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莱瑞最近心情不太好
Well, Larry's in a weird place these days,
可以说是我的错
which is mostly my fault.
但我不能细说
But I can't get into that.
跟我无关 我只是很高兴他们让我进来
It's none of my business. I'm just glad they let me in.
有时候 低效率也挺好的
Sometimes, inefficiency works for you.
事情是这样的
Here's the thing.
我奶奶病得很重 我应该获得休假的
My grandmother is very sick, and I'm supposed to get furlough,
可是看起来好像没戏
but it doesn't seem to be happening.
我不知道跟我有什么关系
I'm not sure where I come in.
就是监狱制度不合理的典型案例
Just one example of how the prison system isn't working.
警卫渎职 滥用单独禁闭
Guard misconduct, overuse of solitary confinement.
外面的人应该知道里面是怎么回事
People on the outside should know what it's like.
帕波 监狱对待犯人本来就不公平
Piper, prison treats inmates unfairly.
如果周末不能放假回家探亲
If not getting a weekend off to visit the family
是最糟糕的事
is the worst thing...
我根本没说
I didn't even remotely say...
犯人挨饿 被强♥暴♥
Inmates are starving. They're getting raped.
并非没人报道
And it's not like no one's covering this.
只是没人在乎罢了
It's just that no one cares.
听着 我有过夜不能寐
Listen, do I lie awake
幻想凭一己之力
fantasizing about personally taking down an institution
靠几句铿锵有力的话
that is the single greatest stain
就推♥翻♥自奴隶制之后
on the American collective conscience
美国集体良知的最大污点吗
since slavery with the awesome power of my words?
当然
Sure.
可是在白天 我接受现实 这不可能的
But in the daytime, I've accepted that's not gonna happen.
我能做的 也许就是
What I can do, maybe,
查明利奇菲尔德消失的两百万去了哪里
is find $2 million that's gone off the books here at Litchfield.
你想要我做什么
What do you want me to do?
如果钱被挪用了 肯定是用到了某处
If money's being appropriated, it has to be going somewhere.
我猜钱都支付到一个
I'm guessing that there's some kind of shell corporation
空壳公♥司♥去了
it's being paid into.
电网的确有点问题
There is something going on with the electrical grid.
这里都归菲格罗亚管
Well, Figueroa's the official on the ground here,
也就是说要么她被愚弄了
which means that she's either being duped
要么她就是黑手
or she's in on the profits.
我要知道谁跟她订了协议
And I need to know who she's making contracts with
谁干活 谁供货
for labor, supplies,
她给谁开支票
who she's writing checks to.
好吧 好的 我会去他们为了
Okay, cool. I'll just look that up
方便我们调查我们感兴趣的事
in the handy inmate Internet they give us for
而提供的囚犯网络上查查的
when we get curious about stuff.
他们去年花了20万美元
They appropriated $200,000 last year
翻修了一个并不存在的健身房♥
to renovate a gym that doesn't exist.
我很想帮你 我会帮你的
Look, I would love to help you. I really would.
但是除了闯进菲格的办公室
But short of breaking into Fig's office
检查她的文件
and going through her files,
我不知道我该干什么
I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do.
我已经被关过两次禁闭了
I have been thrown in SHU twice already,
我很爱我奶奶 她可能就要死了
and I love my grandmother, and she could die.
我不会为了当个小间谍
I'm not gonna fuck things up for myself
冒大风险给自己惹麻烦
by playing high-stakes Harriet the Spy.
好吧 如果你改变主意了就告诉我
Okay. Let me know if you change your mind.
对你奶奶的情况表示遗憾
I'm sorry about your grandmother.
你确定你就要做通常的发型
You sure you just want the usual?
所以才叫"通常"嘛
That's why it's called "the usual".
现在厨房♥都归你管
I mean, you're running the kitchen now.
你可以展示一下气场
You got room for a statement.
什么 我该把头发染成紫红色吗
What, should I dye my hair fuchsia?
是赤褐色 可惜不适合你
It's auburn. But not for you.
我觉得一个劲爆的莫西干头
I think a nice faux-hawk will give that
就能告诉别人"别惹我"
"Don't fuck with me" vibe, you know?
我主要靠脸来震慑别人
I mostly use my face for that.
喂 发胶
Hey, Aqua Net,
红妈让跟你说她开始种紫罗兰了
Red said to tell you she's got violets growing.
