神兽

The Unicorn S01E01

Part 1 Feb. 16, 2020, 9:30 a.m.

吃奶酪鸡怎么样
How about a chicken parm?
谁做的
Who made it?
多蒂·帕尔默
Dottie Palmer.
你能看看有没有朱迪·比克尔做的千层面吗
Can you try to find one of Judy Bickell's lasagnas?
好主意大爱朱迪大爱她的千层面
Great idea. Love Judy. Love her lasagnas.
嘿韦德其实是这样的
Hey, Wade. Actually, you know,
我们来是想看看你们要不要一起吃个晚饭
we stopped by to see if we could take you guys out to dinner.
我们要去接练体操的艾迪
We're gonna pick up Addie at gymnastics
一起去吃个泰国菜
and, uh, go for Thai food.
谢谢了伙计不用了
Oh, thanks, man. We're good.
我们这个大概有15份千层面
We got, like, 15 lasagnas in here.
好吧
Okay.
姑娘们... 狗狗们可以爬到柜台上吗
Girls, um... are the dogs allowed on the counter?
-不不可以 -好吧
- No, they're not. - Okay.
那我们要采取什么措施吗
So we gonna do anything about that?
他们需要小便的时候自然会下来
They'll get down when they need to pee.
好吧谢谢
Okay, thank you.
那没问题了
That's cool.
-你看出这里情况多糟糕了吗 -看出来了
- Do you see how bad it's gotten around here? - I see.
这就像是迪士尼频道版的《灰色花♥园♥》It's like the Disney Channel version of Grey Gardens.
一部根据真实故事改编的传记类剧情片
-就是说嘛 -我是说不是吧
- I know.- I mean, come on.
吉尔去世都快一年了
Jill's funeral was almost a year ago,
而他们还在靠别人送的食物过生活
and they're still living off the meals people made for them?
这个男人不愿面对现实瞧瞧他
The man is in denial. Look at him.
他为了女儿们在故作坚强
He's putting on a brave face for the girls
就像一切正常一样但这并不是正常
like everything's just great, but it's not.
-是啊 -还记得他之前多爱做饭吗
- I know. - Remember how he used to love to cook?
-我记得 -他之前那么爱做饭
- I remember. - Oh. He used to love to cook!
你这是和谁在争论啊我一直在赞同你
Who are you arguing with? I keep agreeing with you.
瞧比克尔家的千层面
Behold! A Bickell lasagna!
-这就对了 -好啊太棒了
- Hey! Now we're talkin'! - Yeah, baby!
琳达小心你的尾巴被点着了
Linda, don't want your tail to catch on fire.
好了
Okay.
看来是盒布朗尼蛋糕
I think these are brownies.
布朗尼当晚饭你们看行不行
Are you girls good with brownies for dinner?
-可以 -好的我觉得没问题
- Bring it! - Yeah, works for me.
好的
Yes!
你这到底是在和谁吵
Who's arguing with you?
你们真的不想留下来吗
Are you sure you guys don't want to stay?
快快快快跑快跑快跑
Oh, go, go, go, go, go, go! Run, run, run, run, run!
冲冲冲啊把球拦下
Go! Go! Go! Get the ball!
妈的
Damn it!
韦德
Wade.
专业点
Be professional.
-抱歉教练 -嘿韦德
- Sorry, Coach. - Hey, Wade.
嘿崔西
Hey, Tracy.
我不知道你一会儿有没有安排
So, I don't know what you're doing later,
但是比赛结束后
but I'm gonna take Izzy and Hailey
我准备带伊兹和海莉去诺莫的店
over to Nomo's after the game.
那不错挺好的
Oh, uh, great, great.
-是啊 -玩得开心点
- Yeah. - H-Have fun.
知道吗他们也开始卖♥♥啤酒了
You know, uh, they sell beer there now,
-大人们也能去放松一下对吧 -是吗
- so, hey, fun for the grown-ups, too, right? - Really?
-是的 -这是个好消息
- Yeah. - Oh, that-that's really good to know.
-那 -红队
- So... Red ball!
好啊爸爸
What's up, Dad?
好啊小子来两下
What's up, little man? Two times.
-亲爱的 -宝贝儿
- Hey, honey. - Hey, peanut.
-怎么样啊 -瞧瞧我们儿子
- How's it going? - Check out our boy.
你看崔西·维尔夫斯
Look at Tracy Wilvers.
