好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S02E08
Part 2
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:08 p.m.
One pothole can change your life forever.
一个炮眼孔就能改变你的一生 (暗指南茜性器官)
When's the last time you ate something?
上一次你沉迷于某事是啥时候?
Quit giggling, you know what I mean.
别笑了 你知道我在问什么?
Okay. Okay, look in the honor bar for some Gatorade or something.
好吧 好吧 找找快餐柜 叫"给他力运动饮料"之类的
Dehydration is the enemy.
脱水 这可是个大敌
All right, have fun. See you later.
好吧 玩的开心 待会见
I am hungry. What's for dinner?
我是饿了 晚饭吃什么?
What do you want? What do you got?
你想吃什么? 你有什么?
I think there's a couple of steaks in the freezer.
我想冰箱里有几块牛排
I want chicken.
我想吃鸡
It's just wrong.
他这样是不对的
So very, very wrong.
非常非常 大错特错
You full? Yeah.
你饱了吗? 饱了
Good. Why, what else we got?
好 怎么 我们还有什么别的吗?
You said you were full. I am.
你说你饱了啊 我是饱了
Good.
那就行了
But what else we got?
那我们还有什么?
Sorry, I'm late. I had to go to the office...
对不起 我晚到了 我得回办公室
...for an emergency, and I got a flat tire.
有个急诊 结果居然轮胎爆了
And so I had to wait for the auto club to come and change it.
所以我得等"汽盟"的人来帮我换胎
And I didn't have my card.
修好以后
And the guy had to check me on the computer...
那家伙还要用电脑查我身份
...even though I've been a member since 1989.
其实我自1989年起就不是会员了
And that's why it took until now for me to get back.
这就是为什么我现在才能回到这里
Thought you were here.
还以为你一直在呢
I missed you, Alan.
我还是想你的 艾伦!
Thank you. Can I speak with you for a minute?
谢谢 我能和你说点事吗?
Hey, Uncle Charlie, what's for dessert? You said were full.
查理叔叔 还有什么甜点吃? 你说你吃饱了啊!
Not for dessert.
是的 可还是给甜点留了点地方
Okay, what do you want? What do you got?
好吧 你想要什么? 你有什么?
How do you not kill him?
我真想杀了他!
Charlie, I feel horrible about what I'm doing.
查理 我为自己的所做所为感到羞愧
Then you're doing it wrong.
那你的确做错了
No, I feel like I'm abandoning my child.
不是 我感觉好像抛弃了我的孩子
Weren't you listening? He didn't even notice you were gone.
艾伦 你没听到吗? 他都没注意到你走了
That's not the point.
这不是重点
What kind of man chooses sex with an insatiably hot stranger...
什么样的男人 会跟个性感的陌生人鬼混
...over quality time with his little boy?
而不去花时间陪儿子呢!
I don't know, a man who was married for 12 years and had sex 12 times.
我不知道 一个结了12年婚
You're right, I deserve this.
你说对了 这是我应得的
Exactly, so go enjoy yourself.
当然了 去玩得开心点
Well, I do have the room the whole night.
我是订了那房♥间一整个晚上
Yeah, most of your better hotels prefer you do it that way.
是啊 大部分的好宾馆 都喜欢你这么订
Just make sure Jake goes to bed early. He's got karate in the morning.
好吧 要记得让早点杰克睡 他明天上午有跆拳道课
Which, of course, you'll be back for. Charlie, trust me.
当然 你会回来的吧 查理 相信我
You, I trust. It's him I'm worried about.
我相信你 我担心的是"他"
What?
怎么了?
Oh, you've gotta be kidding me. I have to take him to karate?
你在和我开玩笑吧! 我得带他去跆拳道课?
Alan, it's 6:30 in the morning.
艾伦 现在是早上6点半啊!
What kind of maniac broad did you hook up with?
你勾搭上的到底是哪门子荡♥妇♥啊?
She's incredible, Charlie. I've never met anyone like her.
她真不可思议 查理 我从来没遇到过像她这样的人
Gotta go.
我得挂了
Jake, wake up.
杰克 起床
Well, I tried.
好吧 我试过了
Anybody home? Right here.
有人在家吗? 在这
Where's Jake?
杰克在哪里?
I don't know. Didn't he have a karate tournament?
我不知道 他没去跆拳道课吗?
Yes. You were supposed to take him three hours ago.
是啊 你三小时前就该带他去了
Why didn't you take him? He wouldn't get up.
你怎么没带他去啊? 他不起床
I tried everything.
我试过所有的办法了
What time did he go to bed?
他什么时候睡觉的?
I don't know. I crashed around 2 and he was still going strong.
我不知道 我熬到2点就不行了 他那时候还很清醒呢
He was up past 2?
他过了2点还没睡觉?
He said he's had coffee before, but that was a lie, right?
他说他之前喝了咖啡 但那是骗人的 对吧
Okay, okay, all right, it's not important. The karate was his mother's idea. Listen.
好吧好吧 这也不重要 学跆拳道是她妈妈的主意 听着
I need to ask you for another favor.
我想让你再帮我一个忙
Oh, come on, put it in the holster, Wild Bill.
拜托 艾伦 你这个周末够狂野的了吧
No, no, no. This isn't about sex.
