神兽

The Unicorn S01E04

Part 2 Nov. 22, 2019, 12:20 p.m.

该死
Damn.
海伦
Helen,
这南瓜饼真好吃
this is great pumpkin bread.
特别软糯
It's so moist.
怎么做到的
How do you do that?
小娜快点你还有足球训练
Uh, Nat, come on, you got soccer practice.
来了
Coming!
穿得很帅嘛要出门吗
So you look nice. You going out?
是啊
Yeah.
约了妹子吗
W-With a lady?
-是啊 -爱你爸爸
- Yeah. - Love you, Dad.
我也爱你
I love you, too.
只透露这么一点吗
So you aren't gonna give us any more than that?
对
Nope.
米歇尔只告诉了我
So the only intel that I could get from Michelle
韦德去约会了
is that Wade went on a date,
还有他开出私人车道后往西开了
and when he pulled out of the driveway, he went west.
宝贝这又是那些关于船的杂♥志♥吗
Honey, is that another one of those boat magazines?
是的
Yeah, yeah.
看看这个40英尺的美人
Look at this 40-foot beauty right there.
没有一点玻璃纤维
Not an inch of fiberglass on this thing,
全柚木这就是我的船了
all teak. This is the one, right here.
-你知道我们买♥♥不起船 -我知道
- You know we can't afford a boat, right? - I know.
-很好 -但是说不定哪天
- Okay. - But someday,
我们要买♥♥的时候
when our ship comes in...
就可能买♥♥这条船
...that could be our ship.
但是宝贝我们离海边有两小时路
But, sweetie, we live two hours from the ocean,
而且在船上你也上不了厕所
and you wouldn't be able to go to the bathroom on that boat
因为你甚至不能去商场上厕所
because you can't even go at the mall.
船界术语人家叫船首
On a boat, it's called "The head."
-好的受教了 -好的
- Okay. Thank you. - Okay.
韦德今天有点生气是吗
Wade was a little hot under the collar today, huh?
是的但是你知道吗
Yeah, he was, but you know what,
事实上我觉得我们有点把他逼疯了
honestly, I think we're driving him a little crazy.
或许我们应该相信他的品味
Maybe we should trust his taste.
他会给自己找到合适的人的
He'll find the right woman for himself.
是的他找到了吉尔
Yeah, I mean, he found Jill.
我们当时甚至都不了解他
We didn't even know him then.
是的他找到了吉尔
Yes, he found Jill.
显然他可以看出来吉尔是个多么特别的人
Obviously, he could see what an incredibly special person she was.
但是如果那只是一次侥幸呢
But what if that was a fluke?
如果他这次找了个大错误怎么办
What if the next one's a real clunker?
我们也会无法摆脱她
We'd be stuck with her, too.
我们会和她一起度过每场足球赛和校园剧
She'd be with us at every soccer game and school play
我们还要在格蕾丝的婚礼上和她坐一起
and we'd have to sit next to her at Grace's wedding.
-她爱叨叨怎么办 -她不喝酒怎么办
- What if she's a yapper? - What if she doesn't drink?
-啥 -真糟糕
- What? - Oh. No.
韦德这样对我们我们不能袖手旁观
We will not stand by while our friend does this to us.
你是说对他自己是吗
You mean "To himself," Right?
这不用明说的好吗福里斯特
Well, that goes without saying, Forrest.
-是的当然 -对吧
- Right. Of course. - Yeah.
我工作的时候只用坐在电脑前
So, at my job, I just sit in front of the computer.
我真的没太多事可做
I really don't have that much to do.
所以我就刷了刷情书
So I was tooling around Mashnote,
然后我发现这个软件的秘密
and I realized that there's a backdoor.
你黑入了他们的系统吗
Did you hack into their system?
你让我要说的听起来很让人失望
Well, now it's just gonna sound disappointing.
如果我们保证不失望你会告诉我们吗
If we promise not to be disappointed, will you tell us?
我注册了一个性别女的假账户
I created a fake account for a fake woman
