好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S02E13
Part 1
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:08 p.m.
Crap.
靠
Oopsie.
啊哦
Oh, Charlie!
喔 查理!
Okay, I guess I'll give you a call.
好啦 那我回头给你电♥话♥
Alrighty, that'd be great.
如果你娶我 我就能留在这国家帮你生很多宝宝
Sounds good. Looking forward to it.
听上去不错 我也很期待
Bye-bye now.
拜拜了
Swell.
真不错
Hey, Alan. You know how to say:
艾伦 知道怎么用波兰语说"再快点"吗?
"Please go faster," in Polish?
"别拉我头发"
Funny language, isn't it? Yeah, hilarious.
很有趣的语言吧? 对 很搞笑
The earthquake hit Sherman Oaks a lot harder than Malibu.
很显然这次地震 对马里布海滩影响很大
What earthquake? What earthquake?
什么地震? 什么地震?
About an hour ago. You didn't feel the house shaking?
一小时前 你没觉得天摇地动吗?
Unbelievable. You actually thought that was you?
简直不敢相信 你还真以为那是你搞出来的?
No, I thought it was her, you know, because of me.
不是 其实我以为是她 你明白 因为我的缘故
The good news is, unless they report it on Polish TV...
不过好消息是 只要不在波兰语电视台上报道
...I still get the credit.
那功劳还是我的
I'm thrilled for you. Anyway, Judith called.
I服了U 不管怎样 茱迪丝打电♥话♥来了
A pipe broke, soaked her living room carpet...
她厨房♥里一根水管爆裂 房♥子全部被水淹没
...and she's completely freaking out.
她完全吓傻了
Yeah, well, that's the difference between wife and ex-wife.
这就是妻子和前妻之间的区别了
With ex-wife, you don't even have to pretend to care.
对付前妻 你甚至都不用去装成在乎的样子
Well, I'm sorry. I can't be that callous.
很抱歉 不过我不是那种人
Have you even tried?
那你试过没有
She's the mother of my son. I'm concerned about her welfare.
她毕竟是我孩子他妈 我还很关心她的状况
I told her she could stay here until repairs.
而且我跟她说 她可以呆在这儿直到修好为止
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up. Back up.
慢着 慢着
When you told her, did you have, like, a sarcastic chuckle in your voice?
你在说她能呆在这儿的时候 有没有发出点怪笑之类的
Like, you know, " Yeah, right, Judith, you can stay here."
例如 "嘻嘻 茱迪丝你能住这儿才怪"
It's just for a couple of days. A couple of days?
不过几天而已 "几天而已"?
Jack The Ripper just killed a couple of prostitutes.
开膛手杰克也才杀了"几个妓♥女♥"而已
It was still wrong.
但他还是杀人恶魔
Do you want me to put her in a hotel?
那你要我怎么办 把她安顿在旅馆里?
- Yeah, put her in a hotel.
对啊 把她安顿在旅馆里
Put her in a space capsule.
或者把她安顿在太空船里
Put her in a catapult and see how far she flies.
把她安顿在人肉炮弹里 看看她能飞多远
Charlie, I can't do that to her.
查理 我不能那么对她
Again, have you even tried?
再说一次 那你试过没有
She's afraid of another quake. Well, what about what I'm afraid of?
她怕还会有余震 那我怕的东西怎么办?
What are you afraid of? Oh, let's see. Large birds. Small bugs.
你又怕什么? 让来我数数 大鸟 小虫
Unplanned pregnancies. And your ex-wife living in my house.
大肚皮孕妇 还有你的前妻住在我房♥子里
Come on, Charlie. She's just a small, frightened woman.
拜托啦 查理 她不过是个受惊的小女人
There are no small, frightened women. That's a myth.
世上压根就没 "受惊的小女人"这种东西
Perpetrated by the large, angry women
那也许是个由秘密掌控世界的
who secretly run the world.
愤怒的大女人们所编造出来的神话
I think it would be healthy for Jake to see his mother and father...
我觉得如果让杰克知道自己的父母 还能在同一屋檐下...
...living together as friends.
...像朋友一样和睦相处会比较好
Oh, Alan, grow up.
拜托 艾伦 成熟点吧
As long as he's got pizza with cheese and TV with 150 channels...
只要他还有芝士批萨吃 有150个频道的电视看
...he doesn't give a rat's ass what you guys do.
他才不鸟你们在干吗呢
Now that I think about it, neither do I.
我现在想想 其实我也是
That had better be a big, pregnant bird covered with spiders.
那最好是只被蜘蛛覆盖的怀孕大鸟
I don't know how to thank you. I'm glad you're okay.
你的大恩大德我无以为报 你没事我就安心了
Charlie, I know this is a big imposition.
查理 我明白这对你很过分
I really appreciate you inviting me.
不过你能邀请我来住真的是很感激
I thought she should know this was your idea.
我觉得该让她知道这是你的主意
Actually, I had several other ideas. Wanna hear them?
其实我还有好几个主意 想听听吗
Tell Jake you're here. I'll take your bags.
