好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S02E02
Part 1
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:05 p.m.
Tequila, checkbook, sourpuss.
龙舌兰 支票薄 面色阴沉?
Must be alimony time.
一定又在开赡养费了
Go away, Charlie.
离我远点 查理
Boy, you'd think for all that money,
兄弟 这么多钱
she'd at least come and give you a lap dance.
她至少也得为我表演一次艳舞
Leave me alone, Charlie.
离我远点 查理
In fact, you know what'd be funny?
事实上 知道啥才好玩吗?
Where it says "memo," write "lap dance."
在备忘录那栏写上 艳舞
Give her something to explain at tax time.
让她在纳税的时候说不清楚
Charlie, you...
查理 你真是...
Okay.
好吧
So where's Jake? Sleeping at a friend's.
杰克呢 在朋友家过夜了
He'll get dropped off tomorrow. Oh, man.
明天会被送回来
I rented a movie he'd like. Oh, what'd you get?
老弟 我给你租了个你喜欢的电影
Don't worry. It's educational.
什么电影 别担心 是教育影片
One Million Years B. C.? How is this educational?
"公元前一百万年" 这能有什么教育意义
Raquel Welch running from dinosaurs in a fur bikini?
拉蔻儿·薇芝 穿着皮制的比基尼被恐龙追赶
What is that if not history?
这还不具有历史意义吗
I'm afraid you're gonna have to watch it by yourself.
不好意思 你还是自己看吧
Won't be the first time.
反正不是第一次了
What's the deal with that giraffe?
那个长颈鹿干嘛的
How come you bring it out every time you write an alimony check?
你怎么每次 一写支票就把它拿出来?
It's symbolic.
它有特殊意义
Do you wanna know what it's symbolic of?
你难道就不想知道它代表什么吗
No, I'm good.
不感兴趣
I made it in ceramics class
我和朱蒂丝还约会的时候
for Judith when we were dating.
在陶艺课上为她做的
All these years I've been shelling out for tennis bracelets and satin underwear.
我这么多年来 一直在买♥♥手链和丝质内♥裤♥
Some women aren't impressed with jewelry and lingerie.
有些女人并不追求首饰和内衣
Well, sure, if you wanna date a dead girl.
是啊 如果你想和女尸约会
Hey, I just realized.
我突然发现
Your name is Al,
你是"艾" (Al)
and you're sending your ex-wife money...
你给你前妻寄钱 (money)
...so it's "Al-i-money."
合起来就是赡养费 (Alimony)
Hey, hey, I just realized, your name is Charlie...
我也刚发现 你叫查理
...and you're a moron.
还是个低能儿
Be that as it may.
随便你怎么说
If you gave her the giraffe, why do you have it?
你不是把长颈鹿送给她了 那怎么还在你这?
When Judith kicked me out, I wanted to get back at her.
当朱蒂丝把我赶走后 我想报复她
She took the house, she took the car, she took the money.
她拿走了房♥子 车 还有钱
I felt I had to take something.
我觉得我也得分点什么
So you stole bric-a-brac.
所以你偷了个摆设?
Symbolic bricabrac. Oh, right.
具有特殊意义的摆设 好吧
You see, now every month when I write the check...
你看现在每月我写支票的时候
...I can look at it and remind myself...
我就可以看着它 提醒自己...
...what a pathetic loser I am.
我怎么过那么惨啊!
No, dude. You don't need a giraffe for that.
傻兄弟 你不需要这个长颈鹿
Get rid of the damn thing.
扔了它
You're killing yourself with this bitterness.
你这样会被痛苦折磨死的
What, you think I'm hurting myself more than her?
你认为与她比起来 我更是在伤害自己?
No, I don't think you're hurting her at all.
我觉得她完全没受到伤害
You need to move on, buddy.
忘了她往前看吧 伙计
You're right. You're right.
你说的对 你说的对
And you know what would be truly symbolic of that?
你知道怎样才能让它更有意义吗
Getting your knob shined by a keno waitress in Laughlin?
用它吸引 拉芙林的赌场女郎与你做♥爱♥?
No. No.
不 不
Me bringing this back to Judith
我把它还给朱蒂丝
and apologizing for taking it.
然后为偷走它这事向她道歉
I like my idea better.
我更喜欢我的主意
Okay, here's the plan.
好了 我想好计划了
I'll bring this little fella back to Judith, and clean the slate.
我把这个小玩意还给朱蒂丝 和她一刀两断
Did you even consider my idea?
你考虑过我的建议吗
You drive. Why do I have to go?
