好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S02E08
Part 1
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:08 p.m.
Hey, how do I look? Incredible.
我看上去怎样? 超级帅
All men want to be you, all women want to be with you.
所有的男人都想成为你 所有的女人都想和你在一起
Could you at least look at me before you answer?
你能不能至少看我一下再回答
I stand corrected.
那我纠正一下
All men want to be with you...
所有的男人都想和你在一起...
Charlie, come on. I'm really nervous here.
查理 别这样 我很紧张
This is my first real date since college.
这是我大学以来 第一次真正意义上的约会
What the hell is this? Bourbon.
这是什么鬼东西? 波本
You drink bourbon while you work out? Gin makes me sweat.
你锻炼的时候喝波本? 健身让我汗流浃背!
Look, don't turn this into a bigger deal than it needs to be.
别太把它当回事了 不需要这样
You met a woman, you asked her out...
你遇到个女人 你约她吃晚饭
Technically, she asked me out.
严格点来说 是她约我出去
See, I was in the market, and she needed advice on picking out corn.
听着 当时我在超♥市♥里 她需要人教她选玉米
There were no employees around. There never are.
旁边没有工作人员 当然也不会有
Even if they are, they're not knowledgeable about produce.
就算有 他们也不知相关知识 至少不知道它的成长过程...
Thank God you were there. Tell me about it.
幸亏你在那里啊 我就说嘛
I explained that you have to husk a few ears...
因此我跟他们解释得
...to check the firmness of the kernels.
需要好几年才能长好长硬
Next thing you know, she asked me out.
接下来的你都知道啦 她约我出去
Well, I guess that's why they say no one gets more action than a greengrocer.
怪不得有人说 没什么比绿植物更打动人了
They say that? No.
他们那样说吗? 没有
The point is, it's just dinner.
重点是 只是去吃个晚饭
You'll go, you'll bore her to death, you'll come home.
你赴约 然后烦死她 然后回家来
Yeah, I know, but I wanna look good while I'm doing it.
我知道 但是我想做这些的时候能帅点
You look fine. Just relax. Be yourself.
你看上去很不错 别紧张了 做你自己就行了
Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
好吧 好吧
You think I should bring some condoms? Why?
你觉得我需要带些安全套吗? 为什么?
Well, I see the public service commercials...
我看到公益广♥告♥上说...
Yeah, you're right. See you later.
对啊 你是对的 回见
Feel the burn.
燃烧吧 脂肪! (简·方达劝训词 指一分耕耘一分收获)
I think it's going well.
我觉得进展的很不错!
My God, Alan. You're like a machine.
我的天啊 艾伦 你就像个机器
I'm a love shark, baby. If I stop making love, I drown.
我是只爱情鲨鱼 宝贝 如果我不再做♥爱♥了 会被淹死的
Okay, okay, okay. Wait a sec, wait a sec:
好 好 等一下 等一下
Sharks don't growl.
鲨鱼才不会被淹死呢
All right, I'm a love bear.
好吧 我是个爱情...大熊
If I stop making love, I prevent forest fires.
如果我不再做♥爱♥了 就去森林防火
Put that out.
再来!
Morning. Morning.
早上好 早上好
I see you've been working out again.
我看你又锻炼了吧
Yeah, well, it's good for my heart.
是啊 对我心脏有益
I figure the liver damage makes it kind of a push.
我发现肝硬化倒是有点推动作用
Morning, all.
大家早上好
Morning. Morning.
早上好 早上好
Thirsty.
好渴
Alan.
艾伦
Well, gadzooks, Zippy's getting his freak on.
天啊 "怪小孩"也有春天了
Yeah, it seems we're living in an age of miracles.
对啊 看来再次超越了年龄的界限
I guess if they can put a man on the moon...
我猜范把一个男人放在了月亮上
...they can put a woman on your brother.
然后又把一个女人放在你弟身上
Who's the girl? I don't know.
那女孩是谁? 我不知道
He met her at the supermarket. Helped her pick out corn.
他在超♥市♥认识的 帮她选玉米
Corn?
玉米?
Well, I'm not in any position to judge. I once did a guy for a tank of gas.
好吧 不过我也没立场说他 我曾为了罐汽油跟个男的好过
Hey, Alan? Alan?
艾伦 艾伦
What you got there? Basting brush...
你拿了什么啊? 浴刷
...chocolate sauce, rubber gloves. You know what we're gonna use them for?
巧克力酱 橡胶手套 你知道我们干吗需要这些吗?
No. Neither do I.
不知道 我也不知道
Charlie, I have never had sex like this before in my life.
查理 在我这一生中 从来没有过这样的性♥爱♥
In fact, I don't think anything I've had prior to this can even be called sex.
实际上 我觉得除了这次以外任何其他的不能称为"性♥爱♥"
Because if you call that sex, we need a new name for this.
因为如果非要称那些为"性♥爱♥" 这个就得另外取个名字了
My suggestion would be "hootenanny yum-yum."
我的建议是"谁的美味奶妈?"
