迈克和茉莉（2010）

Mike & Molly S01E01

Part 3 Dec. 15, 2020, 2:35 p.m.

I really don't remember.
我真不记得了
I gotta go.
我得走了
Oh. Oh, okay. Bye.
好吧拜
Bye.
拜
Hey, would you like to go out with me? MOLLY: Shut up!
嘿你愿意跟我出去吗闭嘴
Now, that was pathetic.
真悲催
Really? It didn't look as smooth as it felt?
是吗你不觉得还算顺利吗
I'd lie to you if you want...
我可以骗你说是
...but I thought our relationship had grown beyond that.
但咱俩之间就不用假惺惺了吧
Two meatball subs, large curly fries and chocolate malt.
两个肉丸汉堡大份薯条巧克力麦芽饮
Welcome back.
欢迎回来
Thanks, Samuel.
谢谢 Samuel
What is this world coming to?
这世界是怎么了
Thirty-eight dollars to get lipstick out of suede pants?
处理皮裤上的口红要38美元
Whoa, what the hell are you doing? I'm having dinner.
哇哦你这是干嘛吃晚饭
No, this isn't dinner. This is suicide with meatball bullets.
不这不是晚饭你这是饮肉丸弹自杀
Come on. Give that back.
得了快还给我
I'm not gonna let you blow your diet, you just lost 3 and a half pounds.
我不能让你放弃节食你刚减了3磅半
Oh, big deal. My farts weigh 3 and a half pounds.
这算什么我的屁都有3磅半重
You don't have to tell me. I ride in the car with you every day.
不用你告诉我我天天和你呆在一个车里
Samuel, throw this away and
Samuel 把这些扔了
bring my partner a chicken breast on wheat toast?
给他来份全麦面包加片鸡胸肉
Throw it away? I don't think so.
扔了我才不会
I will airdrop it to my village.
我会空投到我老家
There. Now, you may never have sex without paying for it...
可能做♥爱♥永远不会免费
...but you're still on your diet.
但你还是要控制饮食
Thanks.
谢谢
Come here. Give me some love.
来抱一个
Sweet Jesus, it's like hugging a futon.
我的乖乖像抱了个蒲团
I don't know. I guess I've
我想我从记事开始
had food issues for as long as I can remember.
就吃很多了
Once, my dad had to write a
有一次我爸不得不
check for $280 to the Girls Scouts of America...
给美国女童子军付280美元
...for "Unaccounted for cookies."
因为失踪的饼干
God bless him, he never said a word.
上帝保佑他从未责怪过我
Never made me feel bad about it.
从没让我觉得太胖感到伤心
Of course he weighed about a thousand pounds himself, so...
当然他自己也差不多有一千磅所以
Anyway, I know I'm never gonna be a size two.
无论如何我知道我永远穿不下2号♥的衣服
I mean, and that's fine because I happen to like who I am.
胖也挺好的我喜欢我自己的样子
There's nothing wrong with me as a person.
对我来说并没什么不好
I'm smart, I'm funny, I recycle.
我很聪明很有趣也很能吃
I just wanna learn to control my eating...
我只是想控制自己别吃那么多
...you know, and not keel
不像我爸一样
over in a White Castle drive-through like my dad.
在汉堡店外卖♥♥窗口昏倒
And it was his third lap.
那已经是他吃的第三个了
That's it. Oh, and I would
我也希望
love to be able to walk into a nightclub...
我走进夜店的时候
...without having every queen in
不会被那里的同志们
the room leaping on me like I'm a gay pride float.
当成同性恋游♥行♥花车
Thank you.
谢谢大家
Okay, who wants to share next? I would
好的下一个谁来我来
I didn't see you there. Yeah, I lost another pound.
我刚刚没见你在这啊我又瘦了
I'm becoming a rail. Hahaha.
变成电线杆了哈哈哈
Can I talk to you outside? Sure.
可以出去聊吗好啊
Is everything okay? Yeah, yeah, it's fine.
这几天过的还好吧嗯嗯还不错
I just, um...
我只是嗯
Well, uh, ahem...
额啊嗯
...I wanted to tell you that, uh...
我想跟你说件事嗯
I like fish.
我喜欢鱼
All right.
那挺好
What I mean to say is I'm sort of an amateur ichthyologist.
我是说我是个业余鱼类爱好者
So all types of fish?
各种鱼
Hey, you know that word. I'm a teacher.
嘿你挺懂的我是老师嘛
You'd be surprised at the words I know.
我懂这个你很惊讶么
Anyway, I like to go to the aquarium on my days off...
