女子监狱

Orange Is the New Black S02E04

Part 4 Oct. 21, 2019, 9:44 a.m.

或许是铅笔橡皮擦一块牛肉干
Could be a pencil eraser, old piece of jerky...
别拿我的脚寻开心
Oh, leave my feet alone!
反正我也弄完了
Yo, I'm done anyway.
看看我的杰作
Check out my masterpiece.
搞什么真是乱死了
What? That's a hot-ass mess.
这叫抽象派
It's abstract, yo!
叫你涂指甲不是皮肤该死
You only supposed to paint the nail, not the skin! Fuck!
创新者的作品一开始总是受到批评
Look, all innovators have their work criticized at first.
你以后会喜欢的我等着
Appreciation will come. I'll give you time.
我等过了
I already have time.
等来涂得稀巴烂的指甲
Time and a shit pedicure.
别闹了你要弄花了
No! Stop! You're gonna mess it up!
-别闹了 -我块头比你大
- Stop! - I'm bigger than you, bitch!
我讨厌死挠痒痒了上不来气啦
I hate tickling! No! No! Uncle! Uncle! I can't breathe!
抱歉珀比
I'm sorry, P.
我们说过这事了
We've been through this.
我知道
I know.
-我不是 -我懂的
- I'm not... - I know.
或许我们可以抱一会儿
Maybe we could cuddle for a minute?
嗯
Yeah.
回去吧你还可以回去
Go back. You can still go back.
看起来很有趣
That looks like fun.
你接受治疗多久了
So, how long you been in treatment?
我得在这儿坐两小时呢
Listen, I've gotta sit here for the next two hours,
我真不想跟一个秃头的老太太说话
and I don't really feel like talking to some old bald lady.
我们能装作我不在这儿吗
So can we just, like, pretend I'm not here?
我还打算给你讲笑话呢
I was gonna tell you a joke.
不用了谢谢
I'm good, thanks.
护士你们这里有iPhone的充电器吗
Yo, Nurse! Do you have an iPhone charger?
没有抱歉
No, sorry.
天呐这太扯了
Oh, my God! This is bullshit.
-你的笑话是什么 -太迟了
- What's your joke? - Too late.
随便你肯定也不好笑
Whatever. I'm sure it's stupid.
医生对病人说
So, the doctor says to the patient,
"我有个坏消息还有另一个坏的消息
"I got bad news and some more bad news.
坏消息是你有癌症"
"The bad news is, you got cancer."
"那另一个更坏的消息呢"
"And the more bad news?"
"你还有老年痴呆症"
"You also got Alzheimer's disease."
病人想了一下然后说
So, the patient thinks for a minute, and then she says,
"至少我没有癌症"
"Well, at least I don't have cancer!"
没听懂
I don't get it.
我不会解释的自己想吧
I'm not gonna explain it to you. Figure it out.
我要去自动贩卖♥♥机那儿买♥♥饮料
I'm gonna grab a soda from the vending machine.
-要点什么吗 -百事吧
- Would you like anything? - I'd love a Pepsi.
别说出去哦
Don't tell anyone.
那是谁你女儿吗
Who's that? Is she your daughter?
她是惩教官
She's a correctional officer.
-狱警吗 -没错
- Prison guard? - Exactly.
慢着那么你是...
Wait. So you're not a...
是吗真的吗
Are you? For serious?
我以为那只是老太太穿的化疗服呢
I thought those were just, like, comfy old lady chemo clothes.
你犯了什么事
What'd you do?
抢银行
Robbed a bank.
撒谎不可能
You're lying. No way.
去谷歌♥啊
Google me.
好啊说说吧
All right. Come on, tell me about it.
你想听第一次还是最后一次
You want the first time or the last?
第一次是在1982年
The first time was in 1982...
管他呢
Fuck it.
安吉拉·库兹尼克和克里斯托弗·麦克拉伦的婚礼
2月14日周五下午4点
垃圾都是垃圾
Trash. Trash.
穿这件去参加《泽西海滩》节目太暴露了吗
This too much for the Jersey shore?
如果你是要去木板路上
Not if you're gonna walk the boardwalk
站街挣钱就不暴露
looking to make some extra cash.
这可是杜嘉班纳的衣服
Uh, it's Dolce & Gabbana, you nut.
你哪来的钱买♥♥这些东西的
How the heck are you paying for all this stuff?
我买♥♥的便宜我会砍价
I get good deals. I'm a savvy shopper.
而且克里斯托弗喜欢我成熟的样子
And Christopher likes me to look sophisticated.
他说我像奥黛丽·赫本
He says I'm like Audrey Hepburn.
而且这是我们第一次一起去度周末
Besides, this is our first weekend away together.
-我们要住好酒店 -哪里
- And we're staying somewhere fancy. - Where?
不知道他全都筹划好了
