神兽

The Unicorn S01E04

Part 1 Nov. 22, 2019, 12:20 p.m.

他老婆的葬礼都过去一年了吧
His wife's funeral was almost a year ago,
但他们还在吃着那时别人做的东西
and they're still living off the meals people made for them.
-嘿韦德 -嘿崔西
- Hey, Wade. - ?Hey, Tracy.
这货完全不知道他对女人的诱惑力有多大
This man has no idea what catnip he is to these women.
你是个负责的父亲
You are a devoted father,
专一的丈夫
you were a devoted husband.
你就是个独角兽
You are a unicorn.
就是那种难以捉摸
You know, that elusive creature
所有单身女人都在追寻的生物
that all single women are looking for?
你们的意思是这些女人喜欢我仅仅因为
Are you guys saying that all of these women are only into me
我老婆死了
because my wife died?
是的
Yup!
你这可相当于新鲜出炉伙计
You're factory-fresh, buddy.
迪莉娅
Delia,
之前你让孩子们看《烈火战车》
I thought you were crazy
我觉得你疯了
telling the kids to watch chariots of Fire,
现在觉得你真天才
but it was a huge success.
他们都睡着了
They're all asleep.
棒
Nice.
嘿福利斯特
Hey, Forrest,
谢谢你昨天晚上带我女儿去打保龄球
thanks for taking the girls bowling last night.
客气啥兄弟
Yeah, my pleasure, man.
昨晚你和洛莉的约会咋样
Hey, how was your date with Lori?
你怎么知道她叫洛莉
How did you know her name was Lori?
-你告诉我的 -我没有
- Because you told me. - Nope.
不是不是对
No, no, I, uh, right, be--
我刚刚说"你告诉我的"
I said, "You told me,"
我其实指的是迪莉娅她告诉我的
but I was gesturing towards Delia, who actually told me.
那你又是怎么知道的
How did you know?
我吗
Me?
是那个米...米歇尔
Yeah. ?Chelle-- Michelle?
福利斯特上你那约会软件看的
Forrest was on your dating app.
这个锅我可不背
I'm not taking the fall for this one.
不只是我我们都知道洛莉
It wasn't just me. We all knew about Lori.
但是我们几个知道不能说出她的名字
Yeah, but the rest of us knew not to say her name.
说句公道话我们一起创建的那个账号♥
In fairness to all of us, we did help create the account,
所以那可以说是我们所有人的账号♥
so it's kind of all of our account.
-并不是 -而且你是个新手韦德
- No, it isn't. - ?Plus, Wade, you're new to dating.
所以我们只是想确保
So we just wanted to make sure that
那些看你的主页的女人们
when women check you out,
能看到你最好的样子
they see you in the best possible light.
你们改了我的主页照片
Did you change my profile picture?
没我们没改你的主页照片
No, we did not change your profile picture.
我们只是找了一张我们特别喜欢的
We just found one that we liked so much better.
让你看起来是一个有趣的灵魂
Just wanted you come off as cool and fun to be with.
对让你看起来衣品很好
Yeah. ?And that you know how to dress.
女人喜欢衣品好的男人
Women love men who know how to dress. ?Yeah.
是的因为你发的有一张图片
Yeah, 'cause in the one that you had posted,
真的不行你比了个手♥枪♥
and I'm sure it was a mistake, you were doing pistol fingers.
而且我最喜欢的电影才不是《真爱至上》
And my favorite movie is not Love Actually.
兄弟但是"最喜欢的电影"这一栏
Yeah, bro, but for "Favorite movie"
你不能填"我不怎么看电影"这种话啊
you can't put "Not really a movie guy."
但是我真的不怎么看电影
But I'm not really a movie guy.
-不 -你不能这么写
- No! - ?You can't put that!
说实话朋友们我开始觉得
Honestly, guys, I'm starting to think
你们不相信我自己能搞定我的生活
that you don't trust me with my own life.
我知道有点难开口
I know it's hard to hear,
但是我很高兴咱们今天说开了
but I'm glad we got that out on the table.
听着我严肃地说
Look, I'm being serious.
我真的希望你们能尊重一下我的界限
I really need for you guys to respect my boundaries.