怎么说呢我休假的时候会去水族馆
...because there's something
因为那儿有许多
soothing about watching those giant creatures...
很大的生物让人看起来很舒心
...float around each other, all graceful and weightless.
在人们面前游来游去很优美很轻盈
Sounds like my water aerobics class.
听起来像我的水下健美操课程
That's funny.
挺有趣的
Anyway, uh, uh, I was wondering
怎么说呢嗯嗯我想
if you weren't doing anything, if we could...
如果你没什么事我们可以
Whoa! Oh!
哇哦欧
Are you okay? Oh, I'm fine.
你没事吧没事
You landed pretty hard.
你摔的挺重的
Oh, no, no, I'm good, but I don't think that table's up to code.
不我很好但不知道桌子受不受得了
Oh, uh, is your finger supposed to be pointed in that direction?
你的手指是不是脱臼了
Whoa. No, it is not.
哇哦不不会吧
Oh, that's bad.
太恐怖了
I should probably skedaddle over to the emergency room.
我得赶紧去挂个急诊
Yeah. Do you need somebody to drive you?
对对要人送你吗
Oh, no, no, no. Life of a police officer.
不用了警务工作常有的事
Tuck and roll. Duck and cover.
小伤小病
Don't vomit. Just get to the car. Don't vomit.
别吐了快上车别吐
You ever gonna call that OA girl back?
你还打算打给那个戒食会女孩吗
No, that, uh, that ship has sailed.
不了嗯没机会了
I'm just gonna move on.
一个人过吧
Mind if I tell you where you went wrong? Oh, would you?
介意我告诉你哪做错了吗请便
Women don't wanna hear a grown man going on about ichthyology.
女人不希望一个大男人搞鱼类学
It's got the word "Ick" Built right into it.
因为里面有"咦好恶心"
You know, if you went with me just once...
你知道吗你要是和我去看一次
...you would see how beautiful
你会发现这些动物
and sensuous these creatures really are.
是多么优美多么漂亮
Ain't no lady in the world gonna
这世上没有一个女人
whip her undies off hearing that kind of jibber-jabber
会因为听这些废话而轻解罗裳的
Got an 831 at 9425 Cicero Avenue
接到9425西塞罗大街831号♥报♥警♥
Handle code two
执行2号♥任务代码
Car 79 in the vicinity
79号♥车在附近
Roger, Car 79
收到 79号♥车
You ever thought about one of them mail order brides?
你想过从俄♥罗♥斯♥邮购一个老婆吗
Here we go
又来了
Those women are very hot
那些女人可真是火♥辣♥
Back when they were commies,
共♥产♥主义时期
they all weighed 300 pounds and had mustaches
她们还是长着胡子的肥婆
Democracy's what cleaned them bitches up
民♥主♥拯救了她们
And here's another idea:
所以我有个想法
Maybe you could move to Japan
或许你可以搬到日本去
A big man is like a god over there
大块头在那里就像上帝一样
Do you ever actually stop to breathe or do you have,
你就从来不停下来喘口气吗
like, a blowhole under your hat?
还是说你帽子底下有个呼吸孔
Seriously, yank your underwear
说真的你把你的内♥裤♥往上拉拉
up into your crack and get you some sumo groupies
夹到你的腿缝间你就很像个相扑选手了
What are you doing here?
你在这干什么
Uh, somebody called the cops and we're the cops
有人报♥警♥了而我们是警♥察♥
Yeah, we called, like, an hour and a half ago
是啊我们报了警大概一个半小时前
Did you guys get lost or
你们迷路了
stop to make out under a bridge somewhere?
还是去什么地方的桥下面亲热去了
Calm down, Mom
冷静点妈妈
Seriously, though, did you guys stop to get pizza or something?
说真的你们是不是停车买♥♥了点披萨什么的
Wow, what are the odds, huh?
哇哦多巧啊是吗
Odds, my sweet mocha ass
真是巧啊我里个乖乖
This is a miracle of biblical proportions
这就是圣经里说的奇迹啊
How do you figure?
怎么说
God couldn't bring Molly to the mountain,
上帝没法把Molly移到山前
so he brought the mountain to Molly
所以他把山移到Molly面前
I'm the mountain, right?
我就是那座山对吗
You're the freaking Himalayas Get in there
你是喜马拉雅山快进去
It's gonna be okay, Mom It's just stuff
没事的妈妈一点小东西
Just stuff? Is that what you
一点小东西你♥爸♥爸送给我的钻石项链
call the diamond necklace your father gave me?
也是小东西