我难道应该在意这件事吗 为什么
And I should give a shit about this, why?
她说你会想知道的
She said you'd wanna know.
她想种什么就种什么 我不
She can grow whatever she wants. I don't give a...
紫罗兰
Violets.
你是对的 我会去看看的
Oh. You're right. I'll come check that out.
这里每天都让我越来越困惑
Every day in this place, I get more confused.
你带券了吗
Did you bring the stamps?
你为什么不先说说
Why don't you first tell me
是什么会让我超级兴奋
what I'm supposed to be so hair-on-fire excited about?
听着 多谢你的关心
Man, look, I appreciate your concern,
不过我卫生巾够用
but I'm actually well covered on the menstruation front.
就来一支
Just take one.
万福玛丽亚 你充满圣宠
Hail Mary, full of grace.
他妈的我要怎么点燃这个
Yeah, how the hell am I supposed to light this?
要钻木取火吗
What, I gotta rub two sticks together or something?
好好看着 利奇菲尔德牌打火机
Behold the Litchfield lighter.
我勒个去
Get the fuck out.
这可以算是我人生中排第三的好日子了
Man, it's like the third-best day of my entire life.
往下水道里喷
Man, blow into the drain!
然后评论家改了主意
What happened was the critic changed his mind
因为炖老鼠很美味
because the rat made stew, and it was delicious.
我明白
I understand that,
不过光靠炖老鼠可开不了餐馆
but that doesn't mean the rat can open a restaurant.
卫生法典还是要遵守的
The health code is still the health code.
你好像心死了
It's like you're dead inside.
我听说有什么紫罗兰
Um, I heard something about violets?
关门
Close the door.
你们居然会输掉冷战真是不可思议
It is a mystery to me how you people ever lost the Cold War.
等等
But wait.
用这个给我染发
This covers this.
你有被一个六英尺高的变性黑女人吻过吗
You ever been kissed by a 6-foot, black, transgender woman?
不用了 谢谢 不过我的小卖♥♥部需要帮忙
I'm good, thanks. But my commissary could use some love.
不是以货换服务吗
Whatever happened to goods for services?
我手头的现金有点吃紧
I'm running a little dry in the cash department.
你的货流渠道很稳定吧
You got a steady channel, I assume?
你想要什么就有什么
Whatever you want.
如果要求合理
Within reason.
我会回来的
I'll be back.
你在开玩笑吧
You cannot be serious.
弗洛雷斯
Flores!
弗洛雷斯
Flores!
那堆拉美人连像样的米饭和豆子都做不好
Bunch of Latinas can't make decent rice and beans.
到底是哪里出了问题
What's wrong with this picture?
我是吃中餐长大的
I grew up eating Chinese.
那时候我继父叫陈东 他有好多头皮屑
My stepdad from then was named Chen Dong. He had so much dandruff.
就是那个黑胡椒
It's that black pepper.
盒装的烂货 尝起来就像我外婆的骨灰
The shit that comes in boxes, it tastes like my abuela's ashes.
有次我叔叔烤了只被他碾死的穿山甲
One time my uncle cooked an armadillo he hit with his car.
味道还不错
It tastes okay
不过得放点辣椒酱才行
but you gotta put Cholula on it.
-现在有点忙 -抱歉 我该不该
- Kind of busy right now. - Sorry. Should I...
圣诞老人
Santa?
圣诞老人个鬼
Fuck Santa.
本尼特比圣诞老人帅气
Bennett's better looking
哪怕你不守规矩他也会给你礼物
and he shows up even if you've been naughty.
你那是什么
What'd you get?
这些玩意越来越小巧玲珑了
Oh, these things just keep getting smaller.
其实都是我的
That's actually mine.
你可以借几天 但我要拿回来的
You can borrow it for a few days, but I'm gonna need it back.
都是舰队狐狸的歌♥
Ugh. It's full of Fleet Foxes and shit.
-我的手♥机♥呢 -白人妞 现实点
- What about my phone? - Blanca, be real.
听着 这是我最后一次这么做了
Look, this is the last time that I can do this.
好吧 我不要手♥机♥ 我要色情杂♥志♥
Okay, fuck the phone but I want porn.
老兄 弗洛雷斯真♥他♥妈♥是个天才
Oh, man. Flores is a fucking genius!
好吧 不过要高档点的
Okay, but good porn.
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