迈克和茉莉（2010）
Mike & Molly S01E13
Part 2
Dec. 15, 2020, 2:37 p.m.
Here's a million-dollar idea. Windshield wipers on the inside.
车内的车窗刮器 这创意可值钱了
Okay, just help me zip up my fly,
好了 帮我拉上裤子的拉链
tuck in my shirt, and we're good to go.
再把衬衣塞进去 我们就能走了
I don't see that working out for you.
我可不觉得那对你有用
You're staying home today.
你今天在家休息
No, Mike Biggs does not miss work.
不 Mike Biggs可不会缺勤
And Carl McMillan doesn't
Carl Mcmillan也不会
ride with a man holding a throw-up bucket.
和拿着呕吐桶的人坐同一辆车
Allow me this one eccentricity.
原谅我这种怪癖吧
It'll be fine. Just drive slow, avoid the speed bumps.
那没事的 只要慢慢开 别突然加速
If we have to chase down any perps on foot,
但如果要跑着去追嫌疑犯
you may have to go it alone.
那可能只有你单枪匹马上了
So I won't be able to count
所以我不能指望你闪电般的速度
on your lightning speed and cat-like reflexes?
和猫一样的反应咯
I'm gonna get ahold of Molly, have her take care of you.
我要把Molly叫来 让她照顾你
I don't want her to see me sweaty and out of breath.
我不想让她看我满头大汗 气喘吁吁的样子
She'll never wanna have sex with me.
她不会想和我做♥爱♥的
If she hasn't seen you sweaty and out of breath,
如果她还没看到你满头大汗气喘吁吁的样子
I'm sure you haven't had sex in the first place.
那你们肯定还没开始做♥爱♥
Please don't call her. I'm begging you.
别给她电♥话♥ 我求你了
Somebody's gotta take care of you.
必须得有人来照顾你
Hey, I am a grown man,
嘿 我是个成年人了
I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself.
我完全能够自己照顾自己
It's your mother.
这是你♥妈♥的♥电♥话♥
Mom, I don't feel so good.
妈 我生病了
I can't believe you don't own a hot-water bottle.
真不敢相信你连个热水瓶都没有
You young people think you can
你们这些年轻人以为
cure everything with a pill or a shot of dope.
凭一片药 一针麻醉就可以治好所有病吗
Drink that.
把这喝了
Oh, that burns.
噢 这太辣了
Of course it burns.
那当然了
It's whiskey and cayenne pepper.
这是威士忌和辣椒粉的混合
You don't coddle flu germs.
别想宠你的感冒病毒
You wanna torch their village and behead their elders.
你得烧了他们的老家 砍下老大的脑袋
Here, use Jim as your hot-water bottle for now.
给你 把Jim当成热水瓶吧
But whatever you do, don't roll over on the little fella.
但无论你怎么动 别在这小可怜身上打滚
I rescued him from the pound,
我把它从收留所救了出来
but I ain't digging him out of your fanny.
但可不会从你屁♥眼♥里救它
What is that stuff? Mentholatum.
这是什么 清凉油
It'll help bring the lung oysters to the surface.
这有助帮你把痰咳出来
So where's your little lady friend at?
你的小女朋友哪去了
She's probably at work.
她大概在工作
Oh, that's convenient.
真是好时机
Drags you out honky-tonking all night, gets you sick as a dog...
把你拖去听了一晚上喧嚣 害你病得像狗一样
...then leaves me with the
然后让我在这
thankless task of slathering up your big, stinky feet.
做不被领情的给大臭脚涂药的事儿
I didn't ask you to do this.
我没让你做这个
You didn't ask me to give birth to you.
你还没有让我把你生出来呢
But that's what a mother does.
但那就是一个母亲的工作
Split me open like a walnut.
像掰核桃一样把我掰开
You've mentioned it a couple times over the years.
你这几年说这话好几遍了
Just quoting the doctor. Said he never saw anything like it.
我只是引用那医生的话 他说他从见过这样的婴儿
You had chest hair and a front tooth.
你刚出生就有胸毛 还有门牙
I've seen the pictures.
我看过那照片
It was like nursing a beaver.
感觉像照顾海狸一样
All right, I'm gonna put some
好了 我去放几块毛巾到烤箱
towels in the oven and crank up the thermostat...
给它们加加热
...so we can sweat the crud out of you.
让你出身汗排毒
I'll get it. You stay put.
我去开门 你躺着
Oh, and if you gotta break wind...
噢 如果你要放屁
...lift the covers and at least give poor Jim a fighting chance.
把被子掀起来 至少给可怜的Jim一个喘息的机会
Okay.
好吧
Oops.
噢 糟了
Sorry, Jim.
对不起啦 Jim
Mrs. Biggs.
Biggs女士
Mike can't come out. He's sick.
Mike不能出来 他生病了
I know
我知道
That's why I'm here. Been trying to call,
所以我才来 我一直在打着电♥话♥
but there's been no answer.