I don't know. He has the whole time planned.
他要带我去一艘帆船上
He is gonna take me on a sailboat,
日落的时候还要一起去坐怀尔伍德摩天轮
and then we're gonna ride the Wildwood Ferris Wheel at sunset.
真不敢相信我能遇见这么好的人范妮
I can't believe I met a guy like this, Franny.
你该带他过来吃饭
You should bring him over for dinner.
见妈妈和其他人吗你疯了吗
What, to meet Ma and everybody? Are you crazy?
我可不想他被吓跑他是我的真命天子
I don't want him getting scared off, okay? He's the one.
如果没见过家人怎么知道他是真命天子
You don't know if he's the one until he's met the family.
这就像是测试
It's like a test.
他不需要什么测试他是我的宿命
He don't need a test, okay? He's my destiny.
真的就像是在电影里一样
And I'm telling you, it was like the movies.
就像在《诺丁山》里
Like, you know, in Notting Hill
休·格兰特和茱莉娅·罗伯茨撞在了一起
where Hugh Grant bumps into Julia Roberts
他把橙汁洒在了她身上
and he spills his orange juice on her?
我们就是这样
That's what happened to us.
我们撞上了彼此
We crashed into each other. Literally.
范妮真的是天注定啊
I mean, Franny, it was meant to be.
你穿这裙子真好看
You look cute in that dress.
像《风月俏佳人》那样吗
Like Pretty Woman?
对像《风月俏佳人》那样
Yeah, like Pretty Woman.
该死长得像竹子一样快简直是侵略
Bastards! They grow as fast as bamboo. It's an invasion.
我也会长这个
You know, I get them, too.
大部分时候是金色的而且很软
Well, most of the time they're blonde, and they are soft,
但偶尔
but every once in a while,
也会长又黑又尖的
I do get one that is black and spiky,
如果不及时处理
and if you don't catch it in time,
它一下就能窜到两英尺
all of a sudden it's like two feet long
就从脸旁边戳出来
and it's growing right out of the side of your face,
像阴毛一样的胡子似的
like this giant, pubey, lady beard hair.
我这儿就有一根莱瑞喊他"尖尖"
You know, I get one right here. Larry called him "Spike."
他怎么样了
How is he?
尖尖吗刚起来不过我能摸到了
Spike? Well, he's just starting up, but I can feel him.
我问你丈夫
The husband.
不知道我们不说话他也不写信
I don't know. We don't talk. No letters.
以前一周能收到两封
I used to get two a week.
这周我只收到奶奶寄来的一张卡片
In fact, this week, all I got was a card from my grandmother.
我的朋友最近也不怎么写东西了
My friends aren't feeling too prolific these days.
他肯定告诉他们我是个多可恶的出轨女
I'm sure he told them what a horrible, evil cheater I am.
我又没法为自己辩解
And it's not like I'm in any position to defend myself.
大家都不知道该跟我说什么
Nobody has any idea what to say to me.
人都这么操蛋
People are fickle fucks.
问题是我不怪他们
You know, the thing is, I don't blame them.
我都不怪他是我自私了
I don't even blame him, ultimately. I was selfish.
在这儿必须自私这样才能生存
You have to be selfish in here. That's how you survive.
人的忠诚毫无意义
People's loyalty means nothing.
你对他们一失去用处他们就会抛弃你
Because the second you're not useful to them, you're out.
你觉得你的姑娘们就是因为这个而跟你反♥目♥的吗
You think that's why your girls turned on you?
你听到的小道消息是这样的吗
Is that what you heard?
没有只是我发现你最近总一个人
No. I've just noticed that you've been flying solo lately.
以前跟我做朋友有好处
My friendship used to come with perks.
现在我只是个凶巴巴的俄♥国♥老太太
Now I'm just an angry old Russian lady.
没了免费的长筒袜和眼线
Without the free stockings and eyeliner,
我不像过去那么吸引人了
I'm not quite the draw I used to be.
相信我查普曼丈夫没什么好的
And take it from me, Chapman, husbands are overrated.
像孩子一样没用你算走运了
They're as useless as children. Count yourself lucky.
如果能长久就不会出问题了
If it was meant to last, it would have.
拿去对付尖尖吧
Here. For Spike.
他一刻不停地哭凌晨4点时
He cried nonstop. By 4:00 a.m.,
我都打算拿婴儿枕闷死他了
I was ready to smother him with a Boppy.