神兽

The Unicorn S01E03

Part 1 Nov. 22, 2019, 12:20 p.m.

他老婆的葬礼都过去一年了吧
His wife's funeral, almost a year ago? And they're still
但他们还在吃着那时别人做的东西
living off the meals people made for them.
-嘿韦德 -嘿崔西
- Hey, Wade. - ?Hey, Tracy.
这货完全不知道他对女人的诱惑有多大
This man has no idea what catnip he is to these women.
你是个负责的父亲专一的丈夫
You are a devoted father. You were a devoted husband.
你就是个独角兽那种难以捉摸
You are a unicorn. You know, that elusive creature
所有女人都在追寻的生物
that all single women are looking for.
你们的意思是这些女人喜欢我仅仅因为
Are you guys saying that all of these women are only into me
我老婆死了
'cause my wife died?
-是的 -你这可相当于新鲜出炉伙计
- ?Yup. - ?You're factory fresh, buddy.
所以你和崔西·维尔夫斯什么都没有发生
So nothing happened with Tracy Wilvers?
她真的很喜欢你
She was so into you.
是的但是她有点太喜欢我了
Yeah, she was a little too into me.
总得一步步来是吧不能先跑后走
And you got to walk before you can run, right?
什么才不是
What? No.
你没看过赛跑吗
You ever see a race?
你就站在那然后就开始跑了
You're standing there, and then you're running.
耐心点亲爱的
Be patient, honey.
你马上就能跟他精神共享爱爱生活了
You'll have your vicarious sex life soon enough.
谢谢你亲爱的
Thank you so much, sweetie. Mwah.
还有一位没到吗
Are we waiting on one more?
没没有了
Uh, no, no,
我们就五个人就五个
'cause we're five. We're five--
对我们就五个人没错
Yeah, we're five. That's fine.
-有些人就是名堂多 -就五个人
- Some people, right? - ?Five.
能给我们上点水吗谢谢
Could you just bring us some waters, please?
-五杯水 -就五杯水
- Five waters. - Five waters.
-五杯水很好 -一二三四五
- I'd love five waters. ?- One, two, three, four, five.
朋友们别闹了
Guys, seriously,
真的不用每次都这样
you don't have to do this every time.
我知道吉尔已经走了都已经一年多了
I know Jill's gone. It's been over a year now.
我已经习惯了对着一张空椅子
I can handle an empty chair.
好的抱歉我们没想让你不高兴
Okay, sorry. Didn't mean to upset you.
我没有不高兴
You didn't upset me.
你这语气听起来
Oh, the way you said it didn't upset you
好像就是不高兴了
kind of made it feel like it did upset you.
我没不高兴
I'm not upset.
所以这里有什么好吃的
So what, uh, what's good here?
我点个海胆吧
I think I'm gonna get the sea urchin flight.
是格蕾丝我去接个电♥话♥
Oh, that's Grace. Excuse me.
他刚才超不开心的
Wow, he was so upset.
你也看到了吧不只是我
You saw it, too, right? It wasn't just me.
最近他老这样
It's been happening a lot lately.
"她有点太喜欢我了"
"She's a little too into me."
这是什么鬼意思
What the hell does that even mean?
不谈崔西·维尔夫斯了好吗福里斯特
Forrest, we've moved on from Tracy Wilvers, okay?
好的是的他就是生气了
Got it. Yeah, he was mad.
你慢点说慢点说借过
Slow down, slow down. I can't really-- Excuse me.
我听不清楚
I can't, I can't hear you.
所以到底是怎么了
Now what-what happened?
我刚刚在和我的朋友聊微信
I was Snapping with my friends,
我就把手♥机♥放下了一分钟
and I put my phone down for one minute,
娜塔莉就在群聊里面发
and Natalie Snapped "I like poop"
"我喜欢粑粑"
to the entire group.
我没这么说我用的表情符号♥
I didn't. I used the emoji.
一样好嘛
It's the same.
现在我的朋友们都会觉得我喜欢粑粑了
And now all my friends will think I like poop.
格蕾丝如果你的朋友因为你喜欢粑粑
Uh, well, Grace, if your friends don't like you
就不喜欢你
because you like poop,
那...那他们就不是你...你的真朋友
then-then they're not your-your-your real friends.
真是谢谢您了
Thanks.
半小时前我就饱了