这样我们就能看韦德的个人简介了
so we can see Wade's real profile.
她真漂亮
Oh, she's beautiful.
我在沐浴盐的包装上抠的她的照片
I got her picture off a tube of bath salts.
-她有名字吗 -好问题
- Does she have a name? - Great question.
她当然有名字
She sure does.
索娅
Zoya.
好吧有回旋的余地吗
Okay. Is there any wiggle room with that?
没了你瞧我们看不到韦德的简介
No. You see, we can't see Wade's profile,
但索娅可以给他发信息
but Zoya can just "Mash" Him...
爱的魔力转圈圈
Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo.
-我们就看到了韦德 -天呐
- And there's our guy. - Oh, God,
他又把照片换回了他的手指枪
he went back to the finger pistols.
他把所有东西都改了
He changed everything.
他确实还留了玛雅·安吉罗的话
He did keep the Maya Angelou quote.
-每个人都爱玛雅·安吉罗 -是的
- Everybody likes Maya Angelou. - Yeah.
这是什么声音
What was that sound?
韦德刚给她回了消息
He just mashed her back.
那么索娅可以告诉他
So then Zoya could tell him
她喜欢看到他
that she'd love to see him
穿开领的夏装套装
in a summer-weight suit with open collar,
在窗帘前微笑
smiling in front of a window treatment
-不比手指枪 -看我的
- and no finger pistols. - Watch this.
你真帅我想看你
"You're so handsome. I'd love to see you
穿泡泡纱站在阳光下
"In seersucker bathed in natural light,
感叹号♥ 眨眼
exclamation point, winky face."
-干得好 -他在回我消息
- Good job. - He's writing back.
感谢你的小建议笑脸
"Thanks for the tip, smiley face."
-关掉电脑 -好的
- Just close the computer. - Yeah.
-见好就收 -当然
- Quit while we're ahead. - Of course.
今晚过得怎么样
"How are you tonight?"
不能对人家太粗鲁
No need to be rude.
我过得很好谢谢
"I'm doing just fine, thanks,
害羞脸
shy face."
我不回了
And I'm done.
没错我不回了
Yeah, I'm done.
所以他是谁
So who's he?
那是杰克
That's Jake,
和布瑞安共用卧铺车厢的那个
the one that's sharing the sleeper car with Brianne.
好的明白了他还拿到了金色票
Okay, got it, and he's got the golden ticket.
不不没人拿到金色票
No, no one's got the golden ticket.
胜出的一对在节目结束后
The winning couple gets it at the end of the show
抵达迈阿密时才能拿到
when they get to Miami.
对对那是谁
Oh, right, right, right. Who's that?
那还是杰克
That's still Jake.
我们一定要看这个吗
Do we have to watch this?
-你不用 -这是女生看的节目
- You don't. - It's a girl thing.
好我要看
Fine. I'll watch it.
里面发生什么了
What is going on in there?
为什么麦片撒了一地
Why is there cereal all over my floor?
他们是在列车上吗
Are they on a train?
对这是《情动列车》
Yes, it's called Passion Train.
他们为什么在亲吻
Why are they kissing?
这是情动的部分
That's the "Passion" Part.
妈妈你能让诺亚离开吗
Mom, can you make Noah leave?
诺亚去你自己房♥间玩
Noah, go play in your room.
好吧但我要把饼干拿走
Fine, but I'm taking the cookies.
不你不能
No, you're not.
真霸道
Rude.
抱歉我错过了什么
Sorry, what'd I miss?
他是谁
Ooh, who's he?
他是杰克
That's Jake.
这节目里的杰克也太多了
There are too many Jakes on this show.
只有一个
There's only one.
里面为什么这么安静
Why is it so quiet in there?
我知道一旦安静你们就在动歪脑筋
I know you're up to something when it's quiet.
现在姑娘们尽可能地要安静看节目
Now the girls are trying to watch their show in peace
你们净帮倒忙对吧姑娘们
and you are not helping, are they, girls?
确实
No.
-杰克喝太多了 -那是科尔顿
- Jake drinks too much. - That's Colton.
你在给谁发消息
Who you texting?
韦德
Wade.