但没人接听
Yeah, I had to unplug the phone because you kept waking him up.
是啊 我不得不把电♥话♥线拔了 你就不会闹醒他了
Oh, well, can I just poke my head in and say hello?
哦好吧 我能进去打个招呼吗
He's asleep. Mom?
他睡着了 妈妈
You happy? You woke him up again.
高兴了吗 你又把他吵醒了
Excuse me, I'm just gonna say hi.
不好意思 我打个招呼就走
Well, keep it short.
好吧 快点
He's in no shape for dirty dancing or a shoes-on quickie.
他现在可不能跳热舞或者快速打一炮
Mike. There's my girl.
Mike 我的宝贝
If I'd known you were this sick,
如果我早知道你病得这么严重
I never would've made you go to the opera.
我绝不会逼你看歌♥剧
Made me? It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
逼我 怎么会 那可是终身难忘的经历
Right?
不是吗
Opera, huh? I can't even get him to take me to the Ice Capades.
歌♥剧 啊 我连让他带我看白雪溜冰队都不行
I had to go with a woman from church that I hate.
我不得不跟教堂里一个讨厌的女人去
What can I do for you sweetie? Can I make you something to eat?
我能做你点什么 宝贝 给你做点好吃的
Ha, that'd be a fool's errand. I made him chicken noodle soup.
那可真是徒劳的差事 有次我给他做♥鸡♥汤拉面
The broth came out one end, the noodles came out the other.
进去的是汤 出来的是面
Mom, please. What? She's a grown woman.
妈妈 别说了 怎么了 她是成年了
She knows you poop and vomit.
知道你得吃喝拉撒
Well, she certainly does now.
好吧 她现在肯定知道了
We should probably let him get some sleep.
我们应该让他睡会儿
Yeah, okay. Love you. I love you too.
是 好吧 我爱你 我也爱你
Yeah, yeah, everybody loves everybody.
好了好了 别肉麻了
Listen, uh, Mrs. Biggs.
Biggs女士
I appreciate you getting here so quickly,
我很感谢你这么快就来照顾他
but I can take over now.
但现在我能接手了
Really? Ready to wipe the dried snot off his nose...
是吗 你准备好给他刮那干瘪的鼻涕
...take his temperature the baby way?
从屁♥眼♥里面量体温了吗
Or the normal, grown-up person way, yeah.
或者那些正常的 成年人的做法 是的
I think I can handle it.
我想我能处理好
All right, suit yourself.
好吧 你自便
You better run out to the pharmacy
但你最好在我走之前快去一趟药店
and get a few things before I go.
买♥♥点药回来
All right, like what?
没问题 什么药
Well, I made a list.
这儿 我写了张单子
He didn't have anything here.
他这完全没任何东西
He was using coffee filters for toilet paper.
他一直把咖啡滤纸当厕所纸用
I don't know what he was using for coffee filters.
我都不知道他用什么来当咖啡滤纸
Luckily, I keep Pepto and whiskey in my purse.
幸好我把胃药和威士忌放进了手提包里
Wart cream and corn pads?
治疮膏和卫生巾
Those are for me. My little vanities.
那些是我的 我的小东西
I'll reimburse you.
钱我会给你的
No, please, my treat. Thank you for holding down the fort.
不用了 我付 谢谢你帮我照顾他
Oh, thanks. You're so sweet.
哦不用谢 你真贴心
Sweet, but gullible.
是贴心 也很容易被骗
Mikey, get your snow boots on. We're bugging out.
Mikey 穿上你的雪地靴 我们要撤退了
Where are we going, Mom?
妈妈 我们要去哪
Where I should've taken you in the first place.
从一开始我就该带你去的地方
Oh, no, not the Ice Capades.
噢 不 不要是白雪溜冰队
I'm putting citronella in the humidifier.
我在增湿器里加了一些香茅
Citronella? Isn't that for killing mosquitoes?
香茅 那不是杀蚊用的吗
Hey, bugs are bugs.
嘿 都是虫子嘛
Help me understand.
你能解释一下吗
I called an audible. I can take better care of him here.
我临时改了主意 在这儿我能更好的照顾他
Oh, and you couldn't leave a note or make a phone call?
你就不能留个条或者打个电♥话♥吗
You try dialing a phone when you're loading 300 pounds...
当你把个300磅的死沉胖子弄上车
...of clammy dead weight into a car.
还打电♥话♥ 你试试啊
Listen, that's my boyfriend in there.
那里面可是我的男朋友
I'm the one who's gonna take care of him whether you like or not
你管你高不高兴 我才是那个应该照顾他的人
Well, he may be your boyfriend, but he's my son.
他是你的男朋友 可他更是我儿子
I've nursed him through croup, measles, broken bones...
我照顾过他得喉头炎 麻疹 骨折
迈克和茉莉（2010）
Mike & Molly
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