生活大爆炸

The Big Bang Theory S03E18

Part 2 Oct. 4, 2019, 1:44 p.m.

I thought I could try to analyze you
我可以对你进行心理分♥析♥
and get to the root of your anxiety.
然后找出让你如此焦虑的根源
What qualifies you to attempt to understand my mind?
你凭什么觉得你能读懂我的内心呢
My mother is a highly regarded psychiatrist,
我妈是一位杰出的精神病专家
and I've been in therapy ever since she accused me
而且自从她指责我过于依赖母乳开始
of breast-feeding codependently.
我就一直在接受治疗
Raj says he can teach you...
拉杰说他可以教你
What did you call it?
什么名字来着
I don't know-- some Indian meditation crap.
我记不住一些扯淡的印度冥想
I see. Well, I assume, since the rest of you have set the bar so low,
明白了由于前三位的水准都严重不靠谱
you're saving the most impressive contribution for last.
我想你们是把最睿智的办法放到了最后
Go ahead, Howard. Dazzle me.
说吧霍华德惊我一下
My power is the ability to pretend
我的超能力就是我可以
like I give a damn about your piddily-ass problems.
假装我很在意你这尿频尿急类的鬼问题
And that's 24-seven, buddy.
而且我能一直装下去伙计
And I appreciate the pretense.
我很感激你如此做作
So, what do you say, Sheldon?
怎么样啊谢尔顿
Are we your X-Men?
我们是你的X战警吗
No.
不是
The X-Men were named for the "X" in Charles Xavier.
X战警这名字来源于X教授的姓氏
Since I am Sheldon Cooper, you will be my C-Men.
既然我叫谢尔顿·库珀那你们就是C战警(与精♥液♥谐音)
Oh, that's not a good name.
这名字可不怎么好听
Okay, Sheldon. I'm going to be leading you
好了谢尔顿我将引导你进行
through a series of meditation exercises.
一系列的冥想练习
These methods come from the ancient gurus of India
这些方法是从古代印度大♥师♥那里
and have helped me overcome my own fears.
传承下来的也帮我克服了自己的恐惧
And yet, you can't speak to women.
可你还是不敢和女人说话
True, but thanks to meditation, I am able to stay
确实不过托冥想的福我可以和女人
in the same room with them without urinating.
呆在同一房♥间而且不会被吓到尿裤子
Now... close your eyes.
现在闭上双眼
Okay, but don't punch me.
好的不过不许打我
What?
什么
When I was little, my sister would say to me,
小时候我姐姐会对我说
"Close your eyes, you'll get a surprise,"
"闭上双眼惊喜出现"
and then she'd punch me.
然后她就会给我一拳
I'm not going to punch you.
我不会打你的
That's what my sister used to say.
我姐姐以前也这么说的
Do you want to do this or not?
你到底还练不练了
I'm sorry. Proceed.
抱歉请继续
All right.
好的
Imagine yourself in the one place you feel most at home.
想象你正身处一个最有家的感觉的地方
Where is that?
是哪里呢
Sim City.
模拟城市[一款游戏]
More specifically, the Sim City I designed--
更确切地说是我设计的模拟城市
Sheldonopolis.
谢尔顿奥波利斯
Okay, you're in Sheldonopolis.
好的你身处谢尔顿奥波利斯
Where exactly?
确切的地点是哪
Sheldon Square? Sheldon Towers?
谢尔顿广场谢尔顿之塔
Sheldon Stadium, home of the Fighting Sheldons?
还是人称谢尔顿勇士之家的谢尔顿运动场
Whatever you like.
随你喜欢
I thought this was supposed to be a guided meditation.
不是说你引导我冥想吗
Fine. You're in Sheldon Square.
好吧你在谢尔顿广场
Really? This time of year?
是吗这个季节吗
It's a bit nippy.
那可有点冷
Then, put on a sweater.
那就穿件毛衣
Suppose I could run downtown
那我可以去市中心的
and pick up something at Shel-Mart.
谢尔玛买♥♥一件
Yeah, whatever. Just go buy a sweater.
随便啊去买♥♥件毛衣就是了
You know, the nice thing about Shel-Mart is I own it,
好处就是谢尔玛是我开的
so I get a 15% discount.
所以我买♥♥东西85折
You own the damn thing. Just take a freaking sweater!
还不都你说了算痛快拿件毛衣就行了
Look, I didn't turn a profit last quarter
上一季度我根本没有盈利
by taking product off the shelves willy-nilly.
就是因为我肆无忌惮地拿东西不给钱
All right.