你开车 我为什么要去
Because I am obviously too drunk to drive.
因为我喝醉了开不了车
What does that say about your plan?
这跟你的计划又有什么关系
Alan, wait.
艾伦 等等
You can't stop me.
不要阻止我
I am giving Judith back the giraffe.
查理 我一定得把长颈鹿还给她
Oh, I don't wanna stop you. I just want a good view.
我没想阻止你啊 我只想占个好位置
Okay, you can stay.
好吧 你呆在这里
Charlie, look at this. What is this? "The Harpers."
查理你看 上面写着"哈勃一家"
Yeah, so? She's not the Harpers anymore.
怎么了 她才不是"哈勃一家"
She's the Harper.
她只是一个哈勃
That mat is a complete lie.
这块脚垫是个大骗子
Yeah, and it's in cahoots with the mailbox.
对 它还是邮箱的同谋
Come on, ring the bell.
拜托 按门铃吧
You and me, we're the Harpers.
你和我 我们才是哈勃一家
Us.
我们!
Oh, Alan.
艾伦
Hi.
梅尔尼克医生
Dr. Melnick. Is Jake all right?
杰克还好吗
I assume so. He's spending the night at a friend's.
我想是的 他去朋友家过夜了
Oh, that's right, that's right.
对啊
Dr. Melnick is Jake's pediatrician,
梅尔尼克是杰克的儿科医师
so naturally, I thought...
我不由自主的想到...
Oh, okay.
好吧
Looks like somebody else has given your wife the giraffe.
看起来该有其他人 给你妻子长颈鹿了
Make sure they didn't forget the garlic balls.
记得提醒他们大蒜丸子
What are you doing here?
你在这做什么
Why don't I just get back in the hot tub and give you guys a minute.
我回浴盆里去 你们慢慢聊
Well? I came to give you this.
我是来给你这个的
What is it? I made it for you.
这是什么 我为你做的
Just now? No, no, a long time ago.
刚刚吗 不不 很久以前了
It's symbolic.
它有特殊意义
Alan, you're a disturbed man. You need help.
艾伦 你神经失常了 你需要看医生
Enjoy those garlic balls.
尽情享用大蒜丸子
Wow, that was more fun than I expected.
比我想象中的好玩多了
Come on, giraffe boy, I'll buy you a drink.
来吧长颈鹿男孩 我请你喝酒
Okay.
好吧
Wait, wait, wait.
等等
Our pediatrician.
我们的儿科医师
My ex-wife is sleeping with our pediatrician.
我前妻 在和我们的儿科医师睡觉
I wonder if she gets a lollipop after every visit.
不知道她是不是每次都能吃到棒棒糖
You know, you're actually a very lucky man.
你知道吗 其实你很幸运
Oh, really? Really? How am I lucky, Charlie?
真的吗 我怎么幸运了 查理
Show me the luck.
证明给我看
Well, first of all, if Jake ever gets sick or hurt...
首先 如果杰克生病或受伤了
...free medical care is only a hot tub away.
一个浴盆外就有免费医疗
Well, that's true. He is good with kids.
这倒是 他很会和孩子相处
I begged her to do it with me in the hot tub.
可我曾经求她在浴盆里做♥爱♥
She said it made her hair frizzy.
她却说她的头发会变卷
Well, apparently, she's found the right conditioner.
显然 她找到了适合自己的护发素
What if she's serious about this guy? What if she marries him?
如果她和他是认真的呢 如果她嫁给他呢
Even better. Better?
那更好了 更好?
How is it better? Show me the better.
这怎么是更好 证明给我看
If she marries him, you're off the hook for alimony.
如果她嫁人你就摆脱赡养费了
That is better.
确实更好了
In fact, if you saw the big picture,
事实上 如果你早看清大局
you'd encourage this relationship.
你应该鼓励他们
This guy is a real catch for you. Don't let him get away.
这个男人是你的机会 要抓住啊
You're right. Maybe I should go back there...
你说的对 或许...
...and, you know, bless their union.
或许我该回去 祝福他们永结良缘
No, no, no.
不不
You provided the woman and the hot tub.
你已经提供了女人和热浴盆
That's enough for one night. Yeah, I guess.
这晚上已经足够了 我想是吧
Probably even paid for the garlic balls. Yeah.
没准还付了大蒜丸子的钱
Could I get some more coffee, Berta?
我能再来点咖啡吗 波塔
Who's stopping you?
没人拦着你啊
Get your own damn coffee.
要喝咖啡自己冲去
Well, Charlie, you're finally up. Hey, Mom.
查理 你终于起床了 妈妈
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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