好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S02E15
Part 3
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:09 p.m.
You see, I wanted to cheer Alan up...
我本来是为了给艾伦鼓劲 因为...
Charlie, don't. It's personal.
查理 不要 这是个人隐私
She has a right to know.
她有权知道
Judith, Alan got some bad news from the doctor yesterday.
朱蒂丝 艾伦昨天从大夫那里得到了个坏消息
Oh, my God, Alan. What is it?
我的天哪 艾伦 怎么回事?
Well, the doctor says I have to have a colonoscopy.
大夫说我必须作个结肠镜检查
Are you having problems? No, it's just routine.
你有什么大♥麻♥烦吗? 没有 只是例行检查
So? So I'm really nervous about it.
那么... 我因此非常紧张
That's it?
就这个?
Well, it's a long, snaky thing with a camera.
那可是个长长的带镜头的小玩意
Oh, please. Your son was 10 pounds at birth...
拜托 你儿子出生时足足10磅重...
...and his head was the same size it is now.
...而且脑袋几乎和现在一样大
That's kind of apples and oranges, isn't it?
就是类似苹果或是橙子大小 不是吗?
Goodbye, Alan. Wait, wait, wait, Judith.
再见 艾伦 等等 朱蒂丝
Aren't you gonna take Jake with you? No, I'm not taking him. He's fine.
你不带走杰克吗? 不 我不带 他没什么事
Don't think I don't see what's going. You put Jake up to telling me he's sick
不要以为我不明白怎么回事 你们把杰克弄成病号♥
...so you could pawn him off while you went to Las Vegas.
...然后丢给我 以便摆脱他去维加斯
He did throw up. Smell the umbrella stand.
他的确吐了 你闻闻那个雨伞架子
I'm not buying it. I'll get him Monday night.
我不买♥♥你的账 我周一晚上过来
And if I find out you took him to Vegas...
如果我发现你们带他去了维加斯...
...you'll get a colonoscopy from my attorney.
...你的结肠镜检查就是由我的律师来做了
I've seen your alimony checks.
我看过你开的赡养费支票了
You already got one.
你已经有个律师了
So, what's the deal? Are we going?
做什么呢? 我们出发吧
I don't think so. Why? I'm fine.
我不这么想 为什么? 我没事
Yeah, but your mom said, "No." Oh, man.
是 但是你妈妈说不行 真没劲
Don't eat anything orange.
不要吃任何含橙的东西
You wanna know what I think? Not at all.
你想知道我怎么想的吗? 一点都不想
I think if she wanted to keep you on a leash...
我认为如果她还管你管的这么紧的话...
...she shouldn't have divorced you. -I'm not on a leash. I never was.
...就不该跟你离婚 -我没有被管束 从来就没有过
You were living here for three weeks...
你在这住了整整三周后...
...before you were getting up on the couch without permission.
...才习惯自♥由♥从沙发上起来
Can we just drop it? It was a bad idea.
我们能别再提这码子事了吗? 那是个坏主意
There are no bad ideas. There's just a lack of will to execute them.
那不是坏主意 只是有人没意愿去努力争取
We're men, Alan. Single men.
我们是男人 艾伦 单身
We go where we want, when we want and how we want.
我们自己决定去哪里 何时去 还有怎么去
Usually without so much toiletries...
通常不用带卫生用品...
...but I'm trying to be flexible here. -I explained about the toiletries.
...我们何不尝试更灵活些呢 -我解释过那些卫生用品了
The point is, you can't let your ex-wife control your behavior...
问题关键在于你不能让你的前妻还控制你的一举一动...
...no matter how stupid or self-destructive it might be.
...不管是多么自残的行为
Charlie, l... What profit a man...
查理 我不得不... 做男人还有什么意思呢...
...if he escapes the iron shackles of matrimony...
...如果你不从婚姻的镣铐中挣脱出来...
...only to surrender to sexually frustrated tyranny of a vengeful ex-wife?
...就只能屈服于性空虚前妻的专♥制♥报复的淫♥威♥之下
You know what? You're right.
你说的有道理
We're men. Right, are you with me?
我们是男人 对 你站在我这边吗?
I'm with you. Grab your pack, we're going to Vegas.
我站在你这边 去拿你的行李 我们去拉斯维加斯
Jake? Just a sec.
杰克? 等一下
It's okay. It's mostly water.
没事了 就吐了点水
I'm fine. Let's go. We're men.
没事 走吧 我们是男人
Nope. You're too sick.
不 你病的不轻了
Some other time.
改个时间吧
I'm really sorry I ruined the trip, Uncle Charlie.
非常抱歉 查理叔叔 我把这个行程毁了
Hey, it's not your fault.
不是你的错
It's your dad who won't let you go.
是你♥爸♥爸不让你去
Thanks, Charlie. Why should he feel guilty?
谢谢你 查理 为什么让他有负疚感呢?
Here. Put this on Wake Forest.
给 押威克森林队吧
Game's over, Jake. They lost.
比赛结束了 他们输球了
What about the spread? They didn't cover.
那些内线消息呢? 那个不管用
Give me back my money.
把钱还给我吧
Get some rest.
休息会吧
I'm hungry. Get used to it.
我饿了 设法适应吧
That's some great kid. Yeah.
真是个好孩子 是
Sick as a dog, and all he wants is a little action.
刚准备行动起来就像个小狗一样病了
Well, he gets that from you.
那是和你学的
You think so?
你真的这样认为吗?
Because I do try to be a role model. I know you do.
我的确试着做了个榜样 我知道你是
Listen, there's no reason you have to stick around.
听着 你没有必要陪在这了
He's gonna sleep. I can keep an eye on him.
我看着他睡觉就好了
No, no, I couldn't go now.
不 我现在不能走
Why not? You wanted to go to Vegas. You should go.
为什么不呢? 你想去维加斯的你去呗
You're probably gonna have a better time without Jake and me.
大概没有我和杰克你会玩的更好
Probably? Unquestionably.
大概? 是毫无疑问
Then why don't you go? I don't know.
那么你为什么不还去? 不知道为什么
It just feels somehow wrong to abandon the kid when he's sick.
撇下你生病的儿子我感觉不对劲
Now you know what it feels like to be a parent.
祝贺你 你开始体会做父母的感觉了
How inconvenient.
多不方便啊
What's that? It sounds like Lynyrd Skynyrd.
那是什么? 听起来像是摇滚乐
Berta?
波塔?
Surprise!
意外惊喜!
I'm gonna start the IV.
我要开始注射了
In a few seconds, you're gonna feel drowsy.
马上你就会感觉有些困意
No. No drowsy. I wanna be out. Completely out.
不 不要困意 我要完全沉睡
Don't worry, you will be.
好不用担心 你会的
Right, doctor? Aye.
对吗 大夫? 当然
You won't be remembering anything, me bucko.
你不会记得任何事的 船员小子
Thanks, doc. Here's the 2 grand for your children's hospital.
谢谢大夫 这是两千块钱 给医院里的孩子们
And remember, when he wakes up, you're a gas station attendant.
然后记住了 等他醒过来时 你是个加油站的服务生
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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