闺蜜离婚指南（2014）

Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce S01E05

Part 1 April 6, 2021, 9:55 a.m.

《闺蜜离婚指南》前情提要
Previously on Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce...
我要让你体验一把年轻男人的厉害
I am gonna give you the younger man experience.
那我怎么得到你的
How do I get a hold of you?
做了就做了呗
Let's just let it happen.
什么什么意思
What? What does that even mean?
不久前艾比在学校看到
Abby saw you kissing the Euro hubby
你跟那个欧洲男接吻了
at school the other day.
我是想帮维卡保住婚姻
I'm actually trying to help save Vika's marriage.
请问你的阴♥道♥有什么帮助呢
What are the therapeutic qualities of your vagina?
我觉得我们应该公开
I think we should come out to the world.
就不能继续保守我们的美好秘密吗
Can't it just be our fantasy for a little bit longer?
是啊挺好的
Yeah, that's fine.
你不知道维卡和我的事
You have no idea what's happening with Vika.
你也不知道我遇到了什么
You have no idea what's going on with me.
至少我不会破坏别人家庭
At least I'm not home-wrecking.
你自己的家呢莱拉你呢
How about your home, Lyla? How about you?
丹可能要夺走我的孩子们
Dan is possibly going to take my children away.
我很抱歉
I'm sorry.
你在妈咪市场的比拼中失去了信誉
You've lost your street cred in the mommy wars.
对不起但是我们认为
I'm sorry, but we think
闺蜜指南系列已经是死路一条了
the Girlfriends' Guide Franchise is dead.
死路一条
Dead?
莉莉
Lily!
你要是不在两分钟之内下来
If you are not downstairs in two minutes,
我们就不等你先走了
we are driving away without you.
来了天哪
I'm coming. God.
梅西
Missy.
-孩子其次 -什么
- Back burner baby. - What?
这才是妈咪市场现在的主旋律
It's the thing in the mommy market right now,
热度爆表
blazing up the charts.
好我能待会儿打给你吗
Okay. Hey, can I call you back?
克莱奥·史蒂文斯真的太激励人了
Cleo Stevens is a real inspiration.
好好看看你的下一部作品要怎样写才能大卖♥♥
Take a look to see what's selling for your next thing.
好的我要挂了
Great. I got to go.
好的明白了拜拜
Okay, okay, I got it. Bye.
又搞什么
Hey, what now?
-拿健身包 -不是吧
- Gym bag. - Seriously?
每天早上你都会忘
Every morning, you forget.
我要走了
I'm leaving.
你会需要的至少需要50倍防晒
You're gonna need. You need at least a 50 SPF.
就不能放过我吗
Why can't you just go?
因为忘记抹防晒霜的可不是我
Because I am not the one who forgot her sunscreen.
-妈妈我们要迟到了 -好
- Mom, we're gonna be late. - Okay, fine.
给我钱
I need money.
用我的信♥用♥卡♥
You're gonna have to use my credit card.
-要是他们管我要身份证呢 -快点
- What if they ask me for I.D.? - Come on!
我自己去
I'll do it myself.
要知道顶多30倍防晒就够了
You know anything over SPF 30 is overkill.
你好
Hi.
威尔你好啊
Will, wow. Hi.
你在这干什么
What are you doing here?
提供免费防晒霜建议呗
You know, just dispensing free sunscreen advice.
以及紧急采购牛奶
And an emergency milk stop.
是啊正长身体骨骼发育着呢
Yes, growing boy, building bones.
完全不会说话了
Totally dumb.
好吧
All right.
我公♥寓♥就在拐角那边
No, my apartment's just around the corner from here.
等一下你应该记得的
But wait. You would remember that.
-没错 -对啊
- Yeah, right. - Right.
你说做了就做了的时候
Was this kind of what you had in mind
是早有预谋的吗
when you said just let it happen?
因为你知道我要再次跟你要号♥码了
'cause you know I'm gonna ask for your number again.
老妈!!!
抱歉孩子们在车里等我
Um, sorry, kids are waiting in the car.
-我得走了 -好吧这样吧
- I got to go. - Okay, I tell you what.
你打个电♥话♥给我我告诉你号♥码