你何不去告诉杰克你在这儿 我来帮你拎包
Thank you, Alan. Thank you both.
谢谢 艾伦 谢谢你们俩
I promise I'll be out of here in a couple of days.
我保证最多只住几天而已
Judith, sit down. I've got it covered.
茱迪丝 坐着好了 我能搞得定
No. I can pitch in.
我也可以帮你的忙的
Where do you keep the salad tongs? Wait, I got them.
沙拉夹在哪儿? 哈 找到了
Better use the wooden ones. What's wrong with these?
最好用木制的那个 这个怎么了?
I use those whenever I drop my watch in the toilet.
我用这个捞过掉马桶里的手表
This is a regular occurrence?
这是正常事件?
You'd think I'd learn. And you keep them in the kitchen?
我觉得我吸取教训了 你还把这放在厨房♥?
I used to hang them in the bathroom, but it freaked some chicks out.
我曾把这个挂在厕所里 可吓走了几个小妞
He's just kidding with you. Use the wooden ones.
他是在跟你开玩笑 还是用这木头的吧
I don't want any salad.
我不想吃沙拉
Well, you have to have some. Dad doesn't make me have salad.
你还是得吃点的 爸就从来不逼我吃沙拉
Alan?
艾伦?
He's exaggerating. We have salad all the time.
他胡说 我们以前一直都有沙拉的
I just don't eat it.
但我没吃
It's kind of our compromise.
还是妥协一下吧
Okay. Fine. Your house, your rules.
好吧 你的房♥子你的规矩
Technically, it's my house, his rules.
事实上 是我的房♥子他的规矩
Of course. Just have a little salad.
当然了 还是吃点沙拉吧
So I spoke with the plumbing company...
那么 我跟水管修理公♥司♥谈过了
...and they'll be there in the morning.
而他们将在明天一早就处理这事
So I'll drop off Jake and meet them on my way to work.
那我到时候开车送杰克 在我上班路上去见他们
Thank you, Alan. You're welcome.
太好了 谢谢 不客气
This is really weird.
现在还真是诡异
Why? Your mom and I may not be living
有什么诡异的
together anymore, but we're still friends.
我和你妈虽然不住在一起了 可我们还是朋友的
I don't flip off my friends when I talk to them on the phone.
可不像跟我煲电♥话♥粥的那种朋友
Nice shooting.
说得好
Two with one bullet.
一石二鸟
Well, if either of us did, in fact, do that, it was wrong.
如果我们两个之一真的这么做了 那就是不对的
The important thing is we're making an effort to be nicer to each other.
但重要的是 我们确实很努力的保持友好关系
That's right. And your mom staying here is a good example of that.
你妈在等待房♥子维修期间 和我们住在一起就是个很好的例子
Very nicely put, Alan.
说得好 艾伦
If we leave now, we can be in Mexico in two hours.
如果我们现在就走 两小时后就能到墨西哥
Hey.
嘿
Hey.
嘿
Where's Alan? Don't know.
艾伦在哪儿? 我不知道
Mind if I join you?
不介意和你一起看吧?
Sure.
当然不
Thanks again for your hospitality.
再次感谢你的好客之道
Don't mention it.
别提了
You know, the TV in your room works.
要知道 你房♥间的电视没坏
Oh, okay. Good to know.
好的 很高兴知道
I just tucked Jake in. He loves you very much.
我只是深受感动 杰克非常爱你
Yeah. I love him too.
是啊 我也爱他
You got cable, satellite, DVD. The whole shebang.
你房♥间有有线电视 卫星 DVD 一应俱全
Great.
太好了
I'm surprised you're home on a Saturday night.
我很惊讶你在星期六晚上居然在家
What, with your fun bachelor lifestyle.
没按你自己的生活方式去寻欢作乐
Well, I got laid this morning.
其实是今早跟个妞上♥床♥了
So I thought I'd kick back tonight.
所以就想晚上休息休息
Oh, my. Well, isn't that something.
呃 这倒也是
Nice girl? I guess.
女孩还算靓? 我觉得还成
She doesn't speak English.
不过说不了英语
Well, hey. What are you guys doing?
你们俩在干嘛
Just watching a little TV.
也就是小看一下电视
What's on? I don't know. I just sat down.
在播什么? 我不知道 才刚坐下
Oh, we've seen this movie before.
我们俩以前看过这电影
No, we didn't. Sure we have.
不 我们没有
That guy's girlfriend turns out to be the murderer.
还记得那家伙的女朋友就是真凶
Really? I did not know that.
当真? 我还真不知道呢
Oh, right. And she's not really a girl.
对啊 其实那人根本就不是女的
I did not know that either.
那个我也不知道
When did we see this?
我们什么时候看的?
The first movie after Jake was born.
这是打杰克出生之后 我们俩看的第一部电影
Oh, right.
对啊
It was so hard to leave him with the sitter.
想把他丢给保姆照看可真难啊
As soon as we got to the door, the sobbing started.
我们才刚出门 大哭声就开始了
Yeah, well, it was hard for me.
还真挺难的
You were such a softy.
你真是太慈祥了
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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