I was full about a half hour ago.
您要把这些打包回家吗
Would you like to take this home?
当然要的
Uh, yeah, sure.
-谢谢 -谢谢
- Thank you. - ?Thank you.
有人注意到服务员在给韦德暗送秋波吗
Anybody else notice the server throwing Wade some heat?
绝对的
No kidding.
"您要把这些打包回家吗"
"Would you like to take this home?"
我觉得她的意思是要不要打包
I think she was talking about
我的八颗小青菜和排骨
the eight brussels sprouts and the rib.
-不过真的吗 -你确定吗
- Oh, was she? Really though? - Oh, was she?
如果在真是那样她为什么又回来了
If that's the case, then why's she coming back for more?
因为她拿着账单回来了就在她手上
Because she has the check. Right there in her hand.
-我都看到了 -真巧
- I can see it. - Convenient.
-谢谢 -来韦德
- Thank you. - Okay, you know, what, Wade?
-我们来付 -就是
- We got this. - Yeah.
-我可以付 -不不我们来付
- I-I can pay. - No, no, we got it.
大家你们不要这样好吗
Guys, will you-- Just stop it, all right?
我不需要施舍是的我是个鳏夫
I'm not a charity case. Yes, I am a widower,
但我也是个有经济能力的成年人
but I am also a grown man with a wallet.
我们只是想友好一点不要生气
We're just trying to be nice. No need to get angry.
我没有生气但是拜托大家
I'm not angry, but, come on, guys.
我可以承受面对一张空椅子
I mean, I can handle an empty chair,
不我也不想跟服务员约会
and, no, I don't want to date the server.
你很棒
Uh, you're fantastic,
你会让你男朋友很开心或者女朋友
and you're gonna make some guy very happy, or-or a woman.
无意冒犯
No judgment there.
重点在于
Look, the point is
我不要你们说不
I'm not gonna take no for an answer, okay?
我来付钱我就是想付
I'm gonna pay this bill. I just want to pay it.
可以吗我可以付吗
Is that okay? Can I pay it?
好
Okay.
-你知道吗你来付 -好很好
- You know what? You pay. - Okay, great.
我就这么点要求
That's all I was asking for.
我想付钱所以我就付钱
I wanted to pay, so I'm gonna pay.
-韦德请客 -谢谢大家我很感激
- It's on Wade. - Thank you very much. I appreciate it.
谢谢我请客
Thank you. It's on me.
好的
Yeah.
我把钱包忘在另一条裤子里了
I-I left my wallet in my other pants.
-不如我们来付吧 -对我们来付
- Then why don't we get it. - You know, we got it.
-我们来付这顿饭 -好的谢谢
- Yeah, we'll get this one. - Okay, thank you. Thanks.
我们会给很多小费
We will tip a lot.
下顿饭我请
I'll get the next one.
好的
All right.
-去吧 -爸你还好吗
- There you go. - Hey, Dad. Are you good?
我听说你昨天晚上在餐厅抓狂了
I heard you freaked out at the restaurant last night.
你从哪儿听说的
Where'd you hear that?
娜塔莉说的她听艾迪说的
From Natalie, who heard it from Addie,
艾迪从福里斯特那里偷听到的
who overheard it from Delia and Forrest.
多亏没人议论这件事呢
At least nobody's talking about it.
爸
Hey, Dad.
听说你昨晚大爆发了
Heard you had a giant meltdown last night.
我没有爆发
I didn't have a meltdown.
-你们两个怎么了 -不是我说的
- What was up with you two? - It wasn't me.
我在和我朋友聊天
I was just chatting with friends,
然后娜塔莉过来
and then Natalie came over
开始说蠢小孩的悄悄话
and started doing stupid little kid stuff.
你才是蠢小孩
You're the stupid little kid.
高明的反驳
Sweet comeback.
非常成熟
Very mature.
娜塔莉不要扔早餐不要往脸上扔
Natalie! Do not throw food... No cereal in the face.
拜托
Come on.
格蕾丝拜托
Hey, Grace! Come on!
女孩们
Hey, girls!
别吵了吃饭
Stop it! Eat!
最近怎么样伙计
What's shaking, pal?
福里斯特
Hey. Forrest.
为什么要视频
What's up with the video?
不能直接打电♥话♥吗
Can't you just call?
视频更好玩
This is more fun.