闺蜜离婚指南（2014）

Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce S01E01

Part 4 April 6, 2021, 9:54 a.m.

她们肯定撺掇你离婚
You have to know they're encouraging you.
-她们就喜欢同病相怜 -不是这样的
- Misery loves company. - That is so not fair.
我要去找查理了但是我们还得谈谈这事
I have to go to Charlie's thing, but we will talk.
-行吗 -好的
- Okay? - Okay. Okay.
艾比艾比
Abby, Abby.
我知道你们俩能好好地解决这事的
I know you guys can work it out.
我也是谢谢
Me too. Thank you.
睡裤
Pajama pants.
要不是你长这么帅就别想做基佬了
If you weren't so good-looking, they'd take away your gay card.
话说我需要你倒也不是帮忙
Uh, hey, I need, not a favor exactly,
就是签售会那事
but the book signing at the...
艾比你哪根筋错位了
Hey, where do you get off
竟然给我发那些短♥信♥ 不是休战了吗
sending those texts, Abby? We're on a break.
-很抱歉 -还公主日记
- I'm sorry. - The Princess Diaries?
很有意思好吗
Well, it was funny, but you know what?
-我是太生气了对不起 -是吗
- I had a reaction, and I'm sorry. - Yeah.
签售会上我们必须统一战线
But at the signing, we need to present a united front.
-什么意思 -你要到场
- What's that mean? - You have to come.
如果大家觉得我们婚姻出问题了
The book won't sell if people think
书就没法卖♥♥了
we're in trouble.
那就卖♥♥不了呗
Well, then it won't sell.
依我看所有人都读着我们的孩子
Bad enough that the kids have to live with everyone reading
拉屎尿床的故事才可怕呢
about their adorable poops and the bed wetting and...
你能上电影学院还不是靠这些故事
Those poops put you through film school.
我看你应该写一本关于撒谎的书
Maybe you should write a book about lying 'cause it turns out
-因为你确实精于此道 -说得真好
- you're really good at it. - Nice.
打扰一下
Hello.
查理在屋里等着你们呢
Charlie's ready for you.
好的
Great.
我妈咪写的书都是我们家的故事
My mommy writes books about us.
她还上过电视呢
She was even on TV one time.
这是我妈咪和爸比在飞溅山
This is me, mommy, and daddy on Splash Mountain.
位于迪斯尼乐园出自迪斯尼动画
那是我度过的最美好的一天
Best day ever.
去死吧
Screw it.
怎么了
Hey, mama, what's up?
你赢了给我找个男人
You win. Get me laid.
丹至少三个月没法开车了
Dan can't drive for at least three months.
这下他在家庭法庭上就输定了
Doesn't look good in family court.
如果他被判定不适合监护
If he's deemed unfit,
全部监护权就是我的了
I get full custody.
太好了那红发仔拿不到孩子的抚养费了
Boom. No child support for the ginger man.
-别对我做那个手势 -我夸你呢
- Don't give me the gesture. - I'm judging you.
请进吧
Please come in.
-人呢 -这真是太棒了
- Where is everybody? - This is fab-u-lous.
-怎么没人跳舞 -看看你
- No one's dancing. - Look at you.
-亲爱的 -你来了
- Hey, baby. - Come on.
早跟你说过我们会来的
Told you we'd make it.
真棒
Fantastic.
美女们很高兴见到你们
Ladies, lovely to see you.
威尔带美女们到其他房♥间好吗
Will, would you like to show these beauties to the other room?
没问题
Absolutely, yes.
感觉就像潮人迪斯尼乐园
It's like hipster Disneyland.
-能和你做朋友真好 -我也这么觉得
- I'm so glad we're friends, mama. - Me too.
酒来了
Here you go.
先生你是彩虹做的吗
Oh, you, sir, are made of rainbows.
给我们带来这般欢乐
You bring great joy to many.
当然了
Yes, I do.
你和拉尔夫是怎么了
What's the story with you and Ralf?
你们俩看起来好得不得了
You two seem awfully friendly.
-话不能乱说 -我没乱说
- Don't judge. - No judge.
-他现在很乐意给我钱 -子女抚养费吗
- He gets off on paying me now. - Child support?
不光是子女抚养费还有生活费