-他在干什么 -他完全没理解
- What is he doing? - He's got no clue.
那或许我们那儿见
So maybe I'll see you there.
或许吧对我们经常去那儿的
Uh, maybe. Yeah, yeah. We-we go there a lot.
不我的意思是
No, no, no, I mean,
我们今天会在那儿见吗
am I gonna see you there today?
怎么判裁判
What's the call, ref?
红队赢
Red ball.
-什么 -判得太烂了
- What?! - Terrible call!
蓝队赢
Blue ball!
我只是个爸爸各位
Just a dad, folks!
还没工资领
Not getting paid!
我告诉你
I'm telling you,
崔西·维尔夫斯都要黏到他身上去了
Tracy Wilvers was all over him.
上星期是莱斯莉什么来着
And last week, it was Leslie what's-her-name,
新来的美术老师
the new art teacher.
这男人完全不知道
This man has no idea
自己对这些女人来说是个香饽饽
what catnip he is to these women.
我保证那些女人都能直接脱他的裤子
I swear, a woman could just yank down his pants,
握住...
grab it...
迪莉娅我的孩子们在车里呢
Delia. My kids are in the car.
好吧米歇尔
Okay, Michelle,
我接电♥话♥的时候你就告诉我行吗
you have to tell me that when I pick up.
他们总是跟我待在一块儿
They're always with me.
-糟了诺亚在哪 -在这儿
- Oh, crap, where's Noah? - I'm here.
我汽水洒到裤子上了
I spilled soda on my pants.
你让孩子喝汽水
You let your kids have soda?
别苛求我你家就一个孩子
Stop judging me. You have one kid.
跟四个孩子比起来
And compared to four kids,
一个等同于没有
one kid is like no kids.
把裤子穿上诺亚
And put the pants back on, Noah.
我不要穿湿裤子
I'm not wearing wet pants.
你这态度是跟谁说话呢
Who do you think you're talking to like that?
崔西·维尔夫斯在勾搭他吗
Tracy Wilvers was hitting on him?
没错
Yes.
继续说啊
Go ahead, say it.
什么说什么
What? Say what?
她真是性感火爆
"Oh, she's so smokin' hot.
开什么玩笑幸运儿什么
Are you kidding me? Lucky guy. What?"
别这样
Please.
她挺好
She's fine.
崔西·维尔夫斯火♥辣♥到爆
Tracy Wilvers is stupid hot!
是啊而且她喜欢他
I know! And she wanted him.
韦德完全不知道
Wade had no clue.
是啊孩子们那场比赛真是逊爆了
Yeah, our-our boy's game is hella wack.
别说那词
Don't say that.
-别说什么 -就是听起来不对劲
- Don't say what? - Just doesn't come out right.
所以你可以说但是我不可以
Oh, so you can say it, but I can't.
-我懂了 -不不不
- I get it. - No, no. No, no, no, no, no.
很多白人都可以说得毫无违和感
Plenty of white dudes can pull it off.
但你不行
Just not you.
我们得敲醒韦德
We got to shock Wade out of this.
知道我怎么想的吗
You know what I'm thinking?
我和福里斯特跟他说我们准备去家得宝
Me and Forrest tell him we're going to Home Depot,
然后把他锁在车里
but we lock his ass in the minivan,
直接开车带到拉斯维加斯
drive him straight to Vegas!
去跟迪莉娅说说
And try telling that to Delia.
她一直说我们必须做点什么干涉一下
She keeps saying that we have to have an intervention.
就像你对梅格阿姨那样吗
Like you did with Aunt Meg?
谁跟你说梅格阿姨需要干涉了
Who told you Aunt Meg had an intervention?
你说的
You did.
确实像我会干的事
Yeah, that sounds like me.
我们得放轻松
Look, we just have to chill, okay?
韦德如果准备好了会告诉我们的
Wade'll let us know when he's ready.
老爸
Dad?
你还好吗
Are you okay?
没事我就是在准备晚餐
Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just-just prepping dinner.
都冻在他胳膊上了
It's frozen to his arm skin.
我觉得我们应该去找个大人
I think we should call an adult.
所以这是什么
What is this, anyway?
多蒂·帕尔默的意式帕玛森烤鸡
Dottie Palmer's chicken parmesan.