好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S02E20
Part 1
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:09 p.m.
You got a date tonight? No.
你今晚有约会吗 没有
Aren't you gonna ask me if I do?
难道你不问我有没有吗
Okay. You got a date tonight?
好吧 今晚有约会吗
Sure, rub my nose in it.
想在伤口撒盐?
Besides, I'd rather hang out with you and Jake...
另外 我更喜欢跟你和杰克在一起
...than engage in mindless conversation with some strange woman...
而不是和一些陌生女人们 聊些无聊的话题
...in the desperate hope that she might sleep with me.
还要深切渴望她们能帮我侍寝
Me too.
我也是
If we can't lie to each other, who can we lie to?
我们不依靠对方 还能依靠谁呢
To family.
敬家人
Who is it? It's Mom.
是谁 妈妈
Once, twice, three, shoot. Once, twice, three, shoot.
单数 一 二 三 出
Hey, Mom.
嘿 妈
No, I don't have a date tonight.
不 我今晚没约会
Don't you wanna know about Alan?
你不想知道艾伦有没有吗
So, what's up?
那么 什么事
Yes, I got your message.
是的 我收到你的留言了
I was gonna call you back, but...
我正要给你回电♥话♥ 但是...
I was.
我是要
I was.
我是要
I was.
我真的是要
Okay, I wasn't.
好吧 我不是
I'm sorry.
对不起
And do you wanna tell me why you called?
你不打算告诉我为啥事打电♥话♥吗
I said, I'm sorry.
我说了对不起
I am sorry. I am. I am.
我很抱歉 我是抱歉 我是 我真的是
All right, I'm not.
好吧 我不是
So, what's up? Tomorrow?
那么 什么事? 明天
Yeah, sure. One of us will be here.
是的 当然啦 我们两中有一个会在这儿
I'll be here.
我会在这儿
All right, gotta go. Love you.
好的 挂了 爱你
No, I'm not just saying that.
不 我不只是随便说说的
I'm not.
我不是
No, I'm not.
不 我不是
Mom, we both know where this going.
妈 我们都知道这会有什么结果
Sorry to stick you with her. Yeah, sure.
真抱歉把你丢给她 是啊 当然啦
I am. Right.
我是 对
I am. Whatever.
我是 随便
Okay, I'm not.
好吧 我不是
Schmuck.
傻瓜
For 30 years, every time I call odds, he throws a two,
这三十年 每次我喊"单数" 他总是出2
and I'm the schmuck.
而我才是傻瓜?
Hey, buddy. Hey, Dad.
嘿 小伙子 嘿 爸爸
Here's the bill for Jake's class trip. Why give it to me?
这是杰克班级旅行的支票账单 为什么要给我
So you can pay it. Me?
给你去交费啊 我?
What's the point of giving child support...
如果我给你赡养费
...if you don't support the child?
而你却不拿来养小孩 那我给你干嘛
Child support doesn't cover class trips.
赡养费不包括付班级旅行费
Says who? You wanna make an issue of this?
谁说的? 你想要讨论这个问题吗 艾伦
Have your lawyer call mine.
行 让你的律师打电♥话♥给我的律师
They can decide who pays for class trips.
让他们来决定谁来付班级旅行的费用
Oh, I'm sorry. Class trips?
抱歉 是班级旅行吗
I'm happy to pay for class trips.
我很愿意付班级旅行的费用
I thought you said "ass clips."
我以为你是说屁夹
What are ass clips?
什么是屁夹
I don't know, but I don't intend to pay for them.
我不知道 但我肯定不打算为这东西付钱
Goodbye, Alan.
再见 艾伦
At least we settled who pays for ass clips around here.
至少我们决定了谁该给屁夹付钱!
Okay, Mom. Good talking to you.
好了 妈 很高兴跟你聊天
I'm gonna hang up now.
我要挂电♥话♥啦
Yes, I am.
是 我很高兴
I am.
我是高兴
Okay, I'm not.
好吧 我不高兴
Jake's here. Cool.
杰克来了 好
It wouldn't kill you to talk to Mom once in a while.
知道吗 你偶尔跟妈妈说说话不会死的
We don't know that.
我们不能确定
Besides, you lost fair and square. I don't think so.
另外 你输了 这很公平 我可不这么想
I think you cheated. At odds and evens?
我觉得你作弊了 单复数
How on earth does one cheat at odds and evens?
怎么才能在单复数上作弊啊
Don't give me that big, cow-eyed, aw-shucks,
拜托 别用你那双 可怜无助的大眼睛望着我
Howdy Doody veneer.
你这个木偶胡迪·都迪 (很有名气的提线木偶)
What? You heard me.