如果我余生只能吃一种食物
I mean, if I'm gonna have one food for the rest of my life,
绝对不会是提拉米苏
it's not gonna be tiramisu.
这是我写的因为它像神秘的布丁
That one is on me because it's like pudding with a secret.
我们只是为了让你看起来更有意思
We just wanted to spice it up a bit.
如果我们越界了
Sorry if we overstepped.
但是显然如果我们做错了的话
But clearly, we were doing something right
-你咋会和洛莉特里萨 -是的
- if you got matched up with Lori and Teresa... - ?Yes.
还有香农配对上
...and Shannon and...
都是米歇尔告诉我的
Who Michelle told me about.
我不背这锅
I'm not taking the fall.
-这不叫背黑锅 -不要
- Take a fall. - ?No.
《情动列车》每周二九点更新
爸爸看啊你猜什么剧又要播了
Hey, Dad, look. Guess what's coming back?
《激♥情♥列车》
Passion Train.
很棒啊那是什么
Oh, that's-that's-that's great. What is it?
-是部电视剧 -我们以前会跟妈妈一起看
- It's a TV show. - We used to watch it with Mom.
好看吗
Oh, is it good?
不好看
No, it's bad,
不过我们以前会和她一起躺床上
but we used to curl up in bed with her
吐槽剧情
and laugh at how silly it was.
我可以和你们一起看
Well, I could watch it with you.
别了吧
Yeah, no.
你不懂的和女生一起看才有意思
You wouldn't get it. It's a girl thing.
好吧
Well, uh, oh!
有个女生可以和你们一起看迪莉娅
I know a girl you could watch it with: Delia.
行啊
Yeah...
米歇尔
Michelle?
行
Yes!
她特别逗我们约她吧
She's really fun. We should ask her.
那我们约下她
Let's ask her.
你在干什么
What are you doing?
我在换约会头像
I'm changing my dating profile.
我的朋友们一直给我捣乱
My friends keep messing with it.
你看看
I mean, look at this.
玛雅·安吉罗语录
A quote by Maya Angelou?
这不是我选的
I didn't pick that.
你不喜欢玛雅·安吉罗吗
You don't like Maya Angelou?
当然喜欢人人都爱玛雅·安吉罗
Of course I do. Everybody loves Maya Angelou,
可这不是我亲自选的
but I didn't pick it.
既然我看到这句话了
And now that I've read it,
那就留着
I'm gonna keep it,
可这本该由我来选的
but still, I should've picked it.
这样吧我把密♥码♥改掉
You know what? I'm changing my password.
情书
不是吧
Oh, no.
-我这有患者呢 -他不让我们登他的号♥了
- I'm with a patient. - He locked us out.
-什么 -我想登录他的账号♥
- What? - I'm trying to log into his profile,
可是登不进去
it's not working.
你试过输入"密♥码♥"吗
Did you try the word "Password"?
试了我还试了格蕾丝和娜塔莉
Yes. And then I tried Grace and then Natalie,
还有我的生日都没用
and then I tried my birthday. Nothing!
你的生日
Your birthday?
福里斯特他怎么会用你的生日做密♥码♥
Forrest, why would it be your birthday?
因为我们很铁
Because we're very close.
韦德很传统
Wade is old-school.
他肯定把密♥码♥写到一张纸上去了
I guarantee you he has his passwords written on a piece of paper.
你是说闯进他家去吗
You're saying we break into his house.
不我是说他把钥匙放在门垫下
No, I'm saying he has a key under the door mat.
他很传统
He's old-school.
都怪福里斯特
I blame Forrest.
提什么洛莉害我们暴露了
He really blew it with that whole Lori thing.
《真爱至上》是本提议的
Ben is the one who suggested Love Actually.
那片子不错
It's a good movie.
怎么说呢我对休·格兰特就是喜欢不起来
I don't know. I could never get into Hugh Grant, you know?
他谦虚讨喜可他比我优秀
He's unassuming and likable, but he's better than me.
那可是韦德的个人简介
It is Wade's profile.
我们没得跟进了
I think we're done.
你是说就这么放弃吗
Are you saying we're just gonna give up?
我恐怕做不到
I don't know if I can do that.
我试一下
Let me just try, real quick,
我的生日再加个英镑符号♥
my birthday plus the pound sign.