed a little time apart.
我想我们需要分开一段时间
Isn't that why you got a divorce?
你们不就是因为这样才离的婚吗?
It's hard to explain, Jake.
这很难解释 杰克
Do I get any presents this time? No.
我这一次会拿到礼物吗? 不会
What happens now? You gonna live here?
那接下来会怎么 你会住在这里?
No. Are you gonna buy a new house?
不会 那你会买♥♥个新房♥?
No.
不会
Wanna go to Mexico with me and Uncle Charlie?
想跟我和查理叔叔一起去墨西哥吗?
Good morning. Good morning.
早上好 早上好
Where's Alan?
艾伦呢?
Well, it's a long story. You're not gonna believe it.
说来话长 说了你也不信
Hi. I just stopped by to say I told you so.
我过来就想跟你说声"早知当初"
I told you so.
早知当初
Oh, come on, Alan. If you can't laugh at yourself, at least let me do it.
拜托 艾伦 如果你不能嘲笑你自己 至少让我嘲笑你
What do you want, Charlie?
想怎么样 查理?
Well...
那...
...first of all, I'd like to know exactly how you managed...
首先 我想知道的是 你是怎么样被你的前妻
...to let your ex-wife throw you out of my house.
从我的房♥子里踢出来的?
Because that's the first thing people are gonna ask when I tell this story.
因为当我告诉人们这故事的时候 他们会最先问这个问题
She didn't throw me out, I left.
她没有赶我出来 我自己走的
Oh, good, there's a twist. You see,
啊 好的 有转折 你要知道
that's what makes a good story.
这是让故事变得有趣的重要因素
Leave me alone, Charlie. Oh, lighten up.
别理我 查理 打起精神来
You tried to be friends with the woman who wrecked your life and failed.
你只是想和那个 毁了你生活的女人做朋友 但失败了
No damage done. Just a little personal humiliation...
苦酒已经酿成 只是在你人生中稍微有点丢脸
...and at this point in your life, how would you even notice that?
但是谁会注意?
Are you finished? Did I mention I told you so?
你说完了吗? 我说过"早知当初"没有?
Twice. Counting this one?
两次 这次算不算
Okay, I'm finished. Thank you.
好吧 我说完了 谢谢你
Now, on to new business.
现在 我们来谈点正事
Currently, you and I are sitting in a house that belongs to neither one of us.
很显然 我们两个坐在一间 不属于我们俩中任何人的房♥子里
While your ex-wife is sitting in the house that belongs to me.
与此同时 你的前妻住在属于我的房♥子里
You see the paradox? I can't go back there, Charlie.
你知道我在说什么吗? 我不能回去 查理
She's running around, having a great time, and I've got nothing.
她在和别的男人卿卿我我 而我什么也没有
You've got me. Drop dead.
你有我啊 不要提了
Okay, now you got nothing.
好吧 那你现在什么都没了
It would be different if Judith and I were both dating.
你知道吗 如果朱蒂斯和我都在约会的话 事情会简单得多
True, but moot.
或许 但不太可能
Unless... What unless?
除非... 除非什么?
It's stupid. Stupider than this?
算了 那很傻 比现在还傻?
Come on. What do you got?
到底是什么?
Well, what if you were dating?
好吧 如果你在约会
But I'm not. But if you looked like you were?
但是我没有 但是如果看起来很像的话
Oh, you mean? No, no way.
哦 你的意思是? 不不 不行
I'm not gonna let you fix me up with one of your bimbo girlfriends.
我不会让你 把我和你那些浪妹放一起
Okay, forget it.
好吧 当我没说
She'd have to be really pretty.
她必须特别漂亮!
Like a 10. And young. Like a 20.
而且必须非常年轻 非常嫩 比如20来岁
Anything else? And smart.
还有别的吗? 还要聪明
And a sense of humor is important. Well-read, good with kids...
还要有幽默感 这也很重要 博览群书 能和孩子相处好
...non-smoking, of course. Oh, and easy on the piercings.
当然不能抽烟 还有不能是身上到处打洞那种
Nothing south of the equator.
以你的条件来说
You're mighty picky for a guy with an adult newsstand in his sock drawer.
还不算太挑剔
Okay. Homework is taken care of. He's taking a shower.
好啦 作业搞定了 他正在洗澡
You may wanna check in on him, make sure he's not goofing around.
你最好隔一会儿 查一下他没有在里面玩
Where are you going? Oh, I have dinner plans.
你要去哪里? 我佳人有约
Really? Yeah. Hard to believe, huh?
当真? 对 很难相信吗?
I didn't say that, I'm happy for you. Well, thank you.
我没有这么说 我为你高兴 谢谢
Again, I'm sorry I overreacted the other night.
还有我为我 那天晚上的过激行为道歉
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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