好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S02E19
Part 1
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:09 p.m.
Can't we just go home?
我们就不能直接回家吗
If I gotta drag you to the doctor at 8 in the morning
既然是我早晨8点要带你去看眼科
you can cool your jets while I get coffee.
你就在我喝咖啡时不要着急
I must look like an idiot.
我看起来肯定像个白♥痴♥
Wish I could tell you different.
我真希望告诉你不是
You're the reason we went to the eye doctor in the first place.
拜托 你可是让我去看眼科的罪魁祸首
You said, "Throw me a piece of toast."
是你说丢片烤面包给我
I threw you a piece of toast.
我就丢了片烤面包给你
Two cups of regular coffee, please.
两杯咖啡谢谢
My treat.
我请客
Oh, that makes up for everything.
这样就算补偿我了是吧
Pigeons can feed out of my eye socket, but I get a free cup of coffee.
鸽子可以从我眼窝里啄食 而我就得到一杯咖啡而已
Just the coffee. Keep the change.
把咖啡给我 不用找了
I'm gonna need your help until I get this patch off.
在我摘下眼罩前得需要你的帮忙
I am absolutely there for you.
我绝对会鼎力相助
Great.
好极了
So you'll drive me to work, pick me up,
那么你要载我去上班 接我下班
get Jake at school do the grocery shopping
接杰克放学 买♥♥杂货
Okay, I may have misspoken.
好了伙计 当我刚才没说过
Charlie, you have to. You know I can't drive.
查理 你必须去 你知道我没办法开车
I don't see why not.
我可看不出来 为何不呢
Oh, look who's here. Who?
看谁在那呢 谁?
A girl I used to go out with. Over there.
我交往过的一个女孩 那边
Hey, Sherri.
雪莉
Hey, Charlie, long time.
查理 好久不见
- Yeah. Good to see you.
见到你很高兴
This is my brother, Alan.
这是我弟弟艾伦
Hi. What happened to your eye?
你好 你眼睛怎么了?
Well, I wanted a piece of toast, and...
我想要一片烤面包...
Bar fight.
酒吧里打架
Nice to meet you. Well, nice meeting you too.
见到你很高兴 我也是
Good to see you, Charlie. Good to see you too.
见到你很开心 查理 我也是
Wow, you went out with her? Yep.
你和她交往过?
Why would you stop?
干吗分手?
I don't remember. I probably got bored.
记不清了 大概是觉得烦了
Bored? How do you get bored with that?
烦了? 和她那样的女人怎么会烦?
For every beautiful woman,
艾伦 对于世界上的每个漂亮女人
there's at least one guy out there...
至少有一个男的受够了
...who's tired of pretending to listen to her in exchange for sex.
为了和她上♥床♥而装着愿意听她唠叨
Well, let me go on record as saying, I am not that guy.
那我得声明我可不是那个男的
If I ever had a woman like that,
如果我有机会和那样的女人交往
I would cherish her.
我会珍惜她
I would worship her.
膜拜她
I would start a small country and put her face on a stamp
我会建立一个国家 用她的头像制成邮票
so I could lick her head.
这样就能天天舔她的脸了
Why don't you go talk to her.
那你不如去和她聊聊?
Yeah, right.
得了吧 查理
Gorgeous women like that are not interested in pasty guys like me...
那种俏佳人绝不会 对我这样的小白脸感兴趣的
...unless we're in line for the British throne.
除非我们是英国皇室继承人
So you give up without even trying?
那你都不试试就直接放弃了?
Yep. That's my motto.
对 这是我的座右铭
Why waste time on 10s when you're already getting rejected by sixes?
"当你已经被恐龙拒绝过后 为什么还要在美女身上自讨苦吃"
Alan, listen to me. You are a smart, sensitive, good-Iooking man...
艾伦 听我说 你是个聪明又感性的帅小伙
...with some milky discharge coming out of one eye...
虽然一只眼睛流脓...
...but who amongst us is perfect?
但谁又能是完美的呢
That's the other thing. Look at me. I'm a mess.
正如你所说的 看看我 我一团糟
So? Women like Sherri have big, hunky guys hitting on them all day long.
像雪莉这样的女人 整天都被猛♥男♥追寻
A guy like you walks up, makes a move,
但艾伦像你这样的人 走过去和她搭讪
you know what that says to her?
知道这对她说明了什么吗
Trick or treat?
"不给糖就捣蛋"? (万圣节小孩要糖果说的话)
It says, "I'm confident in who I am."
说明"我对自己充满信心"
You think? I know.
你这么想吗 我当然知道
So, what if she's not interested.
就算她对你没兴趣又怎么样?