好吧
You've paid for a sweater, and you're in Sheldon Square.
你买♥♥了件毛衣现在你在谢尔顿广场
Hang on.
等等
It's a cardigan. I have to button it.
是开衫的我得扣上扣子
Oh, no.
不会吧
What now?
又怎么了
A Godzilla-like monster is approaching the city.
一个类似哥斯拉的怪物正在接近城市
I have to get my people to safety.
我得把我的市民转移到安全区
People of Sheldonopolis, this is your mayor.
谢尔顿奥波利斯的市民们我是你们的市长
Follow me.
跟着我
If the children can't run, leave them behind.
小孩子要是跑不了就别管他们了
Oh, the simulated horror!
哎哟妈呀模拟恐怖效果贼棒
Raj?
拉杰
Just as I suspected.
我就知道
Meditation is nothing but hokum.
什么冥想不过是噱头
I question your premise.
我相当质疑你的说法
How is a new suit going to prevent me
要防止我在满屋子人面前晕倒
from passing out in front of a ballroom full of people?
买♥♥套新西装有个毛用了
It'll give you confidence.
那会让你充满自信
You know, sometimes when I'm feeling all stressed out
只要我倍感压力时
about something, I go out and buy a cute top
我就会去买♥♥件可爱上衣
or a fun skirt and I have a whole new outlook on life.
或漂漂裙裙如此一来就会容光焕发
Don't you eventually realize you're just the same stressed out person
你傻的啊难道你没意识到你只是换了皮囊内压犹在啊
in a cute top or a fun skirt?
穿可爱上装和漂漂裙裙有啥用
Yeah, that's when I buy shoes.
是的所以还要买♥♥鞋子
Now, let's see what we've got.
我们来选选
This is nice.
这件帅气
It's only one color.
这件就一个颜色
Yeah, so?
是啊咋了
That's a lot of money for only one color.
就一个颜色还这么贵岂不是亏了
Fine.
好吧
Why don't you pick out what you like.
你自己选自己喜欢的
This is pretty sharp.
这件很犀利
No. You're wrong.
不没门儿
This is great.
这件够劲
I had a suit like this when I was six.
我六岁时也有件差不多样式的
Okay, I think we have a winner.
好吧这件绝对无可挑剔
Where the hell'd you find that?
靠你哪儿弄来的这件
In the prom department.
舞会礼服柜台
It's ridiculous.
这也太可笑了
Says the former member of the Corn Queen's Court.
玉米皇后团前团员没资格说这话吧
Please just try this one on.
去试试这件再说
Okay. But anything I put on now is only going to suffer in comparison.
好吧现在不管我穿啥和之前的相比都只能相形见拙了
This is absurd. I look like a clown.
这太荒唐了简直像个小丑
So, Sheldon...
谢尔顿
...how you doing?
你最近如何
That's how you start a psychotherapy session?
你就这样开始心理治疗吗
"How am I doing?"
居然问这种蠢问题
I was promised a riverboat journey
我本来满心期待进行一场
into the jungles of my subconscious.
对自我潜意识的探寻之旅
Instead, I get the same question I hear
结果呢我都听到什么鬼问题啊
from the lady who slices my bologna at Ralph's.
拉尔夫餐厅切香肠的女招待都问得出来
I'm sorry, I'll start again.
抱歉我重来
Would it be helpful to you if I told you about my dreams?
我还是说说我的梦境吧对你有帮助吗
Um, I don't know, maybe.
我也不知道也许吧
I recently had a dream that I was a giant.
我最近做了个梦梦到我变成了巨人
But everything around me was to scale,
但周围的东西还是原来的比例
so it all looked normal.
所以相比之下没什么差别
How did you know you were a giant if everything was to scale?
既然周围东西都没什么变化你怎么知道自己变成了巨人
I was wearing size a million pants.
我穿着条型号♥为一百万的裤子
Why don't we just talk?
我们还是来自♥由♥谈话吧
The talking cure. Classical Freudian. Good choice.
自♥由♥谈话疗法经典精神分♥析♥疗法不错
If it will help speed things along,
我补充一点可能会有所帮助
uh, my answers to the standard Rorschach ink blot test are:
我做标准罗夏墨迹测验的结果是
（[投射测验: 猜测模糊图形以投射潜意识和内心想法]）
A) a bat, B) a bat, c) a bat,
图A 蝙蝠图B 蝙蝠图C 蝙蝠
and D) my father killing my mother with a hypodermic needle.
图D 我爸想用皮下注射器杀死我妈
Why don't I just start?