I'm happy for you.
我为你感到高兴
Me too. Oh, do we have a step stool?
我也是 我们有阶梯柜吗?
Hallway closet. Thank you.
走廊那边的橱柜里 谢谢
You might wanna pace yourself. Yeah, right.
你要自己涂吗? 对 没错
Oh, boy.
噢 我的天
What? Oh, boy.
噢 男孩! (boy的2种意思)
Can I watch TV?
我能去看电视吗
I don't see why not. You got eyes and a butt.
干吗不呢 你有双眼睛还有个屁♥股♥
Where's Alan?
艾伦在哪里?
He's here. Well, may I speak with him?
他在这里 我能和他说几句吗?
Sure, why not.
当然可以 为何不呢?
Okay, okay. Wait a sec.
好了 好了 等一下
Not a good time, Charlie.
真不是时候 查理
Well, I thought you might like to know that your ex-wife and son are here.
对啊 但我猜你大概 会想知道你的前妻和儿子来了
She's supposed to bring him on Friday.
但她要到星期五才来的啊!
It is Friday.
今天就是星期五
But not until 5.
不到5点也不会啊!
It is 5.
现在就是5点了!
Okay, cover for me. I'll be right out.
好吧 掩护我一下 我马上就出去
Alan. Yeah?
艾伦 啊?
You might wanna take off the rubber glove first.
你最好把橡胶手套先拿掉
Good thinking.
好提议
He'll be right out. Thank you.
他马上就来 谢谢
So...
那...
...how are you?
你好吗?
What's going on in there?
那里怎么了?
Alan's moving furniture around, because he's constantly redecorating.
艾伦在搬家具 因为他最近想重新装♥修♥一下
Sorry, I was taking a nap.
不好意思 我在打盹儿
So... So, what's up?
那 有啥事?
I wanted to remind you that Jake has his karate tournament tomorrow morning.
我只是想来提醒你 杰克明天上午有跆拳道的课
Okay. What's that on your face?
好吧 你脸上是什么啊?
Just a little chocolate sauce. Thank you.
只是一点巧克力酱 谢谢
Got it, karate tournament, tomorrow morning.
记住啦 跆拳道 明天上午
Alan, what's going on?
艾伦 怎么回事?
What's... What's going on is I was lying in bed...
事情是这样的 我躺在床上
...eating a sundae.
吃...吃圣代
After moving furniture. After moving furniture.
在搬完家具之后 在搬完家具之后
And I fell asleep in some chocolate sauce.
接着我... 和一些巧克力酱一起睡着了
Goodbye, Alan.
再见 艾伦
I think she bought it. You think?
我觉得她信了 你真这么觉得?
No.
当然不是!
Why didn't you tell her you've got a woman?
你干吗不干脆告诉她 你房♥里有个女人呢?
I don't know. It just seems wrong.
我不知道 就是感觉不对劲
You're divorced. You have nothing to feel guilty about.
她甩了你 你们离婚了 你没什么好觉得内疚的啊
It's not guilt. It's more shame.
不是内疚 更像是...羞愧
What are you ashamed of? Charlie, I spent 12 years with Judith.
你羞愧什么啊? 查理 我和朱蒂丝在一起12年了
We went through a lot together. You can't just erase all that...
我们一起经历了很多 不能只因为在另一个女人的乳♥头♥上
...by lapping chocolate sauce out of another woman's navel.
舔食巧克力酱就把这些抹去了
Okay, my fault for asking. Now, what do you wanna do about Jake?
这么问你是我的错 那现在你想对杰克怎么做?
Oh, my God, Jake's here. I don't want him to know I'm dating.
天啊 杰克在这 我不想让他知道我在约会
This is not dating, Alan. This is rubber gloves and step stools.
这不是约会 艾伦 这是橡胶手套和阶梯柜!
All right, all right.
好吧 好吧
You distract him, and I'll sneak Nancy out and drive her home.
你摆平他 我去把南茜偷出来送她回家
Fine. Okay.
好吧
Wrong. This is just wrong, so wrong.
这样不对头 真是不对头 大错特错
Hey, Jake, wanna go shoot some hoops?
杰克 想去玩几把篮球吗
In a minute.
等一下
He's oblivious. Just go.
他已经看傻啦 走就是了
In a minute.
等一下
No, he's still watching TV. Hold on, I'll check.
对啊 他还在看电视 等下 我问一下
You hungry? What are we having?
你饿吗 我们有什么吃的?
I don't know. Tell me if you're hungry.
我不知道 告诉我你饿不饿就行了
-That depends on what we're having.
那取决于我们有什么吃的
Okay, what do you want? What do you got?
你想吃什么? 你有什么?
He's not hungry.
他不饿
So I thought you were taking her home and coming right back.
我还以为 你送她回家之后会马上回来的
You checked into a hotel?
你去宾馆开房♥了?
No, you're right, driving that way is dangerous.
是 你是对的 开那条路太危险了 (暗指艾伦与南茜的交往)
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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