这和性♥爱♥无关
I need you to watch Jake for the rest of the weekend...
我想让你下个周末帮我看着杰克
...so that Nancy and I can go to Vegas and get married.
这样我和南茜 就可以去拉斯维加斯结婚
Oh, God, Alan. There's no need to marry the woman.
天哪 艾伦 没有必要和这个女人结婚啊!
If you don't wanna have sex anymore, just tell her.
你不想和她做♥爱♥ 告诉她就行了
No, no, you don't understand.
不是 你不明白
This is beyond sex.
这已经超出了性♥爱♥了
We're in love.
我们相爱了
Alan, come here.
艾伦 过来
You are not in love, you're besotted.
你才不是坠入情网 你是昏头了
No, no, no, I have never felt like this about a woman before.
不 我从没对女人有过这样的感觉
We have a bond that transcends the physical.
我们之间的关系已经超越了肉体
Really? Yeah.
是吗? 是
Kind of a spiritual thing? Yes.
精神上的那种? 没错
Okay. I can understand that. So where's she from?
好吧 有点明白了 她从哪来的?
She's from around here.
她从这里来的啊
Where? Supermarket.
哪里? 超♥市♥
Charlie, stop that.
查理 别这样
I have thought this through and I am really and truly in love with...
我彻底想过了 而且我是真的真的爱上了...
Nancy. I knew that. I knew that.
南茜 我知道! 我知道!
I was looking for the proper adjective to describe her.
我只是找个更合适的词来形容她
Nuts? Easy? Limber?
疯子? 公共厕所?
Charlie. Charlie, you started off on the wrong foot with my first wife.
查理 你已经这样对待 我的第一个老婆了
Do not make the same mistake with...
别在横加指责我亲爱的...
...wonderful Nancy.
完美南茜
Okay, you're right. This is not about her. Come here. Sit down.
好吧 你是对的 这和她无关 过来 坐下
You gonna hit me? Well, let's see how it goes.
你会打我吗? 那要看事情进展了
Okay, look, I've never been much of a big brother to you.
听着 我从来没有 像个大哥一样对你
I didn't protect you. I wasn't around when you started dating...
在你玩保龄球的时候 我没有好好保护你
...when you got married and had Jake. You know why?
在你约会 结婚 和有了杰克的时候我也不在 你知道为什么吗?
Why? I was busy getting laid.
为什么? 因为我忙于左拥右抱了
Which makes me the perfect big brother to help you now.
所以现在是我 这个完美大哥来帮助你的时候了
I've been through this. I know what it means to confuse sex with love.
这些我都经历过 我完全明白混淆了性和爱的后果
That's not what I'm doing, Charlie.
我可没这样混淆啊 查理
We're talking about me, and
我们不是在讲你 我们是在讲我
I've been down this road many times.
我已经经历过无数次这种事了
I remember this one girl.
记得那个女孩吗?
We had this unbelievably hot weekend together.
我和她在一起度过了 一个难以置信的火爆周末
It was like nothing I'd ever experienced before, and I proposed.
那是我从来没有经历过的 我向她求婚了
I begged her to marry me. Wow, where did you meet?
我乞求她嫁给我 你在哪里遇到的?
Detention.
留堂时刻
This was in high school? Eighth grade.
在高中的时候? 8年级
And then years later, it happened again with a different woman.
几年之后 这又发生在了另一个女人身上
Instant chemistry. The sex was unbelievable.
直觉的化学反应 我们的性♥爱♥是绝对美妙的
I was convinced we were soul mates, so I threw myself at her.
我坚信她就是我的真命天女 我彻底被她所征服
I did everything to get her to marry me.
我做了所有能做的事祈求她嫁给我
And you know what? If she'd said yes...
你猜怎么样 如果她同意了
...I'd now have a 67-year-old ex-wife on a belly dancer's pension.
那我现在就有了个67岁的前妻 和一笔不怎么样的养老金
So, what I'm trying to say...
所以我要说的是
...is you're not the first guy to mistake passion for true love...
你不是第一个错把激♥情♥当真爱的男人
...and you won't be the last.
也不会是最后一个
If someone had told me what I'm telling you...
如果当年有人来告诉我 我刚才和你说的
...I could have saved myself a lot of heartache.
我绝对会感激不尽的
Okay. I hear you. Thank you.
好吧 我听到了 谢谢
You're welcome.
不客气
So make sure Jake doesn't fill up on junk food, and I'll call you from Circus Circus.
别让杰克被垃圾食物掩埋 我晚些再从圆圈马戏团打电♥话♥给你
Circus Circus?
圆圈马戏团?
You're right, money should be no object. What's the hotel with the pirate show?
你说的对 不该太在乎钱 那个有海盗秀的宾馆怎样?
I'm sorry, Alan, but I'm gonna have to knock you out.
我很抱歉 艾伦 但是我不得不把你打昏了
Hello? Mom, thank God you're here.
大家好 妈 幸亏你来了
Oh, I don't need your sarcasm, Charlie.
别那么假心假意的
No, I mean it. I need you. Alan needs you.
不是 我是真心的 我需要你 艾伦需要你
What's going on?
怎么了?
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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