什么 你听到我说了
...and as long as we're stringing random words together...
既然我们在说些胡编乱造的话...
...shoebox, MoonPie, Band-Aid.
鞋盒 月饼 邦迪...
Let me tell you something, Alan, and I say this with no agenda.
我告诉你 我要告诉你些事 艾伦 而且我不是有意要说的
I am not a judgmental person, but you,
我不是什么评论家 但是你
you are a horrible little man.
你是个可恶的小人
You smile, tell everybody what they wanna hear...
你微笑着跟每个人说他们想听的话
...but I know what goes on inside your grinning puppet head.
但我知道那微笑的面具后在想些什么
You don't have a clue what's going on inside my puppet head...
你根本不知道我脑袋里在想什么
...because to know that, you would have to be capable of...
因为想要知道我脑袋里在想什么 你需要有能力...
...perceiving the world that exists beyond the tip of your penis.
感知到除了你的老二之外的世界
Don't talk about my penis. You have not earned the right.
不要谈论我的老二 你没有那个权利
You are a selfish man, Charlie. You're a user.
你是个自私鬼 查理 你这个浪费鬼
You just suckle from the teat of life and you never give back.
你只知索取生活的甜头 却从不回报
"Suckle from the teat of life"?
索取生活的甜头?
Who are you, Henry Wadsworth Pinhead?
你以为自己是谁啊? 亨利·沃茨沃斯? 你这个针眼 (美国诗人)
You call me that because I'm right. I call you that...
你那样叫我因为你知道我说的对 知道吗 我那样叫你
...because you can wear a thimble as a hat.
因为你心眼比针眼还小
Hey, what's going on?
怎么啦
Nothing. Just hanging out.
没什么 只是随便聊聊
You know, if you guys were queer...
知道吗 要是你们两个是同性恋
...we'd be what they'd call an alternated family.
我们就是人称的"另类家庭"了 (不结婚 合伙照看孩子)
Morning. Morning.
早上好 早上好
I feel bad about last night.
昨晚的事我感到很难过
That's okay. I forgive you.
没关系 我原谅你了
I didn't apologize.
我没有道歉
Well, then I guess I'm just a bigger man than you are.
那我想我比你大度多了
I'm kidding. Forget about it.
开玩笑呢 忘了那事吧
Okay.
好的
What do you wanna do with Jake?
今天你想跟杰克做点什么
I don't know. How about a barbecue?
不知道 烧烤吧
Well, I'm sure the kid's delicious,
我想这小孩肯定很美味
but I think I'd rather have hamburgers.
但我更想吃汉堡包
Dad, check it out. Mom bought me new shoes.
爸爸 来看看 妈妈给我买♥♥了新鞋
Very cool. Yeah, they were really expensive.
真不错 是啊 它们非常贵
I'll bet. She said to give you the bill.
肯定了 她说把账单给你
What? Why do I get the bill?
什么 为什么要给我账单
So you can give me a check to pay her back.
那样你就能给我支票去付钱了
Why? She doesn't trust me with cash.
为什么 让我带现金她不放心
No. Why should I be buying your shoes?
为什么我要给你买♥♥鞋
You didn't. Mom did.
你没买♥♥ 妈妈买♥♥的
This is so wrong. I send her a child support check every month...
这大错特错 我是说 我每月都给她赡养费
...which is supposed to include things like clothing, food, shoes.
那应该已经包括了 衣服 食物 鞋诸如之类的东西
Alan, you're like an Alzheimer's victim in a whorehouse.
艾伦 你就像妓院里的冤大头
Excuse me?
什么?
You're constantly surprised that you've been screwed...
当你被整的时候你总是很惊讶
...and you don't wanna pay for it.
而且你还不想为此付钱
Morning. Morning.
早上好 早上好
Did you drop off the dry cleaning by the back door?
后门放着的衣服你送去干洗了吗?
That was dry cleaning?
那是要干洗的?
I thought you were throwing that stuff out.
我还以为是要丢掉的呢
You threw out my clothes?
你把我的衣服扔掉啦?
I gave them to my sister's husband, Earl.
别荒唐了 我给了我妹夫厄尔
You gave three cashmere sweaters and a new sport coat
你把3件羊绒毛衣 和1件崭新的运动上衣
to your brother-in-law?
给了你的妹夫?
Why shouldn't he have nice things?
他为什么不能有点好东西
He's paid his debt to society.
他该还的债已经还完了
You have to get them back.
你得把那些东西拿回来
I wish I could, but Earl's got one withered arm...
我希望能拿回来 但是厄尔的一只手臂萎缩了...
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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