No, he has to pay that and alimony.
-这是他在为我的服务埋单 -什么
- This is for services rendered. - What?
-就知道 -不是吧真的假的
- I know. - Really? No.
有时候在大白天
I get these calls sometimes
我会接到他的电♥话♥ 他忍♥不住地想要
in the middle of the day. He's just dying for it.
于是我就不断地抬高价码
So I just... I raise the price up and up and up,
而他给的也就越来越多
and he just goes up and up and up.
一双新款鲁布托那么多吗
Like a new pair of Louboutins or...
一辆特斯拉那么多
Like a Tesla.
鲁布托著名高跟鞋品牌
什么
What?
-天哪 -因为我们又开始暧昧不清了
- Oh, my God. - Now that it's illicit again,
他无法自拔
he's obsessed.
天哪我以前还管你叫贱♥人♥
Oh, my God. I called you a whore.
你错了以前我是乖乖女
Please, mama, I was a model.
现在我才是贱♥人♥
I am a whore.
是这样我是从拉尔夫那捞了一大笔钱
No, I got a nice settlement from Ralf,
-不过还是不谈钱的好 -没错
- but it's always good to put money away. - Yeah.
-我在考虑自己开个公♥司♥ -是吗
- Thinking about starting a business. - Really?
没错你和莱拉都是这么独♥立♥的女精英
Yeah. You and Lyla are, like, these independent,
我也想变成你们这样
lean-in women. I want that too.
那你准备干什么呢
What kind of business?
不知道还在酝酿
I don't know. I'm meditating on it.
不过肯定是好事
Definitely something that helps people.
我今天来可不是说我自己的
But I didn't come to talk about me.
我是来谈你的事的
I came to talk about you.
我怎么了
What's up?
我已经看到至少有五个帅哥想睡你了
I've seen at least five hot guys try to get in your pants,
还不上吗
no go?
我就是觉得太奇怪了
It's just... It's too strange.
奇怪什么
Why?
杰克可没浪费你们分开的一分一秒
Jake didn't waste any time getting out there.
-你也该让人摸摸了艾比 -我知道
- You need to be touched, Abby. - I know I do.
你再不做点什么
You don't do something soon,
我就得出手相助了
I'm gonna have to take matters into my own hands.
你要干什么
Okay. What?
会对你有帮助的
It'll do you good, mama.
这才是朋友的意义
That's what friends are for.
你把手♥机♥落下了
Forgot your phone.
谢谢你
Sorry, thank you.
我本来想走的结果又走到了这儿
I thought that I was leaving, and then I ended up...
没关系这种事很正常
No, it happens all the time.
-你没事吧 -没事
- You okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.
只是... 今晚真是诡异
Just... weird night.
-我还被人吻了 -我看到了
- And I got kissed. - Oh, I saw that. Yeah.
-是啊 -你就是这样放松自己的吗
- Yeah. - So is that how you roll?
天知道我都很久没有放松了
Who knows? I have not rolled in so long.
你还是单身吧
You are not married.
是啊
No.
如果你结婚了
Because when you're married,
你的生活中就会竖起一道隐形的墙
this invisible wall goes up,
一边是孩子们的乐高玩具
and one side is Legos and
还有肠胃炎放屁早恋
stomach flus and farting and date nights,
另一边是酒吧
and then on the other side is bars
色情短♥信♥ 吸毒和双性恋
and sexting, snorting, and bisexuals.
忙着照顾孩子们的吃喝拉撒
But when you're on the farting side,
就不再会出来潇洒了
you really don't believe in the other side.
-你这不出来了 -是啊
- Here it is. - Yes.
你们一直都在这儿
You people have been here all along.
是啊悲伤的事实
Yeah. Sad but true.
我现在就在跟酒保聊天
This is what I do. I talk to the bartender.
其实是经理不过
Actually, the manager, but,
没事我不介意
you know, it's all right. I'll let it go.
我喜欢跟你聊天
I like talking to you.
我能尝试一下吗
Can I... try something?
请吧
Please.
好
Ok.
我就是这么放松的谢谢你
That's how I roll. Thank you.
等一下等等
Wait. Whoa, whoa, no, whoa.