You give me a call. I'll give it to you.
323-555-0127.
-01什么 -27
- 01-what? - 27.
27 哈哈
27, yes.
我比你小一岁
One year younger than you are.
说真的关于年龄这事
You know, this whole age thing,
我一点都不介意
it doesn't matter to me.
-只是 -我开玩笑的
- It's just-- - Totally kidding.
是我女儿
My daughter.
见到你真的很高兴
It was great seeing you.
我也是
You too.
记得打给我艾比·麦卡锡
Call me, Abby McCarthy.
简直是噩梦
It's a nightmare.
我妈想在这儿待一整周
My mom wants to be here the whole week
因为斯潘塞要过生日了
'cause it's Spencer's birthday,
艾瑞克还是在学校受欺负
and Eric is still getting bullied at school.
有人欺负他
Oh, the bullying?
他要是继续拖着他那拉杆箱
Yes, he's gonna keep getting bullied
装书和一堆东西肯定还会继续受欺负
if he uses that rolly bag to put his books and stuff in.
-那其实是个行李箱 -那就是个移♥动♥小窝
- It's actually luggage. - It's a rolling house.
是啊让他成了众矢之的
Yeah, it makes him a target.
他拖着箱子到处串班
He brings it from class to class.
更糟糕的是
And to make matters worse,
社工今晚要过来
the case worker's coming tonight.
-今晚吗 -没错
- That's tonight? - Yes.
所有某个法庭指派的小卒
So we have some court-appointed minion
工作过度收入微薄要来我家
who's overworked and underpaid who's gonna come to my home,
看我与孩子们交流判定我是否适合抚养
watch me interact with my kids to see if I'm fit.
而且至始至终我妈会见证全过程
And all the while, my mom gets to be a witness to it.
说不定是好事呢
Maybe it's a good thing.
你是在跟我说话吗
Are you talking to me?
我还以为你不是在跟我说呢
I thought you weren't talking to me.
-天哪 -我很抱歉
- Oh, my God. - I'm so sorry.
我前两天晚上太对不起你了
I feel so awful about the other night.
我知道你压力很大
I know you're under a lot of stress.
我不该冲着你发火
I shouldn't have gone off on you.
我真的很抱歉
I am so sorry.
-我爱你 -我也爱你
- I love you. - I love you too.
我得说实话我并不觉得抱歉
I mean, I have to be honest; I'm not sorry,
因为我觉得你是错的
'cause I feel you were in the wrong.
-但我依然爱你 -好吧
- But I love you. - Okay.
现在来说威尔吧
Now, about Will.
我真的想知道
That's really what I want to know.
我不会打给他的
I--I'm not gonna call.
我都老到能做他妈妈了
I am literally old enough to be his mother.
为什么不呢这可是命中注定啊
Why not? That is fate.
-不合适 -不这只是文化偏见而已
- It's not appropriate. - No, that's just cultural bias.
如果性别交换一下你会带着他四处炫耀的
If the genders were reversed, you'd be parading him around.
是啊就像杰克和贝卡一样在我看来
Yes, like Jake does with Becca, which, in my opinion,
极其可悲绝望充斥着中年危机
seems sad and desperate and mid-lifey.
新消息:看这个
梅丽莎看这个
别跟我说是冒失鬼内特
Please don't tell me it's sad-in-the-sack Nate.
克莱奥·史蒂文斯
不是梅丽莎发给我关于那个新兴作家
No, it's Melissa sending me more stuff
克莱奥·史蒂文斯的资料
on that new author, Cleo Stevens,
因为她想让我学学她的营销手段
'cause she wants me to study up on her marketing savvy.
这样真讨厌非常讨厌
That's annoying. That's very annoying.
而且她的书极其荒谬
And the book is ridiculous.
基本上宣扬的都是对孩子放手不管
It basically advocates child neglect
这样父母就可以花天酒地沾花惹草了
so the parents can drink and have more sex.
这一点我倒是挺赞成她的
Well, on that, she and I agree a little bit.
你当然会这么说了
You would say that,
因为你不正搞上了有妇之夫吗
'cause you're screwing a married man.
我真的开玩笑的我根本不在乎
I'm totally kidding. I don't give a shit at all.
又不关我什么事
It doesn't bother me.
-还有他的老婆 -什么
- And his wife. - Uh, what?