What's the worst that could happen?
做最坏的打算 她说不
Actually, the worst that could happen is she points at me...
事实上最糟糕的情况会是 她指着我
...and laughs, causing every seventh grader in the cafeteria to turn...
然后哈哈大笑 使得食堂里 所有7年级生都转过头来
...and watch me slink back to the geek table...
看着我像一个杂耍的小丑
...with a growing wet spot on the front of my chinos.
裤子上有块还在逐渐加大的湿痕
We ninth graders enjoyed it also.
9年级生也一定会觉得很好笑
But you're not in junior high anymore, and you're not a...
但你现在不再是初中生了 你不再是...
You're not in junior high anymore.
你不再是初中生了
It's time to let go of those fears.
是时候丢掉那些青春期的恐惧了
I don't know.
我不知道
Oh, come on, Alan.
拜托 艾伦
For once in your life, don't settle. Go for what you really want.
一生就这一次 别放弃 去追求你想要的东西吧
You know what? You're right. I'm gonna go talk to her.
你说的没错 我要过去和她搭讪
Hold on.
等下
Let's clean some of that discharge.
把这边擦下
You wanna say "I'm confident," not "I'm infectious."
你想说的是我充满自信 而不是我被病毒所染
There. Go get her.
好了 上吧
Hey, you see that guy over there? Twenty bucks says he wets himself.
看到那边那个人了吗 我赌20块他会尿裤子
Hello. Hi.
我是艾伦
Alan? I remember.
我记得
Look, I needed to come clean about something.
听着 我得澄清点事实
I wasn't actually in a bar fight.
我并没有喝醉酒打架
I took a piece of whole-wheat toast to the eye.
我眼睛被一片全麦烤面包砸中了
I mean, it was cut diagonally and toasted well...
它被沿对角线切开 而且烤得很脆
...so it was essentially shrapnel.
简直是颗流弹
Did some real damage.
造成了重创
I see. And why do you feel the need to tell me all this?
我明白了 可是你为什么要和我说这些?
Well, I guess I didn't want our relationship to start on a lie.
我不想让我们的缘分由谎言开始
Our relationship?
我们的缘分?
I'll go now. No, no, wait.
我要闪了 不 等等
Sit down. Join me.
陪我聊会
Okay.
那好
That's it. I'm out.
"出 出来 今晚出..."
You got a date. Leave it alone.
不了 你有约会了 消停会吧
Not just a date. A date with...
不只是个简单的约会 是和"雪...莉"的约会
Enough.
够了
I'd think you'd be happy for me.
我以为你会为我高兴
I am happy for you.
我是为你高兴
You had the courage to walk over with your pus-filled eye
你眼睛流着脓也能有勇气走过去
and fall on your ass
摔了一屁墩
and still got a date with one of the most beautiful women I've ever met.
却仍然约到了 我交往过的最美丽的女人
I'm not only happy for you, I'm proud. Thank you.
不只是为你高兴 简直为你骄傲 谢谢
Now, I have to re-evaluate everything I thought I knew...
当然我现在得重新评估 我以为我知道的一切
...about men, women, relationships, God and the universe.
男女之间的关系 还有上帝和宇宙
But that's not your problem.
但那和你没关系
Charlie, I am as surprised as you that she said yes.
查理 她同意的时候我和你一样吃惊
I don't think so.
我不这么认为
I was really intimidated,
我开始真是吓坏了
but as it turns out, she's just like a regular person...
但后来发现她也只是个普通人
...except for, you know, being from the planet:
除了她来自"火♥辣♥辣"星球
Alan, never do that around me again.
艾伦 以后不要在我面前那样
You know, actually, we have a lot in common.
事实上 我们有很多共同点
Okay. I'll bite.
好吧 洗耳恭听
Well, we both went through tough divorces.
我们都亲眼见识了婚姻的失败
Sherri was married? You didn't know that?
雪莉结过婚? 你不知道吗
It never came up. What did come up?
她没提过 那她提过什么?
Never mind. Scratch that.
算了 当我没说过
Where should I take her to dinner?
我应该带她上哪吃晚饭?
Where did you go so I can take her somewhere else?
事实上你都带她去过哪 那样我们可以去别的地方
Last thing you want is for her to start comparing you to me.
好主意 你最不想让她拿你和我做比较
Exactly.
没错
Wait.
等等
What do you mean?
你什么意思?
You want your relationship to stand on its own.
你想让你和她的感情独♥立♥发展?
Right.
是的
Well, that's what I meant.
那就是我的意思
Okay. I thought you were trying to rub my nose in the fact that you dated her.
我以为你会 拿你先约她的事实来打击我
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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